Breaking the Habit

I walked back down the stairs just as Chester walked through the door.
“Where have you been?” He asked, smiling.
“Sharing the good news with my sister, of course.” I kissed him.
“How did Chauntelle take it?” he asked, starting to lug our stuff up the stairs.
“Like I expected, she screamed and freaked out. She said that she was so happy for us.” I picked up some bags, and helped him carry them upstairs.
“Is she going to tell your dad?” he asked.
“No. She knows that I don’t want him in my life, and she respects that. But she said that her and Chris would be at the wedding.” I replied.
“Good, I want them there.” he set our stuff down by the foot of the bed.
“When I told Chauntelle that I had big news to share, she freaked out and asked if I was pregnant.” I laughed.
He laughed a little, “Well, I mean, it’s possible.” he shrugs.
I nodded, still smiling, “I know. But I’m not afraid of the idea anymore. If I’m having a baby with you, I know everything will be alright. We’ll both be loved.” I shrugged.
“You’re really okay with it?” he asked.
“Yes. As a matter of fact, I’m hoping for it.”
“Well, don’t be disappointed if it doesn’t happen, but we’ll have plenty of time to start trying to have a family after we get married next month.” he said.
“I know.” I laid back on the bed.

He laid next to me, putting his arm around me, “Babe, what if you’re pregnant? Do you really think we could handle it?” he whispered.
“I don’t know, honestly. But knowing us, we’d do whatever we had to do to make sure our child was safe and taken care of.” I stared at the ceiling.
“You’re so confident, but unsure. How do you do that?” he asked.
“Because, with you I don’t have to be afraid of anything. I don’t have to worry about the next day, or even the next hour, because I know that you’ll still be there, no matter what. I’m free of fear and loneliness.” I said.
“Because you have nothing to fear, anymore.” he whispers, kissing my face.
“I can’t believe it’s finally going to happen, I’m finally getting married, and to someone that I know loves me.”

He started to say something, but my phone rang.
“Hello?” I asked.
“Congratulations.” Chris said.
“Thanks Chris.”
“Dad’s out looking for you, you know.”
“I know. In less than 24 hours, I’ll be far away from here, and out of his reach. If I can stay hidden until then, I’ll be okay.”
“If you need us, just call. We’ll be there to back you up.” he told me.
“I know. I appreciate that, Chris.”
“Gabi told him that you’re probably pregnant by Chester, and he lost his mind. He came to us first, asking where you were, but we told him the truth, that we didn’t know where you were. That pissed him off more, and he left in a huff.”
“This is the only way to make him let me go. I have to run, and show him that I’m serious. Imagine how pissed he’ll be when I get married.” I laughed.
“He is going to go on a war path, but he’ll get over it. It is your life.” Chris laughed.
“I’m glad I still have you and Chaun, at least.” I said.
“You’ve always had us, and you always will.”
“I gotta go, we’re hanging out with our friends, and I don’t want to be rude.” I said.
“I don’t want to keep you. Just call me when you have time.”

I got off the phone, and Chester attacked me, kissing me hard.
“Babe, come on, not here.” I giggled.
“We have to celebrate our engagement somehow.” He plays with the hem of my shirt.
“Later tonight, when everyone’s sleeping, but we have to keep it down.” I agreed.
“Why? You already know they’re expecting us to do it.” he laughs.
“Just because they’re expecting it, doesn’t mean the want to hear it. This isn’t our house, we can’t do that to them.”
“Okay baby, later tonight then. You wanna go back downstairs?” he asked.
“Yeah, I have a glass of wine waiting for me.” I sat up.
“What? You’re drinking?” he asked.
“Just a couple of glasses of white wine. To celebrate the engagement.” I stood up and smoothed my hair down.
“Baby, I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” he sits up.
“Chester, two glasses of wine isn’t going to do anything for me. I’ll be fine. We just got engaged, and I’m celebrating. Like they say, when in Rome.” I shrugged.
“Michelle, don’t do this to yourself. It always starts out with good intentions, promises of just a couple of drinks, and turns into what happened the other night.” he put his hands on my face.
“What was so bad about that? I met you, and I haven’t been this happy in ages.”
“Listen to me. You couldn’t stand upright on your own, you couldn’t form a full sentence, and the next day you didn’t remember any of it. You had no idea who I was, or how you’d gotten to my house. By the time you passed out, you’d thrown up at least a dozen times.”
“I told you why I got out of control that night.”
“I’m saying that it can’t happen again. You’re doing better. Prove to everyone that you’re not that girl anymore.”
“It’s wine. I know when to stop.” I pulled away from him, and went downstairs.

