Breaking the Habit

-Michelle-
I was laying on the couch, watching TV in my pajamas, eating cereal when Dad got up.
“Morning Mickey Mouse.” he said, making himself some cereal.
He sat next to me.
“Like old times, huh?” he asked, kissing my hair.
I smiled, “Yeah, cereal and cartoons. Just think, in five months, we can pass this tradition on to my baby girl.” I said, rubbing my belly.
“I can’t wait to meet her, Mickey.” he said.

I wanted to call him.
I wanted to see him and tell him that I was sorry, and that’s I’d made a mistake, but he didn’t care about me, and wouldn’t have answered anyway.
When my dad left for work, I laid in my bed and cried.
The days began to run together, and in the blink of an eye, a month was gone.

I started meeting up with some of my friends from high school nearly every day, to try to lift my spirits, but every night when I laid down to go to sleep, I’d cry, because I’d ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I constantly wondered how he was doing and if he was okay.
Bailee continued to grow, and the day drew closer to meet her.

“Michelle, we’re all going to the Lake for a barbeque this weekend, you wanna come?”
I snapped out of my daze, smiling at Heidi, “Oh of course! Where there’s food, there’s a pregnant woman, ready to pig out.” I laughed.
“When are you due again?” Kim asked.
“February 10.” I replied.
“How funny, that’s Bill’s birthday, remember?” Chloe asked.
Hearing my ex’s name made me force a smile, “It’s the eleventh, Chloe. Of course I remember. I was with the guy for five years.” I said, sipping my orange juice.
“You sure?” Chloe asked.
“You know, I saw Courtney the other day, and she said Bill’s getting divorced. Maybe the two of you should link up.” Kim said.
I shook my head, “No thank you. I’m deeming myself unqualified for relationships, especially reviving failed ones. I’ll pass.” I said.
“Come on Michelle, that was three years ago.” Chloe said.
“And if you guys have forgotten, I almost didn’t make it through that alive. I’d rather not put myself in a position to be hurt again. I’ve got someone else to worry about now. I’ve got to go.” I picked up my purse and left.
I caught a taxi, and decided to stop and get some lunch, since I’d walked out on mine.
I was standing in line at my favorite diner, waiting for my turn to order, when I heard my name.
“Michelle Kennedy?”
I froze.
I knew that voice.
Speak of the god damned devil, I turned around, forcing a smile, “Hi William.”
“I’d heard that you were back in Chicago, but I wasn’t sure if the rumors were true.” he said, smiling.
“Yep, I’m home.” I said.
“And pregnant. Wow, you look beautiful.” he said.
I laughed, “Thanks.”
“How far along are you?”
“Five months. Baby girl.” I replied.
“Get out of town, congratulations.” he grinned.
“Thank you, I’m very excited.” I grabbed my milkshake.
“So, where’s your guy? Kim told me that you were getting married, where’s the lucky man at?” he asked.
My smile vanished, and I looked down, “I-um, well he’s not here. It didn’t work out between us.” I said quietly.
His smile turned to horror, “Michelle, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
“No, it’s okay, you didn’t know. I’m fine.” I wiped a tear away.
“I’m sure he’s kicking himself, believe me I’d know.” he puts his coffee cup on the bar.
“It was a disaster waiting to happen from the start, William. I should’ve known better, but I thought I was smart, and did the stupid thing anyway.” I sat down beside him.
“You’re rebellious, and you’re going to do the exact opposite of what everyone wants you to do, that’s for sure. You like to learn lessons the hard way.” he told me.
“You’d think I’d get smart.” I said.
“You are smart, Michelle. Just stubborn as hell. That was one of the things I loved about you.”
“I have to start making the smart decisions, not the fun ones, because my daughter needs me to be responsible. Since I’m all she’s going to have.” I said.
“He doesn’t want to see her?” he asked.
“He doesn’t think she’s his.” I replied.
“Why?” he asked.
“I met him at a party where we were both drunk, and went home with him, just like I’d done every night since I set foot in L.A. I know the baby is his, because after I left here, my dad insisted I go on birth control so that I wouldn’t end up in the situation I’m in, but I forgot to take the pills that particular night, and got pregnant.” I shrugged.
“You really went wild after you left here.” He said.
“It was a coping mechanism for the pain. Not a very good one, but the only one I knew.” I replied.
“That’s behind you now, you’re going to be someone’s mom. Kudos.” He said.
“Thanks, I just hope I’m a better mother than my mom.” I said.
“Please, a rabid wolf is a better mother to a T-bone steak than your mother was to you.” He said.
I laughed, “I just never thought I’d be doing this alone. I always thought when I had kids I’d be married to someone I loved, but I have a habit of mistaking drunken lust for love, and it’s gotten me where I am right now.” I said.
“It’s a mistake we all make, and one we pay for dearly. Believe me when I say, I know what you’re going through on that one.” He sipped his coffee.
“I also never thought I’d move back to Chicago, but here I am, running away from m my problems again.” I sighed.
“You had every right to want to get away from me, and I never blamed you.” He replied.
“How has your life been Bill? We’ve been talking about me for ten minutes now, but how are you?” I asked.
“Well Michelle, it hasn’t been easy. That’s for damn sure. The girl I married after you, she was a nightmare. I guess it’s Karma, because she cheated on me the whole time we were together, and ended up leaving me for someone else, ironically.” He laughed.
“Since then, I’ve been staying busy trying to keep my mind occupied.” He said.
“At least you had productive ways of coping.” I said.
“That’s not to say I didn’t go on drunken benders, because I did. Actually spent some time in rehab.” He said.
“As bad as it sounds, at least alcohol is the worst thing you did.” I said.
“I never really apologized for what I did to you, and I don’t want you to think I’m doing it now because it’s happened to me, I sincerely hated myself for hurting you, and causing you to do the things you did. I’m so sorry.” He said.
“I forgave you a long time ago. I didn’t do those things because of you, you didn’t force me to do them, I chose to, and the decisions I made afterwards were my own. You were a kid, and you made a mistake. It’s nothing to hold a grudge over.” I said.
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He replied.
“I’ve been through way too damn much to hold a grudge over it.” I said.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’ll be an amazing mother. You’ve always wanted to be a mom, and I think you’ll be great.” He smiled.
“I hope so, because I get to be mommy and daddy.” I said.
