Leb Die Sekunde

Two years later

Driving down the street of my old home wasn’t really pleasant to me. I had decided tonight that I would visit Ms. Poche, since I have not in the past year and a half. Pulling up to a light blue house, I quickly glanced at the one on the left and sighed. I parked in the driveway and pulled out a sleeping toddler from the car seat and carried her up to the front step of the door and knocked lightly. I waited patiently for and answer and when the door swung open I was met with all to familiar green eyes and a smile.

“Emily! Why it’s been a while-is this Hayden? My god she’s gotten big!” Ms. Poche said. I smiled and she immediately opened the door more and stepped aside to let me in. She walked into the living room, with me not far behind her bouncy red gray hair. I sat on the couch and she sat in the seat across.

“It’s really great to see you Em, I was getting worried with why all your visits stopped.” she said thoughtfully and crossed her legs and interlaced her fingers together, placing her hands on top of them.

“Things have just gotten a bit hard for me, I couldn’t really stand seeing my house-my old house, anymore. Too much memories.”

“Ich sehe. Sie sieht gerade wie Tom aus.” she murmured and reached forward to tuck a loose strand of Hayden’s dirty blonde hair behind her ear. I bit my lip and nodded. Everything about Hayden reminded me of him. Ever since that day he has never called back. I knew I shouldn't have hoped he would so much, knowing my heart would break as everyday went by. I have not once heard from any of them for that matter.

"Yes, especially the eyes. I wonder how he is doing." I murmured and sighed.

"Oh, the last time I've ever heard from the Kaulitz- Trumper's was when Gordon had gotten some award or something on TV. They've just isolated everyone out of their lives." Correction, they've isolated everyone that was in mine and their social network, out of our lives. Anyone that has talked to both Tom and I has all told me they haven't heard from him nor Bill and even Georg and Gustav.

My phone vibrated in my pocket and I looked at Ms. Poche apologetically before answering it.

“Hello?”

“Emily, benötigen wir Sie hier heute, erhalten hier, sobald Sie können, bitte!”

"Hallo Paul, dachte ich, dass es mein freier Tag war? Was geschah? Ich dachte, dass Shelby meine Verschiebung heute nahm?” I asked warily.

“Shelby is here, well apparently I accidentally forgot that there was a Tokio Hotel signing today, and failed to post it in the lounge, and only scheduled for Shelby to work. Bitte! Bitte! Bitte!” he begged. I sighed. Paul was my manager and best friend at school. I worked at the Hot Topic in the mall and if you didn’t guess today was my day off.

“ja aber wer ist Tokio Hotel?”

“A band, they’ve been out at least a year or two. They had another name but I forgot, but you might have heard of them if I remembered. These guys are cool, don’t worry. I met them about last month when we discussed the signing date.”

“Which you forgot.”

“Danke, but anyways, how fast can you get here?”

“In about 20 minutes, let me take Hayden to Kassie’s and I’ll be there.” Kassie was my other friend who watched Hayden for me when I worked. I said my goodbyes to Ms. Poche and dropped Hayden off before speeding off to work. I parked out the mall and walking to Hot Topic, I already see a decent line has formed already. I walked inside and grabbed my pin from under the register and threw it on.

“Oh mein gott, Emily! Danke!” Paul yelled running to me and kissing my cheek.

“You’re welcome...where’s the band?”

“In the back, I need you to go stock up a few things, lock the cases with the dye and also I need you to PLEASE show Shelby how to manage the lines. They come out in less than 30.” I nodded and went to the section where the band tee’s are kept. I grabbed the box on the floor and opened it and spent at least 15 minutes stocking up Anthrax, Green Day, and Red Hot Chili Pepper shirts, American bands. After I spent 2 more minutes in search for the keys around the register area and when I found them I locked the stuff up and ran to look for Shelby. After spotting her, I explained to her how to use the mic on the walkie talkies to let the security guards when to let the line move up, seeing now it was stretching all around the mall, with 12 minutes left I decided to go work the register, all really needing to do is count the money and organize the recipes, seeming as no one is allowed to shop in the store until the signing is over,

“Emily, go give these water bottles to the boys in the back.” Paul said and handed me four water bottles after setting up a table far from the register, which I could barely see over the people. Growl. I was just about to walk towards the back when I caught a glimpse of Kassie inside the store inline with Hayden. As Shelby walked by me, I tugged on her shirt and handed her the bottles.

“Band.” was all I said and she nodded and excitedly ran to the back. I ran over to Kassie and reached over to poke her. She spun around and smiled, with Hayden in her arms.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“Oh, yea I’m sorry for bringing Hayden but I just had to come meet this band. They are amazing- AHH!” She screamed as other girls started screaming, indicating the guys came out. I heard a loud “Hey everyone!”

“Oh my god- Emily, PLEASE stay in line with me, bitte! We‘re almost up.” Kassie begged. I shook my head and she pulled me in with her anyways. I huffed and took Hayden and began to play with her for about five minutes until Kassie nudged me.

“We’re next after these 3.” she said. I looked up and saw what I never wanted to see, kind of. Four boys sat gracefully- looking different- in the chairs, in the order I would expect- at the table.

“Shit!” I gasped and Kassie laughed.

“theyre heißes Recht?” she giggled.

“Kassie, I have to go.”

“Why?”

“It’s hard.”

“Just say!”

“Because Tom is Hayden’s father!” I hissed under my breath, she gasped and was about to say something but we got pushed forward by impatient people. I was about to duck under the rope until I heard an all too familiar voice.

