The First Boy

Noah lets me go from his embrace and looks me in the eyes. There could be a whole field of people watching or a NASCAR race going on, but the only thing I can see right now is him, my boyfriend. His eyes are gleaming and are filled with joy. I can’t help but give him my biggest smile that refuses to leave my face. Noah has a way of making me forget all the things that I’m thinking about and brings me into the moment. He makes me live in the present and forget the world is revolving around us. Right in this moment, Noah is my everything.

I don’t want this moment or night to end. If I could, I would stay with Noah forever in his arms. His arms are my armor and his embrace is how I see our forever. Some say that I am a little naive for falling so hard and so fast for Noah Carlo, but I can’t picture it anyway other way. This is how our love story was supposed to start and I was hoping it was never going to end.

When you find someone that makes you so happy, it’s hard to picture life without them. When someone is your reason for being alive and living life to the fullest, how do you manage to let them go? Tonight, was a simple night, but it was nights like these that made me realize how important Noah is to me. Senior year has only begun and yet it has been the best school year of my life. I know without Noah I would’ve had a good year but with him by my side, I know it’s going to be a great one.

I wish it was so hard to fall in love with Noah. Sometimes, I think it would’ve been easier if we’ve never met. We both have different plans and dreams for the future. He wants to go to the best football college while I dream of going to Boston. I try not to think of those things just yet but it’s hard not to when you picture forever with someone when you are so young.

I pull myself out of my fantasy world and try to bring myself back into the moment.

“Would you like to come in for a little bit?” I ask Noah.

As the brisk fall air hits my body, it sends a chill up and down my spine. I’m not sure how long he was here waiting for me, but I hope it wasn’t long. It was a cold night and definitely wasn’t the weather you wanted to hang outside in. But that was my Noah though. He made grand gestures not to make himself look good, but because he wanted to be grand.

“I have to be up early tomorrow. I have to help my dad fax files to one of his fancy clients,” he says brushing the stray hair that has fallen.

Noah’s touch was always an electric shock to my body. His scent intoxicated me, and my hands always gravitated towards his chest. He felt like a magnet that I could not pull away from. He may be the first boy I have ever felt this strongly about. The feeling was exotic and foreign to me that my head filled with fumes whenever I thought about his touch. He loved to make me feel weak in the knees and I never tried to stop him.

“You aren’t going to school tomorrow?” I ask a little upset. Not seeing Noah at school would be so strange. I’m already used to Noah waiting for me by my locker after every class, grabbing lunch together in the cafeteria, and our after school make out sessions. He was the reason I loved getting an education these days.

“I’ll be at school, baby. I am going to his office early in the morning. My mom was supposed to go but,” he says looking out in the street. I look with him and I don’t see anything. I could tell he was hiding something from me, but I didn’t want to push him. If he wanted to tell me he would.

“Are you okay?” I ask a little worried. It was like a switch flipped and he wasn’t expecting to be asked that question. Looking at Noah in that moment, I got the feeling that he hasn’t been asked that question in a while.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says trying to convince me he’s okay with a smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” he says giving me a peck on the cheek.

As he tries to walk away, I grab his wrist to stop him in his tracks. From my tiny force he jolts back towards me, but not enough where I can see his face. I then gently grab his face with my other hand and turn it towards me. His eyes are swollen and trying to hold back tears. I know he did not want me to see him like this, but I know he needed my help. No one ever wants someone to see them upset and I know it kills Noah that I caught him in a vulnerable moment.

I take my arms and wrap them around his neck. He buries his face in my neck so I can’t see the tears that are streaming down his face. I feel my shirt starting to get soaked from the tears Noah can’t hold back anymore. He is breaking down in my arms and my heart starts to weep for him. The man that I love is weak and vulnerable right now and I am not even sure why. I can’t find the words to say to him and I can’t find the actions to take in this moment. I just let Noah continue to weep and let his tears stream on my neck. Noah needed this whether he thought so or not.

I start to feel the tears stop and Noah lifts up his head and turns away from me. He wipes his tears with his sleeve and still refuses to look at me. I want to say something, and not only something I want to say the right thing. He finally gets the courage to turn to me and I see a broken Noah. From what we have been through and how happy he has been, I feel like he hasn’t been happy at all. Maybe that is why he has needed me so badly. Maybe he needed a shoulder to cry on and to find someone that would try to understand his life, even if they didn’t.

