Breaking the Habit

I woke up and looked around the dimly lit room.

The dusty blinds were barely cracked, letting just a little light into the small dirty bedroom.

I tried to remember where I was, and what had happened the night before.

I was alone in the bed, but I heard the shower running in the bathroom, and got up.

When my feet touched the cold floor, I shivered.

I looked down, and saw that I was wearing someone else's t-shirt, and my underwear, and nothing else.

I knocked on the bathroom door, "Hello?" I asked.

"Oh hey, you're awake." The voice didn't really sound familiar, but it did sound kind.

"Um, yeah, and I don't know where I am, or what happened last night." I tucked my hair behind my ear.

"Didn't think that you would. Hell, I barely remember myself. Give me a few minutes to get dressed, and I'll give you the rundown."

I walked down to the kitchen, and saw a coffee pot and a can of coffee.

I decided that mystery man and myself could probably benefit from some coffee, so I made some.

I heard the bathroom door open, as I started the coffee pot.

"Hey." I turned around and there he was face to face.

"Morning." I murmured.

I didn't recognize him. He was gorgeous, his brown eyes, and bright smile against light skin decorated with tattoos, his small build and height contradicting each other.

"How did you sleep?" he asks, pulling out a package of bagels from the refrigerator.

"Great, I guess. I mean, all things considering." I answered.

"That's good." He sat down at the table, glancing at the coffee pot.

I stood awkwardly by the kitchen sink.

"So you don't remember anything about last night?" he asked, fidgeting with his watch.

I shook my head sheepishly, "Nothing. I wish I could remember, but I got nothing." I shrugged.

He motions for me to sit across from him at the table.

I sit, and glance up at him briefly, before focusing on my hands folded in front of me on the tabletop.

"Uh, well. We met at the party. The um, album party for my band. You were drinking alone, and I thought I'd keep you company. So we started drinking together. The night pressed on, and the drinks kept coming. When we left the club, you were so wasted you couldn't stand up on your own, and I wasn't far behind. But you insisted on coming home with me, and one thing led to another. And here we are." He shrugs, not seeming very impressed with his re-telling.

I kept my eyes on the table, "Well, that does sound like something I would do." I shrugged.

He smiled, "You're very persuasive when you've been drinking."

The toaster popped up, and he stood.

"Bagel?" he offered.

The coffee pot beeped at the same time, "Sure. Thanks." I slowly stood and accepted the plate he handed me.

He reached into the cabinet and grabbed two coffee cups, handing one to me.

"Thanks. How do you take your coffee?" I asked.

"Black with a couple spoonfuls of sugar." He answered, grabbing a tub of cream cheese out of the fridge.

"Huh, that's how I take mine." I smiled a little at the coincidence.

"I guess we do have something in common, aside from our blatant disregard for responsible consumption of alcohol." He chuckled.

I stirred my coffee, silently.

"I wonder, do you even remember my name?" he asked, sitting back at the table after I handed him his coffee.

I stopped stirring and stared out the window, "I'm sorry. No, I don't." I whispered.

"Don't be sorry. After last night, I'm not surprised you don't remember anything. We were both pretty intoxicated, but you were worse. If anything, I brought you home with me to protect you from somebody else doing what I did to you, or worse." He says, sipping his coffee.

I sat across from him, "I'm going to assume, because it sounds like something I would do, that everything you and I did last night, was because I wanted to. Not saying you didn't want to, I just know how I can get when I drink. It's a problem, actually." I looked at him, but I wasn't sure if I should've.

"You did initiate it, yes. But I'm the one who wanted to keep going after the first round. You were ready to pass out, but I convinced you to go again." He explained, his eyes meeting mine.

"It must've been pretty exhilarating then." I replied, feeling a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth.

He smiled, "You seemed to enjoy it a lot."

I let the smile play at my lips a bit more, "I mean, you are very attractive. And from what I gather, you're a decent guy, which is hard to find in this city nowadays." I shrugged.

"Thank you, Michelle." He smiled again, winking at me.

I looked down at my plate, awkwardly stabbing my bagel with a fork.