“Only for now. There’s someone out there who is going to take care of you and your little girl, the way you both deserve to be taken care of.” He smiled.
“And if that never happens, I think I’ll be fine.” I shrugged.
“I know that at this juncture, you think that it’ll never happen, and nobody can blame you for feeling that way, but I believe that it will.” He said.
“What, do you think it’s going to be you?” I asked, surprising myself.
He looked down at his coffee, smiling, “I didn’t say it was going to be me, I just think that there is someone out there who knows how to treat you. If I were you, I’d never give someone the chance to hurt me again. You’re already guarded, I can tell. But you use alcohol to cope with things I have no business snooping around in, and that impairs your judgement, temporarily letting your walls down, and getting you hurt.”
I sighed, “You hit the nail on the head.”
“Because I know you, Michelle. I’ve known you since we were seven years old.” He said.
“And you know why I choose the men I choose. You know why I am the way that I am.” I said.
“She ruined you, and I didn’t do anything to help. But you’ve broken the pattern. If you weren’t pregnant, you’d be drinking just like you always have.” he put his arm around me, and I let him.
I sniffled, wiping away tears, “I’m so tired of living like that. If anything, Bailee is saving me from myself. I won’t listen to my dad or anyone else who tries to save me, so God sent me this baby girl, because he knew that I’d do anything to keep her safe from harm, and anything to make sure that she’s taken care of above everything else. She’s going to be the responsibility that makes me grow up, finally.” I said.
“That’s good.” he says.
“I just really thought this guy was THE guy, you know? I thought he was the one I was supposed to be with, because even when we were sober, we just went together so well. Everything was going so well, and then he…” I stopped, overwhelmed.
“He almost died, because of something I knew nothing about. And rather than being happy that he was alive, I turned on him and left him. I don’t blame him for not wanting anything to do with me, I did what any shitty human would do, I left him when he needed me most.” I said.
“I don’t know what happened there, but I do know that if it’s meant to be, it will be. Maybe you two need time to decompress and think about everything.” he said.
“It’s already been over a month. I haven’t heard anything from him. And I don’t call, because he won’t answer, I already know.”
“Michelle, listen. I know what you’ve been going through. He’s never told you, but I see your dad on a weekly basis, and you’re the only thing we talk about. I knew he wasn’t happy when you met that guy, but he told me in confidence, that he believed that you actually truly loved him, and that he loved you too. I know that you almost died five months ago, and were in and out of comas for four and a half months. I know that you were home from the hospital for less than 24 hours when something happened, that brought you back here. I don’t know what happened, you dad hasn’t said, but I know that whoever that man was, he never left your side for a second, the entire time you were in that hospital.”
“He overdosed on heroin. I didn’t know he even did heroin. How am I supposed to raise a baby with a drug addict?” I asked.
“You don’t. But two former drug addicts could raise a perfectly happy and healthy child.” He said.
“It wouldn’t matter if I did want to help him get sober, he wants nothing to do with either of us.” I said.
“Not yet. Don’t give up on him, Michelle. Give him time, and I’m sure he’ll come around. I don’t think that all of that meant nothing to him.”
“You think it’s a front to hide the fact that I hurt him.” I said.
“Probably. A defense mechanism to push you away, so that you can’t hurt him anymore, just like you leaving him was to protect you from getting hurt again. You’re both afraid to let each other in, because you’ve been hurt, and you’ve hurt each other, and you’re not ready to be hurt again.”
“What if I waste my time waiting on him, and he never comes around?” I asked.
“Well, then it wasn’t meant to be after all, and the right person is still out there somewhere.” He said.
“I’m afraid of getting my hopes up and then getting hurt again, by myself.” I found myself laying my head on his shoulder.
“Life is all about taking chances. Whether they pan out or not.” he said, wiping my eye.
“I took too many chances.” I said.
“You haven’t taken enough.” William laid his head against mine.
“Should I have given you another chance instead of running away?” I asked.
“Nobody but you can answer that, Michelle.” he whispered.
I didn’t say anything.
“Should he have given you another chance instead of pushing you away?” he finally asked.
“I wouldn’t have.” I said.
“And I wouldn’t have given me another chance if I’d been in your shoes. But the choice is yours.” He said.
“I’m in no state of mind to be making choices right now.” I said.
“Then don’t.” he pressed his lips to my hair.
“Then why, even though it shouldn’t, does this feel right?” I asked.
“Hmm, it does, doesn’t it?” he whispered softly.
I looked up at him, and he looked at me, “Maybe you and I were the ones who needed a break to think things through.” I said.
“You think so?” He asks, his lips inching closer to mine.
“I’m starting to, yes.” I whispered.
I leaned closer, and so did he, “Do you want another chance?” I asked.
“More than anything in the world.” he replied, his lips brushing mine.
I kissed him, and he kissed back.
It was pure, beautiful, and real.
“Then I guess you’ve got it.” I said, breaking the kiss.
“Let me take you home before your dad sends out a search party.” he told me, helping me to my feet.
“He tends to worry more with me being pregnant and mentally fragile.” I chuckled.
We walked with his arm around my shoulders outside.
“Let me get you a cab.” he said.
“Just share one. Come with me.” I said.
He smiles, “You’re the same hopeless romantic you’ve always been.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” I asked.
“No, not necessarily.” He shrugs.
“Dad isn’t home anyway, he’s working. I was just going home to watch TV on the couch by myself like always.” I said.
“What’s he going to say when he comes home and I’m there with you?”
“Not much, seeing as how you two are chummy.” I gave him a look.
“We chat, but that doesn’t mean he likes me.”
“Right now, he likes you more than he likes my ex.” I said.
“I am your ex.” He replied.
“Were my ex. You’re not an ex anymore.” I said,
“Is that so? That fast, huh?” he asked.
“That’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Of course, I just didn’t think you’d be so open to it so quickly.”
“Rash, impulsive decisions are kind of a main character trait for me, so you shouldn’t be surprised.” I said.
He kissed me, “Well, I guess it’s never too late to pick up where we left off, on better terms and make things work.”

