Status: New
Are You Awake?
Are You Awake?
The psychiatrist’s office was larger than Matt had expected. Many of the office buildings in the old city area were renovated with smaller rooms. The walls were painted pink. ‘An unusual colour choice for a doctor’s office,’ Matt thought. Doctor Erik Bergin’s appearance was also a surprise. He was a thin man, average height, with grey-stubble beard wearing rimless glasses, pink shirt, blue bow tie and dark trousers. Matt had a couple of days off work and was pleased he had got an appointment so quickly. There must have been a cancellation. He followed the doctor into the office.
“Matt, have a seat,” the doctor said gesturing to the leather-covered arm chair. Matt’s mind wandered and he rapped his shin sharply on the edge of a low solid-polished timber coffee table as he sat. He felt nothing. The doctor sat in a similar arm chair opposite.
“I see that you’ve been having disturbing dreams. Your local doctor gave me a brief outline. He said it was urgent I see you,” the doctor said as he perused the referral letter in his hand. He looked up at Matt. “If you don’t mind, I’ll run my recorder – I don’t use a notebook,” he said as he reached down and pressed a button on the small device on the table. “Let’s start with you giving me a rundown on these dreams. When did they start and what can you remember of the content?”
Matt felt tense and settled himself into the chair.
"They started only recently – about a week ago. I don’t remember much of the first few. I thought nothing of them at the time. They were violent dreams,” Matt said with a pained expression. “I was hurting my wife Julie.”
“How were you hurting her?” the doctor asked.
“I can only remember being violent, until the dream last night. In this dream I hit her with a golf club and killed her. This time the dream seemed real and it disturbed me a lot.” Matt paused and rubbed his forehead. “That’s when I knew I had to see someone – get some help. My local doctor was great and had me booked in with you this morning.”
“Where were you, in this dream?” Doctor Bergin asked.
“We were at home – in the garage. We were having an argument – yelling at each other when I pulled the golf club out of the bag and hit her with it.”
“Okay, was there anything unnatural about the setting? Generally dreams are in strange surroundings. When you woke did you believe the events had actually taken place?”
“Oh yeah, I was in a panic. I rushed out of our bedroom expecting to see Julie lying in the garage with her head bashed in.”
“You realise now that it was a dream?”
“Of course, Julie was in the kitchen when I came to my senses. She’s in the waiting room now,” Matt replied with a hint of aggravation.
“I’m just confirming you are not in any prolonged delusional state. It is possible to lose touch with reality when vivid, lifelike dreams are involved. Have you been having relationship problems with you wife?”
Matt hesitated before answering. “We’ve had problems - disagreements – nothing physical.”
“Have you told Julie all the details of the dream?” the Doctor asked.
“Yeah, I wasn’t going to, but thought I she should know everything.”
“What about work, have you been under stress?”
“I’m in sales so we’re always under pressure, part of the job,” Matt replied.
“Anxiety can cause many unusual and unique physiological responses. I would like you to follow a regimen of relaxation activities that I have used with some success. I have a document for you that’s quite easy to follow. You should start as soon as possible and we can see how you are doing in a couple of weeks.”
Doctor Bergin provided a printed sheet of instructions, discussed the various relaxations techniques and concluded the consultation.
Matt gave Julie the details of Doctor Bergin’s prognosis as they drove home. They agreed it made sense that stress from work played a part. Matt didn’t mention he also thought Julie’s nagging and spiteful personality was a factor.
The low-set brick house was a forty-five minute drive from the city. They pulled into the driveway with Julie instructing Matt to start immediately on the relaxation exercises. He didn’t argue and went directly to his favourite lounge chair and commenced number one – relaxed deep breathing.
Matt woke with a start. He had drifted off to sleep while doing the deep breathing. “Well, that worked,” he thought. He stood, blinked, rolled his shoulder blades and called. “Julie... are you there?” The house was quiet. Maybe she’d gone out. She didn’t work so she might be shopping. Matt decided to check the garage to see if the car was there. He walked through the kitchen and opened the door to the garage.
“Oh shit!” Matt jerked his hand up to his mouth. Julie lay on the concrete floor – her dead eyes staring at the ceiling. There was a large pool of drying blood under her head. Clumped strands of Julie’s shoulder length grey-blond hair were splayed across it. A nine iron golf club with blood covered blade lay beside the body.