"I'm Chester, by the way." He answered the question I was too embarrassed to come out and ask myself.

"Nice to meet you, Chester." I replied.

"Yes, indeed it was. According to you, anyway." He shrugs and smiles wider, his brown eyes pulling me in.

I felt myself gravitating toward him unknowingly, my guard slowly lowering.

I mean, I'd obviously already had sex with him, and he looked after me while I was drunk, if he was going to do anything awful to me, it would've already happened.

I pushed my plate away, and finished my coffee, my common sense kicking back in.

"So, I know we were both drunk last night, but I have to ask, are you married?" I poured another cup of coffee, my back to him.

He laughed, "No, divorced actually. Been single for about three years now. Aside from a few drunk hook-ups, I haven't been with anyone. Wasn't sure if I was cut out for relationships after the divorce. Took to drinking and writing music to numb the pain." He said casually.

I sat back down, "I'm sorry to be so forward, I just don't want someone coming home to you having breakfast and coffee with a half-naked woman in your t-shirt and get upset. I don't need anymore drama in my life, right now." I sighed.

"What about you? You came to the party with friends, but are you married? Dating anyone? Is he bigger than me? Should I be scared he's going to find me and break my neck?" he smiled.

I laughed too, "No. I was engaged, but that didn't work out. Been single for about two years now myself. Like you, I have one night stands, but haven't been in an actual relationship since. I've been battling my own demons." I looked down again.

"Sounds like we have more in common than we thought." He set his cup down.

"We like drinking too much, and casual sex with random strangers?" I asked jokingly.

He shakes his head, smiling, "I mean, that we've both been hurt and left behind by someone, and we have very counterproductive ways of coping with that pain."

My smile faded, "Out of all the things I could have in common with someone, I never thought it would be that."

"I'm just as surprised as you are." He says, shrugging.

"My fiancé cheated on me, a month before our wedding. Got the other woman pregnant, and left me. I already had the beginnings of alcoholism, but that sent me into a downward spiral that I've spent the last year clawing my way out of. And it's been a hard year. Last night was the first time I'd gone out in over a year, and I blew my sobriety out of the water. Not that I didn't enjoy your company, I'm sure that I did, I just...I'm disappointed in myself for doing this again." I sighed.

"Don't feel bad. I was two years sober until last night, but I was drinking before you showed up. I guess I figured, "what the hell, I might as well go all out." When I saw you. I don't regret it, because last night was amazing. Best I've had in years, maybe even ever." He stands up to put his plate in the sink.

I stood too, and before I realized what I was doing, I was kissing him.

He kissed back, his hands resting on my waist.

"I can't explain it, but there's something about you that feels right. Like nothing else in the world matters but this moment right here." I breathed.

"Maybe that's because this moment means something to you. Like it's an important moment in your life." He said.

"Like a new beginning, or something." I replied, kissing him again.

His hands began to wander, and I didn't stop him.

He pulled his shirt over my head, his body pressed against mine on the kitchen counter.

He cradled my face in his hands, kissing me slow and sweet, "Like the moment you realize you're in love with someone." He whispered.

I smiled against his lips, my hands swiftly tugging his shorts down to his ankles.

"Exactly." I replied.

Without breaking the kiss, he picked me up, my legs around him, and carries me back to the bedroom.

We fall on the bed, only two articles of clothing left between us and what we wanted to do.

He stares into my eyes, and smiles, "This time," he slips my underwear off, and kisses me, "You're going to remember it."

He slipped inside of me, and I moaned loudly.

I put my arms around his neck, and kissed him.

When it was over, we lay next to each other, just staring into our eyes.

"So what are we now? Like what does this make us?" I asked.

"I mean, if you're into labels, but I don't know. Whatever you want us to be, I guess." He said.

"What do you want us to be?" I asked.

He kissed me, "I want you to be whatever you want to be. If you choose to have nothing more to do with me after today, I'll be hurt, but I'll accept it and move on. I'm leaving it up to you." He said.

I laid my head on his chest, "I want to be yours. That's what I want." I whispered.

He chuckled, "So it shall be, then. You're mine." He petted my hair.

"What now?" I asked.

