The Imprint

I always told myself that I wouldn’t end up like Emily. Manipulated into staying into a relationship with scars on my face. Scars that the pack pretend not to notice whenever they look at her. Scars that I pretend not to notice and pretend not to know how they got there. Scars that remind me every day not to end up like her. Scars that remind me to keep my walls up around Embry ever since I decided to sort of accept his imprinting.

I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him, but I told him I wouldn’t shun him. I would let him be my friend and my protector. I could never let him be my lover because I didn’t feel that way about men. Every day since I learned about the imprinting his pack brothers have tried so hard to convince me that it wasn’t enough. That letting him be my friend wasn’t enough. That I needed to be his lover because he would never love anyone. However, I wasn’t going to let myself be manipulated into being in a relationship with him like Emily was.

I could tell that it hurt him that I didn’t fully accept his imprinting. That I kept my distance and didn’t love him the way that he loved me. I could tell that it hurt him that I kept myself from the boys that tried to force me into a relationship. That it hurt him when I gravitated towards the girl who also didn’t like Emily and Sam’s relationship. It hurt him that it seemed like Leah and I had a much closer relationship than he and I. He must have known that I had a small crush on this beautiful girl and that must hurt every day. I wasn’t going to be like Emily though and I wasn’t going to be forced to love him.

“He asks for advice every day.” Leah spoke breaking the comfortable silence between us. We decided to spend the day at the beach just the two of us. I was only in La Push for spring break and then I headed back to Seattle. The agreement with Embry was that I would spend time with him during my school breaks. I would give him a week for Christmas beak because I still wanted to see my family but for things like spring break or summer, I spent the whole time there. Even though I know that he still wanted more. He wants me here full time, but I couldn’t give him that.

I took in a deep breath before responding to her, “Trying to find out how to get me to love him?”

“He’s going with something smaller right now. He’s trying to find way to get you to agree to go to the community college nearby. So that he can see you more.” I rolled my eyes and moved to pull my hair into a ponytail.

“I like my school.”

“Yeah I know.” I laid back on my towel and looked up at the sky through my sunglasses. I always thought that it was stupid that I had to give up my things for him. I had to give up my holidays so that he could have relief from the pain he felt every day from me not being there. I had to half way accept his imprint because they said that it would kill him. Of course, I’m not sure that he would actually die but his pack acted like it. Like I would be the one personally plunging a knife into his heart and looking him in the eyes when he died. Being his friend was never good enough for them and I honestly was getting tired of it.

“I feel like I am giving all of myself and he still wants more.” I was never afraid of speaking openly and honestly with Leah. I knew that she would never tell them what I said. I would never tell them what she said to me. “I understand that he wants me to accept the imprinting fully, but I can’t. He can’t even accept the fact that I’m a lesbian. He says that he can, but I can tell every time that I’m not throwing myself in his arms and kissing him, he is disappointed.”

“I know I’ve said this before, and you brushed it off, but I think you need to talk to him. You need to tell him how you feel, and you need to be honest.” Leah leaned on her left arm and looked down at me. I glanced over at her before looking back up at the sky with a huff.

“Emily tried to tell Sam what she felt and now look at her. She has a fucked-up face that everyone pretends not to notice. ‘Don’t stare it bugs Sam.’ That’s what Embry said to me the first time I went to meet Emily.” I did my best impression to sound like Embry. “I should stare, and we should make Sam feel guilty.”

“Alondra.”

“No, we should make him feel bad because then they wouldn’t be trying to push Embry on me. If we held Sam responsible, then maybe they would all back off. If we stopped acting like the whole thing with Quil is fine, then maybe I could live my normal life.”

“Alondra.”

“I met someone.” I sat up and noticed Leah look taken back. She shifted her eyes behind me, and I just figured she was processing what I said. “I met someone, and I want to be with her. She wants to be with me too and every time I take a step to be with her, I have Embry’s sad eyes in the back of my mind. I want to be with her, but I know if I told him then I would be made to feel even more guilty. I want to date someone and not feel guilty about it cause she’s not my imprint. This isn’t fair and what is behind me that is so interesting.”

I turned around and froze when I saw Embry, Sam, Jacob and Paul standing there behind us. I left out a deep sigh and looked back at Leah. Her face was hard to read but I could tell that she felt bad for Embry. Everyone always felt bad for Embry but never me.

“Alondra.” This time it was Embry who said my name and he said it in such a pathetic tone. I slowly rose to my feet and dusted off the sand on my legs.

“Embry look- “He cut me off before I could explain to him what I meant.

