Status: active;;

Right Now

Drown in My Desire for You

“I’m back!” I shout as I close the door behind me.

No one answers, not like I expected anyone to. Louis’s car is in the garage, which means he and Brianna took hers to wherever they went. And if they’re gone, it would stand to reason that our friends wouldn’t be here, either. I leave my shoes in the middle of the foyer and drag my duffel bag up the stairs, listening to the thuds as it bounces against each step. I toss the bag onto my bed, unzipping it slowly, as I try to think about what the Hell I’m going to do for the next ten days of my vacation. Thomas had been surprised when I put in my request for time off but approved it readily enough, and going back to work before my scheduled return runs the risk of being too humiliating. There would be questions as to why I came back earlier than planned, and telling everyone Oh, my family didn’t want to see me, and I barely lasted three days is… not something I’m willing to do.

Once my clothes are in the hamper, I plop down to sit on the end of my bed, pulling my phone from my sweater pocket. I know none of my friends expect me to be in London right now - as far as they’re all aware, I’m still in the backwoods of Tennessee, having the time of my life visiting my family for the first time since I moved in with Brianna and Louis. I scroll through my texts with Harry, then Bri, then Niall, then the one person who I haven’t heard from since I left - Liam. Sighing, I decide to be the one to reach out.

To: Liam Hey...

His response comes quickly, much faster than I anticipated given the radio silence: Hey, love. How’s the trip going?

To: Liam It isn’t.

From: Liam I’m... confused... what do you mean?

To: Liam It means it isn’t.
To: Liam What are you up to?

From: Liam Packing. Tour starts tomorrow :(

To: Liam Want some help?

From: Liam Absolutely. Got a wand that can magic you here?

I barely remember to lock the door behind me on my way down the walk to the taxi I called. I shove the keys into my purse and sit back, my heart thumping painfully against my ribs. I’m still so angry that Liam’s avoided talking to me for the better part of a week, but seeing him is more important than holding onto my hurt. My toes tap against the floorboard; I smooth out the hem of my T-shirt - one of his that I took after the third night of him sharing my bed - and stare out the window. The speakers of the cab pump out soft classical music, and I hum quietly along to the lilt of flutes and slide of strings.

Eventually, the cabbie comes to a stop outside of the familiar building, and I slip out of the car after paying. The elevator ride seems to take forever, but maybe it only feels that way due to the fact my blood is singing, burning in my veins, with how close I am to finally being with him again. The door squeaks lightly when I push it closed behind me, but the voice in the bedroom doesn’t stop. So I blow out a breath of relief, slide off my shoes, and tiptoe through the apartment on silent feet until I reach the bedroom.

Liam folds a shirt and sets it aside, reaching for a pair of jeans. I watch for a moment, enjoy the way his muscles bunch up under the fabric of his T-shirt as he moves. The want that’s lingered in my gut, curled up like a sleeping cat, peaks and stretches, purring to life; I cross the room quickly and put myself between my boyfriend and his suitcase. He lets out an mmph as I kiss him, his lips unmoving under mine for a split second, but then his hands come up to cradle my face. I sigh into the kiss, push closer, and my body moves on its own. My fingers slide between his skin and shirt, rucking the cotton up, and across his abs. His lips part, and I take it as permission. Fire erupts along my flesh, swallows me whole. His fingers wrap around my wrists, pulling my hands down from where they’ve steadily been pushing his T-shirt up to expose more skin, and he pulls away.

“Love? What are you doing?”

“I...” I exhale sharply and force myself to meet his gaze. “I want to try.”

His breath comes out in a gust, and his grip on my wrists turns gentle as he stares down at me. “Where is this coming from?”

“Does it matter?”

Yes. Why wouldn’t it matter? Look, sit down. Talk to me. Okay? I don’t want you to think you have to do this just because I’m about to go on tour. If you’re not ready, then you’re not ready. We can wait as long as you need to.”

“I want to try, Liam. I want to do this, because holy fuck, I’ve missed you. So much. And even though you’ve been basically ignoring me for the last five days, I... I’m pretty sure I love you, because I can’t even be mad at the fact you haven’t wanted anything to do with me, all that matters is that I’m with you. Y’know?”

