Sun-Kissed

I couldn’t believe how happy I was at the farmer’s market. Owen wasn’t worried about any one of his friends or people he knew seeing us together, so he was willing to hold my hand as we walked. A couple of people would stare at us, but it didn’t seem to phase him. I knew he saw them staring at us because he would look to me, almost as if to assure me that it was okay. It was like he was proud to be with me.
He spotted a flower stand and pulled me over. He bought me a single peony. It made me bright red and the flower stand owner seemed to think it was cute because she had the widest smile on her face. He let go of my hand to pay for the flower and that’s when a tall and thin Asian kid walked up to us.
“Owen Arnolds?”
Owen turned around and saw him. “Justin, hey, what’s up?” He turned to me. “This is Justin Chu, he goes to my school. He’s been in my homeroom class since freshman year.”
“Hey, I’m Danny,” I said.
“Awesome. What’re you guys doing here?”
“We’re just looking around,” Owen answered.
“Cool, I’m here with my mom. She likes to buy fresh ingredients for dinner.”
He turned back around and pointed to his mom who was looking at fresh tomatoes across from us.
“We gotta go,” said Owen “I’ll see you when school starts.”
I could see Justin’s face kind of fall. I felt the awkwardness of Owen cutting the conversation off quickly. Justin got the hint and walked back to his mom. After that, I felt the energy coming off of Owen wasn’t as open as it was earlier. I could tell that seeing someone he knew from school shook him. We walked the rest of the market in silence. He didn’t hold my hand anymore. He was too scared.

* * *

When August came around and Owen’s football camp had started, he started spending all of his days at school, practicing with his team. Even the weekends sometimes were devoted to him going out with his football friends. I tried to not let it get to me, but I felt like as soon as his old life came back, he forgot about me. He forgot about everything that happened between us. I could feel him becoming more and more distant.
I still never told him about my scholarship, even though Lorena kept begging me to tell him. She said that he would change if he just knew that we didn’t have to separate once the school starts. She told me that he was probably being distant just so it would be easier when the time came. I knew that she was probably right, but for some reason, I just thought that I wanted to surprise him and make him so happy that he would have to just come out and tell everyone about us.
So, on the first day of school, I looked at myself in the mirror in my new Shoreline Prep uniform, I took a deep breath walked downstairs. My mom was waiting to take me to the bus stop. I had to take the bus because Shoreline Prep was so far away and with my mom’s new job at the hospital, she wouldn’t have enough time to take me all the way. She parked across the street from the school because the front of the school was too packed with cars. She stopped me before I could get out of the car.
“Don’t think I forgot that I still haven’t met Owen. I know he goes to this school. When you see him, tell him that he’s invited for dinner next week.”
“Mom!” I wined.
“I’m serious mijo. Now, have a good day and try to make some friends.”
She pointed at her cheek and I gave her a kiss.
I walked up to shoreline prep, which was literally on the beach, and saw all of the boys and girls in their private school uniforms and suddenly it was very real. The boys work royal blue blazers with white shirts, blue ties, and dark grey khakis. The girls wore white shirts with the same blue ties and dark grey skirts.
It seemed like everyone was headed to the quad, which I knew the location of because I took a tour and signed up for classes about a week ago. I went into the quad which consisted of a hanging garden and lots of tables and benches for students to sit at. I looked around to see if I could spot Owen, but there were so many students and they were all wearing the same thing. It was hard to tell who was who. I did spot Cody so I followed him with my eyes in hopes that possibly Owen would be nearby. I was right. He was there with all of his old football friends. He even seemed chummy with Cody again. He was so damn cute in his uniform. Before I could even go over there, he spotted me across the quad. He looked like a saw a ghost and not really too happy to see me. So, I bolted. Not long after, I got a text message from him.

“Meet me behind the cafeteria. Do you know where it’s at?” he texted.
“Of course I know,” I replied.

