When We Were

“Mama, we’re going to be late!”

Emilia, who was perched on the closed lid of the toilet, flinched a little at the sound of Luca’s voice, but didn’t say anything, her eyes still fixed on the little white stick which was sat on the counter beside her phone which was slowly, too slowly, ticking down its last few seconds. It wasn’t the first time she had done it. In the few months that had passed since she and Lionel had gotten married, she had found herself in a similar position, at least once a month, hoping to see the word ‘positive’ fill the tests’ tiny screen, but every other time she had been disappointed. They didn’t want to pressure it, despite both her and Lionel being in agreement that the timing was right for their little family to grow by another member, they knew it wasn’t going to happen overnight, but still the negative tests stung.

Twisting her hair around her fingers, she closed her eyes, waiting for a few long seconds before her phone let out a little jingle, causing her head to whip up. Swallowing, she hesitated for a beat before she gently lifted the test off of the counter, sighing when the result came into her view. Shaking her head, she moved to throw the test into the bin, standing up just as the bathroom door swung open, allowing Luca to barrel into the room. “Didn’t you hear me, mama?” he prodded.

Emilia nodded. “I was just coming, baby” she mused “Is your sister ready to go?” she added.

Luca led the way out of the bathroom, nodding his head. “She’s got her shoes on” he confirmed “She needs a coat, though. It’s pretty cold out” he added.

Emilia, who was following along behind him, smiled a little at his concern before she leant over, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. “Can you go and grab one of her coats for me?” she asked.

Luca nodded his head. “Which one do you want?” he asked.

“The little yellow one” Emilia mused.

Luca nodded his head dutifully, ducking into Maisie’s bedroom whilst Emilia proceeded down the stairs. Taking a breath to compose herself, she fixed a pleasant smile onto her face before she made her way into the living room, causing Lionel, who was sat on the couch, to glance up, a warm smile brightening his face. “You finally ready to go?” he asked.

Emilia rolled her eyes, moving to lift Maisie up. “We’re not running that late” she replied quietly.

Lionel frowned, slightly perturbed by Emilia’s not playing along with his teasing. “Where’s Luca?” he asked.

“He’s just getting Maisie’s coat” Emilia replied “Do you think she’s going to need a hat? It gets pretty cold in the stands” she added, her eyes not moving away from the little girl as she smoothed out one of her curls.

Lionel, who’d stepped up behind her, gently settled his hands on her waist as he pressed a kiss against her temple. “Take one just in case” he mumbled “Are you OK?” he asked.

Emilia nodded her head, a small smile pulling the corners of her mouth upwards. “I’m fine” she replied.

“Are you sure?” Lionel prodded, pressing kiss to her shoulder.

Emilia nodded before Luca trotted into the room, saving her from having to give a verbal answer. “Is this the one?” the little boy asked, holding up a coat.

Emilia nodded and took the coat out of his hand, carefully pulling it around Maisie before she turned to look at Lionel. “You ready to go?” she asked.

Lionel, who’d been watching her with a furrow in his forehead, blinked a couple of times before he nodded. “I’m ready if you are” he mused.

~#~
Spitting the last of his toothpaste into the sink, Lionel spared a look out into the bedroom through the partially open door, a soft sigh escaping his lips as he spotted Emilia huddled up beneath their comforter. She had been quiet, before they’d left for his match and after they’d gotten home from it, Emilia had been quiet and distant, and no matter how many times Lionel asked if there was anything bothering her, she said that she was fine, no matter how obvious it was that that was a lie.

Leaning against the sink, he watched her for a moment before he turned to wipe his mouth. Letting out another sigh, he turned to check his reflection in the mirror, wanting to make sure that there was no toothpaste on his face, only to still, his eyes catching sight of a familiar box in the mirror’s reflection. Turning, he reached out and picked it up, the pieces slotting together in his mind. Placing the box down on the counter, he turned towards the bin, spotting a familiar white stick poking out of the top of it. After tearing off a piece of toilet paper, he carefully plucked it out.

“You don’t need to bother”

Lionel almost dropped the test when Emilia’s voice snipped into his ears.

“It’s negative” Emilia continued, stepping around him to collect a hair tie which she had left on the counter.

Lionel nodded his head. “You took it before the match?” he asked.

Emilia nodded as she pulled her hair up. “I’m a couple of days later than I thought I should be” she said “I’ve been feeling little odd for the last couple of days so I thought…it’s probably just some cold or something. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you” she added.

“Why didn’t you?” Lionel asked.

Emilia shrugged. “We’ve been doing tests for months” she said “Since we got back from honeymoon, we’ve done one test a month and they’ve all been negative. I’ve seen that look on your face, the one where you’re trying to be positive, but you’re as disappointed as I am and I just…I don’t know, I guess I didn’t want to see it again. I know you’re right, we’ve only been trying for a handful of months, and it was never just going to happen overnight, but I just…I want it, and I am frustrated that….that isn’t happening yet” she explained softly.

Lionel carefully turned the test over in his hand, taking a moment to mull over her words, before he let out a sigh, his eyes sticking on the word ‘negative’ which was written on the screen. After staring at it for a moment, he carefully placed it back down into the trash before he sat down on the closed toilet, gently tugging Emilia so that she stood ahead of him.

“Leo” Emilia complained softly.

Lionel ignored her complaints, gently lifting her t-shirt up until she took it from his hand, holding it bunched up beneath her chest. Lionel looked up at her with a soft smile, one she couldn’t help but return, before he carefully leant forwards, kissing the spot just below where she held her t-shirt. “It will happen” he murmured, moving to press a kiss to a spot just above the waistband of her pyjama bottoms.

Emilia gently pushed her fingers through his hair. “I know it will” she whispered “I’d just hoped that it would have happened by now” she added.

Lionel touched a kiss just above her belly button. “I did to” he said softly “But we’ll just keep trying” he added.

Emilia leant down and kissed the top of his head. “We’ll keep trying” she repeated softly.

Lionel pressed another kiss to her stomach, smiling against it gently. “We could try again now” he quipped as he leant back to look up at her.

Emilia laughed. “Do you remember when you had to try and seduce me a little?” she teased.

“Is that a no?” Lionel replied impishly.

Emilia shook her head and padded out of the bathroom, stopping only to call back over her shoulder. “You coming with me or what?” she said.