“Emily?” I looked up to see Gustav, with a small smile. Bill and Georg’s head flew up immediately, Tom had cringed and looked down, signing autographs still.

“Gustav, Georg, Bill...Tom.” I said, my voice shook. I didn’t want to believe they were all there, that they were all Tokio Hotel- wait what about Devilish? Oh well. They all nodded and Bill immediately looked at Hayden right after.

“oh mein Gott, she' s. A. spitten Bild ihres Vatis!” he gasped, not too loudly for everyone to hear. Tom’s head shot up and looked at Hayden for a moment and rested his eyes one me, face unreadable, and looked back down after a split second, and that hurt.

"Emily! Where have you been?" Georg asked. I shrugged and smiled smally.

“The other side of town.”

“This whole time?” Gustav asked.

“Ja.” I said and noticed that Tom was smiling and talking to another girl, I saw that he had asked her some questions, smiling even more and flirting. I felt my heart rip in two, even though I haven’t felt for him as much as I did long ago. As I stood there talking to the others after Kassie left with Hayden, Tom kept ignoring anything the boys had to say to him about Hayden or I and kept his eyes on girls, I watched as they lingered from their chest to their ass and would ask some questions about them and throw in flirting compliments.

“Tom? Why aren’t you joining the chat?” Bill asked him. Tom just shrugged and looked at me, again, for a split second and went back to flirting.

“I have to go guys, it’s my lunch. It was nice seeing you all.” I said and walked out of the store to the food court. Tears brimmed my eyes but I shut them tight so they wouldn’t spill over. I walked o a McDonald’s and just ordered a soda and a parfait, not so hungry. I found a table and sat down, thinking about how much they had changed, all taller, Bill’s hair was now a mane, Georg started straightening his, Gustav not so much, and Tom- he just looked more older an dressed a bit more baggier, which I thought would be impossible. I couldn’t help but think of him and how he ignored me, and it hurt. My eyes began to water, this time I didn’t close them tight, and they began to spill over. I broke out in to small sobs and just dropped my head in my hands. How could he intentionally flirt like that in front of me? I knew he wanted to make it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Hayden and I, and that just hurt more. It didn’t matter to much that he wanted nothing to do with me, but at least it would’ve been nice if he just acknowledged mine and Hayden’s existences. I heard the chair across from me scratch the floor and looked up to see that he had just sat in front of me.

“What the hell do you want? No, better yet who the hell do you think you are to just ignore me and suddenly come up to me?” I snapped and got up from my chair angrily, leaving my lunch snack on the table. I was walking away when I felt a hand grab my wrist and spin me around.

“Tom! I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I said, tears once again brimming my eyes. He unexpectedly pulled me into a hug and I pushed him off.

“Emily, bitte? Reden?” he said, his voice had a twinge of sadness. I looked up at him and the tears just poured out.

“Tom....why?” I asked, my voice broke. He sighed and pulled me back to the table and sat me down, then sitting across from me.

“You have no idea how freaked out I was , Em.” he murmured. I scoffed and crossed my arms over my chest.

“And me? I had to raise a baby on my own with no dad for two years. I met Paul- who is by all means my best friend- a few weeks after you and your family isolated yourselves form anyone I talked to. My dad and Paul both were there with me in the room when having Hayden. My dad and Paul! Not my dad and you. My dad and Paul. I never wanted to see you again- and its been hard trying not to think of you. Like Bill had said, Hayden is a god damned spitten image of you. I tried so hard Tom, so hard to not think of you, but it was just too complicated. And yet, here I am, working at Hot Topic to make money for me and Hayden to live, and I see all of you, you chose to ignore me, while the others didn’t. You chose to flirt in front of me, knowing it’d break my heart more. What happened to you Tom? You used to be a sweet, loving, kind boy, and all of the sudden you’re just a jackass.” I said under my breath, between a few cries. Tom just looked down and played with his hands, searching for something to say. He opened his mouth a few times but closed it right after. It was like this for 6 minutes until he finally spoke.

"Emily, I didnt want it to end up like this. I honestly didn't. I was so scared of-of being a father-" he whispered the last word- " Emily, I was foolish, no, I was stupid for just...disappearing. I got it really bad from Bill- and even my mom and Gordon, well everyone actually. I just wasn't ready, believe me, I told the guys and even my parents that I didn't want them to talk to you, I just didn't want them to make it even harder on you, hearing them talk about me and stuff, and then on me, hearing about the baby and everything. I did all my best to not think about, and I've turned into some...slut just to do that. Eventually my mom and Bill had found out and set me straight, but still the flirting helped. Today, when I saw you, and the baby, Hayden was it? I just wanted to pretend that you weren't there, tried my best to ignore you before I did or said something stupid. But I know you all to well to see that it broke your heart with what I did in there, and if I could I'd take it back. I'm sitting here to do that and ask, no, beg, for you're forgiveness. About everything. Please let me in my- our daughters life, and possibly yours Emily, bitte. I need you. I love you. I never stopped." he begged, it looked as well as he was about to cry, I could see the tears forming in his eyes and I knew him better than to just let them pour out, unless it was something really emotional for him. I glanced down at my folded hands and chewed on the bottom of my lip and looked up slightly, to see that tears had cascaded down his cheek. I looked away and felt tears brim my eyes for a third time today, I tried to blink them back but failed. I began to cry again, this time not as bad as the other times, and tried to work up a coherent answer but couldn't. So I did what any other person would do when something like that happened.

I nodded yes.