Sequel: Tommy Guns



There was a bitterness in the air that far belied the usually mild Berlin autumn. Ruedi Schmidt shivered in spite of himself, wrapping his arms a little further around his torso as he walked. It was a beautiful night, despite the cold – the clouds had departed earlier that evening and the moon shone with the intensity of a thousand suns, bathing the pavements in a milky-white light. The bustle of the city had long faded from the streets, and Ruedi found himself alone with the man accompanying him for the evening. Felix Müller, a friend of a friend’s friend – and perfect for Ruedi, if his friend was to be trusted. Even from the moment Ruedi had begrudgingly agreed to the blind date, he had lowered his expectations to almost nothing – and he certainly hadn’t expected to glean as much enjoyment from the company of the tall, clean-shaven man who had wolfed down his plate of sauerbraten with an enthusiasm that Ruedi had found almost oddly endearing.

Ruedi shivered again. Felix noticed this time, turning to him with a half-smile painted across his face.

“Nervous?” he asks teasingly, his eyes twinkling in the light of the moon – another thing that Ruedi found endearing, his constant smile. “You’ve barely said a word since we left the restaurant. I’m not that bad, am I?”

“I’m just cold,” Ruedi replied quietly, shaking his head insistently. Felix cocked his head to the side momentarily, raising an eyebrow until it was barely visible under his mop of messy, dark hair. Ruedi’s heart fluttered a little, and he found himself struggling to keep the corners of his lips from tugging upward. “Okay. Maybe I’m a little nervous, but I have reason.”


Ruedi stared morosely at Felix, suddenly lacking in words to say. He didn’t do things like this, not since his mother had told him to pack his bags. He had lived in constant fear of this exact moment, where he would have to face the truth and disappoint her more than he already had. Felix looked confused for a few moments, before his eyes widened.

“Oh. You mean you’ve never kissed a guy?”

Ruedi shrugs nonchalantly in a feeble attempt not to betray the fear coursing through his veins. He swears he can feel his cheeks turning a burnished red. “I’ve never even kissed a girl.”

Felix pauses for a moment, before smiling widely and threading his own arm through Ruedi’s and leading him gently down a side street. Despite wearing a thinner overcoat than Ruedi, Felix’s body felt warm to the touch, and Ruedi found himself unconsciously moving a little closer.

“We can change that,” Felix murmured. He dropped his arm from Ruedi’s, and turned to face the younger man. A slight brush of Felix’s fingers against Ruedi’s own made it feel as if there were tiny electrical charges zipping between them and suddenly, Felix is very close – almost too close. Ruedi can see the beginnings of a five-o-clock shadow smattered across Felix’s jawline and as he opens his mouth to speak, Ruedi can feel Felix’s hot breath ghost over the lower half of his face. “Only if you want, though.”

Ruedi had barely nodded before the space between them filled and Felix’s lips were on Ruedi’s and for a second, he felt as if he were suffocating. There were a million thoughts flying through his head in the split-second it had taken Felix to move closer; he didn’t know when – or how he should breathe, nor where he should place his hands – should he keep them by his sides or wrap them around Felix’s neck like people did in those god-awful romantic films his mother had watched when he was a child? He didn’t know if he should keep his eyes open, or close them, or whether he should be thinking about all of the germs that another person could transfer by kissing another. And then he realised with a jolt that if people saw – if his mother were to see – that they might be repulsed. A pang of guilt ran through his body from head to foot. According to everything he had learned in his relatively short nineteen years on the planet, this should feel wrong.

And then Ruedi realises with a shot of happiness, that it didn’t feel wrong, at least not to him. It felt like years of repression and guilt had been lifted from his shoulder, and just as suddenly as that realisation hit, he noticed how soft Felix’s lips were against his own, and how warm Felix’s hands were against his waist. He realised that it felt much less like drowning and more like a dip in an alpine lake on a warm summer’s day. For the few seconds that their bodies were joined, Felix was the sun and when they eventually break apart, Ruedi found himself feeling a little disappointed.

“Nervous now?” Felix asked after a few seconds of silence, the barest hint of a smirk playing at the corners of his mouth. Instinctively, Ruedi smiles in return, giddiness filling his head up with a million different ideas in a million different seconds and making him feel a little lightheaded. He wrapped his arms around Felix’s neck – surely it wasn’t all for the movies? – and pulled him in until the space between them is once again minimised. Ruedi smiled again as he realised that it felt like the most natural thing in the world, standing in a badly-lit alleyway with only the half-light of the moon illuminating their faces, his arms wrapped around this friend of a friend’s friend.

“Not anymore,” he mumbles, before pulling Felix in to take the leap once again.
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Hina dared me and obviously I'm procrastinating from actually writing Tommy Guns chapters, so here you go, have Ruedi being a nervous wreck because he hasn't kissed anybody before.