So Long

Once Niall is deeply asleep and his even breathing is all she can hear, she grabs the laptop and logs into Skype. Her brother isn’t on, but Deirdre is. Claire sends an IM to her sister-in-law, asking if Tim is around. The screen lights up with the incoming video call, and Claire hurriedly connects her earbuds to the laptop before accepting. Something inside of her settles at the sight of her brother’s smiling face.

Hi, you busy? she signs.

He signs back Not at the moment. What’s wrong?

She turns her head enough that he can see the black earpiece in her ear, her fingers forming the words You can talk, I can’t.

“Why?”

Because my boss is asleep not even four feet away from me.

“Wait, why are you in your boss’s bedroom?” His jaw drops, and Claire can feel his judgment through the screen. “Are you sleeping with your boss?”

No! What the Hell, Tim?

“You just said your boss is asleep in the same room as you!”

We got snowed in and had to get a hotel. They only had a single left. So... She shrugs, fingers fluttering awkwardly in the air for a moment before forming the words, How is everyone?

“They’re fine - Nah, Dee, they’re not sleeping together.”

Deirdre walks up behind Tim, frowning. “Oh, what the Hell! C’mon, Belle, you gotta get on that!”

Claire stifles a giggle at Deirdre’s outburst and shakes her head. He’s my boss, so no. Tim translates for Dee whose lower lip juts out in response.

“Lame. Okay, I love you, but I gotta get the kids ready for bed. I want details if you ever decide to stop being a chicken and ride him like a stallion!” she calls out over her shoulder as she walks away, miming riding a horse and twirling a lasso on her way.

I hate your wife.

The amusement on Tim’s face slowly fades, and Claire fidgets at the seriousness that takes over. His dark eyes narrow as he scrutinises her through the video feed. “Belle, I know you didn’t Skype me at, what is it there? New York, right, so... almost one in the morning to ask about us. What’s going on?”

I need advice.

“Lay it on me.”

How do you get rid of feelings for someone?

“If I knew that, I never would’ve stayed with Simone so long.” He snorts in disgust. “Look, kiddo, you can’t do much to stop feeling something for someone, especially if you’re in constant contact with them. Only thing you can do is either ignore it until it no longer hurts, which I don’t recommend because the feelings do not go away and will eventually explode out of you, or face the fact that you’re in love with your boss.”

I never said I was in love with him!

“Ah, but it is your boss, though.”

You knew it was, shut up, she signs with a roll of her eyes. Her brother isn't as stupid as he likes to pretend sometimes, and they both know it.

“I did, yeah. Knew it’d happen.”

Claire frowns and picks at the edge of the scar on her knee. Is she really that predictable that her brother could tell she would develop feelings for Niall? Before she can fall too far into that downward spiral, Tim snaps his fingers, and the sound is sharp, loud in her earbuds; her head jerks up to look at him.

“It’s not a bad thing, Belle. From the stories you’ve told me, that I’m not supposed to know about or you could lose your job, he seems like a genuinely cool, nice dude, and you’ve always gravitated toward that kind of guy - the type who’s laidback and easygoing and likes to have a good time. You never really went for the bad boy shit. Always the goofy, caring, artsy-fartsy type. I would’ve been surprised if it hadn’t happened that you fell for him. You’re a great girl. Annoying at times, but hey, that’s what little sisters are for. But for real? You’re sweet and funny, and you love so fiercely. He’d be lucky to ever have you, but you gotta talk to him.”

And if he doesn’t feel the same way?

Tim sighs. “Then you can quit your job, come stay with us for a while, and lick your wounds in peace. After that, you and Dee can go prowling for some fresh meat to get your mind off him.”

You are really weird and disgusting and I have no idea how we’re related.

“Well, when a mommy and daddy love each other, they fuck. Sometimes, a baby comes from it. And Mommy and Daddy really loved each other!”

You are a freak. Stop being gross or -

Claire’s response is cut off by the heavy weight of being watched. She glances up to see the glow of the television reflecting off a pair of eyes, and Niall lifts himself up onto one elbow. Her smile falls from her face. He scrubs a hand over his face, yawns widely, then frowns at her. His lips move, but her earbuds block the sound of his voice. She holds up a finger and removes an earpiece.

“Huh?”

“I said why are you awake?”

“I, uh, wanted to Skype my brother. Sorry.”

“Hey, Belle?” Tim gives her a thumbs-up when she glances down at the screen. “I’ve given you my advice, so go to bed, get some sleep, and talk to him, okay? Love you, kid.”

I love you, too, Tim-Tam.

The call ends with a swooping beep, and Claire signs out of the program and shuts the laptop. Niall is still staring at her by the time she finishes putting the computer into the messenger bag. She forces a smile, but that only makes his brows furrow.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”

“Because it’s one in the morning, you’re still awake, and you look like you’d rather go outside in the middle of a hurricane and blizzard at the same time than be here.”

“I... I’m fine, promise.”

“All right, then get into bed and go to sleep. No, you’re not sleeping in the chair,” he groans before she can so much as gesture toward where she’s sitting.

Her heart starts racing, hammering against her ribs, and she wonders if she can reach the door before he can stop her, even as she reluctantly crosses the room. He flips the corner of the blanket back, and she lies down with the trepidation one usually feels as they’re being led to the gallows. The scent of him is nearly suffocating, but if she’s going to die because her heart gives out, there isn’t really any other aroma she’d rather smell in her last moments. His hand is warm as he pats her shoulder, and she turns her head to see the smug smirk on his lips. She rolls her eyes, though she feels no irritation; he reaches for the remote on his side of the bed, and the TV turns off with a click.

In the darkness, the scant few inches between them suddenly seem so much smaller. Claire drags in as steady a breath as she can manage. How is she meant to sleep tonight when he’s so close? When her stomach is twisting and jolting in her belly? When there’s a hollowness in her chest that’s so pervasive, she can’t feel anything else but the utter panic of knowing all she has to do is reach out and his skin, sleep-warm and bare, will be right there? Her skin buzzes with nerves, and there’s something in her gut that dances around violently, threatening to expel itself. He exhales slowly, his fingers press to her upper arm.

“Sleep, Claire.”

It takes a while, but Claire does.