The First Boy

Stella picked me up just early enough that I was able to decorate Noah’s locker and get him his favorite breakfast sandwich from the bagel shop across the street from my school. I waited in the corner for Noah to see his locker and when he did, his face lit up. I made sure to include all of his favorite colors, sports teams, and number on his locker. This was my first year decorating a locker that was for my boyfriend, and I wanted it to be special enough that he would love it.

When Noah opened his locker, the balloons flew out which gave him a good laugh. After I saw the balloons fly out, I saw that as my que to say good morning to Noah. Before I could get there, Lina was on the side of his locker waiting for Noah to notice her. I backed away a little so she couldn’t see me, and neither could Noah. I wanted to hear what she had to say.

“Look how pathetic Isabelle decorated this,” she says mocking my decorations.

“Well,” Noah says, “it’s much better than how you used to decorate it.”

“Oh please,” Lina says “mine was way better. Besides I didn’t need to know how to decorate. I made up for other things.”

“Like what?” Noah says.

“Like when I was fucking you.” She replies.

That was it. My heart couldn’t hear any more of this conversation. I was ease dropping in territory I wanted nothing from. I knew hearing the rest of this conversation was going to kill my soul. I couldn’t listen to my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend describe sex with him when I wasn’t even ready for that steppingstone myself. How could I listen to a conversation, when I have nothing to contribute to it?

One of my fears for today was going to that territory with Noah. I loved him with all my heart, but I wasn’t sure if I could get to that point of making love tonight. I think that is something personal and loving. I wasn’t the type to just jump into bed, and I certainly wasn’t going to do that tonight. I know Stella and Cassie were expecting me to lose my virginity at some point during my senior year, but that didn’t have to be tonight. Did it?

I went the rest of the day avoiding Noah as much as I could. I have to say, I was getting better communicating with him, but I just didn’t have to courage to see him in person after
I heard his encounter with Lina. I wasn’t sure how I was going to avoid what I hear and saw, but I didn’t want to argue or talk about it on my first important homecoming night. Plus, Noah had a huge game tonight, and I didn’t want to ruin his focus by bringing up a topic that wasn’t very important.

I was in art class when the last bell rang for the day. I ran as fast as I could to the locker room to change into my game uniform and wait in them until the rest of the squad came into the locker room. I waited a whole twenty minutes before Cassie and Stella walked in looking beautiful as ever for game day. I could tell Stella and Cassie were about to lecture me on avoiding my boyfriend all day, but I didn’t want to hear it. I just wanted to get the game over with and enjoy the night at homecoming with my boyfriend and friends.

In my mind, I thought by avoiding everyone today, I wouldn’t have been so tied up tonight trying to make sure I wasn’t awkward, and I was just at homecoming having a great time. I don’t want Noah to know how I get insecure on not being able to give him what Lina could. I didn’t want him to think I never wanted to have sex with him, but tonight wasn’t the night. I knew Stella would tell me it was no big deal, and if Noah is my serious boyfriend, I should do it. I just wasn’t ready for that love and the everlasting responsibility that comes along with it.

“Are you okay?” Cassie asks in her sweetest voice.

One thing about Cassie is that she is no Stella. She is very sweet and kind but can have sass when needed. She balances out the friend group. She wants to make sure her friends are okay before she lectures them. Stella on the other hand is the complete opposite. She will throw you under a bus before you get to go anywhere, and she will get the truth out of you. She doesn’t mean to be mean, but that is just how she rolls. She will tell you the truth whether you would like to hear it or not.

“No.” Stella says and holds up her hand “what she means is what the fuck is your problem.”

“Stella,” Cassie says trying to calm her down.

“Don’t Stella me Cass, she is being a child and she knows it,” Stella says.

I stand up and walk over to Stella face to face. She may be a little taller and she may be my cousin, but I don’t seem to care in this moment. I am upset with Stella for talking to me the way she does. She doesn’t understand that sometimes she can be too cruel and not understanding. When I try to explain to her how I feel she calls it childish and stupid. To me, it is not childish or stupid, I am trying to navigate a new year and a new life, and she doesn’t seem to understand how challenging that could be sometimes.

“What the fuck Stell?” I say pissed off “do you have fun bullying people? Cause I’m sick of it!” I say managing to hit my breaking point.

“Excuse me?” She says getting loud “last time I checked, I’m trying to help your ass grow up a little bit.”

“Well, news flash Stella I don’t need your help! You are so mean and so cruel, and you need to get off your fucking high horse!” I say leaving no words back. She wants to be hurtful; I can be hurtful right back.

“Wow,” I hear that snarky Lina voice chime in “Isabelle does have a backbone.”

“Shut up, Lina!” Stella, Cassie, and I say at the same time.

Luckily, she walks away to get ready for the game, I don’t think that I could handle Stella and Lina at the same time. That would be too much drama for me to handle.

“You guys need to stop,” Cassie says putting her hands up. She doesn’t look very well.

“Cass are you alright?” I say turning my attention away from Stella. I know my best friend and she does not look like herself.

All of the sudden, Cassie passes out on the locker room floor and all of the cheerleaders start to panic. Cassie is usually the one to keep us all calm in crisis situations. Right now, we needed to do the right thing for her like she would do for us. I pick up my phone and do the first thing that comes to mind. I dial 911 and explain to them the situation. I then call Sal to let him know what has happened to Cassie. He quickly tells me he’ll meet me at thew hospital and to make sure she is safe.

When the ambulance comes, Stella and I automatically go in the car with Cassie. Before we go, Lina tells Stella and I we can’t go without best friend because there wouldn’t be enough cheerleaders at the game. Stella and I tell her to fuck off and we make our way to the hospital.

At this point, I don’t care what is going on in the game or what the score is. Right now, I am justing hoping my best friend is alright.