Salt

The elevator ride up wasn't much to make note of. While my parents didn't bite each other's heads off, there wasn't any sort of small talk either. Going up four flights and not a word said in between? It's not the most comfortable use of my time. Now I really wished Fletcher had taken me up on my offer, I was desperate enough I'd likely even add the Chief.

Now, that would be a whirlwind and a half. My friend and I may or may not have recovered from our encounter at the station, but my curiosity was peaked. I bet he and I wouldn't get a word in edgewise.

The ping alerted us we had arrived and, as we stepped off, I hung back to text Jett. I'd forgotten to update him when I'd arrived with Zoey. Like Fletcher, he wasn't keen on this place, although his was definitely more scarring in comparison.

The reply was instant.

        Good. I hope you're both ok, thinking of you x.

Pocketing it, I didn't tell anyone else, and I doubted he would either. If there's one thing Jett valued above anything else, it was privacy.

My parents were long gone, and I had the random notion maybe I best leave them with her for a while. If I hadn't drilled it into their heads enough that they needed to pick it up, then Zoey would definitely make sure.

They weren't stupid and my mom seemed understanding when it was just us, so the best I could do was basically hold out hope.

It sounded ridiculous, it was my mom and dad, I suppose, but I wanted to believe. I wanted them to realize we had each other's backs, even if some were to the wall and unconscious of the darts being propelled.

I was so caught up in my fantasy that when I heard raised voices, it was too late to intervene.

I made it to Zoey's room, where my parent's joined forces in a competition of who could piss Jesse off the fastest. Most of the yelps were ineligible, but I dashed in there before hands were literally thrown.

Zoey sat up to attention when I entered, frantic but unable to disrupt.

"Do something."

I lunged forward, to Jesse's side as he remained calm but still made sure to get his penetrating words in. Things were a flurry, I couldn't concentrate on anything long enough to get my facts straight.

"Ashley, get him out of here. Don't you know it's family hours?" My father sneered from the edges of his wrinkled lips. He blinked rapidly, unfocused. "You broke up with her, why don't you do us all a favor and piss off?"

Once again, Jesse wrenched himself out of my mother's vice grip.

"You think I wanted to? I live with knowing what I did every day, who I was. I'm better now, I swear, I didn't come here to upset anyone."

"You shouldn't have come at all!"

"Stop it!" I pulled them all apart, my hand splayed across my ex's broad and hot chest as I met eyes with my equally as furious parents'. "I don't know why you're acting like this and, frankly, I don't care. You're adults. Zoey is in this awful place because we're like this. Not a single word," I raised a finger to shush my folks as they tried to interrupt.

I whipped around to face Jesse who, besides some nostril flaring, appeared as normal.

I could distinguish their retreating footsteps as I examined him head to toe. No visible bruises. Well, at least they all came out unscathed.

"Thanks, Ash, I–"

"I didn't do it for you, but we're not finished here either."

He was looking for more from me, but nodded.

"Can we..." We all faced a blackened Zoey as she fiddled with her bracelet, purposely addressing the creased porcelain sheets. If she was avoiding us, then she was doing a great job so far. "Can we be alone please?"

"Sweetie, I don't think–"

"Mom. Please?"

Although I couldn't suppress the twisted smile that took up residence on my face, I obliged. I had to practically drag mom and dad out of there, as not a single eye left their stagnant frames. Shoes squeaked the linoleum or tiled floor, sharp and harsh enough to inflict pain.

Before I shut the door behind us, I flicked at the blinds momentarily.

Mr and Mrs Hawkins took opposite ends of the bench that faced the room. I rolled my eyes, so it looked like we were back to square one again. Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-crotch-and-spit-on-your-neck fantastic?

I drowned out all my other senses, as I peered through the gap in the blinds. Jesse and Zoey were indeed talking, but going by the way he strolled towards her bed and stroked his thumb along her blue knuckles, there was no guarantee it was anything innocent.

A few splashes of tears, a strong squeeze and sad smiles... I couldn't put out the fire that had suddenly arisen from within me. I couldn't quell it, the pit in my stomach fed it, as the smoke travelled up into my lungs. Crushed me so crushingly I forgot how to breathe.

