Gerard Talks…About Stuff.

Interviewer: Let’s have a deep discussion about Chapstick.

Gerard: I love chapstick!

Interviewer: I’m sure you do Gerard, you love everything. Everything and anything. You’re filled with love bubbles!

Gerard: That’s not true, I don’t love needles!

Interviewer: That’s what you tell yourself, but deep inside, your just like a heroine addict without the heroine. You love sharing needles with complete strangers.

Gerard: Do not!

Interviewer: Whatever.

Gerard: Anyway, I do love chapstick so very much. It keeps my lips nice and not ugly. I love how even though it has color when you put it on your lips you can’t see said color.

Interviewer: Of course you do.

Gerard: Shut up, I’m talking!

Interviewer: You can’t tell the person that’s interviewing you to shut up.

Gerard: Well, I don’t care. My favorite chapsticks are the ones that smell like cotton candy.

Interviewer: Ugh, can we move on!

Gerard: NO! I’m not done! I also like the ones that are blue that smell like cotton candy. Did you know those things actually taste like it too. Sure they have a weird aftertaste but it’s not poisonous…I checked.

Interviewer: I’m sure you did.

Gerard: Okay I’m done now! Next question, peanut butter!

Interviewer: Let’s talk about you.

Gerard: I’m doing great how about you….no wait a minute, don’t answer, I forgot I don’t care!

Interviewer: Sonovabatchofcookies.

Gerard: Lookie here, I can walk out right now, the company looses a client, you loose a job.

Interviewer: Ugh, you’re right. The only reason I have a job is because I hate my wife. Why, oh why do I hate my wife.

Gerard: I dunno! But this is supposed to be about me, so leave your mental problems for next chapter!

Interviewer: Bitch.

Gerard: Exactly. Now, about me…I love myself.

Interviewer: I’m sure you do.

Gerard: Each night, I look in the mirror and think “How did I get so sexy”

Interviewer: Dude, I don’t need to know that.

Gerard: Yeah, I know you don’t…but I say it just to piss you off! Haha!