-Chester-
It’s been two months since Michelle left, and I haven’t been sober nor sane for a second.
I wasted my life on dope, writing pointless songs, and drinking excessively.
Television was my only company, since I’d shut everyone else out of my life.
I only left the house to get liquor and dope, and occasionally I’d get food, but mostly I locked myself behind these four walls, alone.

I grabbed the whiskey out of the fridge and headed for the couch, turning on the TV.
Mindlessly, I played with Michelle’s engagement ring, that hung on a chain around my neck.
The TV droned on in the background, while I stared at the floor.
Hearing her name pulled me from my daze, directing my attention to the screen.
“Actress Michelle Kennedy has resurfaced after almost a year of hide and seek and radio silence, back in her hometown of Chicago, Illinois, looking very happy and healed on the arm of ex-beau William Roberts, sporting what looks to be a baby bump! Sources say, after a short-lived whirlwind romance during her stay in Los Angeles, Michelle returned home to Chicago, heart-broken and pregnant, the identity of the baby’s father remains unknown, but after a month of hiding out with her father, she met up with her ex-fiance, and they say that it was like no time had passed, and the past itself hadn’t happened at all, they claim to be very happy and in love with one another again. Michelle struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction after the very dirty, public break-up, eventually disappearing to California, where she was unheard of until getting into a car accident five months ago. After a series of injuries, and being in a coma, she fell off the radar once again, four months ago, only to reappear last week at a cafe with Roberts, the two smiling and laughing while sipping hot chocolate.
Me as well as everyone else, are curious to know the identity of the mystery man back in California. Where’s the baby’s daddy? Why aren’t they together? Is William going to adopt and raise this child as his own, alongside his three year old daughter Emily? We’ll have more on the story as it develops.”

