Sun-Kissed

The morning after I woke up in the hospital with my parents next to me, the police showed up to question me about what happened. I still hadn’t told anyone what Cody did to me. I definitely wasn’t ready to say it in front of my parents. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to tell the police what happened. It was simultaneously the most terrifying and embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. It’s not Cody would face any kind of consequences. He’s a rich white kid who is good at sports and is popular. His parents probably have a lot of connections that can get him off anyway.
I ended up telling them what happened to me, but I left out the last part. I just couldn’t bring myself to say it. I wasn’t sure if I would ever tell anyone. I just wanted to forget that it ever happened. My parents left for a second to talk to the police. That’s when they let Robbie come in. I knew he would try to get what happened out of me, but I wasn’t ready for him to know anything. He would just get angry and blame Owen and that’s not what I wanted. I just wanted to be with him. He walked in with tear stains on his face and his hair messy, which he never let's happen.
“Hey, buddy,” he whispered, trying to act like he wasn’t just crying.
“Hey,” I whispered back. Whispering was all I could manage without cringing in pain.
“I’m here for you, okay.”
“I know,” I answered. “You’re the one guy I can always count on.”
He choked back his tears. “What happened, Danny? Who the fuck did this to you?”
“Forget about it, Robbie. Let the police worry about it.”
“If Owen had something to do with this I’ll fucking kick his ass, you know I will.”
“Robbie, do you really think Owen would have me beaten nearly to death?” I asked skeptically.
He put his head down. “No, I guess not. It had to be one of his asshole friends, though, right?”
“I told you to forget it.”
I was in the hospital for a couple of days. My visitors consisted of both of my siblings, Victor and Lorena. I told Lorena not to come because she had school, but she insisted. I also got a visit from Justin. He was sweet. He brought me flowers and a big teddy bear. My mom, luckily, worked there at the hospital. She worked in the maternity ward, but she was still able to check on me often. My dad, however, had a lot of work to do and couldn’t really be at the hospital as much as he wanted to.
On my last full day at the hospital, it was the Tuesday after the party. I was watching Adventure Time on the television in my room when Owen walked in. I looked at the clock. He must have just gotten out of football practice. It was around six pm. I saw him and turned off my television. I was feeling better. I could talk at the regular volume at least. He came in carrying a bouquet of flowers and a looking really worried.
“Hello, Owen.”
He walked over to the table beside my bed and laid the flowers down. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m still really sore. It’s still kind of hard to walk.”
“There are so many rumors going around about what happened.”
“Is that why you’re here? To get the truth?”
“No,” he answered. “You don’t have to tell me anything. I just came because...I care about you.”
I sighed. “I know you do, Owen. And I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t your fault.”
“Can you at least tell me who did this to you?”
“You’ll find out eventually. I won’t have to tell you.”
“Does that mean you told the cops?”
I nodded my head. “The police know who did this. That’s all you need to know.”
Owen sat in the seat next to my bed and took my hand. He started to sniffle. I held his hand tight. We sat in silence for a while. It was comfortable again with Owen. Even though his friend is the one who violated me in the worst way, I could never look at Owen and see anything but someone I really care about. It was impossible to be mad about all of that petty stuff that happened before. But I also knew that I wasn’t ready to get back with him.
“Owen, I forgive you for how you treated me.”
“Really?” He asked, excitedly.
“Yes”
“That’s great, you’ll see I’ll make it up to you.”
“Wait, this doesn’t mean I’m taking you back. I can’t explain it, but I just need some space.”
He looked over to the flowers and bear that Justin bought me. “It’s Justin, isn’t it? He bought you the bear, didn’t he? What the hell, Danny?”
“Owen, Justin and I are only friends. He did kind of ask me out, I guess. But I turned him down.”
“You did?”
“Can you just trust me when I say I just need some space?”