Without any hesitation, Noah proclaims “my dad is having an affair.”

I try not to react. I try to keep my mouth shut. I try to keep my cool and composer. All the fighting off my feels was no use. My knees went week, my mouth dropped into an ‘O’ shape, and my cool and composer was all gone.

Noah has told me before how his mom and dad have has a rocky marriage. He always said that don’t be fooled by the way his mom and dad acted in public. He always stated to me that he knew it was a matter of time before they got divorced. His dad told him that when he ‘left the nest’ that this mom and dad would downsize in their home, move away, and never come back to New York. I feel like those plans are now going to move faster than before.

“Noah,” I say.

“Please don’t say anything Belly, I can’t talk about this right now. I just wanted to let you know.” He says as he moves further back from me.
I take a deep breath and swallow the remainder of my words that I wanted to say.

“Okay, Noah,” I say and give him a kiss on the cheek. He turns away and makes a fast walk to his car. I didn’t want Noah to leave all upset from my house. I wanted him to come in and talk. I wanted to help him in any way I could, but I knew with Noah that he didn’t like to be questioned. He never liked being told what to do.

I wave him off and then open my front door. My heart is swollen of sadness and my eyes are trying not to stream a puddle of tears. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone but of course, my mom and dad are sitting on the couch watching Monday night football. My dad has a Bud Light in his hand while my mom has her favorite pinot grigio in her favorite wine glass. I throw my backpack and cheer belongings on the floor. I walk into the living room with my rose and place them on the coffee table so my mom and dad could look at them. I decide to sit on the love seat next to my parents.

“Are those for me?” My mom asks with a smirk. She knows they aren’t, but I give her a little laugh as much as I could. I could feel my mom itching to ask me what was wrong, but she refrained from saying anything at all.

My mom knew me better than I knew myself some days. She was a caring mother, but she never wanted to get involved in your business. If you wanted to tell her what was on your mind, she would listen. She was a kind and caring mom in that way. She knew I need space right now, and I know she was trying her best to give it to me.

“Carlo?” My dad asks not taking his eyes off the screen. The Giants were playing the Cowboys and there was no way my dad was going to miss a second of the game. He loved the Giants, Bud Light, Sunday dinner, my mom, and his kids. The order was not important.

“He asked me to go with him to the homecoming dance!” I say trying to sound as excited as I could. Due to the circumstances, I knew I was genuinely excited to go to the homecoming dance with Noah. It was going to be the first dance I would attend in my high school career with a boyfriend.

I knew my dad was getting pissed that I was even talking during the game, but I had to tell my mom. My mom let out an equal scream and I let out a little laugh again. Her excitement was contagious and it made me excited that I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Can you guys calm down? The game is almost over,” my dad says annoyed. My mom and I laugh and don’t pay any attention to my dad. He was a moody man who didn’t care for this stuff. He tried to understand my mom, sister, and I, but he understood Marco and Gino more. I don’t blame him though.

“We have to get a dress!” My mom squeals. She can’t hold in her excitement anymore either. The way my mom was squealing with excitement reminds me of me when I get excited. It was certainly contagious. Like mother like daughter.

“Stella, Cass, and I went to Bloomingdales after school and I got a dress! Ma, it’s gorgeous!” I say getting up from my seat to go grab the dress bag.
My little funk is starting to fade away and I feel myself feeling the feelings I had before I saw Noah so upset. I’m trying so hard not to get upset in front of my mom and dad that I am managing a way to try to distract myself. My mom is definitely helping me out, and it’s certainly working for the most part.

“Gorgeous sounds expensive,” my dad says sitting on the couch. Leave it to my dad to make a comment like that during one of the most important purchases of my life. I know I sound silly, but this dress was everything to me, this night was everything to me. Homecoming was only five days away and I needed it to be perfect. I had a feeling by just going with Noah it was going to be the most perfect night.

“Go try it on for us, please?” My mom asks.

As much as I don’t want to go and try on the dress, I want my mom to see me in it. Her opinion always matters the most to me and if she doesn’t like it then I am going to have to find a new dress. I know she will like it, but I still need her approval. With her approval I feel like this dream will officially be real and this moment will be one I never forget.