Burn Us Down

“Are you hungry?”

Gerard, who’d been idly twining a strand of Olivia’s hair around his fingers, quirked a small smile before he moved his head slightly, allowing him to glance down at her. They’d been like it for a while. Their tearful embrace had slowly melted into a comfortable cuddling session, and whilst they were both aware that there was still a lot for them to figure out, neither one of them wanted to be the one to shatter the first moment of complete calm and comfort that they had shared in weeks. They had both needed it, a moment of quiet where they could find comfort in one another, and whilst they hadn’t admitted it to one another, neither one of them was going to let it go lightly.

“What do you think?” Gerard asked, his voice caught between soft and teasing.

Olivia hid her smile by turning a little more into his chest. “I think you’re always hungry” she replied.

“Then why bother asking?” Gerard played along, poking her side.

Olivia sat up, shrugging her shoulders gently. “Someone had to say something” she mused, running her fingers through her hair to smooth it out a little.

Gerard watched her, a fond smile stretching across his features.

“What?” Olivia spluttered, a little self-conscious giggle falling out of her mouth.

Gerard shrugged lazily, grinning. “Just looking at you” he quipped.

Olivia ducked her head as she turned to swing her feet off of the bed, trying to stop him from seeing the blush crawling up her cheeks. “You’ve seen me before” she retorted.

Gerard wanted to reach out and tug her back towards him, but stopped himself, knowing that as much as they had both needed that morning, things between the two of them were still a long way from being close to back to normal. Olivia had needed to see him hurting, she had needed to see evidence that what had happened between them was hurting him as much as it was hurting her, and he had needed to get it off of his chest, but he knew that it didn’t fix things, even if it had felt like a breakthrough. They were still a way away from slipping back into their familiar routines.

Olivia, who was perched on the edge of the bed, waited for his reaction. Usually, he clambered across the bed and swept her up before he rolled her back into the sheets, but as the seconds ticked by, it became clear that he wasn’t going to move, something which caused her to sigh quietly to herself. She shouldn’t have been expecting it. They both knew how things were between them, and both knew that things weren’t like they were before, but still part of her had hoped that it would take a little longer for the awkwardness to seep back in again. For a little while, she had just wanted to exist in a bubble of familiarity and comfort, the thing she had probably missed the most.

Glancing down at her lap, she took a second to swallow her disappointment before she shuffled to her feet, padding into the bathroom.

Gerard heard the door close before he moved to climb out of bed. Collecting a pair of shorts, he tugged them on before Olivia swung the door open again, something which caused him to look over at her.

Olivia held his stare, the silence stretching out between the two of them, before she looked away. “I’ve just seen the time” she babbled, fiddling with the watch on her wrist “I’ve got to get this back to the hotel before I need to get to work” she added, leaning down to hoist her bag up onto her shoulder.

“It’s Wednesday” Gerard replied knowingly. She had never had a class on a Wednesday.

Olivia blinked.

Gerard took a step towards her. “Livy?” he prodded softly “Nena, talk to me” he added, his hands gently settling on her arms, encouraging her to look up at him.

Olivia hesitated before she slowly lifted her eyes to his. “It felt like us for a second there” she said slowly.

“Is that a bad thing?” Gerard asked.

Olivia shook her head, smiling sadly. “It just reminded me how much I missed it” she replied “And how far away it still feels” she added.

Gerard mirrored her sad smile, allowing another silence to stretch between them, before he shook his head. “You still don’t feel comfortable here?” he asked, lifting a hand to motion around the room.

Olivia’s smile was sheepish and apologetic as she shrugged her shoulders. “It’s complicated” she mused.

“Then let me un-complicate it” Gerard retorted “Say the word, and I will sell this place” he added.

Olivia stepped out of his grasp. “What?” she squeaked “Gerard, I’d never ask you to sell your home for me” she added.

Gerard smiled ruefully. “My home?” he prodded “Not our home?” he added.

Olivia opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, not quite sure what to say, before she lowered her stare to the floor. “It’s always been your place” she said quietly “And for a long time, it’d become my place too. Our place. But it went back to being yours pretty quickly, but that’s not…I wouldn’t ask you to sell it. You love it here” she insisted.

“Forgive me for how goofy this is going to sound” Gerard replied, a familiar boyish smile coming up onto his features “But I kind of…No, I definitely love you more. I want to start trying to get back to us, Livy, and I know that that’s going to entail a lot more awkwardness and a lot more talking, but nena, if I need to make the first step, I am going to make it and it’s going to be a big one. I know that we’re not just going to go back to living together, but if…when we do, I want it to be in a place where you feel as at home as I do. Our place, not my place” he insisted.

Olivia just stared at him, something which caused Gerard to step towards her, hesitantly pushing her hair behind her ear. “I don’t know how exactly I am going to fix it. Us” he admitted quietly “But I know that I am going to. I promise you” he added.

“I don’t want grand gestures, Geri” Olivia replied softly “That’s not…that’s never been very us. I just want us to get back to somewhere close to where we were” she added.

Gerard touched a kiss to her forehead, exhaling a soft sigh. “We will” he mumbled “We have to” he added quietly.