Not Alone

(Liza's POV)

I stood there in the long mirror for who knows how long, just staring at my decaying self. I had cancer and from the looks of it, I knew it wasn't going to be long before it was my time to go. But there was still something that I had to take care of first before I could depart from this cruel world. I had to tell him exactly how I felt. Sure, I could have done it years ago before I even knew I had this dreaded disease. But he was married then and had two sons to look after until fairly recently when he had filed for divorce a few months ago. Regardless of it all, he's been by my side through everything though. The past five years that I've known him have been the best times of my entire life. He was 24 when we first met, I was 20. How we met was I actually had been attending one of his band's shows. I accidentally ran into him after it was over out back of the club, smoking a cigarette. He said he didn't really smoke but his nerves had gotten the best of him and thought it would help, so I gave him one. Then from there on, we just became incredibly close friends until it eventually blossomed into a best friendship, if you will. Sure, there were times when I thought that it would develop into something more, but then she came along after being left back at home for the last couple of years once his success had been booming into something stable. Her name isn't important, but the role she plays in this is. She was his longtime girlfriend who didn't follow after him to L.A when he got the chance to join Linkin Park, she stayed in Arizona in case things didn't work out. So he made absolutely no mention of her to me until one day out of the blue when we were at lunch together and he showed me her picture.

To say that I was crushed, is a total understatement. He knew that something was up and being the caring person he was, he immediately asked me about how I felt. I of course lied and said I was extremely happy for him, that I should have known someone as awesome as him had somebody waiting for him. He must have known that I was lying because once we had left the restaurant he had given me the longest hug that he had ever given me in the time that I had known him. I didn't reject it though, because lets face it, his hugs were amazing like him. So here comes the rest of the little details before I continue on with my plans for today. She moved out here in the summer of 01 and ended up pregnant not shortly after. I supported him throughout the entire thing and she of course didn't like it one bit. Only then his son was born in the spring of that next year and almost everything had changed except for me still being there in his life at often random times. She would always be super angry and almost jealous whenever he and I would be hanging out or anything of that sort instead of being home with her and the baby. But he wouldn't give up our friendship for anything, he always promised me that. Now the months had dragged on and he was constantly leaving for tour but he still had always made it a point to call or text me every chance that I had got and of course, once again, she put her two cents in. She told him that if he didn't stay away from me, she would pack up and leave back to Arizona with their son. So what do you think he did?

It took five months of not seeing him for her to finally let go of his leash and let him come back to me. That's when something else terrible had happened, he married her in the time we had been apart. He admitted that he had wanted to tell me, that he wanted me to apart of it all, but she refuse relentlessly. I then learned of his older son from a previous girlfriend, who was already 7 years old when I had met him at a show he had brought him to. I remember teasing him that he was going to end up with twenty kids by the time he was 40 if he didn't slow down. He laughed loudly but ultimately didn't disagree. "I love kids, they're my absolute life." That stuck with me for the next two years, until where we are now. I still couldn't fathom it all when he had asked me to go with him to the lawyer's office to file for divorce from her. I remember feeling so happy and ecstatic all in one moment as we got there and he had filled out all the necessary paperwork to be sent to her. Sure, it was hard to watch him, he was struggling mentally and emotionally, but thankfully, I along with his other friends and band mates, were all there for him. Of course though, when I had asked him to go with me to a doctor's appointment because I had been having unusual headaches and dizzy spells so much, was when all of our lives were horribly changed. They told me I had developed cancer. Sure, it was caught early and I had a high chance of beating it, but my own body and mind had thought otherwise. I knew I was going to end up dying and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it to save me. Not even him, the man that I had sold my entire life to.

So here we are to the present moment again and I'm still left standing there looking over at myself. He had written me little sticky notes that he had managed to stick practically everywhere with his many words of wisdom and encouragement. "Chester's Corner" was what we had dubbed the special space. "Liza! Chester is downstairs waiting for you!" I can hear my sister yelling to me downstairs. His name instantly brought both a smile and tears, because it just hit my heart that hard. But before I can gather my things together, my face is already being met instantly with his gorgeous brown eyes. "Hey there, beautiful." Ah, how I loved the little names he had called me at times. I instantly hug onto him as much as I can and he responds with the same if not more. "Are you ready for the day I have planned ahead for us?" I shake my head with a semi eager smile. I only hoped he was ready for the idea that I had planned for him. We head down to the front door before stopping a minute to say goodbye to my sister Drea. She mouths a simple "Good luck." once Chester has his back turned and I just grin hopefully. She was the only one who knew about my love for him, aside from his band mates, they knew it was that obvious seeing as he and I were always together. We get inside his car and he reaches towards the backseat before returning with a small bag in his hands. "Open it." He instructs me with a grin. I hesitate some before doing as he says. I admired every little gift I had ever received from him but these ones almost felt like they were out of pity.