* * *

The next day I was released from the hospital. It was still a little difficult for me to walk, but I could manage it. I was told that I could go home, but it would be another week or so before I could go back to school. Speaking of school, Shoreline Prep offered me a full ride for the rest of my high school career as an apology for the incident.
Both of my parents had to work so my mom signed me out since she was there at the hospital and my brother Victor gave me a ride home. It was still pretty awkward for me and Victor. We were talking again, for the same reason I forgave Owen, but I could tell that he still felt a certain way about my sexuality. Still, he helped me walk into the house, into my room, and onto my bed.
“Do you need anything?” He asked.
“No thanks, Vic,” I answered.
“I’ll just be in the living room. Holler if you need me.”
“Wait,” I stopped him before he could leave. “Can we talk for a sec?”
Victor walked in and pulled up my desk chair next to my bed. “What’s up?”
“Is it ever going to not be weird between us? Or are you just going to think I’m disgusting for the rest of our lives?”
“Danny, I don’t think you’re disgusting.”
“Then what going on?”
He sighed, frustratedly. “I feel guilty, okay?”
“Guilty? Vic, none of this is your fault.”
“I know, man. I mean...I feel guilty about treating you so shitty. When mom called and told me that you had been beaten up so bad that you were in the hospital, I couldn’t believe that the last time I saw you, I treated you like shit. I was just like the people who did this to you.”
“Vic, trust me, you’re nothing like him.”
He paused for a second and then looked at me. “Him? One person did this to you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, it was one person.”
“Who did this to you?”
“No-”
“DANIEL, WHO DID THIS TO YOU?!”
I had never heard Victor’s voice so booming. “Relax, I already told the police. You don’t have to worry about it.”
“I’m not playing around, Danny. Just tell me who did it.”
I had never heard Victor be that stern with his voice and body language. He started to loom over me. I broke down and I told him who did it and what he did, at least as much as I wanted him to know. He seemed to be satisfied.
“And the cops arrested him?”
“They came to my room yesterday to say that they did. Apparently, his hands were bruised and they still found some of my blood caked onto them.”
“That motherfucker…”
Victor left me alone in my room after he finished talking off all of his anger. I asked him to close my door so that I could have some privacy. As soon as I knew he was well away, I let it all out. I started to cry the biggest cry that I’ve ever cried before. I felt helpless. I felt disgusting. I felt tired. After that original sleep at the hospital, I wasn’t able to get a wink. I kept having nightmares. They were always the same. It was complete darkness and then all of a sudden Cody would come out of the darkness, walking slowly towards me. But before he got to me, he would transform into dragon-monster that was at least thirty feet tall. That’s usually when I would wake up, soaked in sweat.
Now that I was in my room, I was able to fall asleep. I must have slept for quite a while, but I still had the nightmare. This time, I woke up screaming and sat up in bed. As soon as I sat up, Robbie sat up next to me. He was in his bed that my dad built for him.
“Hey, Danny,” he put his hands on my shoulders. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”
Once I realized it was him, I collapsed into his arms. I never felt safer than when I was with Robbie. I started to cry again. I held Robbie tight, tighter than I ever have. That’s when I knew it was time. I couldn’t keep all of it inside anymore. I had to tell someone. Even though I was scared of Robbie going psycho on Cody or even Owen for inviting me to the party in the first place, I knew that Robbie was the only one I was comfortable with enough to tell.
“Robbie,” I said as I broke out embrace. “I need to tell you something.”
“You can tell me anything, Danny.”
It was tough, but I spent the next ten minutes telling Robbie what actually happened, from the very beginning. It was dark and my voice was shaky. Robbie held my hand the entire time. When I was done, Robbie stayed silent for about five minutes. He didn’t know what to say or do. I felt him start to shake.
“Danny, we have to get you back to the hospital.”
“No way. I spent too much time there already. I am not going back there.”
“You need to tell them what happened to you so they can examine you. There could be evidence. What if he has STD’s or something? If he wasn’t in jail I’d fucking kill him.”