“No! No! This can’t be real. This is my dream.” Matt’s heart thumped. “I wouldn’t do this - would I?” Matt was confused. Julie was okay and now she isn’t. Matt stepped over to the body, bent down and touched Julie’s cold pale cheek.
“God! What do I do now?” He stood, mind racing, trying to think. He picked up the golf club, went though the house to the laundry and washed off the blood.”I need to get rid of her. I’ll tell everyone she left me. They all know she was an erratic bitch,” Matt went back to the garage, wrapped Julie’s body in a tarpaulin that he had and loaded it into the car boot. He decided on a burial site as he put the shovel and pick into the car boot with the body. The hour’s drive to the old quarry seemed to disappear in a blink. Matt parked and walked around to locate a suitable site out of the way - where the soil was not too hard to dig. He selected a spot at the base of a sheer cliff, behind a two metres high pile of granite rocks. “No one comes here anymore, this is perfect,” he thought as he carried Julie’s body to the selected grave site. Matt dug, and dug, for over an hour without noticing time. He wanted to make sure she was well down. Exhausted dirty and sweaty, he climbed out of the open grave and grimaced from the throbbing pain in his lower back. He rolled Julie over a few times and into the hole. The noise of the body’s impact and crinkling tarpaulin startled the crows roosting in a nearby gum tree. Their raucous calls and flapping wings made Matt spin around with fright. He stood watching them circle above before regaining his composure. He began refilling the hole.
The daylight was fading as he parked the car back in his garage. He went to the lounge and flopped down in his chair feeling mentally and physically drained. His back pain subsided and he closed his eyes.
“Matt, are you ok?” Julie said, standing with hands on hips.
Matt slowly opened his eyes. Julie stood in front of him. Matt’s body spasmed as he gripped the arms of the chair. “Julie! What! You’re here?”
“Of course I’m here. Where would I be? You’ve been sitting here asleep making all sorts of weird noises.”
“Oh my God, I’ve just had another of those awful dreams. I feel sick,” Matt said. “I can’t keep doing this. I’m not able to close my eyes. Are you sure you’re here?” He stood up and put his hand on Julie’s shoulder to make sure she was real.
“We better ring that doctor. You probably need medication,” Julie said.
“No good ringing now. He’ll be finished for the day,” Matt said.
Julie rang nevertheless. Doctor Bergin advised them to come in immediately.
Matt thought he was fortunate that the doctor was working late and able to see him again. He was feeling quite jittery and the thought of a calming drug was appealing. There was no one in the waiting room when they arrived. The receptionist had also gone home. The doctor’s office door was wide open. He was expecting them.
“Matt, come in, and you’re Julie,” Doctor Bergin said holding out a hand for Julie to shake.
“Please sit down.” They both sat at the coffee table opposite the doctor.
“Now Matt, you’ve had another dream episode already...today?” he said grabbing a notebook and pen.
“Yes, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Can you tell me about it? Is it the same dream you had previously?” Doctor Bergin asked.
“It’s not the same dream. It’s a continuation of the dream-.”
“The one where he killed me,” Julie interrupted.
Matt knew that Julie shouldn’t be here in the consultation, but this was not the usual situation.
“This time the dream continued with me driving Julie’s body out to an old quarry and burying her,” Matt said.
“Nice,” Julie interrupted again.
Doctor Bergin gave Julie a glare and turned to Matt. “Did you feel you were in reality, like last time?” he asked.
“Yes, it was scary.”
“You are clearly in a state where you are finding it difficult to differentiate conscious reality from the unconscious dream. The well known psychoanalyst Stephen Le Berge has shown that it is possible to identify dream from reality through what he termed ‘Dream Signs’. These are objects or experiences that do not fit into the real world. For example, when you’re hurt you don’t feel pain. There may be monsters, flying people, aliens and the like. If you can remember these unnatural things, when you wake then it is obvious that you’ve had a dream. Now I want you to concentrate – think back to your dreams. Tell me if you can remember anything out of place.”
Matt sat back in his chair and stared at the wall. “The only thing that sticks in my mind is the crows. There were crows at the quarry where I went to dig a grave,” he said.
“Crows, did they talk or do something abnormal?” the doctor asked.
“Nothing specific, they were eerie I suppose.” Matt paused. “Um, you said that you don’t feel pain in a dream?”