I was angry, heartbroken, and numb, all at once.
Without a second thought, I picked the phone up and dialed her number.
It rang three times, then a drowsy, “Hello?”
I opened my mouth to speak, and then quickly hung up, once realization took over.
I threw the phone, shattering the mirror on the wall, and flipped the coffee table over, shattering the glass top.
I sank to my knees in the middle of the glass and splintered wood, and sobbed.
I’d had her, but I’d pushed her away, and now I’d lost her forever.
The phone rang, in the middle of the broken glass.
I looked over, debating on answering it.
Finally, I grabbed it, “Hello.” I said.
“I knew it was you.” Her voice sent a chill down my spine, and my heart skipped a beat.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“You called me a few minutes ago.” She said.
“No, I didn’t.”
“Your phone number is still in my phone, when you called me your picture came up on the screen. I knew it was you.” she said.
“It was an accident. I was trying to call someone else.” I said.
“Two months of nothing but silence, and you call me by misdial. That’s going to be how it is?” She asked.
“There’s a reason I haven’t spoken to you. From what I’ve seen you’re not too worried about me anymore anyway.” I said coldly.
“Since when do you of all people, believe the bogus shit that the paparazzi, and reporters come up with? If you want to know what’s going on in my life, why didn’t you just call me, intentionally, and ask me yourself?” She asked.
“Because until today, I didn’t think I cared. Hearing that made me realize that I do care, and that I made a huge mistake by pushing you away and making you to think that I hated you. I don’t. I never did, and I never will. I just didn’t want you to know how hurt I was.” I said.
“I only left because I didn’t want you to know how hurt and scared I was to lose you to your addiction.” I said.
“Not that it matters, you’re with him now.” I said.
“Again, don’t believe everything you hear on the news. We tried dating for a week, but I was so sick over you, and worried about you, that we both decided that it wasn’t meant to be, and that we’d be better off as friends. He’s been telling me for a month to call you, but I haven’t found the guts to do it.” I said.
“So, you’re not dating William again?” I asked.
She laughed, “No. We tried, but he could tell that all I wanted was you.”
“Are you enjoying being back in Chicago?” he asked.
“It’s been great being home. I’ve always loved this city, and all my best childhood memories are here.” She said.
“There’s no place like home.” I said.
“Coming from someone who hasn’t been to Phoenix in almost a decade.” She laughed.
“Now Michelle, I have my reasons, just like before now, you hadn’t been to Chicago in three years.” I said.
“Touche.” She replied.
“How’s your dad?” I asked.
“He’s doing great. Working all the time like always.” I said.
“Glad you’re home?” I asked.
“He’s glad to have me close again, but he hates the fact that I’ve been so down and depressed. You’re never going to believe it, but he told William that he thinks you might actually love me, and that I needed you.” She said.
“You’re right, I don’t believe it.” I chuckled.
“How have YOU been, Chester?” she asked.
I debated on whether or not I should lie, because she’d probably know if I were lying.
“Not well, honestly.”
“You’ve gotten worse, haven’t you?” she asked, quietly.
“I haven’t gotten any better.” I whispered.
“Baby,” she sighed.
“I haven’t really even tried to get better, I haven’t had a reason.” I said.
“Do you need a reason?” She asked.
“I need MY reason. Both of them.” I said.
“You’re never going to come out and ask me, so I’m going to offer. Do you want me to come back?” She asked.
“Of course I do, but I don’t want you to come back if you don’t want to.” I said.
“I didn’t exactly want to go in the first place, I just felt like I didn’t have any reason to stay in California.” She said.
“I understand. And I didn’t exactly make you feel welcome.” I said.
“Well, it was difficult thinking that you didn’t want me, so I felt I had no other choice.” She said.
“What if I came to you?” I asked.
“You mean you fly out to Chicago?” She asked.
“Yeah. Just for the two of us to get a feel for this before we decided to try this again. I know we both want it, but I don’t want to just rush back into it.” I said.
“You’re right. But it would be nice to see you again.” She said.
“How’s Bailee?” I asked.
“She’s great. Growing perfectly, still sucking her thumb in every ultrasound photo, and kicking all the time.” She said.
“How are YOU feeling?” I asked, staring at the floor.
“I’m exhausted all the time, and I pee every ten minutes like clockwork, I’m fat and I can’t see my feet, but I know that they hurt all the time. You know, despite the fact that it’s like 20 degrees outside in the mornings, I go get coffee in flip flops, because I literally can’t reach my feet to put on my shoes anymore. It’s terrible.” She said.
“You seriously walk around in flip-flops in freezing weather?” I laughed.
“I don’t have much of a choice. I keep saying I’m going to buy a pair of slippers, but I also have pregnancy brain, which is easily distracted by deep-dish pizza and donuts.” she laughed.
“Sounds like Chicago isn’t so bad.” I replied.
“It’s really great, but honestly, I miss California. The warm weather, the gorgeous beaches, and all my friends, and most importantly, you.” She said.
“Believe me, California misses you too.” I said.
“I told dad I wanted to go ice skating, but he told me no. I do spend a lot of time in the studio I grew up in. I started going to work with dad so that I wasn’t bored at home.” She said.
“I wouldn’t have expected you to be anywhere else.” I laughed.
“Mostly, I spend my time on the couch or in bed watching TV, eating donuts and pizza.” she said.
“Whatever contents you, love.” I said.
“More like whatever contents Bailee.” She said.
“What is she doing right now?” I asked.
“I think she’s sleeping because she’s still. But I’m also laying on the bed, once I get up she’ll get mad and start kicking.”
“She sounds like her mother.” I joked.
“Just tells me she’s going to be a fun newborn.” She said.
“Do you think you’re ready? For her to be here, I mean.” I asked.
“No. I want her to be here, but I’m still worried about being a mom.” She said.
“I know how you feel. I still don’t think I’m ready.” I said.
“Given that she’s even actually your daughter.” She said quietly.
“Hey, now. I never thought she wasn’t. I just said that because I was upset.” I said.
“That probably hurt more than you saying that you didn’t love me. Because we both know this baby is yours, there was never a sliver of doubt in either of our minds, and for you to say that, it really did break my heart.” She said.
“I know. And I’m sorry for that. I didn’t really want to hurt you. And I didn’t want to hurt Bailee.” I whispered.
“Hurting me hurts her.” She replied.
“I know, I’m a selfish asshole, and I’m sorry.” I said.
“Look, I have to go, it’s late here, but I’ll call you tomorrow.” She said quickly.
“Oh yeah, sure. Just call me tomorrow then.” I said.
“I will. Goodnight.” She said, hanging up.

