Gerard Talks…About Stuff.
Gerard Talks…about Coffee and Bubble Wrap.
Interviewer: So, the obvious question is: Coffee?
Gerard: OOH! Coffee! Where coffee?!
Interviewer: There’s no coffee!
Gerard: Cooperate Asshole!
Interviewer: General asshole. Anyway, what do you feel about Starbucks closing a whole bunch of stores?
Gerard: Er? What?
Interviewer: Haven’t you heard?
Gerard: NO! Oh my god, not store-takes-all-my-money bucks!
Interviewer: Well at the price of the coffee, they shouldn’t be doing too bad. What do you think about the rumors of them putting coke in the coffee?
Gerard: I know there’s something in there that makes it addictive, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say they put coke in them…maybe some legal government high pills, but coke I doubt!
Interviewer: Ah…well, your still an asshole.
Gerard: You never stopped being an asshole.
Interviewer: So what do you think of bubble wrap?
Gerard: I love bubble wrap! When I get a package it takes me about an hour to actually start using the product, because I play with the bubble wrap first!
Interviewer: Why am I not surprised.
Gerard: I like popping the bubbles!
Interviewer: You have a fucked up mind.
Gerard: No, I don’t. I just like popping bubbles. A lot of people pop bubbles! Does that make them have a fucked up mind?
Interviewer: Yeah, but those people are kids.
Gerard: And? Your point is?
Interviewer: You’re a fucking thirty-one year old man Gerard, you’re not a kid anymore.
Gerard: Nu Uh! Hasn’t anyone ever told you that I only age backwards now. I no longer age forward!
Interviewer: We are not defying Newton’s Laws of life today Gerard, not fucking today of all days!
Gerard: Whatever!
Gerard: OOH! Coffee! Where coffee?!
Interviewer: There’s no coffee!
Gerard: Cooperate Asshole!
Interviewer: General asshole. Anyway, what do you feel about Starbucks closing a whole bunch of stores?
Gerard: Er? What?
Interviewer: Haven’t you heard?
Gerard: NO! Oh my god, not store-takes-all-my-money bucks!
Interviewer: Well at the price of the coffee, they shouldn’t be doing too bad. What do you think about the rumors of them putting coke in the coffee?
Gerard: I know there’s something in there that makes it addictive, but I wouldn’t go as far as to say they put coke in them…maybe some legal government high pills, but coke I doubt!
Interviewer: Ah…well, your still an asshole.
Gerard: You never stopped being an asshole.
Interviewer: So what do you think of bubble wrap?
Gerard: I love bubble wrap! When I get a package it takes me about an hour to actually start using the product, because I play with the bubble wrap first!
Interviewer: Why am I not surprised.
Gerard: I like popping the bubbles!
Interviewer: You have a fucked up mind.
Gerard: No, I don’t. I just like popping bubbles. A lot of people pop bubbles! Does that make them have a fucked up mind?
Interviewer: Yeah, but those people are kids.
Gerard: And? Your point is?
Interviewer: You’re a fucking thirty-one year old man Gerard, you’re not a kid anymore.
Gerard: Nu Uh! Hasn’t anyone ever told you that I only age backwards now. I no longer age forward!
Interviewer: We are not defying Newton’s Laws of life today Gerard, not fucking today of all days!
Gerard: Whatever!
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I dedicate this one to NotOKay she gave me the idea to do a Gerard Talks...on Coffee, and we kinda added bubble wrap as I liked it more than other forms of box packaging. And yes, we did have a conversation on what box packaging to chose when I wrote the next Gerard Talks...as strange as that seems. I don't know if she still remember asking me to write one about it, but if she does. Here it is!