I Was Counting on Forever
T W O
“When I asked to come up and say a few words my first question was ‘What do I say?’ Each person I had asked told me the same thing, a memory you see as the best or your favorite. My reply was that there are way too many to pick from, so I‘ll give you an outline of the time Paul and I had together and tell about the things I remember most about him.” She recited the words she had written down on her loose leaf piece of paper while trying not to cry. There was no doubt though that tears would be shed before she walked off of that stage she was standing on behind the podium. In front of her sat all the people Paul held close to his heart, as well as a few he didn’t care to much for, but it was nice of them to come. “I met Paul in sixth grade. It’s hard for me to process that was already 15 years ago now. I met him through our mutual friend Jack when we all were hanging out over at his house one day after school. I couldn’t stand the guy the first time we met. He had spilled his drink on me and by the end of the night told me I talked a lot and called me annoying. He was probably right. After that night there was hardly a time I met up with Jack and he wasn’t there. It’s true that he grew on me. He asked me to be his girlfriend the night of homecoming sophomore year, and of course I said yes. Our first date was a movie then Dairy Queen after, he spilled his ice cream on me that time.” The memory made her chuckle as the tears that she had been trying her hardest to keep at bay were now beginning to make their way to her eyes. She quickly tried to wipe them away before they made her make up run while she was up front in front of everyone. “But he apologized this time. We stayed together all through the remainder of our high school time and both headed to University for our first year of college together. He proposed to me a year later. A lot of you I’m sure are aware that our wedding was planned to happen in two weeks.” She paused to regain her composure so she could finish and exit the stage. “I know that Paul is gone, but my memories aren’t, and they are things I hope I never lose or forget. Paul taught me a lot of things. How to love, fight and still love ‘cause I swear that man drove me up the wall half the time but I loved him with everything I am, and how to live like I’ve got nothing to lose. He would be honored to see all of you here today, so thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming…. All my love Paul.” The young girl quietly and quickly made her way off of the stage and back to her seat on the first row of pews in the small church where the ceremony was being held.
“Next we have close friend Jack Barakat.” She watched as her best friend made his way up the steps and set his piece of paper down on the podium, preparing himself to give his speech he had written the night before.
“Hello, um I’m not really sure what to say. I’ve never given a eulogy before. I was hoping I would never have to. Paul was one of my best friends growing up, we pretty much did everything together. We liked the same sports, same movies, and genre of music, everything. I remember a couple months back having a talk with him about our futures, he thanked me for introducing him to Johanna, he told me about their life plans, how they wanted a family. He made me truly see that loving someone wasn’t as bad as it seems. He gave me hope, that one day I might find a girl like Jo to give my whole heart to and hopefully be able to trust her with it. I looked up to him more than he will ever know. He was a great man. Thank you.” He exited the stage and returned to his seat. As the funeral went on Johanna felt more and more out of touch with everything going on around her. This couldn’t be happening. This can’t be real. This wasn’t how their future looked when they planned it all out. This was never part of their plans.
She walked emotionless as they escorted her to the limo she was to ride over to the cemetery in, she had no feeling, she saw no point in emotions anymore. Nothing would ever make this right.
She sat in her chair and watched as the priest led in prayer and everyone left their seats to leave. The small girl didn’t move. She felt like it would be wrong to just leave him here alone. She sat by and watched as they began to shovel the dirt on top of his casket, she still felt nothing. She was far passed crying now, she felt as if she had no tears left. Once the men had finished and left she got out of her seat and moved closer. Sitting on her knees right next to the pile of dirt that laid on top of the love of her life. “Why did you have to leave me?” She was aware that hours had passed since the ceremony had closed, but she couldn’t make herself leave him. “I miss you.” She laid down beside the fresh pile of dirt, unwilling to leave the love of her life. If he wasn’t leaving neither was she. She couldn’t leave him there. Not alone, not like this.
She didn’t hear his foot steps as he come closer to the grave, her mother had called him and asked if he would go check on her and try to get her to come home. She was worried for her daughter like any other mother would have been if their soon to be husband had just been killed. “Jo, it’s time to come home.” He told her as he crouched down next to her so he was eye level with her.
“I can’t leave him here Jack. He’ll be all alone if I leave.”
“Jo, that’s not Paul anymore. That’s just a body, Paul is in a better place. That hasn’t been Paul since the second his heart stopped beating.”
She turned her tear streaked face towards the lanky boy that was down beside her. “What do I do Jack? We never planned for something like this to happen, I don’t know where to go from here. He wasn’t supposed to leave me like this.”
“Next we have close friend Jack Barakat.” She watched as her best friend made his way up the steps and set his piece of paper down on the podium, preparing himself to give his speech he had written the night before.
“Hello, um I’m not really sure what to say. I’ve never given a eulogy before. I was hoping I would never have to. Paul was one of my best friends growing up, we pretty much did everything together. We liked the same sports, same movies, and genre of music, everything. I remember a couple months back having a talk with him about our futures, he thanked me for introducing him to Johanna, he told me about their life plans, how they wanted a family. He made me truly see that loving someone wasn’t as bad as it seems. He gave me hope, that one day I might find a girl like Jo to give my whole heart to and hopefully be able to trust her with it. I looked up to him more than he will ever know. He was a great man. Thank you.” He exited the stage and returned to his seat. As the funeral went on Johanna felt more and more out of touch with everything going on around her. This couldn’t be happening. This can’t be real. This wasn’t how their future looked when they planned it all out. This was never part of their plans.
She walked emotionless as they escorted her to the limo she was to ride over to the cemetery in, she had no feeling, she saw no point in emotions anymore. Nothing would ever make this right.
She sat in her chair and watched as the priest led in prayer and everyone left their seats to leave. The small girl didn’t move. She felt like it would be wrong to just leave him here alone. She sat by and watched as they began to shovel the dirt on top of his casket, she still felt nothing. She was far passed crying now, she felt as if she had no tears left. Once the men had finished and left she got out of her seat and moved closer. Sitting on her knees right next to the pile of dirt that laid on top of the love of her life. “Why did you have to leave me?” She was aware that hours had passed since the ceremony had closed, but she couldn’t make herself leave him. “I miss you.” She laid down beside the fresh pile of dirt, unwilling to leave the love of her life. If he wasn’t leaving neither was she. She couldn’t leave him there. Not alone, not like this.
She didn’t hear his foot steps as he come closer to the grave, her mother had called him and asked if he would go check on her and try to get her to come home. She was worried for her daughter like any other mother would have been if their soon to be husband had just been killed. “Jo, it’s time to come home.” He told her as he crouched down next to her so he was eye level with her.
“I can’t leave him here Jack. He’ll be all alone if I leave.”
“Jo, that’s not Paul anymore. That’s just a body, Paul is in a better place. That hasn’t been Paul since the second his heart stopped beating.”
She turned her tear streaked face towards the lanky boy that was down beside her. “What do I do Jack? We never planned for something like this to happen, I don’t know where to go from here. He wasn’t supposed to leave me like this.”