Status: Ongoing- please critique. Approx. 15 chapters.
Escape
And then he started to kick her in just about any place he could reach.
Riley fell to the ground and curled up into a ball, trying to make herself as small as possible, willing it to stop. She felt his foot connect with her arm, her shin, her back. More beats started to hit her until she knew not which were Ryan's and which were his thugs.
She wished she were dead, just so she didn't have to feel this pain anymore. She wished they would kill her, get it over with, so that she could be at peace. Her arms started to loosen, her head lolled.
A foot connected with the side of her head and her mind swam with dizziness. She screwed up her face in pain, feeling the rain drip down her cheeks as though she were crying. Everything was turning dark...
Light burst into being ahead of her. It was blindingly bright, but she dare not look away from it. There was a faint ringing in her ears, but over the haze of noise she heard someone shout 'Hey!'
The beating stopped. The ground near her head trembled, then became still. Then something moved in front of her vision, covering the light. She gave in to the darkness and thought no more.
-
This is a project I have been working on for a while. I've finally finished outlining the story and am now starting to flesh out my scenes. Please leave any comments, suggestions or tips in the comments, however big or small. It might even just be the phrasing I've used for something, but I would love as much advice as possible to make this story read great and to improve my own writing skill.
Riley fell to the ground and curled up into a ball, trying to make herself as small as possible, willing it to stop. She felt his foot connect with her arm, her shin, her back. More beats started to hit her until she knew not which were Ryan's and which were his thugs.
She wished she were dead, just so she didn't have to feel this pain anymore. She wished they would kill her, get it over with, so that she could be at peace. Her arms started to loosen, her head lolled.
A foot connected with the side of her head and her mind swam with dizziness. She screwed up her face in pain, feeling the rain drip down her cheeks as though she were crying. Everything was turning dark...
Light burst into being ahead of her. It was blindingly bright, but she dare not look away from it. There was a faint ringing in her ears, but over the haze of noise she heard someone shout 'Hey!'
The beating stopped. The ground near her head trembled, then became still. Then something moved in front of her vision, covering the light. She gave in to the darkness and thought no more.
-
This is a project I have been working on for a while. I've finally finished outlining the story and am now starting to flesh out my scenes. Please leave any comments, suggestions or tips in the comments, however big or small. It might even just be the phrasing I've used for something, but I would love as much advice as possible to make this story read great and to improve my own writing skill.