Sun-Kissed

Chapter 3

I was frozen. I didn’t know what to say to Lorena so I said nothing. She told me that we were going to stand there in silence until I said something. I wasn’t ready to say anything. I wasn’t ready and I wasn’t going to let my sister push me into coming out to her. So I left her and stormed off to my bedroom. I shut my door, but I knew that I only had a minute maybe two of alone time to think of what I want to say. There wasn’t a lock on my door so it was only a matter of time before she came walking in, and she did. I was sitting on my bed with my knees bent up to my chest. She sat down next to me.
“Danny...Daniel...You can tell me anything. I know sometimes we fight and maybe sometimes you annoy me, but you’re my little brother. That’s what you’re supposed to do.” She put her hand on my knee. “But there’s nothing you can tell me to make me hate you. You’re my brother and I’ll always have your back.”
“He’s just my friend,” I answered her.
“Maybe he is, but there’s more to it isn’t there?”
“Please don’t make me do this, Lori.” I felt myself start to cry.
“I’m not trying to pressure you, Danny. I’m just trying to get you to talk to me. You’ll feel better.”
“No, I won’t.” Tears finally fell down my face.
I ran out of my room, nearly knocking Lorena off of my bed. I ran to the bowl where my mom kept her car keys. I got into my mom’s car and I drove off. I didn’t know where I was going at first. It was too dark to go to my spot. So, I found myself driving to Robbie’s house. When I arrived, I sat in the driveway for a second. When I worked up the courage to get down, I walked up to his door and I knocked. Mr. Garza opened the door. Robbie looks like a smaller version of his dad. His dad, of course, has shorter hair and he is a little fuller around the waist. I tried to collect myself before someone answered, but I must have been visibly upset.
“Hey, Danny. Are you okay? What’s wrong?”
“Um...Is Robbie here?” I asked.
He looked at me with worry in his eyes. “Yeah, sure buddy. He’s in his room. Go on in.”
As I walked past Mr. Garza, he patted me on the back. I walk through the house and straight to his room. I knock on the door. It takes him about a minute, but he opens the door.
“Danny! What’s up, man?” He asked excitedly before he saw my face. “Oh shit, what happened? Are you ok?”
He pulls me into his room, shuts the door and I sit on his bed, the bottom bunk. “Lorena knows…” is all I say.
“Knows what?”
“She knows I’m gay.”
“You told her? That’s great, man.”
“No, I didn’t tell her. She basically asked me.” I started to cry again.
“What do you mean basically?” He asked as he sat down next to me.
“I mean like she didn’t say the words, but I knew that’s what she meant.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing! I just ran out of there and I came here.”
I got tired of crying and threw my hands in the air out of frustration, and then I laid back onto his bed. His pillow smelled like him and it was comforting. He laid down next to me but sat up a little and he put his hand on my shoulder.
“It’s not the end of the world man. You were afraid to tell me, right? Nothing happened. I didn’t hate you or tell anyone else.”
“But Lorena is different. She might tell my parents. I especially don’t want my dad to find out.”
“Why not? He’s cool.”
“Yeah, but he’s all machismo, you know. He always has been. He always makes a comment when I act too feminine or don’t like something that he thinks I should like, like sports or whatever. Fuck he’s going to kill me!” I can’t help it. I start crying again.
Robbie slides down to my level and wraps his arm around me. I lean into his chest and cry myself to sleep. When I wake up, I was still in Robbie’s arm with my head on his chest and he was sound asleep. I was about to pull myself up when he dad walked in the door, waking Robbie up. He froze.
“Oh...um…”
“Dad, um…”
“Sorry,” said Mr. Garza before shutting the door again.
“Shit,” said Robbie.
“Fuck, I’m sorry Robbie.”
“It’s cool, man. We can explain to him together. But, um…”
“What?” I ask.
“That requires you to tell him the truth...about you.”
Oddly enough, I was more okay with Mr. Garza knowing than I was my own father. Mr. Garza was never machismo like my dad. Also, I knew that if I asked him not to tell anyone, he would. I agreed to tell him the truth and Robbie and I walked out of the room together. Mr. Garza was in the kitchen, sipping his coffee and reading his newspaper at the kitchen table.
“Dad, can we talk?”
He looked up, pretending to be surprised to see us, but we knew that he heard us walk in. “Robbie, it’s ok. We don’t have to talk. I know what you’re going to say and it’s ok with me. I will always love you.”
“Dad, thanks, but that’s not what we’re about to tell you.”
“It’s not?”
“No.”
“Oh, okay. Tell me.”
Robbie looked over to me as if to queue me up. I took a deep breath. “I’m gay, Mr. Garza. But Robbie isn’t. I promise you. He’s 100 percent straight. He’s just my best friend. He was comforting me last night because I was scared to come out to my family and we just fell asleep like that. I promise you nothing is going on. We’re like brothers more than anything.”