I picked up my glass and tipped it back, downing all of it.
I poured another, filling it up more than the last, and returned to the living room, sitting next to Kayla on the couch.
“Everything okay?” She asked.
I took a gulp, and nodded, “Yeah, everything’s fine.”
“Take’er easy on the wine, Michelle.” Mike said.
“I got this, Mike.” I nodded.
I finished that glass and was pouring another when Chester finally came back down stairs.
“Sorry gang, I needed a shower.” he greeted them with a smile.
When he spotted me, his smile vanished instantly.
“How many have you had?” He asked, in a hushed tone.
“This is my second full glass, but I had a half of glass before you got here.” I said.
“That’s enough, babe.” He said sternly.
“I think you know how I take to being ordered around. Stop sounding like my dad. That’s why he isn’t in my life anymore.” I snapped.
“Michelle, I don’t want to see you go too far.” he pleaded.
“This will be my last one.” I turned and walked away from him.
“It had better be.” He muttered.
I turned around, “What did you say?”
“I said that had better be your last glass.” He repeated, angrily.
“And if it’s not? What are you going to do?” I asked, setting my glass on the counter.
“I’m going to cut you off, because you’re not doing this to yourself anymore.” He replied.
“I’m a grown woman, I can drink however much I want to.” I argued.
“Not when you’re a recovering alcoholic.” He rebuked, his voice rising slightly.
“I know my limit.”
“Ha, spoken like a true alcoholic.” Chester leaned against the countertop.
“I’ll be fine. Stop micromanaging me.”
“Someone has to.” He said.
“I am not a child, so stop treating me like one!” I yelled.
“Maybe if you didn’t act like one, you wouldn’t be treated like one!” His words rang with familiarity, stinging.
“You’re not my father so stop acting like him!” I shoved him.
“Maybe now I see why he acts the way he does!” He shoved me back.
“Because He never let me grow up, that’s why.” I replied.
“I wouldn’t want my daughter growing up to be a drunk whore either.” He glared.
Before I could think twice, I slapped him hard across the face.
“Fuck you!” I screamed.
“You already did, hence why you’re a drunk whore.”
“Guys that’s enough.” Mike was trying to neutralize the situation.
“I’d have to be a drunk to sleep with you.” I was going for blood, and deep.
He slapped me hard across the face, sending me crashing to the floor.
“STOP!” Mike yelled, stepping between us.
He helped me up off the floor.
“You two need to get away from each other for awhile. Kayla, take Michelle up to our room.” Mike said.
Kayla led me upstairs, where she helped me wash my face and cringed at the handprint on my cheek.
“I’ve never known him to act like that.” She whispered, braiding my hair.
“I have that effect on people I guess.” I replied.
“You didn’t mean what you said to him, did you?” She asked quietly.
“No, I was just angry. I’m going to apologize to him.” I whispered.
“He didn’t mean what he said either, he loves you and I know it.” She dabbed my face with a cool washcloth.
“He might have. Even if he didn’t, it’s still true. I was well known for getting wasted and going home with whoever could hold me up.”
“Well, that’s not you anymore.” She shrugged.
“I don’t know who I am anymore, Kayla.” I sighed.