He frowns down at our hands, and my heart races in my chest. I feel like I could throw up at any second; Oh, God, please don’t let him reject me. “It’s not, not that I didn’t want to talk to you or be around you. I promise. I just woke up from that nap in a bad mood, and then you went to bed. We usually went to bed together, and when you didn’t ask if I was coming, I assumed you were mad at me, so I gave you the space I thought you wanted.”

“I thought you were upset with me,” I admit, shrugging.

“Why would - because we haven’t had sex.” It isn’t a question.

“Kinda?”

“You silly girl,” he chuckles before leaning over to kiss me.

I melt into his touch, the soft drag of his lips against mine, the way fireworks spark up my spine; I shiver with the anticipation, and his hands ghost up my sides. The voice that’s always put a stop to this is, oddly enough, silent for now, so I don’t stop him, don’t pull back from this. Liam’s grin is sweet yet sharp when we part. I let him push me gently backwards until I’m lying on my back, and I bite my lip as he nips at the flesh of my throat. His body is warm, solid. I slide my hands to press against his shoulderblades, gasping as he pushes closer. With a smile, he kisses the tip of my nose and inches down, pressing soft kisses into my skin. My body is weightless and floating high above us as he strips my clothes off with careful hands. He keeps his gaze firmly on my face, eyes watching for any sign of my discomfort. I smile as reassuringly as I can - it works, evidently, because he nods almost to himself and lowers his body down to bite tenderly at the jut of my hip.

My breath punches out of me with the first tentative swipe of his tongue, and my hips jerk up into the sensation. He chuckles, hot and wet, and it feels… so different than I anticipated as he repeats the motions. It’s a good different, though, one that I’m uncomfortable with but also desirable. Unfortunately, that part of me that has been so hesitant has woken up with the surge in my arousal, and I manage to croak out a <>please, wait, stop as he slides a finger inside of me. He immediately stills, looks up at me along my body. I cover my face with my hand and drag in an unsteady breath. He waits until I nod a couple of times before he resumes his task, and I try my best to relax into the way my body is reacting: need and cravings war with anxiety, my heart beating an agonising rhythm under my sternum, my brain attempting to disconnect and let my body take over. As amazing as it feels, though, I can’t fully shut my thoughts off, and my muscles repeatedly tense up in their efforts to flee from such an unfamiliar situation.

“Take a breath, darling. Just relax, we’ll go as slow as you need. Tell me if you want to stop.”

I sigh, nodding, and close my eyes. Liam doesn’t move as I force myself to take deep breaths, and his chuckle proves that I’m not successful at all. I moan aloud when his hand starts massaging into my calf, thumb pressing into the tension until it melts away. He’s steady in his movements, and soon enough, he’s managed to relieve my body of the reluctance, the doubts. His fingers continue stroking firmly into my skin even as he situates himself between my thighs again; I arch up when he presses a kiss to my core, slips his tongue inside of me. My hand finds his hair, the strands silken around my fingers, and my skin burns with the flames of want. A strangled sound escapes my throat as my gut squeezes tighter and tighter, before exploding like starbursts behind my closed eyes. He doesn’t stop, not until I whimper at the overstimulation. Even then, he drags his tongue along my folds once more before pulling away.

The burning stretch is enough to make me wince and hiss in pain, and Liam freezes, leans down to kiss me; the taste of myself on his tongue is oddly arousing, and my legs instinctively tighten around his waist. He pushes further in, his movements slow, and his kiss keeps me from thinking too much about the fact that everything about this is new, unfamiliar, and everything I thought I’d never want. After an agonisingly long minute, he’s fully sheathed. My hips push down against him in an attempt to chase the sensations I somehow know are waiting for me. The kiss turns hard and demanding as he pulls and pushes; the tenderness of his thrusts are a perfect counterpoint to the animalistic heat as we kiss. My nails dig into his shoulders. He groans, hips snapping forward with more force, and I cry out at the pain-pleasure. I lose all sense of self outside of the way my body rocks with his thrusts, the way his breath puffs against my throat as he nips and suckles at the sensitive skin, and I find myself drowning in the desire and feeling of being so full, so complete.
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title credit i'm the only one melissa etheridge