I looked at the clock.
It was eleven o’clock here, meaning it was 1am in Chicago.
She stayed exhausted, and needed to sleep when she could.
I tried not to think too much into it, looking around at the shattered glass surrounding me.
I started to clean it up, but decided to go to bed.

-Michelle-
I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to believe Chester, let alone go back to him yet.
I had Bailee to think about, and if he wasn’t going to get serious about getting sober, I couldn’t let him back into my life, or the baby’s.
I turned off the lamp, and pulled the blanket up to my chin, trying to ignore the the fact the Bailee was somersaulting.
I wiped the tears off my face, and sniffled for over an hour, before I fell asleep.

“Mickey, you coming along today?” Dad asked.
I raised my head and looked at him, then the clock, “Not today dad, I’m not feeling too well.” I replied rolling over.
“You need me to hang around?” He asked.
“No, I’ll be okay. I’m just tired and my back hurts.” I replied.
“Call me if you need anything, okay?” He asked.
“I will dad. See you tonight.” I pulled the blanket over my head and yawned.
“Bye Mick.” He closed the door.

I fell back asleep for about ten minutes before my phone rang.
“Hello?” I asked groggily.
“Hey Mickey!” Chauntelle said.
“Morning Chaun. What’s with the call at the ass crack of dawn?” I asked.
“You haven’t called me in a week and I wanted to make sure you were still alive.” She said.
“Dad would’ve told you if I’d died.” I chuckled.
“Are you sure? Because I think he’d be so wrought with grief he’d forget to call anyone.” She said.
“I doubt that.”
“Anywho, how’s my niece?” She asked.
“Kicking the hell out of my ribs.” I answered flatly.
“So she’s doing good?” She asked, laughing.
“Yeah, healthy as can be.” I said.
“So, how are YOU?” She asked.
“I am exhausted and in pain, I’m starving, and I have to pee, but getting up is too much trouble at this point, so I’ll hold it until I’m about to burst, and then I’ll have to jump out of bed and run.” I said.
“You’re such a drama queen.” She sighed.
“Coming from someone who’s never been pregnant.” I replied.
“Hey, you know what causes it. You did it to yourself.” She laughed.
“Not true. I didn’t make this baby alone.” I replied.
“Well, that’s true. You’re going through this pregnancy alone though.” She said.
“That was my choice.” I replied.
“Have you heard from him at all?” She asked.
“He called me last night.” I said.
“He did?!” She asked.
“Yeah, He said it was an accident, but I didn’t believe him. We ended up talking on the phone for about an hour.” I said.
“About?” She asked.
“Well, nosey Josie. We discussed our daughter, and getting back together.” I said.
“Are you getting back together?” She asked.
I rolled my eyes, “Not at the moment, no. We talked about him coming out here so we could talk more in person, and see if this is even what we both want.” I sat up in bed.
“He’s coming to Chicago?” She asked.
“Not at the moment. We only discussed it.” I sighed.
“Why are you doing that? You have been miserable without him, and your daughter needs her daddy.” She said.
“Because Chaun, he’s still strung out, and he hurt me by what he did. Bai needs her dad, but she doesn’t need an addict for a dad. He has to understand that play time is over, we’ve got a living, breathing baby girl coming, and we’ve got to be able to look after and take care of her.” I said.
“Oh come on, if you went back to him, he’d get sober and be a great dad. You two could get married and continue your life together.” She said.
“And if he relapses and dies, I’ll have to explain that to Bailee. And I’ll be alone again.” I said.
“You worry too much.” She said.
“About my daughter being exposed to the same shit that ruined me? Yeah, I do worry too much. But I’m not letting anything happen to her.” I said, hanging up.