There was a slight look of relief on Mr. Garza’s face that quickly turned to sadness. “Why are you afraid of coming out to your family?” He asked.
“I don’t think they’ll accept it, accept me, especially my dad.” He looked down in sadness as if he knew, and agreed. “Mr. Garza, please don’t tell anyone, especially my dad.”
“You don’t have to worry about that, Danny. I won’t tell anyone. But you have to tell your family eventually. They deserve to know you.”
“I will tell them eventually. Maybe when I’m off at college and I can’t get kicked out.”
His look of sadness deepened on his face. I was kind of used to the sadness in his face by now. About two years ago, Robbie’s mom past away from breast cancer. It was the saddest thing that had ever happened in my life. I wouldn’t say that I felt nearly as sad as Robbie did, but it was like losing my second mom. Mrs. Garza had always been there for me when I was angry at my parents or upset about things that I didn’t want to talk to my own mom about. I spend a lot of night’s at the Garza’s for about a year. Robbie didn’t want to be alone, so I never left him alone. I think we got a lot closer after that. It’s sad that those types of things bring people closer, but I guess if it ripped people apart it would be even sadder.
Mr. Garza made breakfast for the three of us. After I ate and thanked him, I got up to leave. Robbie offered to come home with me, but I told him that I had to go home by myself. I was pretty sure that I was going to tell Lorena that I was gay. Yes, after all that crying and protesting. I was going to go home and tell Lorena. Before I went home, though, I drove to my spot. When I parked, I took my cell phone out of my pocket. I saw lots of texts and missed calls and voicemails from Lorena. I decided to send her a text telling her that I was okay, that I spent the night at Robbie’s, and that I was going to be at my spot for a little while before I went home. She sent me a text back: I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU. I smiled at her text and go out of the car.
My spot was in a rocky section of the coast. To get to the beach I had to climb down some old rickety stairs that must have been built about fifty years prior. They were kind of built into the rocks in a way and it scared me every single time to go down those stairs. It was worth it to have some time to myself, though. It happened to be kind of hot that morning, which was a little unusual so early in June, but I really liked the heat. I felt comfortable enough to take my shirt off because there didn’t seem to be anyone around. I sat, holding my t-shirt and looking at waves move back and forth towards me and I cleared all of my thoughts.
I decided to stand up once I felt like I had relaxed enough. I put my t-shirt back on and started to walk along the shore, shoes in hand. Even though the day was hot, the sand didn’t feel as hot as it should be. As I walked a little further I started to run into people. There were people on their morning jogs, people setting up for their day at the beach. I just tried to ignore everyone and let that walk on the beach chill me out, but then I heard my name.
“Hey, Danny!”
I looked over and it was Owen. He was shirtless (good lord) and he was running over to me. It was playing in my head like those old cheesy episodes of Baywatch, in slow motion.
“Hey, Owen,” I said.
“You alright?” he asked.
“Yeah, I’m just here to think through some things.”
“Wanna hang with my friends and me? We’re just here for a chill beach day.”
“It’s ok,” I answered. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Owen!” a girl called him. My heart plummeted into my stomach.
“Chill!” He called back. I felt a little better. He seemed to talk to her like he did the rest of his friends.
“Come on,” he begged. “They’re really cool, I swear.”
Even though it was against my better judgment, I decided to go ahead and at least say hello to his friends. He got really excited and then led me over to them. They were all so pretty and athletic and I was the exact opposite of those things. It was all intimidating. When we reached them, they all looked at me with a confused look on their face.
“Guys, this is Danny. He’s the guy we hit with our football last week.”
He went around introducing his friends. There were three guys and two girls. The first guy’s name was Cody. He was tall and kinda pale with a curly blond mop on his head. Next was Hannah. She was a regular height for a girl, and probably on in some sort of sport because she had strong legs. Her hair was long and brown with some blonde highlights. Next to her was Bianca, she was tan with dark blonde hair and most likely in the same sport as Hannah. Next to Bianca was who I was assuming was her boyfriend because they were holding hands. His name was Derek. He was a tall black guy with a kind of thin frame. I would call him lanky, but he still seemed athletic. Next to Derek was Hugo. He was obviously Latino with dark skin and dark hair, quite handsome, but he wasn’t really my type. He had a strong build but was a little short. I awkwardly waved at them once Owen was finished introducing them.
“The only one of us that isn’t here today is Simone,” said Owen. “Hopefully, you can meet her soon.”
“What school do you go to?”
“Pacific,” I answered. They all looked at me like they had just smelled something really bad. “Maybe I should just go.”
“Naw man it's cool,” said Owen. “Look, guys, Danny is cool.”