“Is that really how you feel?”

“Yes.” He silently nodded before stepping closer to me. “I’m sorry but it is how I feel. I love you but it’s only like a brother and I need to stop feeling so guilty about it. I need everyone but Leah to stop making me feel so guilty about not loving you the way that you want me to. God even your mom makes me feel guilty about it and she doesn’t even know about the imprinting!” I finally let it all out and it was starting to feel good.

“I just don’t get why everyone else gets an imprint who likes them, and I get stuck with a- “

“A what Embry? A lesbian? That’s what I am Embry. I am a lesbian and you know that. Though you still keep trying to find way to get me to love you romantically. You’re not a girl and I will never feel that way about you.” My voice was starting to rise and honestly, I didn’t care. “I am here spending time with you on my day off because I was made to feel guilty about enjoying my time off. Enjoying my time off without you.”

“When has anyone ever made you feel guilty?” For some reason this question just angered me even more.

“Are you fucking kidding me!? When have you ever made me feel guilty? How about all the fucking time whenever I go over to Emily’s. Or when I hang out with you and Quil. Or whenever I’m invited to a supposedly innocent dinner. Where Billy reminds me how strong the imprint bond is. How much stronger would it be when I accept you fully. I’ve accepted you the way I was told that I could accept you. I was told that you would be whatever I want and being a friend is what I want.”

“Alondra maybe you should calm down.” This time Sam spoke up in his calm authoritative tone. However, I was tired of this and I was tired of being somewhere I didn’t want to be. I was tired of being silenced whenever I tried to speak up about this. I went to Sam after I was told about this imprint bond because I was told he had been with his imprint longest. I figured that he knew more about it and could give me a better insight on what to do. Little did I know that he had scratched up his imprints face and everyone pretty much ignored it. I remember however that he told me that I should keep my concerns to myself. That it would be too painful for Embry to handle and maybe down the road I could bring it up. Of course, that was a lie and I was still made to feel like I couldn’t say anything.

“Oh, shut the fuck up Sam!” I snapped at him which took everyone but Leah by surprised. I guess she figured that this had been brewing for a while now. “I don’t want to have to come here every break just so you can feel relief. I don’t like coming here because the only actual friend that I have is Leah. All the time my friends invite me to go on vacations with them, but I can’t because I have some love sick puppy begging for my attention.”

If I hadn’t been ranting maybe I would have noticed Jacob move closer to Embry every time he took a step closer to me. Maybe I hadn’t been so angry I would have noticed both Jacob and Sam tell Embry to stay back and calm down. I would have noticed Embry shaking with a rage that I had never seen before.

“I want to be able to go on a date with a girl without feeling guilty like I’m hurting your feelings. I want to be able to say yes to a date and not get your sad face in my head. I want to not be tied to this stupid place and I want to not be tied to you. I want to just be friends and I want you to be able to accept that.” I looked over at Leah who was up on her feet had her hands extended. I gave her a confused look and then looked back at Embry. That’s when it happened. That’s when Embry couldn’t keep himself calm anymore and that’s when he transformed. Like Emily I was standing too close when he transformed. Like Emily I felt the claws of Embry’s wolf form run down my right side. The right side of my face and down to my chest. Like Emily I let out a blood curdling scream and fell to the ground.

I instinctively held onto the right side of my face and in the haze of the pain lifted my hand to see blood. In the haze of the pain I saw Sam stepping towards me. I reached out my hand covered in blood and screamed for him not to touch me. At least I hope that’s what I screamed. I was in so much pain that I wasn’t completely sure that’s what I yelled. I then held my hand out for Leah who I believe grabbed it. I was in so much pain and then there was so much more pain when I felt her pick me up. I think Sam was yelling something, but I was starting to go in and out from the pain. I think she ran with me to the hospital, prepared to tell them that I was attacked by a bear like Emily was. I remember passing out from the pain and then a few moments later regaining consciousness. In my haze I recognized the blond hair and pale man who was Carlisle Cullen. The vampire doctor who had been nothing but nice to me every time I met him. I also recognized Bella Swan, or should I say Bella Cullen. There was one girl that took me a while to recognize because I hadn’t seen much of her. Her blonde hair pulled up into a bun and her gold eyes looking at me with sorrow, Rosalie Cullen. I had only seen her in passing and I thought she was so beautiful.

Dr. Cullen pulled my attention to him and his lips were moving. However, I couldn’t make out what he was saying. It might have been about what he was going to do to help me. It might have been words of kindness and telling me he wouldn’t let Embry anywhere near me. The response I could give him was just ‘what’. At least that’s what I think I said. If not I’m sure I thought it and his mind reading son could tell him. To be honest it didn’t matter what he said because not long after I passed out.