I got up and went to the bathroom.
In the bedroom, I heard my phone ring again, probably Chauntelle calling to yell at me for hanging up on her.
I washed my hands and headed to the kitchen to get something to drink.
My phone stopped ringing, and then started again, immediately.
I took my orange juice and went back to my room, picking up my phone.
It wasn’t Chauntelle, it was Chester.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Good morning.” He said.
“Hi.” I said.
“How are you this morning?” He asked.
“I’m tired. Same as always.”
“Bailee giving you a hard time?” He asks.
“She’s just running out of room, and doesn’t hesitate to remind me.” I said.
“Well, you’re down to four months left.”
“Yeah, and I have a feeling that it’s not going to go by quickly.” I sighed.
“I’m sorry I did this to you.”
“I don’t regret it, I love her, I’m just over being pregnant already.” I reassured him.
“Well, I’m sorry you’re going through it alone.” He said.
“I chose that too.” I said.
“I didn’t make the choice easy.” He said.
“Can I call you back later? I’m so tired I can’t keep my eyes open, and Bailee is still, so I’m gonna try to get some sleep while I can.” I said.
“Oh yeah, sure of course. Just um, call me later or something.” He said.
“Thanks Chester. I’ll call you later.” I hung up.

I downed my juice, and climbed back in bed, pulling the blanket over my head.

When I woke up, dad was knocking on my door.
“Mickey? You okay in there?” He asked.
“I’m fine dad, just sleeping while the baby is still.” I called back.
“Well, I brought you lunch, are you hungry?” He asked.
“I could eat.” I said kicking the blanket off.
“Good, come on out and let’s eat then.”
I yawned and stretched, climbing out of bed and going to the kitchen.
“Brought burgers from your favorite diner.” he handed me the grease-soaked bag.
“That’s why you’re the best daddy.” I smiled.
“Your sister called me, said you were cranky this morning.” he sat across from me.
“I’m exhausted dad, and she’s trying to talk me into going back to Chester. I want to, but I’m not doing it until he gets clean. I’m not making the same mistake by exposing my daughter to the same shit that ruined my life.” I bit into the burger.
“I know honey, and that’s very smart on your part, but you also have to think about what’s right for your daughter. She’s going to need her dad. Little girls always need their daddy, no matter how big and grown they get.” he winked at me with a smile.
“I know, but I want him to be clean and sober, she needs two sober, happy parents, not a struggling mother, and a heroin addict father.” I said.
“Mickey mouse. Give him a chance. I think he deserves at least one more.”
“Dad, since when are you on his side? You don’t even like him.” I said.
“I didn’t, until I realized how much you loved him, really loved him, and all I want is for you to be happy, and besides, it’s not just about you anymore, honey, you have to think about that baby girl.” he said.
I sighed, “I do love him, and I want Bailee to have the best life possible, but that’s not even possible if he’s addicted to that shit.” I said.
“I agree with Chauntelle, he’ll get clean if it means getting his family back.” He said.
“Will he stay sober?” I asked.
“That depends how much he wants to be with you and raise your daughter.” he shrugged.
“I suppose that’s true.” I said.
“Just give him another chance, dear. He’ll do anything necessary to keep you.” He said.
“I guess I can call him and arrange a meeting, that way we can at least talk face to face about it.” I said.
“That’s my little girl. You’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for.” he smiled.
“I’ll call him tonight. I still have a nap to finish.” I said.
“Of course Mickey.” he said.

