Postcard Burnt in Flames
Yearnings
Kay’s POV
Jac had told me to be done by 8:45. I had no idea what was coming but I felt a bitter turn of reversals. Now I was in the dark about the where’s and what’s and I no longer had the attention of my prime focus. I had slept restlessly and pinpointed it - disappointment in not snagging a Finnish shag, nothing more. I had just slid on my black oxfords when the knock on the door came. I was actually in a better mood, come what may, I wouldn’t let it get to me. I inhaled a few times and repeated my mantra to be nothing less of the cheerleader than I vowed to be. I was happy for Jac, I am happy for Jac.
“Showtime,” I whispered to myself and fastened my smile in place.
Swinging the door open, I came face to face with him.
His green eyes, his curls beneath his newsboy cap, his black jeans, his white tee, his blue hoody, and his half smile greeting me.
“Morning sunshine,” he said. My smile halted and my mouth dropped open a bit. I was anticipating him, but not now.
“Hi, uh-good morning,” I said back to him. I shifted my weight to my other foot. His eyes took in my appearance.
“It may be a bit nippy out there today, maybe you need a cover?” he asked. Mortified I stared down at my chest but realized he meant it was cold out. I nervously laughed and headed back into my room to grab a jacket. He was unnerving. My whole confidence was slipping.
“Where is Jac?” I asked him from inside my room as I fixed my hair quickly.
“She’s downstairs with the guys. She was on her way up but I said I would grab you,” he said and then he stepped inside and the door closed behind him.
I could feel my breathing getting shallow and as he stepped closer to where I was.
“You could grab me,” I wanted to say but instead raised my eyes to meet his.
“I wanted to apologize for the other night, when I kissed you. It was really out of character for me and forward. It’s just with Jac now, I didn’t want to be the cause for any tension.”
Little did he know, he was a huge cause of tension.
“How do you mean?” I asked him as I tried to motion toward the door but he held his position. I did not want to be having this conversation right now.
“Well just that if there was anything for you-between us-or if I gave the wrong impression, I apologize. It’s not that you are not a beautiful woman yourself, but I got caught up and –“ he stopped when I raised my palm.
“Well for starter’s you missed my mouth if your mind was elsewhere, and would there be anything between us?” I asked with a laugh hoping to conceal my anxiety.
“I just, I was transfixed and puzzled by her. She was a bit aloof at first but there was this charge between us, and I was half expecting her not to reciprocate my gesture yesterday evening,” he explained as he ran his fingers through his hair, taking the cap off.
Fuck me, literally all I wanted to do was throw this tension to the bed behind us and pretend there was no other woman.
“How long have you, uh, and the guys all knew?” I asked in a squeak. Why was I asking questions I really didn’t want the answer to.
“Since the first time I saw her, she was just – funny and beautiful and well with the guys was a bit that I told them about a disagreement her and I had and I suppose in person they could see the tension. But I want to see how you are, I – fucked up. Maybe I sent the wrong impression in trying to get to know her a bit more.” His eyes locked with mine and then he was raising his hand to my face. I closed my eyes. I could feel his breath on my face and every tension in my body evaporated. I felt a calm and then his finger was touching under my eye and he chuckled.
I opened my eyes in a flash and saw how close his green eyes were to mine. He was smiling.
“You have bits of glitter on your face from yesterday. Mige woke up with it in his beard. But you haven’t answered my question.” He was so close, it felt like a scene that should be going the other way, not this way.
“There is nothing going on between us and your apologies are not necessary.” It was true, there was nothing unfortunately and why would I want to be apologized to for being kissed-from him.
“Okay,” he said but there was some reluctance in his voice. He stepped back and went to wait by the door.
“We can go,” I said joining him by the door.
We waited in silence for the elevator until it came. When the doors opened, the only place we could stand was near the front squished together. He gave me a normal smile but inside I was torn between accepting this closeness and cursing it. I was also torn between the cheerleader and going for it, even though there was heartache down that road. My emotions could not be compelled to be quiet and being pressed against him in an elevator for painstaking seconds was not helping.
The doors finally dinged and we were among the first to step out as the rest of the crowd jostled past us. True to form; Linde and Mige were there. I didn’t see Jac right away. We joined the guys and then I spotted Jac coming across the lobby carrying a tray of takeaway coffee.
“There you are,” Ville said as he reached to help her. She handed him the coffee and he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
“Forget showtime, it’s gametime,” I thought to myself against my better morals.