My sister and my ex-boyfriend. I'd rather die than see the end to this classic fairytale.

A collective of minutes later, everybody shot out of their seats when the door opened, Jesse not long after it. His radiant golden hair was now tied back and his brown eyes had somehow gotten darker.

He found me first, having moved to the corner to gather myself. He didn't spare a glance towards the married couple as they rushed back into the room, leaving me alone with the man I knew inside and out.

Well, at least I used to think I did. Doubt was a funny thing, even when you were certain you knew everything there was to possibly discover about a person, little details somehow escaped anyway.

Instinctively, I hugged my arms. The sweet embrace that I craved forbidden, especially to me.

"Sorry about that. I just, I heard about what happened and I had to make sure she was alright. You know?"

My arms tightened.

"How?"

"What?"

"Who told you? I didn't, she sure as hell didn't and my parents pretty much hate you... so who could possibly tell?"

Jesse vehemently licked his bottom lip, eyes darting back to the door before returning to me. I'd seen those eyes connect with me a million times before. Telepathically, sensually and spiritually – but never like this. The bitter truth was: I goaded him to be bitter.

"Does it matter? She's okay. You're okay. That's why I'm here."

The softness of his voice contradicted the expression resting on his beautiful face. Any other day, I'd allow that voice to wrap around me and serenade me to sleep, but this wasn't like the ones before it. Today had been cruel, almost casually so in comparison to recent events, that didn't mean it wasn't hard. I was exhausted.

Exhaling, I let it go. I wouldn't get any answers tonight. I wasn't even sure if there was any, or if I were just simply being paranoid and clutching at straws.

Brushing past him, I didn't know why I was so startled when he laced his fingers through mine.

"You've been ghosting me when you explicitly said that we needed to talk. Can we do it now?"

Save me when I'm drowning at night, I wanted to scream. Kiss me and tell me you love me. Confirm I'm the best thing in your life. Reassure me until the night terrors stop their haunts. There was so much I needed from him, so much we were continuing to hold onto – but it was time to walk away.

"No, I-I have to get back to Zoey." Letting go of the hand that once caressed me as we made love at two in the morning, I refused to look back.

I shut the door.

Only to return to a room surrounded by wide eyes, shallow breaths and deep cuts. Every one of them swallowed me, each a challenge I couldn't rise to.

My mom and dad exchanged a look, encouraged by a nod from Zoey.

Taking it as their cue, I was left alone once again with my sister. The constant thrum and beat of the machine matched my heart, to every sickening echo. The rest of the world was quiet, but we were in living color.

"Okay, I need to tell you something, you might not like it," Biting the inside of her cheek, she also arched a brow. "In fact, I know you won't, but I can't keep doing this."

I sat at the edge of her bed, confining myself to it when I was wholly aware she wanted me closer, enough to keep by her side.

I clutched her hand, which was no longer freezing cold. A good sign, finally.

"It's... it's..." She trailed off, breath becoming steadily uneven.

"Hey, it's okay, it can wait, whatever it is. We don't need to get bogged down with–"

"It was Jesse's."

Bullets sprayed and ricochet, as the swell in my chest burst until laughter was everything. It was in the walls, the multiple machines whose sole purpose was to keep my sister alive and well, and it was also in my veins. Spread through me like my own personal medicine.

Tension filtered in and out, but the giggles never stopped, even when my sister was nothing but serious.

"Ashley."

"Don't make anymore jokes, please."

She looked down. "I'm not. You stormed out on mom, I came home and she suspected you probably went to Jesse's, so I... I came to collect you and bring you home. You weren't there but there was a note in your handwriting, saying you needed to talk or whatever. And next to that was a bag. At first, I thought 'hey, she made herself a sandwich and forgot to take it', but I peeked inside and... I took it."

I was cold. Weeping. Slammed my foot hard and fast down on the brakes but still managed to crash. The wreckage wasn't easy, it didn't deliver me. Instead, it engulfed me and awaited for the rain to come pouring.

It rained here, day and night. Night and day. Hypothermia could greet me like an old friend and I'd sit and stay like the good girl I was.

No confetti, just monsoons for the rest of my days, and I'd never be clean again.