After lunch, dad had a meeting to get to, and I laid back down to sleep.
When I woke up again, someone was knocking on the front door.
I stumbled out of bed, down the hall, and opened the front door.
As soon as I opened the door, I gasped.
“M-M-Mom?”
She smiled, “Oh darling, look at you. You’re so beautiful.”
“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked.
“I heard my baby was home, and I wanted to see you.” she said.
“Why would you want to see me? You hate me. You always have.” I said.
“No, I never did. I acted like I did, because I was tired, and the idea of raising six kids scared me. I’ve done a lot of soul searching, and I wanted to come see you face-to-face and apologize for everything I did to you.”
“Mother, I don’t need an apology from you. I don’t need anything from you. I’m trying to navigate through this lovely situation I’ve landed myself in, and I definitely don’t need your help in doing so.” I started to close the door in her face, but she stopped it,
“Michelle, I know you hate me, and you really should. The things I put you through, are unforgivable, but I’m asking you to find it in your heart to forgive me anyway. Because I know, that like your father Jack, you have a forgiving heart, despite everything.”
I heard my phone ringing in the kitchen, and sighed.
“Marie,” I used her first name so she knew how I felt, “I forgave you a long time ago. But all these years later, I’m still dealing with the after effects and consequences of all that happened to me in the past, not to mention the added stress of being pregnant and dealing with other problems I’ve got going on. I don’t have the time or strength to deal with this right now.” I turned and grabbed my phone, answering it.
“Hello?” I asked, ignoring the fact that my mother was still standing in the doorway.
“Hey love.” Chester’s voice immediately relaxed me.
“Hi honey.” I said.
“You alright?” he asked, noting the tone of my voice.
“I’m dealing with an unwanted visitor at the moment.” I glanced over my shoulder, where she was still watching.
“Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” he said.
“You’re saving me if anything.” I walked into the living room, “It’s my mom, Chester. She’s here, asking me to forgive her. I don’t know what to do.” I said.
“Your actual mother?! Where did she get the gall to ask your forgiveness?” he asked.
“I don’t know, but she won’t leave and I feel like I’m gonna cry.”
“Call your dad, he’ll come home. Call William. Call someone, I don’t want you alone with her. If I could I’d rush over and take care of you.” He said.
“Dad’s in an important business meeting, and William is in Barrington visiting his parents.” I said, sitting on the couch.
“Then just tell her to leave or you’re calling the authorities.” he said.
I looked over my shoulder, and my mother was gone.
“She left.” I sighed.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, that was just the last person I expected to see.”
“No doubt. How did she even know where you were?” he asked.
“Because this is the same apartment we grew up in. She knew that dad still lived here, and that if I was in Chicago, this is where I’d be.” I said.
“Do you think she’ll come back?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I know she won’t come if dad is here.” I said.
“When is your dad there?” He asked.
“In the evenings, mostly. He leaves before daylight and comes home after it gets dark.” I looked out the window.
“Maybe I need to leave Chicago.” I sighed.
“And go where?” he asked.
“I’ll probably go stay with Angelo and Bethany.” I replied.
“In London?! As in London, England?!” he asked.
“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to go visit them, and maybe leaving the country for awhile is what’s best for me.” I said.
“That’s across the ocean.” he pointed out.
“I know, but it’s somewhere different. Mom can’t get me there.” I told him.

Just then, my dad walked in.
“Hey Mickey.” he smiled.
“Hey dad.” I replied.
“I gotta talk to my dad, can I call you later?” I asked.
“Sure. Let me know what you decide.” he said.