I don’t know how long I was out for but when I woke up, I was alone in a very bare room. I had bandages over the right side of my face and the right side of my body down to my chest. I was confused until the memory of Embry turning into a wolf right before my eyes and digging his claws into me came rushing back. Then I started to panic, and the sound of a very annoying rapid beeping called to the attention of others. The first face I saw with my one good eye was Leah. I reached out for her hand and held onto it tightly. She was speaking but, in my panic, I couldn’t make out what she as saying. She then looked over to my right and was yelling something. I tried to look with my good eye, but I couldn’t see that far. I tried to turn my head but the pain that shot through me with the slight movement stopped me. I think Dr. Cullen might have injected something in me because not long after I blacked out again.

I again don’t know how long I was out for but when I woke up, I wasn’t alone in the room again. Leah was sitting in a chair that was to my left and Alice Cullen stood by the wall to the left of me. She gave me a warm smile and Leah jumped to her feet and made her way over to me. “Hey.”

“Leah.” I spoke her name softly and winced at the pain I felt with just talking.

“I’ll go get Carlisle.” Alice said and walked out of the room. Leah softly brushed her fingers through my hair. The look on her face was so sad and it made me feel like I died or something.

“Did I die?” It was meant to be a joke but the silence that followed made me worried. Leah didn’t say anything, but she did place a kiss on the top of my head. “Leah?”

“Your heart did stop for a minute. Dr. Cullen was able to revive you though and patch you up.” Leah was using a soft soothing tone with me like I was a child. The confession of my heart having stopped brought tears to my eye. I’m sure if my right eye wasn’t injured it would have brought tears to that eye too.

“What?”

“I’m so sorry Alondra. I’m so sorry. The guys all feel terrible and Embry he- “

“Don’t.” I tried to sound authoritative but the lump in my throat made me sound weak. “Don’t say his name.”

“Alondra.” Dr. Cullen came into view and he like his daughter gave me a warm smile. “How are you feeling?”

“My heart stopped.” I let out a sob and then winced in pain. “My heart stopped.”

“I know but I was able to bring you back. You’re alive.”

“My heart stopped.” I repeated again and let the tears fall down freely.

“I stopped the bleeding and closed your wounds. Unfortunately, there will be scaring once they are healed.” Dr. Cullen explained to me in a gentle tone just like the one Leah was using.

“I want my mom.” My voice sounded so small, like a child’s.

“Alondra.” Leah spoke up again. Leah knew that my mom knew about the legends and about the imprinting. She didn’t tell the rest that she knew, and she didn’t want to make things worse.

“I want my mom.” I cried again and my voice just sounded pathetic. “Please I want my mom. I want my mom. Leah please call my mom.”

Leah looked off to the side and wiped the tears from her eyes. She stayed there for just a moment trying to stop her tears. Trying to be strong for me because right now I was just so weak. “OK. I’m going to call your mom and she is gonna drive here as fast as she can, okay?”

“Ok.” My voice sounded so pained and I was just so scared that my heart would stop again. I held onto her hand so tightly. If she hadn’t been a shape shifter, I’m sure the grip would have hurt. The warmth of her skin though made me remember I was alive. “Thank you.”

***

It had been 2 months since the incident, and I was still at the Cullen’s house. They were nice to me and my mother and always made sure I was never alone. My father had come out, but he went back to Seattle to work things out with my school. They had told them that I was attacked by a wolf instead of a bear. Not a complete lie but still not the truth.

I still had bandages covering the right side of my face, but the pain was not as bad as it was before. I was able to get out of bed and walk around. I liked taking walks with Rosalie the most because she had no problem bad mouthing the wolves. Leah had some restraint when it came to bad mouthing them, but Rosalie had no ties to them like Leah. I believe Rosalie saw me as her own daughter in a way. There as a day when my mother was taking a shower while Rosalie and I went for a walk. When we came back Jacob was there spending time with Renesmee and I ended up seeing him. I started to remember what happened to me and started to have a panic attack. Rosalie carried me back to my room and helped me calm down. It was then decided that Renesmee would go to La Push when she and Jacob wanted to spend time together.

Dr. Cullen, who insisted I call him Carlisle, broke the bad news to me that I lost my right eye once I calmed down about wanting my mom. He said that he tried his hardest but there was no saving it. That made my hatred for Embry grow even more. The unspoken rule was that no one was allowed to say that name around me. At first whenever someone did, I would have a panic attack and I ended up popping a few stitches. Every day the hatred for Embry grows and every day I want to go back home.

