You Were All Yellow

April 11, 2017. The day that will stick in my head forever. For more than one reason. It was the day he broke my heart. It was the day before my life changing vacation. It was the day before I had to face what I was dreading the most. It was the day I was set free.

Let me take you back to where we met first. It was 2011 and I was a barista at coffee shop in a general store. I had just failed out of my first semester of college because booze and boys were more exciting to me than classes and teachers. My mom forced me to get a job because now that I was home I was responsible for my own money. It was a few months of me working before I noticed him. The first time I saw him was at the entrance doors of where we worked. He was wearing a security uniform and I thought to myself “Oh my god he is so cute”. His smile was instantly my favorite thing on him and to this day it still is.

At this point in my life I was more confident than I ever was. Before college I had no experience with boys, none of them were close to being men, and I’d barely kissed anyone let alone had sex. But my first day at college I was determined to break that, and I did. The first guy I met on my first night of college that I was attracted to, became my first victim. I was like a black widow. I wouldn’t stop until he was mine. After that, I became addicted to the high of finding my next and making him mine. It was all so new and exciting, and I never regretted any of it. I still don’t. My college days were my favorite days. Everything was new to me. Sex, alcohol, drugs. I learned something every day and used what I learned the following day to make things better and more exciting. I owe what I know now to those days.

By now I was confident about myself and talking to boys, so I causally started talking to him from behind the barista counter. We started out as friends, but I instantly had a crush on him. There was this energy between us that was so indescribable.

Let me warn you, during our story there are so many times I should have left. There were so many warnings where I should have bolted and never looked back. But I was blindly in love. Now, I truly believe that everything was meant to happen to bring me to where I am today. I was never one to believe in ‘What is meant to be, will be’. I always scoffed at anyone who told me that and immediately thought it was just bullshit people with low self-confidence said to make THEMSELVES feel better.

Anyway, we started out as friends. He would come over to my counter and I’d sneak him free drinks, blushing when my hand brushed his as I handed it to him. There was a quiet confidence about him that I thought was so attractive. And how could I resist a man in uniform? Sometimes I think he would be extra rough with the guys he caught stealing just so I could watch and think he was some badass dude. Which I absolutely did. It was a few months of flirting before we ever hung out. I was always dropping hints that I had no plans or was free a certain weekend. I thought he was clueless until he asked what I was doing one Friday

“Not much actually. I think I’m seeing a movie with my friend Amanda but that’s it” I said smiling at him hoping by the end of this conversation he and I would have a date.

“Oh that’s cool” he said blankly

“Yeeeeah” I said holding out the e. “What about you any fun plans?” I had to think of something quick to say before the conversation died out.

“Not yet. But here’s my number. Text me and maybe we can plan something” he said as he wrote his number down. I felt like I was going to black out, I was so excited. I was finally getting a guy’s number I’m in to! Mind you, I was never in a real relationship my whole 19 years of life so this was bug to me. I just nodded, and he walked away to go back to the doors to do his job. I immediately texted him saying it was me. I didn’t play it cool because I was so excited my first real crush gave me his number.

I immediately called Amanda.

“Hey, Emma! What’s going on? Aren’t you supposed to be at work?” she answered the phone quickly, but I cut her off.

“Yes, I’m at work now but don’t have much time to talk. I just wanted to let you know that Anthony gave me his number! I’m freaking out!” I had no chill in my voice. Amanda was just as excited as I was since I constantly talked about him.

“Holy shit! Holy shit! You have to invite him to come to the movies with us. It’ll be perfect” she said with as much enthusiasm as me.

"You think? Ok maybe. But I’m nervous” I said as a chuckled.

The conversation went on for a couple minutes before I hung up, not before I agreed to invite him. Later that day I did just that and he agreed.

That was the start of the next crazy 6 years to come. And looking back, it should have been the last day.