“Correct, very unlikely you’d feel pain,” the doctor said.
“Matt gazed around the room at the yellow-painted walls. Then carefully reached over to the doctor’s desk and grabbed a letter opener that was laying there. He stabbed it into the back of his hand. Julie and the doctor began to laugh.
“Matt, have a seat,” the doctor said gesturing to the leather-covered arm chair. Matt’s mind wandered and he rapped his shin sharply on the edge of a low solid-polished timber coffee table as he sat. He felt nothing. The doctor sat in a similar arm chair opposite.
“I see that you’ve been having disturbing dreams. Your local doctor gave me a brief outline. He said it was urgent I see you,” the doctor said as he perused the referral letter in his hand. He looked up at Matt. “If you don’t mind, I’ll run my recorder – I don’t use a notebook,” he said as he reached down and pressed a button on the small device on the table. “Let’s start with you giving me a rundown on these dreams. When did they start and what can you remember of the content?”
Matt felt tense and settled himself into the chair.
"They started only recently – about a week ago. I don’t remember much of the first few. I thought nothing of them at the time. They were violent dreams,” Matt said with a pained expression. “I was hurting my wife Julie.”
“How were you hurting her?” the doctor asked.
“I can only remember being violent, until the dream last night. In this dream I hit her with a golf club and killed her. This time the dream seemed real and it disturbed me a lot.” Matt paused and rubbed his forehead. “That’s when I knew I had to see someone – get some help. My local doctor was great and had me booked in with you this morning.”
“Where were you, in this dream?” Doctor Bergin asked.
“We were at home – in the garage. We were having an argument – yelling at each other when I pulled the golf club out of the bag and hit her with it.”
“Okay, was there anything unnatural about the setting? Generally dreams are in strange surroundings. When you woke did you believe the events had actually taken place?”
“Oh yeah, I was in a panic. I rushed out of our bedroom expecting to see Julie lying in the garage with her head bashed in.”
“You realise now that it was a dream?”
“Of course, Julie was in the kitchen when I came to my senses. She’s in the waiting room now,” Matt replied with a hint of aggravation.
“I’m just confirming you are not in any prolonged delusional state. It is possible to lose touch with reality when vivid, lifelike dreams are involved. Have you been having relationship problems with you wife?”
Matt hesitated before answering. “We’ve had problems - disagreements – nothing physical.”
“Have you told Julie all the details of the dream?” the Doctor asked.
“Yeah, I wasn’t going to, but thought I she should know everything.”
“What about work, have you been under stress?”
“I’m in sales so we’re always under pressure, part of the job,” Matt replied.
“Anxiety can cause many unusual and unique physiological responses. I would like you to follow a regimen of relaxation activities that I have used with some success. I have a document for you that’s quite easy to follow. You should start as soon as possible and we can see how you are doing in a couple of weeks.”
Doctor Bergin provided a printed sheet of instructions, discussed the various relaxations techniques and concluded the consultation.
Matt gave Julie the details of Doctor Bergin’s prognosis as they drove home. They agreed it made sense that stress from work played a part. Matt didn’t mention he also thought Julie’s nagging and spiteful personality was a factor.
The low-set brick house was a forty-five minute drive from the city. They pulled into the driveway with Julie instructing Matt to start immediately on the relaxation exercises. He didn’t argue and went directly to his favourite lounge chair and commenced number one – relaxed deep breathing.
Matt woke with a start. He had drifted off to sleep while doing the deep breathing. “Well, that worked,” he thought. He stood, blinked, rolled his shoulder blades and called. “Julie... are you there?” The house was quiet. Maybe she’d gone out. She didn’t work so she might be shopping. Matt decided to check the garage to see if the car was there. He walked through the kitchen and opened the door to the garage.
“Oh shit!” Matt jerked his hand up to his mouth. Julie lay on the concrete floor – her dead eyes staring at the ceiling. There was a large pool of drying blood under her head. Clumped strands of Julie’s shoulder length grey-blond hair were splayed across it. A nine iron golf club with blood covered blade lay beside the body.
“No! No! This can’t be real. This is my dream.” Matt’s heart thumped. “I wouldn’t do this - would I?” Matt was confused. Julie was okay and now she isn’t. Matt stepped over to the body, bent down and touched Julie’s cold pale cheek.