I hung up with Chester, and went into the kitchen, “Dad, someone stopped by today.” I sat at the table.
“Oh yeah? Who?” he asked.
I paused, reconsidering telling him.
“Mom.” I finally whispered.
He stopped unpacking the grocery bag, and looked up at me.
“Marie?” he asked.
I nodded slowly, “She came to apologize, and ask my forgiveness.” I looked up at him.
“And what did you say?” he asked.
“I refused to forgive her, and told her to leave.” I said.
“Where does she get off thinking she can just come here, and thinking that you’d ever forgive her for what she did, how dare her.” he started slamming cabinets.
“I’m leaving Chicago, dad. I don’t want her to be able to find me again. I don’t want to see her, but I know that she won’t stop trying. I’m going to London to stay with Ang and Beth.” I said.
“Michelle, are you sure? What about the baby? Chester?” he asked.
“Me and the baby will be fine. And though I’ve thought about it, I’m not ready to take Chester back yet. He’s still got a lot of growing up to do before he becomes a dad. If I had the baby in London, she’d have dual citizenship. It’s for the best dad.” I said.
“Michelle, I understand your thinking, but that’s still overseas. That’s a long way to take Bai from her daddy.” He said.
“Dad, I can’t deal with everything here. Me and Chester, Mom showing up, I can’t do it. I don’t need to do it.” I sighed.
“Sweetheart, a couple of months ago, you had more faith in that man than you did your own dad, you loved him, you still love him, you’re just hurt, angry, and distraught, because that’s all you’ve ever been, and it’s all you know. Try some new emotions, like happiness, comfort, peace. He hid this from you to protect you, because he knew that you were in recovery, and he didn’t want to risk pulling you back into the addiction that caused you so much trouble. He did what he did to protect you. He didn’t want you to know that he had a problem, because he was scared you’d run from him and the problem. All he’s ever wanted is for you to love him and support him, help him, but he couldn’t admit he had a problem, yet. I think that if you went home to him, he’d come to terms with his addiction, and get sober for you and Bailee. You just have to give him the chance to prove himself to you. Let him do this, because he loves you and it’s what’s best for both of you.” he said.
I sniffled, “If this doesn’t work out, I get to blame you.” I said.
Dad laughed, “We’ll both be to blame. About 50/50.”
I chuckled and rolled my eyes, “I’m going to call my fiance.” I stood.
“You do that, Mickey. I gotta get to bed, I’ve got to fly out to Vienna in the morning for work.” He got up from the table.
“Would you be mad if you came home and I wasn’t here?” I asked.
He smiled, leaning against the counter, “Michelle, I realize now that I’ve been trying too hard to control you and protect you, and you were right in saying that it was too late for that. It’s time for you to live your life, and I’m going to let you. You’re not a kid anymore, hell, you’re having a kid, and I’ve got to let you take care of yourself and your daughter. I’m proud of you. And to answer your question, I will be mad if I come home and you’re still here. You need to go home to him, and pick up your life. Help him. Give him what you didn’t have when you got sober. Give him a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on and a heart to call home. Give him the wife he’s waiting for. Because at the end of the day, you were born to be that wife. Now, call him, I’m going to bed.” he walked down the hall and closed his bedroom door.
“You’re a wise old man, but you’re also a wise ass!” I yelled after him.
“Who do you think taught you everything you know about sarcasm, honey?” He called back.
“Ingrid Wendelsohn.” I replied laughing.
“Was that the nanny we had when you were six?” he asked, cracking the door.
“The one that Angelo and Chris had a crush on? Yes.”
“She didn’t speak english, Michelle.” He gave me a look.
A smug grin stretched across my face, “You’re losing your touch, old man.”
He laughed, “Goodnight, my smart-ass daughter.” he closed the door.

I went into the living room and sat on the couch, dialing Chester’s number.
“Hello?” Mike answered.
“Mike, why are you answering Chester’s phone?” I asked.
“I came to check on him, and he was passed out in bed. I woke him up and now he’s in the shower.” He said.
“Oh, so he’s okay?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, he’s fine. Just a day in the life of a heroin addict.” He sighed.
“I remember.” I replied.
“So, how are you? How’s Bailee?” he asked.
“I’m great, she’s great, we’re all doing great here.” I said.
“That’s good.”
“Look, just have him call me when he can. I have to talk to him.” I said.
“I will, take care of yourself.” he said.
“Thanks, you too.”
I hung up and sighed, momentarily wanting to give up on him again.
I decided to just go to bed and get some sleep while Bailee was still.
So, I shut off all the lights, locked the door and went to my room, closing the door and climbing into the bed.

My phone rang, rousing me from my sleep.
“Hello?” I muttered, turning the lamp on.
“Hey baby.” he said.
“Hey.” I sat up, rubbing my eyes.
“Mike told me you called, but I was in no shape to talk on the phone, especially with you, I’m sorry. Were you sleeping?” he asked.
“Yeah, I was trying to get some sleep while Bailee was still.” I replied.
“I’m sorry, I can call back in the morning.” he said.
I opened one eye and peered at the clock, “Baby, it’s 3:30 am. It IS the morning. What’s up?” I asked.
“You called me, so, what’s up?” he asked.
“I wanted to tell you that I’ve made a decision.” I said.
“Oh,” his voice faltered.
“I’m packing my stuff, and I’m coming home, to you.” I said.
“Oh! Baby, are you serious?!” he perked back up.
“Yes, on the condition that you get some help, getting clean. We can’t raise this baby if you’re addicted to heroin.” I said.
“Of course, anything for you and Bailee.” He agreed.
“Okay, well, I’m going back to bed now, I’ll be packing up and headed to the airport at some point today, I’ll call you before I board the plane.” I said.
“Okay babe, I love you.” he sounded happy again, like the man I met at the party.
I smiled, “I love you too.”
I went back to sleep smiling from ear to ear.