"I suppose we could go have a real breakfast. I've got to meet the band this afternoon to record some things, but until then, I could keep you company if you're not doing anything."

"I didn't have plans, necessarily, but I should probably call my sister and tell her I'm okay." I sat up and looked around.

"It's in your purse, on the dresser where I put it last night." Chester pointed.

I dug around in my purse until I found my phone, and dialed my sister's number.

"Michelle! Where the hell are you? I've been calling you all night, I thought something happened to you." Gabi's voice, usually calm, was edged with worry and desperation.

"Call off the search party, Gabs. I'm alive. I just had a pretty busy night, that's all." I wasn't eager to tell her that I'd gotten drunk, because I knew it would upset her after everything she'd seen me go through over the past few years.

"What do you mean, busy? Where did you go last night? Nina and Trevor said they hadn't seen or heard from you since yesterday morning."

"Well," I decided it was best just to tell her, and endure the lecture than lie, "Yesterday was Kristen's birthday, and she and Cori invited me out with them. I went with the intention of just hanging out, but I kind of got wasted and went home with a guy from the party we went to. I'm still at his house. But I'm okay, I swear." I paused for impact.

Gabriella sighed deeply, "Michelle, you were doing so well. You were getting better." I could hear the disappointment in her voice.

"I know, Gabi. It was only a minor setback, I'm going to get back on track, I promise." I told her.

"You can't let dad find out about this, he'll have a fit." She says.

"The only way he'd find out is if you told him, because I'm damn sure not going to tell him." I said.

"I won't tell him, I swear, but you have got to get right and get it together." She said.

"I will, Gabriella." I repeated.

"So are you coming home?" she asked.

"I was actually going to have breakfast with this guy." I said.

"The guy you slept with last night? Why?" she asked.

"Because, we've been chatting this morning, and we realized we have more in common than we thought, and we're going to talk about it all over breakfast."

"What could you possibly have in common with this stranger, besides the fact that he's obviously as irresponsible as you are." She said.

"More than you'd think. Look Gabi, I gotta go, but I'll call you later, and I'll be home tonight, I swear. Just tell dad I'm working or something. I'll figure out the rest later. Bye."

"She sounds like she's a barrel of laughs." Chester laughed.

"Gabi is just protective. She worries about me, that's all." I said, laying back on the bed.

"I won't hurt you. But I understand. I'll understand better after you explain it all to me. Let's get dressed and go get some food." He kissed me.

My head was spinning with all of this.

I was sure that I really liked Chester, but my heart was unsure, because I really hadn't healed from the events of years ago, and I definitely wasn't ready to be hurt again.

I guess if I don't take a chance, I'll never know.

But I knew that my dad wasn't going to be happy if he found out I met Chester at a party where I was drinking. Again.

Or the fact that I slept with him despite only knowing him for a couple of hours.

Then again, I've never been dad's golden child.

That's what he has Gabi, Chauntelle, and my brothers for.

I'd been ruined a long time ago.

"You look lost in thought, Michelle. Something wrong?" I snapped back into reality, and Chester was looking at me with concern in his eyes.

"My dad is going to be so disappointed in me, again. And I don't know if I can handle that anymore." I said.

"Hey, baby steps, Michelle. One obstacle at a time, okay?" He hugs me tight.

"You're right. I barely know you, certainly not enough to unload all of this on you so soon." I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Oh love, if only you knew half of my story, you wouldn't feel as bad. My story isn't a very happy one. Been working on the ending lately, but I keep changing my mind about how I want it to end. Or if I even want it to end yet. I'm hoping maybe I've found someone who can help me with it. It seems like you're debating your own story, and I'd like to help in any way that I can, if you'll allow it. It's a miserable life when you're alone, but you don't have to be." He said.

I felt tears on my face, and sobs creeping up my throat, "I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm so tired of being alone." I held him tighter.

"Hey, don't cry. You don't have to be, anymore. You've got me now."

"I hate to be like this, but what if you realize you don't really like me after all?" I asked.

"Now, why would I do that? I've already let myself get closer to you than I've gotten close to anyone in a very long time. I don't see me changing my mind about this." He wiped my tears.