I knew he wouldn’t want me to know or see, but I could hear his voice shake with anger and I heard him sniffle. He was crying. I didn’t say anything. I just wrapped my arms around him again and he held me tight.
“Okay, let’s go back to the hospital. But we have to go now and my mom can’t know we went back.”
Robbie helped me to get dressed and then out of the house. We went to the emergency room. I told them who I was and waited for a doctor to become available. Robbie held my hand as we waited. We never did that, but somehow he just knew that I needed it. When a doctor was available, he went in with me as well. He stood right beside me as I told the doctor what happened to me.
The doctor sighed in sympathy after I was done with my story. Then he looked at Robbie and asked him to leave so he could examine me. Robbie asked me if I wanted him to leave. I told him that he could do whatever he wanted.
“If it’s okay with you, doctor, I want to stay with him,” said Robbie, rubbing my shoulder.
“It’s not technically okay because you aren’t family, but I’ll make an exception in this case,” explained the doctor. “I’m doing to leave the room for a few minutes. Please disrobe fully and put on this hospital gown.” He grabbed a gown from a cupboard next to his head and handed it to me.
The doctor left the room and I began to undress. Robbie turned around to respect my privacy. It was hard to undress because I was still heavily bruised. I think Robbie realized this from my groans. He turned around and began to help me. I don’t think I had ever been so intimate with him, but it in no way felt awkward or out of place in our friendship. He was simply taking care of me; something that he has always done. He helped me get the gown on and then back on to the exam table. The doctor came in after that, not before knocking first. He held a box of tools in his hands.
“Okay, Daniel. I’m going to perform a sexual assault evidence examination. It is going to be very awkward and I just want you to know that if you in any way feel like you need to pause or take a break just go ahead and let me know.”
The doctor began by asking me a series of questions like if I had showered or combed my hair since the incident. I had definitely showered, but I honestly wasn’t worried about my hair so I was good on that front. He made me turn over to take samples so my behind exposed. This triggered my anxiety immediately. I started to cry. Robbie took my hand and I squeezed it to hard that I felt like I broke his hand, but it didn’t seem to phase him.
“Daniel, how are you doing? Do you need a break?”
“No, I just need this to be over as soon as possible.”
The doctor was careful, but also made the exam as quick as possible. He also combed through my hair and other weirdly invasive things. He told me he did take a swab for STD testing but that he would also take some blood and a urine sample. When he was done with all the samples, he asked if I was going to report this to the police. Even though a crime had been committed, it was still my choice to report it or not.
“Can you give us a few minutes?” I asked the doctor.
“Of course. Take your time,” the doctor said as he left the room.
“What do you think, Robbie?”
“You have to report it, Danny.”
“But then everyone will know.”
“I’ll be there to protect you,” he said.
“What?” I was confused.
“Since Cody was expelled, there a place open at Shoreline Prep. They called me to ask if I wanted it. I said yes.” He paused. “I’ll be there for you, and we’ll get through it...together.”
“I don’t know, Robbie. It could get ugly. Besides you, who would even believe me?”
“You have Owen.” He sighed. “I know I haven’t been his biggest fan, but...I know he cares about you. He would believe you.”
“I just don’t know if I’m ready for the entire school to know what happened to me.”
He sighed and patted me on the back. “If you’re not ready, it’s okay. Now that the doctor has the kit, you can wait until you’re ready to report him or never report him at all. Whatever you decide, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“You don’t have to thank me. You’re my family. Now, let’s get you dressed.”

We made the trip back from the hospital and when we got back it was like we never left. My mom was still asleep and Victor was asleep in his old room. Even though he didn’t live that far away, I think he felt guilty and the need to stay in case mom needed help with me. Robbie helped me into my bed and then pulled his back out from underneath mine. I slept through that night without any nightmares. I don’t know if it was confessing or knowing that Robbie was sleeping right beside me, but whatever it was, it was working.