Jac had told me to be done by 8:45. I had no idea what was coming but I felt a bitter turn of reversals. Now I was in the dark about the where’s and what’s and I no longer had the attention of my prime focus. I had slept restlessly and pinpointed it - disappointment in not snagging a Finnish shag, nothing more. I had just slid on my black oxfords when the knock on the door came. I was actually in a better mood, come what may, I wouldn’t let it get to me. I inhaled a few times and repeated my mantra to be nothing less of the cheerleader than I vowed to be. I was happy for Jac, I am happy for Jac.
“Showtime,” I whispered to myself and fastened my smile in place.
Swinging the door open, I came face to face with him.
His green eyes, his curls beneath his newsboy cap, his black jeans, his white tee, his blue hoody, and his half smile greeting me.
“Morning sunshine,” he said. My smile halted and my mouth dropped open a bit. I was anticipating him, but not now.
“Hi, uh-good morning,” I said back to him. I shifted my weight to my other foot. His eyes took in my appearance.
“It may be a bit nippy out there today, maybe you need a cover?” he asked. Mortified I stared down at my chest but realized he meant it was cold out. I nervously laughed and headed back into my room to grab a jacket. He was unnerving. My whole confidence was slipping.
“Where is Jac?” I asked him from inside my room as I fixed my hair quickly.
“She’s downstairs with the guys. She was on her way up but I said I would grab you,” he said and then he stepped inside and the door closed behind him.
I could feel my breathing getting shallow and as he stepped closer to where I was.
“You could grab me,” I wanted to say but instead raised my eyes to meet his.
“I wanted to apologize for the other night, when I kissed you. It was really out of character for me and forward. It’s just with Jac now, I didn’t want to be the cause for any tension.”
Little did he know, he was a huge cause of tension.
“How do you mean?” I asked him as I tried to motion toward the door but he held his position. I did not want to be having this conversation right now.
“Well just that if there was anything for you-between us-or if I gave the wrong impression, I apologize. It’s not that you are not a beautiful woman yourself, but I got caught up and –“ he stopped when I raised my palm.
“Well for starter’s you missed my mouth if your mind was elsewhere, and would there be anything between us?” I asked with a laugh hoping to conceal my anxiety.
“I just, I was transfixed and puzzled by her. She was a bit aloof at first but there was this charge between us, and I was half expecting her not to reciprocate my gesture yesterday evening,” he explained as he ran his fingers through his hair, taking the cap off.
Fuck me, literally all I wanted to do was throw this tension to the bed behind us and pretend there was no other woman.
“How long have you, uh, and the guys all knew?” I asked in a squeak. Why was I asking questions I really didn’t want the answer to.
“Since the first time I saw her, she was just – funny and beautiful and well with the guys was a bit that I told them about a disagreement her and I had and I suppose in person they could see the tension. But I want to see how you are, I – fucked up. Maybe I sent the wrong impression in trying to get to know her a bit more.” His eyes locked with mine and then he was raising his hand to my face. I closed my eyes. I could feel his breath on my face and every tension in my body evaporated. I felt a calm and then his finger was touching under my eye and he chuckled.
I opened my eyes in a flash and saw how close his green eyes were to mine. He was smiling.
“You have bits of glitter on your face from yesterday. Mige woke up with it in his beard. But you haven’t answered my question.” He was so close, it felt like a scene that should be going the other way, not this way.
“There is nothing going on between us and your apologies are not necessary.” It was true, there was nothing unfortunately and why would I want to be apologized to for being kissed-from him.
“Okay,” he said but there was some reluctance in his voice. He stepped back and went to wait by the door.
“We can go,” I said joining him by the door.
We waited in silence for the elevator until it came. When the doors opened, the only place we could stand was near the front squished together. He gave me a normal smile but inside I was torn between accepting this closeness and cursing it. I was also torn between the cheerleader and going for it, even though there was heartache down that road. My emotions could not be compelled to be quiet and being pressed against him in an elevator for painstaking seconds was not helping.
The doors finally dinged and we were among the first to step out as the rest of the crowd jostled past us. True to form; Linde and Mige were there. I didn’t see Jac right away. We joined the guys and then I spotted Jac coming across the lobby carrying a tray of takeaway coffee.
“There you are,” Ville said as he reached to help her. She handed him the coffee and he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.
“Forget showtime, it’s gametime,” I thought to myself against my better morals.