“God! What do I do now?” He stood, mind racing, trying to think. He picked up the golf club, went though the house to the laundry and washed off the blood.”I need to get rid of her. I’ll tell everyone she left me. They all know she was an erratic bitch,” Matt went back to the garage, wrapped Julie’s body in a tarpaulin that he had and loaded it into the car boot. He decided on a burial site as he put the shovel and pick into the car boot with the body. The hour’s drive to the old quarry seemed to disappear in a blink. Matt parked and walked around to locate a suitable site out of the way - where the soil was not too hard to dig. He selected a spot at the base of a sheer cliff, behind a two metres high pile of granite rocks. “No one comes here anymore, this is perfect,” he thought as he carried Julie’s body to the selected grave site. Matt dug, and dug, for over an hour without noticing time. He wanted to make sure she was well down. Exhausted dirty and sweaty, he climbed out of the open grave and grimaced from the throbbing pain in his lower back. He rolled Julie over a few times and into the hole. The noise of the body’s impact and crinkling tarpaulin startled the crows roosting in a nearby gum tree. Their raucous calls and flapping wings made Matt spin around with fright. He stood watching them circle above before regaining his composure. He began refilling the hole.
The daylight was fading as he parked the car back in his garage. He went to the lounge and flopped down in his chair feeling mentally and physically drained. His back pain subsided and he closed his eyes.
“Matt, are you ok?” Julie said, standing with hands on hips.
Matt slowly opened his eyes. Julie stood in front of him. Matt’s body spasmed as he gripped the arms of the chair. “Julie! What! You’re here?”
“Of course I’m here. Where would I be? You’ve been sitting here asleep making all sorts of weird noises.”
“Oh my God, I’ve just had another of those awful dreams. I feel sick,” Matt said. “I can’t keep doing this. I’m not able to close my eyes. Are you sure you’re here?” He stood up and put his hand on Julie’s shoulder to make sure she was real.
“We better ring that doctor. You probably need medication,” Julie said.
“No good ringing now. He’ll be finished for the day,” Matt said.
Julie rang nevertheless. Doctor Bergin advised them to come in immediately.
Matt thought he was fortunate that the doctor was working late and able to see him again. He was feeling quite jittery and the thought of a calming drug was appealing. There was no one in the waiting room when they arrived. The receptionist had also gone home. The doctor’s office door was wide open. He was expecting them.
“Matt, come in, and you’re Julie,” Doctor Bergin said holding out a hand for Julie to shake.
“Please sit down.” They both sat at the coffee table opposite the doctor.
“Now Matt, you’ve had another dream episode already...today?” he said grabbing a notebook and pen.
“Yes, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“Can you tell me about it? Is it the same dream you had previously?” Doctor Bergin asked.
“It’s not the same dream. It’s a continuation of the dream-.”
“The one where he killed me,” Julie interrupted.
Matt knew that Julie shouldn’t be here in the consultation, but this was not the usual situation.
“This time the dream continued with me driving Julie’s body out to an old quarry and burying her,” Matt said.
“Nice,” Julie interrupted again.
Doctor Bergin gave Julie a glare and turned to Matt. “Did you feel you were in reality, like last time?” he asked.
“Yes, it was scary.”
“You are clearly in a state where you are finding it difficult to differentiate conscious reality from the unconscious dream. The well known psychoanalyst Stephen Le Berge has shown that it is possible to identify dream from reality through what he termed ‘Dream Signs’. These are objects or experiences that do not fit into the real world. For example, when you’re hurt you don’t feel pain. There may be monsters, flying people, aliens and the like. If you can remember these unnatural things, when you wake then it is obvious that you’ve had a dream. Now I want you to concentrate – think back to your dreams. Tell me if you can remember anything out of place.”
Matt sat back in his chair and stared at the wall. “The only thing that sticks in my mind is the crows. There were crows at the quarry where I went to dig a grave,” he said.
“Crows, did they talk or do something abnormal?” the doctor asked.
“Nothing specific, they were eerie I suppose.” Matt paused. “Um, you said that you don’t feel pain in a dream?”
“Correct, very unlikely you’d feel pain,” the doctor said.
“Matt gazed around the room at the yellow-painted walls. Then carefully reached over to the doctor’s desk and grabbed a letter opener that was laying there. He stabbed it into the back of his hand. Julie and the doctor began to laugh.