There was still about ten minutes before the first bell rang so we had plenty of time. I walked over to the cafeteria. I had to walk to the other side of the quad and past the front offices. When I got to the back of the cafeteria, there was no one there, which was probably why Owen wanted us to meet there. I waited for probably less than a minute before Owen came around the corner as if he was sneaking around. He looked around before he started talking to me.
“What the hell are you doing here and with that uniform on?”
I put my hand on his shoulder, but he smacked it off. “Relax, there was a scholarship contest and I won. I thought you’d be happy. We get to go to the same school.”
“Happy? Danny, I’m not out. I can’t be out. We can’t be together at this school.”
“I didn’t expect to walk around holding hands and being boyfriends, Owen. I just thought that it would be nice to at least hang out and be friends.” I made quotation signs with my hands around the word ‘friends.’
“Are you serious? That would be the biggest red flag ever. ‘Oh why is Owen suddenly hanging out with the gay boy?’”
“You know, if I had known that you were an asshole, I would have told you to fuck off a long time ago. Before I fell in love with you.”
I shoved him into the wall and walked off. He called after me, but I didn’t pay any attention. It was hard to concentrate on school the whole day. It was a good thing that it was the first day and nothing really important happened. I broke down at lunch. I sat in front of the band room, which had a little cafe table and chairs in front of it and was secluded from the cafeteria so no one else was there. I sat there with my tray of food and broke down into tears. Then, Justin Chu walked out of the band room. I quickly wiped my tears.
“Hey, I know you right?”
I sniffled and looked at him. “Yeah, I met you like two months ago at the farmer’s market.”
“Oh, that’s right. You were with Owen. I didn’t know you went here.”
“It’s my first day.”
“Is your first day that bad? Do you hate it here?”
“No, it’s not the school. I actually really love it here. I’m just...having a bad day.”
Justin sat down next to me. “Is it Owen?”
“What do you mean?”
Justin rolled his eyes. “I saw the body language between you and Owen. Honestly, it shocked me a little, but speaking as the resident out gay here at Shoreline, I can tell that you and he are together.” I started crying again. “Were...together?” He put his hand on my hand. It felt very reassuring. “What happened?”
“You can’t tell anyone. Owen would kill me,” I say through my cries.
“I’m not gonna tell anyone, relax. What the hell happened?”
“You’re very nosy for someone who I met once two months ago.”
“Sorry, gosh, I’m just trying to help you.”
He starts to get up, but I stop him. “You really won’t say anything? Especially to Owen.”
“I promise. Whatever you say to me is strictly confidential.” He put his hand over his heart and gave me a handsome smile.
“So, I’ve been going out with Owen since June.”
“June?!” His eyes went wide.
“Yeah, June. Anyway, before I met him I entered this contest to get a scholarship here. When I won it, I didn’t tell him because I thought he would like the surprise, but all he did was treat me like shit and tell me that we can’t even be friends at school because he’s not out.”
“Wow, that’s totally shitty.”
“I mean, I lost my virginity to him.”
“Wow, okay, totally more information than I wanted, but ok yeah that’s not cool. I didn’t know Owen was such an asshole. He’s usually one of the nice jocks. You know he says hello to us lowly people and actually learns our names.” When there wasn’t a reply from me. He went on. “Look, if you don’t have anyone else here, you can hang out with me and my friends.”
“Thanks, Justin. That’s super nice of you.”
Justin sat and ate lunch with me. We didn’t speak anymore. The silence was comforting. When the bell rang, Justin decided to walk to me to my next class, English. We walked through the quad to get there. We ran into Owen. There was a girl all over him and he didn’t seem to be trying to stop her, in fact, he was kind of all over her too. As soon as he saw me, he bolted.
“Wow, that was classic asshole wasn’t it,” said Justin as soon as pretty much everyone cleared away.
“You know, I think I can make it from here,” I said.
Justin patted me on the back and I went my own way.

After school, I was supposed to take the bus, but I decided to walk so I could gather my thoughts alone. It was far, but I knew I needed the time. I was on my way out when I got a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and it was Owen.
“What do you want?” I asked as I rolled my eyes.
“Hey, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”
“For what, Owen. You packed in a lot of shit in one day. You’re going to have to be specific.”
He put his head down and then looked back up with me. “So, what were you doing with Justin?”
“Oh don’t give me the jealous boyfriend schtick when you were practically humping that girl in the middle of the quad.”
“Hey, lower your voice.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Not that it’s any of your business anymore, but Justin saw me crying and he was just being nice. If you hadn’t been an asshole to me all day, maybe I wouldn’t have needed him.”
I started to walk away, but he stopped me. “Danny, at least let me take you home.”
“Why don’t you take your new girlfriend home. I bet she would love that.”

