For the Rest of Our Lives
Twenty (2008)
Sally's broken up with her boyfriend. She won't tell me why; won't even look me in the eyes. I just hold her while she stares blankly at the wall. We're sat on my bed.
"Why does this keep happening to me?" she suddenly asks. "What have I done? Am I a bad person? Does God hate me? Am I just destined for this awfulness?"
She starts crying toward the end of her questions; loudly, allowing herself to fully grieve. She clings onto me and I hold her close, rubbing her back. I can only assume Darren has done something similar to what her father has done.
"There's going to be a trial," she says through her sobs. "My dad- he-" she stops, breaking off into more sobs. She holds onto me tighter, digging her nails into my arms. I don't mind the pain. I continue to rub her back and listen.
It takes her a long time to calm down enough to speak again. She's taking in deep, laboured breaths. Her voice is steady enough again.
"Finally," she spits. "Finally. It's over." The sobs stop completely, and the tears slow. The tears don't stop though. They continue to trickle down her face as she now glares at the wall. "Finally."
I want to feel relief. I really do. But I can't, because this is still a thing that will be with her for the rest of her life, I know now. I rock her gently now. Sally's gaze remains harsh and focused on the wall, her face twisted in a way I've never seen before. She's shaking violently, her grip somehow still tightening over my harms. It feels like her nails might break my skin, but if they do I won't mind. She needs to feel her own power right now.
After a while her face twists from hatred to pain, and she buries her face in my chest to cry again. I kiss the top of her head and pull her closer. Her grip loosens, and she wraps her arms around me weakly.
"I'm sorry," she cries. "I'm so sorry."
I don't know who she's apologizing to, or what she's apologizing about. Maybe to herself?
"I'm so sorry," she continues in a broken whisper. My heart feels like it's breaking.
"It's okay," I whisper to every one of her apologies. "It's going to be okay. It can only get better from here, now."
Finally she says something other than sorry, "Okay. You promise?"
"I promise," I tell her. "For the rest of our lives, it can only get better from here."
"Why does this keep happening to me?" she suddenly asks. "What have I done? Am I a bad person? Does God hate me? Am I just destined for this awfulness?"
She starts crying toward the end of her questions; loudly, allowing herself to fully grieve. She clings onto me and I hold her close, rubbing her back. I can only assume Darren has done something similar to what her father has done.
"There's going to be a trial," she says through her sobs. "My dad- he-" she stops, breaking off into more sobs. She holds onto me tighter, digging her nails into my arms. I don't mind the pain. I continue to rub her back and listen.
It takes her a long time to calm down enough to speak again. She's taking in deep, laboured breaths. Her voice is steady enough again.
"Finally," she spits. "Finally. It's over." The sobs stop completely, and the tears slow. The tears don't stop though. They continue to trickle down her face as she now glares at the wall. "Finally."
I want to feel relief. I really do. But I can't, because this is still a thing that will be with her for the rest of her life, I know now. I rock her gently now. Sally's gaze remains harsh and focused on the wall, her face twisted in a way I've never seen before. She's shaking violently, her grip somehow still tightening over my harms. It feels like her nails might break my skin, but if they do I won't mind. She needs to feel her own power right now.
After a while her face twists from hatred to pain, and she buries her face in my chest to cry again. I kiss the top of her head and pull her closer. Her grip loosens, and she wraps her arms around me weakly.
"I'm sorry," she cries. "I'm so sorry."
I don't know who she's apologizing to, or what she's apologizing about. Maybe to herself?
"I'm so sorry," she continues in a broken whisper. My heart feels like it's breaking.
"It's okay," I whisper to every one of her apologies. "It's going to be okay. It can only get better from here, now."
Finally she says something other than sorry, "Okay. You promise?"
"I promise," I tell her. "For the rest of our lives, it can only get better from here."
♠ ♠ ♠
Screw chapter 25. You'll see why.