I heard footsteps on the stairs, and Mike came into the room.
“How’s she doing?” He asked.
Kayla didn’t say anything.
I looked at him, and he sighed, “That’s one hell of a handprint. Worse than the one you gave him.” He sat on the bed.
“He loves you. He feels bad for what he said, and for hitting you.” Mike said.
“I feel bad too, but he shouldn’t, because he was telling the truth.” I sniffled.
“I don’t think that’s true. I think it might have been, at one time, but that you’re not that person anymore.”
“I think I’ll go talk to Chester.” Kayla got up and left, closing the door behind her.
“I was that girl. And I don’t want to be anymore, but he pushed me. I was going to stop at two glasses, but he pissed me off, and I drank more to spite him. That’s the only way I know how to get even, spite.” I wiped my eyes.
“Maybe instead of getting even, you should try relenting.” He shrugged.
“That’s not in my nature, Mike.”
He laughed and put his arm around me, “Just try it.”
I smiled at him, staring at him for a moment.
When I realized I wanted to kiss him, I moved away, “I should probably go downstairs and check on him.” I whispered, standing.
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He replied, looking down.
I realized that he wanted to kiss me too.
He looked up at me and smiled.
I smiled back, but turned and walked out of the room.
I couldn’t believe myself.
I couldn’t believe that I’d considered kissing my fiancé’s best friend.
Things between us were rough at the moment, but not that bad.
I scolded myself for even thinking about it, as I walked down the stairs.
He met me in the entryway, “I am so sorry babe.” He hugged me.
“No, I’M sorry baby. I never should have said what I did. I didn’t mean it.” I told him.
“I didn’t mean what I said either.” He whispered, holding me tight.
He let me go and looked at my face, “My god, I’m so sorry.” He said.
He kissed me, “Please don’t leave me, I’m so sorry.”
“Babe, I’m not going to leave you. I don’t want to, and I have no place else to go. It was my fault anyway.” I told him.
He hugged me again.
Over his shoulder, Mike was coming down the stairs.
Our eyes met, and he smiled at me again.

Chester and I went back upstairs together, hand in hand.
He locked the door behind me and sat next to me on the bed, “Do you still want to marry me?” He asked.
“Yes of course.” I smiled.
“Will you let me apologize to you?” He leaned in to kiss me, his fingers crawling up my leg, under my shorts.
I leaned in and kissed him, pulling him down on top of me.

Someone knocked on the door.
I pulled the blanket up to my chest, and Chester pulled his underwear on.
“What’s up?” He cracked the door.
“Kayla wanted me to tell you guys that we’re going out for dinner. We’re leaving in about an hour.” Mike said.
“We’re just finishing up, be down in twenty.” Chester told him.
I pulled the blanket up to my chin.
“Okay. Use a rubber. You’re not daddy material.” Mike joked.
I smiled to myself, “Daddy, come back to bed.” I called, winking at Chester.
He laughed, and I heard Mike say, “Wow, um, okay. I’ll see you downstairs.”

Chester closed the door and laughed, “You’re terrible.”
I flipped the blanket back, “We have time for one more round, get over here.” I beckoned him with my finger.

We walked down the stairs, me smoothing my dress down, and Chester’s arm around my waist.
“Bout time you two joined us, christ.” Brad joked.
“Our playdate ran a little late, sorry.” I shrugged with a smile.
They all looked at each other and smiled.
“Let’s go, before I have to find out anything else I don’t want to know about you two.” Mike shook his head.

Hand in hand, we approached the building, walking just behind everyone else.
“You look gorgeous tonight, babe.” Chester whispers, kissing me softly on my cheek.
“Thank you. It is our first public outing as a couple, thought I’d make a good first impression.” I shrugged.
“That’s an understatement, considering you’re a knock-out who looks good in anything she wears.” he smiled.
“You’re sucking up, now.” I walked through the door.
“No, I’m complimenting my beautiful woman.” he puts his hand on my hip, smiling.
“So, I want to talk about the wedding.” I sat next to him at the table.
“What do you want to talk about?” he asks.
“Where should we have it?” I asked, sipping the glass of champagne placed before me.
He chose to ignore the fact that I’m drinking, and shrugs, “I hadn’t thought about it, where do you think we should have it?” he asked.
“Somewhere memorable. I’m only getting married once, so I want it to be memorable.” I said.
“What about the beach in San Diego? I remember you saying it was one of your favorite places on earth.”
I smiled, “You do listen to me.”
He kissed me, “Of course I do, honey. Your voice is one of the most beautiful sounds I’ve ever heard in my life. You’ve never noticed, but I kind of hang on every word you say, because I’d give anything to be near you. I’m in love with you. Not your body, not the idea of you, You. Your presence, your smile, your eyes, your voice, you.”
I laid my head on his shoulder, “San Diego is perfect.” I whispered.
“I don’t know what I would ever do if I lost you.” he kissed my hair.
“You’ll never have to worry about it, because I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, ever.” I kissed his lips.