“Alondra.” I looked up from my book and up at my mom. She played with her fingers in a nervous manner and I knew she had something to say.

“Hey.” She walked over to me and took my left hand in both of her hands.

“Honey I’m so sorry.” I looked at her confused not sure what she could be sorry about. “He wants to see you and talk to you.”

It didn’t take a genius to know who the ‘He’ my mother was referring too. “No.” This time my voice was stern.

“Honey I know you’re upset I know. I am upset with him as well, but I think you need to talk to him. I think you need to tell him how you feel. Tell him and then it’s all over.” I thought about what she said and knew I would have to tell him eventually.

“Fine. I don’t want him touching me though.”

“I understand. I will also be right outside the door.” My mother let go of my hand even though I just wanted to hold on to her even more. She walked out of the room and a few minutes later Embry slowly made his way into the room. My left hand clenched into a fist and I even held my book tighter. My heart started to race and I tried so hard to remember the coping mechanisms that Alice and Rosalie had taught me. Tears started to form, and I did my best to blink them away. This man would not see me cry. I just wanted to throw the vase full of flowers Esme had brought me at him. I stopped myself from doing that though.

“Hello.” He rubbed his arm awkwardly and stood by the door. He looked at me as if expecting for me to great him like a friend. When my only response was to stare him down, he continued. “Alondra I am so sorry.”

“You’re sorry? That’s all that you can say to me. You’re sorry.” My tone was harsh and unforgiving.

“I’m very sorry.”

“Get out Embry.”

“No, Alondra please I didn’t mean too. It was an accident and I feel so terrible. I told myself that I never wanted to do what Sam did. I am so sorry. You have to believe me.” Embry started to walk closer to me which made my heart start to race even more.

“Don’t!” He stopped in his tracks with a startled look on his face. I wonder if Sam told him what happened when he went to Emily’s bed side. We all know that he asked her to let him kill himself, but did she let him near her? Did the memories of the pain make her heart race every second he was in the room?

“I’m sorry.” He said softly and looked at the ground. “I never meant for this to happen and I feel like garbage that it did. I understand that you never want to see me again. I am so sorry. Please.” It was like Alice’s gift transferred over to me and I knew the future. I knew what was going to come out of his mouth next. “Please just let me die. Just let me kill myself and you won’t have to feel tied down to me anymore. You won’t have to feel guilty anymore.”

There it was. The mother of all guilt trips from this man. Leah told me that’s what Sam said to Emily after he fucked up her face. He begged for Emily to let him die. She did let him though because she was too nice. I wasn’t going to let him die either but that’s because I was enraged.

“I lost my eye. Did they tell you that? That I only have one eye now. Because of you I only have one eye now, because of you. You promised me that you would never hurt me and look at what you’ve done.” Embry winced at my harsh tone and my words.

“Then please let me kill myself.” He looked up at me with pleading eyes.

“No. I won’t let you kill yourself Embry.” At those words he looked hopeful but at my next words his face fell. “I want you to live with this. I want you to wake up every day and remember this. Knowing that I lost an eye because of you. Knowing that I am never coming back to this place and to you. I want you to remember what you did to me and I want it to kill you every day. I won’t let you kill yourself because that would be an easy out for you. I want you to die every day until your last breath. Stay alive Embry, so that this kills you every day.”

“Alondra.” He said in disbelief not knowing what more to say.

“Now get out.” I spat at him.

“Alondra.”

“Get out!” I screamed at him.

“Alondra.”

“Get! Out!” If he was supposed to do what I asked, then why wasn’t he leaving. I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as him for this long. He should know this and he should be tripping over himself to do as I said.

“Alondra please.” The door opened and my mother looked between the two of us. He looked at her silently pleading for her to help him.

Get out!” I screamed and picked up the vase before chucking at him. Embry dogged it in time and the vase crashed on the ground. My mother rushed over to me and tried to get me to calm down. I couldn’t calm down until he was out of the room. Why couldn’t anyone seem to understand this? “Get out!”

Leah rushed over to Embry and pulled him out of the room. My mother grabbed my arms trying to get me to calm down. Afraid that I may reopen any wound that was still healing. She whispered soothing words to me, and I just tried to push her way. Carlisle came into the room and injected me with a what I imagined was a sedative, and I passed out not long after.

I always said that I wasn’t going to end up like Emily and I made sure of that. I was done with La Push and I was done with the pack. Most of all I was done with Embry Call.