“I knew it!” Robbie yelled as he paced his room. “I knew he was going to fuck you over like this. I’m going to kick his ass. Where does he live? I’m going over there right now!”
I went to Robbie’s because I thought I wouldn’t be able to deal with Lorena’s question and eventual anger when I told her what Owen had done, but it seems as though Robbie is just as bad.
“Robbie, calm down. It’s my own fault. I knew I should have never fallen for a straight boy.”
“Nope, I can’t. I told him. I know he remembers. He can’t fuck with you like this. Who the fuck does he think he is?”
I stood up, stopped him from pacing and put my hands on his shoulders. “It’s ok. I knew it wasn’t going to last.”
He looked at me skeptically. “You wouldn’t have had sex with him if that was true, Danny. I know you.”
I don’t know why I thought I could tell Robbie a lie and he would believe it. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. As soon as he called me out, I started to cry. I cried because I knew that I gave myself to Owen because I thought that maybe he loved me because I was beginning to love him. I thought that if he loved me that we would be together for a long time. I gave myself to Owen and he spat in my face. Robbie brought me to him and wrapped me in his arms. I felt so much better in his arms. I felt safe. Somehow I knew that Robbie would always take care of me.
My phone started to ring. I picked it up because it was my mom.
“I know I said I wanted to meet Owen, mijo, but I meant for you to be here when I do. Here’s here on our couch waiting for you. He looks upset. Did something happen?”
“Oh my god, okay thanks, mom. I’ll be right there.”
“What’s up?” Robbie asked.
“Owen’s at my house with my mom.”
“Oh, that’s it! Come on, we’re going.”
I didn’t really have much choice. Robbie took my arm and drug me out of his house and into his car. When we arrived at my house, he was going to get out, but I stopped him. I convinced him that this was my battle and he couldn’t fight every battle for me. He settled down but said that he would be waiting outside if I needed him. I agreed to let him wait.
I walked inside my house like there was a bomb waiting for me inside. The first person I saw, in the hallway, was my mother. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and a big hug.
“What is going on mijo. He looks like someone ran over his dog.”
“Mom, can I just handle this on my own. We’re going to go into my room to talk and I just need some privacy. No listening.”
She agreed. I went to the living room to get Owen and brought him to my room. I closed the door behind us. He stood over by my television and I sat on my bed.
“Don’t you have football practice or something?” I asked.
“I told Coach that I had a family emergency.”
“Oh, is that what I am to you?”
“Danny, please let me explain.”
“What? What have you got to say? I’m not going to let you sweet talk me into forgiving you.” I laughed out of frustration and trying not to cry. “I thought I was falling in love with you. I gave you my virginity. And you obviously don’t give a shit about any of that. You obviously don’t give a shit about me.”
“I got scared, Danny! I’ve never felt this way about a guy before. I thought I could separate you from my school friends so that way I could take my time and deal with my feelings. But with you at the same school as me, it was like all of a sudden I had to deal with both of these worlds of mine clashing and it scared the hell out of me.”
“Ok and what about that girl? You gonna tell me that making out with that girl was helping you cope with your feelings for me?”
“No, there’s no excuse for that except that I was kind of going out with her before last year ended. We ended things before summer but it was basically because she was going to Europe for the summer. She jumped me right before you and Justin got there and caught me off guard.”
“I sympathize with you, Owen, I do, but I can’t live like this. If you think we’re going to keep seeing each other in secret but act like we don’t even know each other in public, you are very wrong.”
I could see tears well up in Owen’s face. “Please, Danny. I really care about you and I don’t want to lose you.”
“I don’t want to lose you either and I understand that you’re not ready to be out. Come and find me when you’re ready and maybe we can talk.”
He came towards me starting to bed. He fell to his knees right in front of me and put his head in my legs. “Please, Danny, I have never felt like this for anyone, not even a girl. Please, you have to give me a chance.”
“Please don’t do this, Owen. Just leave. Don’t make me get Robbie. He’s waiting outside and I had to practically handcuff him to his car to keep him from coming in here and beating you up.”
He stood up, wiped his tears and let himself out. I never thought I would see Owen like that or talk to him like that. I never thought I would have to talk to anyone like that. I thought that my judgment was better. The first beautiful jock that pays any attention to me, I fall for him. I felt like a complete idiot and I was never going to forgive myself.
Once Owen was gone, I saw Robbie drive off as well. I made sure to text him to not do anything stupid like follow Owen. He promised he wouldn’t, but I didn’t know that I believed him. I almost didn’t care if he lied to me or not. Part of me really believed that Owen might deserve whatever Robbie gave to him. I felt bad so I started to go through my backpack to start the little homework that was assigned on the first day of classes. When I was going through to find a pen in my front pocket, I felt a piece of paper that wasn’t in there before. I pulled it out. It was a note from Justin.
“If you ever need me, call me,” said the note and under it was his number.
The note made me picture him in my head. I thought of his wispy black hair, his bright smile, and light brown skin. It made me smile.