It's nothing more than a simple note that had been folded over a few times. I look at him puzzled but that only causes him to grin more. "Read it." I do again as he says before shooting him another confused stare. It said 'To the place where we first met.' which could only mean the small club that had since been demolished in the last year. "We're going to the old Gold Mine? Why?" He doesn't say anything in response and instead just reaches out with his free hand to grab onto mine as we drive down the winding roads. Well, this isn't exactly the way that I had planned for things to go but none the less the only thing that mattered was that I was spending time with him. The black polish on his nails had been picked at and I immediately noticed that the wedding ring he had tattooed on his finger from her had been covered up and turned into something else. Was that the whole reason why he did that? So I would see that he covered it? Well I didn't want to question or push it any further because in reality I knew he was still completely devastated over her but he just wanted to do his best not to show it. He had a way of covering up how he was feeling by portraying these happy faces and what not, but those who really knew him like I do, knew that he was upset. When we get there, the old remains of the building that are still left standing are withered and rotting away just like they had been. We get out and Chester then instructs for me to follow him down the narrow alley way to the back of the building so we're at the exact spot where we indeed first met. Once we get to it, he immediately hands me another note. This time it reads 'Look for the shining light in the darkness.' Alright, whatever that means, I'll give it my best shot.

Now I'm standing there looking around like a lost fool in the shadows of the building for this supposed light that I was apparently going to find. Only of course when I look a little deeper, sure enough, there's a flashlight that had been strategically placed beside a dumpster with what else, another note attached to it. 'You found the light, now shine it at a star.' Hmm, it couldn't mean to point it at the sky, it was barely noon, the sky was blue and a star couldn't be found in sight. As cheesy as it sounded, I decided to shine it right on Chester because technically he was the only star that could be found right at this moment. Sure enough, I had found my star. He held in his hands another bag which I took carefully before looking inside. There was a small box this time with a bow and a little card stuck to it. I opted for reading it instead of going straight to the gift in case there was another clue. But this time it was no clue, it was more like a simple confession that made my heart stop beating. 'For my little Liza, whose light has always shown brightest in my darkest days. You are the reason my heart keeps beating.' No, this had to be some kind of sick joke. There was absolutely no way that he would ever be saying anything like this to me. He had only been away from her for the last couple of months, this had to be some kind of mistake. Maybe he was only doing this because he knew too that it was going to be my time soon. None of this made sense, I didn't even dare look inside the box now. "Open it, Liz." I'm trembling and on the verge of tears as my eyes meet his soft and yearning ones. He's anxiously watching my every move as I somehow manage to get my hands steady enough to take out the box. I feel as if I'm going to pass out any minute as I fidget with the clasp on it. I want to look away once I get it undone, but I just can't.

There was a pendant in the shape of a light bulb attached to a silver chain. I take it out of the case and look at it longingly. This wasn't real, none of this was happening. Only when I feel the touch of his cold hands placing the jewelry around my neck, I know for sure this was really happening. "Chester I-" But nothing else is said as then the touch of his soft lips are felt being pressed against mine. It wasn't supposed to go like this, I was supposed to tell him how I felt, I was supposed to be the one to fit all the pieces together. He deepened it some and in that moment I knew it was over. When we pulled away, both our faces were red with a sense of embarrassment. "What were you going to say?" I shake my head as tears are flowing down my cheeks now. He quickly takes me into his arms in a tight hug and that only succeeds in making me sob worse. Why is it when you're dying, you get everything in the world you could have ever hoped for without even having to try? I guess that was just the way the universe worked. "I don't want to see you cry, Liza. Please, just tell me what you're trying to say, please?" He's practically pleading with me and I can't bare to see him this way. So with the last ounce of courage that I have left, I decide to tell him everything that I had ever been holding back. "I wasn't expecting any of this. I wanted to be the one to throw in the surprise twist but hey I guess beggars can't be choosers, right? I love you, Chester Bennington. I have loved you, from the moment I fucking met you in this exact damn spot. From that moment you asked me for a cigarette even though you didn't smoke, I knew this was going to seal away my fate. I don't care that I have cancer, I don't care that I'm dying, I don't care that I potentially can die at any minute, the only thing that I do care about, is you. I've been dreaming for a moment like this since I can remember. You were the only reason that I didn't end my life the day that I even found out about this disease. You kept me grounded and made sure that nothing ever tore me away from you. You brought me around your kids, your band mates, your family, your friends. You didn't let her keep me away from you, you didn't let anything stop us from being together. I thought it was a lost cause, I honestly didn't think you were ever going to feel this way about me, but now that I know that you clearly do, I want to make sure that this isn't out of pity just because I'm sick. I don't want to break your heart all over again and leave you completely alone in case that I do end up dying, Chester. But if you really do feel this way like I feel for you, then I want you to know that I'm going to keep fighting for you and for my life."

He doesn't say anything as the tears are coming down his face this time and it's breaking my heart to watch this. So when I put a hand to his cheek, he only stops for a minute to catch his breath. "This isn't because of you being sick, I promise you. This is my whole heart, that I knew belonged to you the minute I had first met eyes with you in the crowd. Why do you think I came outside in the first place? I was intentionally looking for you, Liza. My whole heart, my entire everything, it all belongs to you. I tried for so long to make things work between me and her but I knew it was just a facade, because my heart had already made its decision about who it wanted. And it chose you, Liz. I do love you, and you're always going to have me. I know that there's a chance that we may not be able to be together, but I don't want to think about that. The only thing that I want to think about right now, is making it up to you for all these lost years. I love you, Liza. You're not alone, I'm here for you and I always will be."