Postcard Burnt in Flames

Jac’s POV

The morning light filtered through my hotel window as I opened my eyes, trying to adjust to my surroundings. My green eyes looked lighter than usual as I looked at myself in the mirror. I vainly pulled up my shirt to reveal my toned abdomen and pulled it down again. Kay was curvaceous-not voluptuous, not carrying much extra weight, but you could pull a little bit at her waist. She always criticized herself and often lamented she couldn’t seem to get a toned stomach like me but I always told her and thought she wore it well. I found her curves, her style, her confidence with ombre hair and ocean eyes to far exceed my own appearance. I hadn’t doubted what Ville saw in her and I didn’t doubt my own attractiveness but Kay had a charisma I could never touch.

My throat felt dry and raspy. A migraine pulled at my mind as I tried to rewind the evening in my thoughts.

I instinctively touched my lips and my face flushed with the memory of him kissing me. I closed my mind to savor the memory. The way his hands had combed through my hair gently but with an urgency, beckoning me toward him as our lips met again but open. The way his whole touch coursed through my body. And then it had ended, as quickly as it had started. He had pulled away slowly and the music broke through the silent atmosphere we had lost ourselves in, footing us back into the present. His eyes, those green eyes, vivid green like a forest after rainfall, didn’t break contact with mine. I didn’t want to pull away but the clearing of throats around us, reminded me we were far from alone.

“Well, another round?” Kay asked. Her voice brought my attention to her as I shifted my eyes sideways to see her. Whatever emotion she was processing was hid behind a megawatt smile. It was a smile I knew that something was amiss, but she would just go with it. Go with it until she was alone. If I ever hurt her or I ever did something she found unfavorable, it would be told in a snarky comment and a laugh – a laugh as if to say but it’s okay even though it wasn’t. Kay could be forthright but when she was hurting, she hid it behind a believable mask. Only I knew the truth because I was privy enough to know.

“I’ll help you,” I offered. I wanted to move forward in the euphoria I found myself with but was stuck in the bog of uncertainty of the present. She can’t deny my offer because not accepting would be sign that everything is not alright.
We had barely made it past a crush of bodies when she pulled me into a small corner away from sight. I didn’t feel angry as if she was going to lecture me, more relieved that she may be blunt enough and not carry on with a prolonged silence.

“I thought you weren’t going to make a move,” she whispers as she glances around. No one can see us let alone hear us. “I made a move because you hadn’t.” Her last sentence is not an accusation. There is something in her eyes that I can’t read.

“I-,” I stuttered. I wasn’t sure what to say.

“It’s okay. I’m glad this happened,” she said as she pursed her lips into a sad smile.

“Are you ok?” I asked as she seemed lost in thought.
“Absolutely. I knew you had to be interested. He’s, he’s .. well what’s important is that he finally made his move onto you. Let’s grab another round and bounce. We’ve only got two days left so let’s- you make the most of it.” With that she squeezed my hand before leading the way to the bar.

We ended up ordering a few more rounds and getting tipsy before Mige and Linde were calling it a night. Ville had stood by me the rest of the evening and Kay kept smiling on. I knew through her but even now, I couldn’t read her. As everyone filtered out into the night, Ville hung back and I instinctively followed his lead. He cupped my chin again and kissed my lips softly before whispering “good-night.”

Back in the present moment, I sit upright. I felt the glow on my face as I recalled him putting his number into my phone and promising to call the next day. Now I was alone in my room and I could barely recall coming back. I knew I needed to shower but I was also torn with conflicting emotions. We only had two days left here, two days didn’t seem like a long time. I knew I could not spend every waking moment with Ville, when it was Kay and I’s trip. Normally she would be fine on her own, my manners aside, but her unreadable demeanor the night before still bothered me. Swinging my feet over the bed, my phone rang.

“Hello?” I asked trying to clear my voice.
“Good morning kulta,” his voice said but I could sense a smile on his face through the distance.
“Good morning, sir,” I said with a laugh and the previous worries dissipated.
“I am fully aware we’ve got a short time now but perhaps you and Kay wouldn’t mind some sightseeing today? I would then request stealing you away for the evening-if that was ok?”
“I am sure the former is fine and the latter possible, but I can give you answer as the day goes on.”
“Okay, the guys and I will see you two at 9. Be ready!”
I checked the clock, 7:43.
“Okay, and Ville?” I said words escaping my mouth before I could think what it was.
“Yes?” he asked and his voice made every hair on my arm raise.
“I.. I..uh I, shit, I can’t wait to see you,” I said exasperated at my honesty for coming so soon.
Ville laughed. “I look forward to it.”

Kay’s POV

When the glass beer bottle crashed into fragments, I felt what it meant to have your heart drop. It was not the same as when a roller coaster sped down and you gasped with adrenaline , it was as if it had completely plunged into a dark abyss. Like a deer in headlights, I could not look away. When he pulled her closer, they disappeared into their own world. The band had looked away to give them privacy, Mige had whistled. What was mere seconds, felt like a goddamn eternity. Shock wasn’t the least of it. I could see it on her face, but was it as easy to see on mine? But also why did I care so much? Going into Helsinki, I had deigned to think we would meet him, but that felt unrealistic even for my wild imagination. When it had actually happened, I was her cheerleader. But the moment I spotted him, laughed with him, and I knew he mistakenly attempted to kiss me, but stopped himself right before as if realizing I was the wrong woman, I had felt my heart flutter. She had made no intention of him, so I thought I could prove my worth. Admittedly I was on the prowl, but what I did in jest, became an earnest attempt for him to see me. I think she even thought what I had, that his eyes were on me.
How stupid I had been. How stupid she had been. I had an inkling she might be interested but more in a gawking fan way, I didn’t see until there was nothing else in my face – literally.
Her bashfulness, her quietness, her sincere way of always stepping out of my way when I expressed what I wanted. She probably didn’t think she stood a chance with him, but how wrong we both were. Clearly, so painfully clearly, I could see how they could fit together.
But not clear, was the hurt stabbing my chest.

“Well, another round?” I said when their faces separated. Just smile, smile through whatever fucking emotion is attacking me right now.

“I’ll help you,” she offered. Of course she would. She knew when I was off- and right now I absolutely did not to delve into my emotions. The moment we were in a small clearing of sweat and alcohol-I pulled her aside. I could barely mask the bubbling urge to cry.

“I thought you weren’t going to make a move,” I whispered. Afraid if I spoke normal, my voice would crack. “I made a move because you hadn’t.” I could still play the cheerleader, that I had somehow been wanting her to rise and challenge me. I could pretend I knew all along she was interested and just needed to give her a catalyst to see this. I could play this perspective.

“I-,” she was grasping at her words. I could tell she was still caught off guard.

“It’s okay. I’m glad this happened,” I said, forcing myself into this new role of delusion. I forced my smile up because it threatened to slip.

“Are you ok?” she asked genuinely and her words of concern cut through me when all I wanted to do was unburden the strangeness overtaking me. But I could never tell her about these feelings, and I never would.

“Absolutely. I knew you had to be interested. He’s, he’s .. well what’s important is that he finally made his move onto you. Let’s grab another round and bounce. We’ve only got two days left so let’s- you make the most of it.” In trying to describe it, I faltered when my subconscious played his laughter into my ears. In describing the short time left, I knew I had to concede and let them be, I was defeated. I needed comfort, something so I grabbed her hand and turned around. The pretense to go to the bar, but reality was the tears had finally come. I welcomed all the alcohol in the world right now. Before I could return to the table, I excused myself for a cigarette. But as soon as I was outside, everything crashed down, and I openly cried and I knew who I was crying over.