Postcard Burnt in Flames

“You seem to be juggling, just okay,” he stifled a laugh.
“Barely,” I said more of a comment about my ability to maintain my demeanor than the sexual objects in my hand.

“Here, let me help,” Kay said coming up alongside me. She took the condoms and I was still left holding the pink dildo.

“Interesting evening planned?” he asked eyeing us both. I noticed his eyes lingered on my cousin. I didn’t know where to look. I didn’t want to stare at him too long. He was thinner than I had remembered and I could see the years on his face. He looked tired or that he had a lot on his mind.

“It could be more interesting if you wanted to join,” Kay offered holding up the condoms with a sly smile.

“I don’t think-“ I mumbled.

“I’m sure you’ll have well enough fun without me,” he said turning down the offer. Can’t say I blamed him.

“You’re missing out – but okay. Another time…?” Kay pressed.

“Next time you come round, I’ll help you pick out a new color,” he said laughing at the dildo in my hand.

“Perhaps you have a black and sparkly one. Next time then,” Kay said and nodded good-bye.
Ville laughed at her blunt reply.

“Next time, then.” He echoed and smiled at her. He didn’t cast another look my way.

We parted and walked down the street.

“I could use an alcoholic beverage,” I said finding my voice.
“I completely agree,” Kay said and pointed to a corner bar not far from where we were.

We stepped into the cozy pub that only had a few patrons and grabbed two seats on stools by the bar. I downed a beer in no time and was ready to order a second when Kay placed her hand on my arm.

“Slow down!”

“I’m just parched,” I explained and it wasn’t a lie.

“Well no shit. You barely said a word back there! Was that not thee Ville Valo?” she asked butchering his first name.

“Yes, that was Ville,” I said pronouncing his name correctly.

“If I hadn’t come over, you might have stood there like a mute.”

‘If you hadn’t come over, I might have gotten a word in edge wise,’ I wanted to answer. I shook my head. “You’re right,” I said lying.

“He was quite nice, “ she said as she continued to ramble on about how easy-going and gorgeous he was.

“Yes, and he didn’t join us so no point in mulling over it,” I said wanting to end the conversation.

“Don’t be a sourpuss, we’ve got a pink dildo to have some fun with after all,” she said.
“Here, give it to me.” She took it out of the bag and pressed it onto the bar table. She took off the four bracelets she wore and grabbed my hand. “We are going to play a game,” she said. She took her bracelet and tried to get it around the dildo. The bartender didn’t even stop us, he probably thought we were hapless drunks.

“Would you like another round of something?” he asked.

“Two mojitos,” I ordered as Kay handed me her bracelets.

“Your turn,” she challenged as she had only missed once.

Our drinks came and I prepared the first bracelet.

“Ville is more gorgeous than I would have imagined,” Kay whispered in my ear as she squealed.

I missed my throw. Second time now.

“I mean, did you see those eyes?”

Missed again.

“He must be an incredible fuck!”

The bracelet that was in my hand went flying past the dildo and almost hit the bartender.

“You need to focus,” Kay said, picking up her bracelets. “Let’s take a break.” She ordered two more mojitos and found us a couch to sit on.

“So tell me more about Ville,” she urged.
“Why?” I asked annoyed.
“I need to know more about the man staring in my fantasies tonight,” she said as she took out her phone. She googled his name and her eyes lusted over each photo.

“Maybe I should leave you two alone,” I said with a laugh, a bit amused at her antics.
“No, but damn you have great taste in men! Don’t worry I won’t take him from you,” she said and continued to google him.

“He’s not mine,” I clarified as our drinks finally came. Soon enough, we were looking over our photos from the trip to Prague and Berlin before we had come to Helsinki. I was ready to order another round.

“Let’s get properly drunk. We haven’t yet and we don’t have much longer on our trip,” I said yearning for a full blown night I couldn’t remember. I had met him, I had met him, holding a dildo and saying nothing else.

“It’s quite warm in here,” Kay said standing with me as she took off her coat and told me what drink she wanted. Her arm suddenly yanked me closer.

“Remain calm, but I believe-he is sitting across from us,” she whispered and smoothed out her hair that had been in a braid. Her breath reeked of alcohol.