"It doesn't usually take people long to decide they don't like me. I'm not really a likeable person when I'm sober, and you'll figure that out too."

"You're sober right now, and I still like you. Stop doubting yourself, let's go get some food." He kissed me and got dressed.

I pulled myself together and put my clothes from last night back on, twisting my dark hair into a messy bun on top of my head, wiping off what was left of last night's make up from my face.

"Are you sure you want to be seen with me in public? I look an awful mess." I sighed.

Chester laughed, "I see nothing wrong with how you look. I think you look beautiful, just like you did last night."

I made a face in the mirror at myself, "I didn't have a very good mother growing up, but she did teach me to never leave the house, no matter where you're going, without a full face of make up. You never know who you're going to see." I said.

"She sounds warm and nurturing." He laughed.

I rolled my eyes, "My mother was anything but. She was really a cold, evil bitch." I said.

"Well, now this is new. I'm used to girls with daddy issues, but I haven't met many with mommy issues." He put his shirt back on.

"Well, neither of them were very good. I spent my life with my mother, who, for whatever reason hated my guts and only mine, causing her to be cold, mean, and abusive toward me, and treat my siblings like royalty. My dad worked all the time, so he wasn't around very often, and when he was, my mother kept him in the bedroom until he had to leave again, so none of us really got to see him much. We spent a lot of time with our Aunt Betty." I explained.

"Not running away yet. I'm actually intrigued by your life story. I want to hear more. And not to give you some phony sympathy like everyone else does, because I genuinely want to know more about you, and because I can relate already. Absentee father, I had that. My mom was my saint, though. I lost her to cancer four years ago. Never really recovered from it. My dad and I don't talk anymore, and my sister and brother refuse to talk to me until I'm sober for more than a couple of months, so it's really just me myself, and my friends. I fill the rest of the voids with alcohol, illegal substances, and nameless women. I mean I did, until now. Hopefully that's all changing after today. For the better." He kissed me one more time.

"Don't go thinking I'm some miracle fix for all of your problems, mister. Because I promise you I am not. Believe me." I laughed.

"I never said you were. But I'm hoping that you're the answer to some prayers." He smiled and headed down the hallway.

I pulled my heels back on, and followed him out the door.

When I stepped into the sunlight, I closed my eyes and groaned, "Jesus it's bright out here."

Chester laughed, "I have advil in my glove compartment, because like I said, I'm right there with you."

After dry swallowing a couple of Advil, and digging my sunglasses out of my bottomless purse, I relaxed against the seat, "What time is it, anyway?"

"Eleven thirty." Chester answered, turning on the air conditioning.

"I know this is really random, but it's a legitimate question. Did we use protection last night?" I peered over my sunglasses at him.

He only briefly glances in my direction before shaking his head, "Um, no, we didn't. We weren't really in the state of mind to think about it. And this morning, well, still weren't really thinking rationally." He said.

I nodded, "I figured. Just had to ask, anyway." I said.

"If you're worried about it, they have pills to prevent that." He replied.

"You sound like you've been in this situation before." I said.

"A couple of times, yeah. Not really a fact that I'm proud of, but I've been around the block a few times."

I shrugged, "I'm not worried about it, I'm on birth control. My dad insists on it, despite the fact that I'm 23 years old. He claims he doesn't want me having kids until I'm sober and married to a respectable man." I scoffed "It's whatever."

"Well, I mean he does have your best interest at heart. You and I both know that neither of us are in any state or position to have kids right now. It wouldn't be fair to that kid to have two alcoholics for parents. It's for the best really." He said.

I laughed, "No disrespect, but you sound like my sister now."

He shrugged, "I may be a drunk, but I'm no idiot. I have common sense."

He pulled into an IHOP parking lot and turned off the car.

"Endless pancakes and orange juice. My go-to hangover cure." He smiled at me, and got out, quickly darting around the car to let me out.

"Oh, I didn't know I was dealing with such a gentleman. I might make a husband out of you after all." I joked.

"Let's get through breakfast first, and see where we end up after that." He kissed me and we walked inside.