“Owen, I’m just gonna go home. My sister is waiting for me anyway.”
I walked away before Owen could protest. I could feel all of their eyes on me as walked back to my spot. I could hear Owen cussing them out as I walked away. I could tell he was frustrated that they weren’t as welcoming as he made them sound. It was okay with me. I’m used to jocks like them not really welcoming me into their circles, or even looking at me really.

* * *

When I walked back into the house, Lorena was waiting for me again. She was sitting on the couch shaking her knee. The house was silent. There was so sign of my mother anywhere. I walked over to her and stood in front of her. She didn’t even look at me.
“The first thing I want to say is that I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run off like that and stayed away all night without saying anything. If it makes it better, I didn’t mean to stay all night at Robbie’s. I just fell asleep.”
She stood up and then stepped up to me. With a force that I’ve never seen her use, she started to slap my shoulders with both of her hands. “Don’t you ever fucking do that again! Do you hear me?!” Once she was done hitting me, she embraced me.
“I’m sorry, Lori. I was just really fucked up.” I held her by her shoulders. “Sit down.” We sat down next to each other on the couch.
“Danny, you don’t have to…”
“Yes, I do. It’s the least that I owe you.” She put her hand on my knee. “I wasn’t lying to you when I said that Owen and I were just friends. But…” I took a deep breath. “But I do have a crush on him because I’m gay.”
Lorena had a look of relief on her face as if she had finally heard what she had suspected from me. “Why were you so afraid to say it?”
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?” I could see a tear forming in her eye.
“That you and Victor and everyone would hate me, but mostly I was afraid that you would tell dad.”
“Danny, I would never tell anyone that you didn’t want me to tell.”
“I just know dad is going to hate me. You know how he is.”
She stayed silent, much in the way that Mr. Garza did when he knew I was right. She collected herself and then painted a smile on her face. “So, tell me about Owen. Do you think he likes you back?”
I laughed. “I doubt it. He’s straight.”
“How do you know? Did he tell you?”
“No, but he’s like a super jock. You should see all his friends. They’re all beautiful and athletic. I honestly don’t even know why he’s my friend.”
“Honestly I don’t know why either,” she said with a laugh.
“Hey!” I smacked her arm. “No, he can never know how I feel about it. He’ll just run away.”
“That’s not healthy, Danny. You can’t just bottle your feelings up.”
“Well, it’s better than not being around him at all.”
“Well, what about Robbie?”
“What about him?”
“Well aren’t you guys close?”
“EW! No. Robbie is straight. And even if he wasn’t that would be like dating Victor. Gross!”
She laughed. “Well, how am I supposed to know. He’s always sleeping over here.”
“He’s my best friend. He’s like my brother.”
Just then, the doorbell rang. Lorena got up to answer it. I was about to get up to go into my room when she called me from the doorway. I walked over to her and saw her standing beside Owen in the door.
“You have visitor,” she said with a smile.
“Owen…”
“I just came to apologize for my friends. They’re cool I swear, but sometimes they just don’t like new people coming into our group.”
“It’s ok, man. You don’t have to apologize.”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Owen, come in,” said Lorena.
“Lori, I’m sure he has to get home or something.”
“Actually, I can stay for a little...if you don’t mind.”
“Sure,” I answered. “I was just about to watch a movie in my room.”
“Cool,” he said and he sounded genuinely excited.
He followed me to my room. He closed the door behind him. I led him to my DVD collection. “Pick one,” I said.
“You want me to pick the movie?”
“Yeah, why not?”
He smiled and started to scan through all of my movies. “How about this one?” He pulled out The Notebook.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah, I’ve never seen it.”
I smiled and put the movie into the DVD player. He sat down on the floor in front of my bed and I sat beside him. We watched Allie and Noah fall in love as we sat only inches apart from each other. As the movie went on, I would notice him stretch to get more comfortable, which would cause to inch the tiniest bit closer to me. Around the scene where Allie and Noah kiss in the rain, we were so close that both our arms and knees were touching. My heart was racing out of my chest. I looked over at Owen and he was completely invested in the movie. He didn’t even notice me looking at him.
Once that fateful ending came around, Owen gasped and placed his hand on top of mine. I nearly had an aneurysm. As the credits rolled he didn’t take his hand from mine. Instead, he turned to look me in the eyes, his face only inches, maybe centimeters away from mine. I was feeling that familiar sting in my groin and I knew I was starting to get hard. I was going to look away and take my hand from under his, but then, he spoke.
“I can’t believe they died together. That was…”
“Amazing…” I finished his sentence. Our eyes didn’t leave each other.
Suddenly, he was leaning in even closer. I didn’t know what was happening, but I wasn’t going to try and stop it. As he leaned in further, his lips were now on mine and he was kissing me.