“Okay….” I said and walked over to the bar anyways. She was making no sense. I waited for her cocktail and my gin&tonic before I rejoined her. As I walked up to our sofa, I noticed she was casually glancing across the room. I set the drinks down and she seductively put her mouth around her straw. I sat next to her and reached for mine when my eyes finally took in what was happening across from us.

Ville sat with his long legs crossed over themselves and sipping an espresso while being interviewed. It was nearly midnight.

“Who drinks an espresso at this time?” I said to her as she giggled. I caught Ville glancing in our direction and a smile spread across his face as his gaze intensified. I felt my breath in my throat. That smile, the way his hands held his coffee, and his ability to stare and yet go back to attention of the interview. It unnerved me and clearly I wasn’t alone.

“He could undress me with his eyes,” Kay said and her drink was half gone. “You should go say hello,” she urged and pushed me.

“What? I have nothing to say,” I said.
“Then order me another cocktail while I stare at perfection in the meantime.”
I noticed the dildo was still on the bar and decided it should be removed.

“Another round?” the bartender asked with a laugh.
“Yes, same as before,” I said as I quickly unstuck the dildo before anyone noticed.

“Did you know, every time I see you, your hand is around that dildo?” his voice curled up next to me. The hair on my neck stood up with a chill.

“I like to have a good grasp on things,” I said shoving the dildo into my purse.
“Are you saving that for later?” he asked as he ordered a beer.
“God no! I don’t even know why I bought it.” I said laughing. He was easy to be around.
“What were you two doing with a dildo on the bar or do I even want to know?” he asked as his beer was set before him. He had to reach his arm around me to grab it. My body burned.

“Here, let me,” I said and tried to hand his beer to him just as he grabbed it. I quickly pulled my hand away.

“We were actually using her bracelets as a sort of ring toss – if you could believe it,” I said smiling but my smile disappeared when he turned his direction toward Kay.

“I could believe it, should we play a round?” he asked.
“Now?” I asked bewildered. He grabbed my hands and took the dildo and repressed it onto the bar. Kay had been watching the whole time and remained seated at her sofa. Ville motioned for her to join us and she waved us away. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“What is her name?” he asked me.
“Kate, but she hates it. She prefers Kay,” I explained.

“KAY,” he hollered and waved again. She stood up this time and joined us.

“I’m Ville,” he said introducing himself to her.
“I know,” she said and when his back was turned she gave me the look. I pushed her with a laugh. It was hard to be annoyed when she was so animated.
We took turns with the bracelets and the beers kept coming. We were all laughing and I was too drunk to consider how abnormal it was that I was playing dildo-toss with Ville in a bar.

“Do we need more drinks?” Kay asked. It was her turn to toss.
“I’ll get it,” I said taking orders. While I waited for the bartender, I noticed that Kay had wobbled as she took a step back. Ville caught her, and her whole body leaned against him. He was looking down at her laughing and she was looking up laughing.

“Two beers and please give me your stiffest cocktail,” I said to the bartender when he finally came around. I heard a bracelet clatter to the floor and looked back over at them. She was still leaned into his chest and clapping her hands at her failure. They were both obviously drunk.

“J, can you get me a lime with my beer,” she shouted across the bar. I groaned. I had already grabbed the tray with drinks and had to return to the bar.

“Lime please,” I said. A bracelet hit the side of my head.

“The fuck!” I growled and rubbed my temple. Kay threw me an apologetic look and grabbed the last bracelet from Ville. As she stepped forward to garb it, she stumbled and Ville grabbed her into his arms. I should have looked away but I couldn’t and the image of him grabbing her face to kiss her, seared into my mind. “The fuck!” I said for the second time and left the drinks to head outside. I desperately needed a cigarette. I had just fished the lighter out of my pocket when the door to the patio where I stood opened.

“Mind if I join you?” Ville asked and I was surprised to see him. My eyes must have questioned it, because he explained that Kay was using the loo.

“Make-out session cut short,” I couldn’t help but jibe a bit bitterly. It was in bad taste but the alcohol meant I couldn’t bite my tongue.

“She’s an attractive woman,” he replied and took my lighter as he puffed on his cigarette. “But I’d like to know more about the woman of so few words,” he said as he leveled his gaze to mine again.