Sleep Walking Past Hope

“Sarayaaaaaa!!” Chachi ran up to me screaming, it’s only been less than 3 days since I saw her last when I came over to help Jukka film his latest video. I met Chachi shortly after starting to work with Jukka. Jukka Hilden is a well-known youtuber, his fame started in Finland, (where he is from) when he created “The Dudesons”. The Finnish television series could be compared to the American Jackass crew with Johnny Knoxville and Bam Margera, who he has also worked with in the past. He moved to Los Angeles about two years ago to start up his American fan base. We met through mutual connections in the youtube community. Ever since we would feature in each other’s videos. We would invite each other to our trips as my channel was about traveling and adventures and when I’d travel he’d join to keep me company and have new places to film his anarchy. He was one of my best friends.

About a year ago he met Chachi, another youtuber who is also a professional dancer. They quickly became a couple as both of their filled with life and outgoing personalities complimented each other beautifully. I loved her immensely. She was perfect for him and they brought out the best in each other. They were what you would call relationship goals. I inspired to one day get a taste of the connection they shared.

“Hey crazy, you act like we won’t be stuck on a plane together for the next 13 hours.” I teased. She was always so hyper.

“I’m just excited! I get to go to Finland and finally see Jukka’s other life and you're coming with us! It couldn’t get better” She laughed. Joy and laughter just came pouring out of this girl.

“She’s not the best to travel with babe, she gets grumpy from jetlag and I have to call the “waa-balance” Jukka teased. Jukka always made sure to make fun of my matter of fact personality. He always pointed out that I was his only friend who didn’t belong in a crazy house. I just rolled my eyes in response.

Part of the Dudeson crew, Paul came in and offered to take in my bags. I couldn’t help but notice that in the short 3 days that I haven't seen him that half of his shoulder-length hair has been shaved off.

“What happened to your hair?” I asked stifling a laugh.

“Paul here lost a round of haircut roulette.” Jukka filled in.

“Hmmm I see, it’s a good look” I winked. Paul and I have always had a flirty relationship from the day we met. I loved his sense of humor, and he was certainly attractive. We never made any hard passes at one another because we both understood that it was just an innocent flirty relationship but I often get questioned by Chachi on why I didn’t want to take it further. I would complain to her that I didn’t have the time for a relationship, that I was too busy. While this wasn’t wrong, I knew deep down that it was because I was scared. Too scared to put my all into someone again. Last time, it nearly ended up killing me.
“Raya’ sleep with me tonight, you know you don’t like the guest bedroom.”

“Damn Jukka, letting the girls kick you out your own bed?” Paul laughed.

“Nope, they sleep with me. The bed is big enough. Although Chachi gives all the cuddles to Saraya” He rolled his eyes and Paul wiggled his eyebrows surprised at the news that the 3 of us sleep together. It was a regular occurrence when I stayed the night. Jukka has been nothing but a great friend and gentleman and I trusted him with my life. I considered him family. Chachi was no different.

“I can’t believe we have to get up at 3 am to make our flight.” I groaned dragging my bags by the stairs so they would be easily accessible in the morning and I already had an outfit picked out separately for tomorrow.

“You girls will love Finland. I’m excited to take you.” Jukka grinned. He was so proud of his heritage. I’ve heard nothing but great things about the country and I loved cold places and traveling so I was stoked despite the early wake-up time. It would all be worth it.