After dinner, Chester and I took a drive down to the beach, to make a decision on the wedding venue.
We walked across the beach, hand in hand, while the waves licked at our feet, leaving two sets of footprints in the sand.
We stopped and looked out at the moon over the water.
“This is gorgeous. The perfect place for my wedding to the perfect woman.” he whispered, kissing me.
“What about our honeymoon?” I asked, drawing in the sand with my toes.
“Wherever in the world you want to go, baby.” he whispered.
“As long as I’m with you, anywhere is perfect.”
I heard rumbling in the distance, and looked out to the ocean, where clouds had started to gather.
“We should get back, looks like a storm is building, we don’t want to be water front when it hits.” I said.
“We have a few minutes, let’s watch it build.” he whispered.
We sat on the damp sand, watching the dark clouds building, the thunderclaps getting louder and more frequent.
When the wind blew cold, I knew it was time to go.
“It’s getting closer now, we need to get off the beach.” I stood up.
We walked back up the beach and up the pier, where the car was parked, just as the rain started to fall.

By the time we’d gotten back to the highway, the storm had moved in, and the rain was heavy, lightening and thunder ringing out around us.
“Don’t drive too fast.” I squeezed his hand.
“Baby, relax.” he chuckles.
“I just know how the roads around here can get in the rain.” I said.
The wind was picking up now, the rain was getting heavier.
“We’re almost there, baby.” He told me, sensing my worry.
“I know.” I whispered, smiling.

Once we were closer to Mike’s house, the tension eased, and I relaxed.
We came to a green light, and Chester slowed down, in case it turned red, but it didn’t.
I heard a semi-truck horn, I heard tires squeal the water, and the last thing I remember before the world went dark, was Chester slamming on the breaks, his right arm stretched across my chest, and the sound of shattering glass and metal on metal grinding loudly.

-Chester-
I opened my eyes, and I was upside down, dangling in the air, held in place by my seatbelt.
Frantic, I looked around.
Michelle was unconscious beside me, bloody and badly injured.
“MICHELLE!” I cried.
She didn’t move.
I tried to feel her neck for a pulse, but I was in agonizing pain everywhere.
“Michelle, wake up. I’m here, I’m with you, it’s okay.” I felt tears on my face, and a lump in my throat.
“You’re gonna be fine baby.” I sobbed, looking over at her.
I couldn’t even tell if she was breathing or not.
“HELP” PLEASE HELP US!” I yelled.
I smelled gasoline, and fear took a hold on my gut with an iron fist.
“Michelle, wake up. Baby, wake up. You’re okay.” I kept saying over and over.
Aside from my own sobbing, all I could hear was the rain hitting the pavement around us, the thunder above us, and my heart beating in my ears.
Soon I heard sirens in the distance, but I only felt slightly better.
If Michelle was dead, me surviving this tragedy wasn’t going to mean much.

The first thing they did was shine light into the car, “Sir? Ma’am?”
I felt more tears, “She’s not going to answer you.” I bit back sobs.
“Is she?” the paramedic asked.
“I don’t know, I can’t move my body without being in extreme pain.” I whispered.
The light shining on her face, illuminated just how bad it was.
She was covered in blood, her face swollen and her neck purple from the seatbelt.
He put his fingers on her neck, pressing gently.
“She doesn’t have a pulse, David.” He called over his shoulder.
“NO!!!!” I cried.
“Wait, hold on, there is a pulse, it’s just very weak. We need to get her out of here now. She only has a few minutes, if even that.” They started cutting both of us out of the car.
I laid motionless on a stretcher, watching them, start her I.V and check her vitals.
“Is she going to be okay?” I asked.
He looked at her, and then me, sighing heavily, “We’re doing everything we can, but your wife, she’s hurt bad. The entire right side of her body took the full impact of the crash. We can’t know for sure until we get her to a hospital, but it’s likely that she has broken bones, ruptured organs, and bleeding on the brain. If she does live, she may never wake up again.” He looked at me apologetically.
I felt a pain in my chest, and finally let out the sobs I’d been holding in.
The ride to the hospital we were in the same ambulance.
I reached over and slipped my hand over hers, holding it tightly, the whole way.
Her hands, normally soft and warm, were cold and sticky with blood.
I felt her engagement ring against the palm of my hand, and my heart broke all over again.
We were never getting married.
We would never have children, or see the world together, growing old until we spent our last days in each other’s arms.
Our life that had just begun, was over that abruptly.