Like You Did Before

“Is she asleep?”

Iker startled a little, surprised by Matilda’s whisper, before he turned around, smiling up at her shyly. It hadn’t been long. After they’d talked in the park, they’d returned to Matilda’s apartment, but with Lola needing to go down for her nap, it had allowed the two of them a little distance, giving them both a chance to think over what they’d talked about it.

There had been a lot. What had started out as Iker apologising for kissing her had spiralled into a conversation which had touched on fears that they’d both had all the time they’d been together, but it had been a conversation that they had needed to have, one that one or both of them had tried to stop on more than one occasion. They were scared. Iker was scared of losing Matilda and Matilda was scared that if she opened herself up to him fully, then she’d scare him away, and now that they both knew what had bothered the other, Iker was hopeful that they could at least make a start on trying to mend things between them.

“She’s just drifted off” Iker confirmed quietly.

Matilda nodded her head, allowing a moment of quiet to stretch between them as she stepped around the bed, perching on the side of it next to Iker. Iker watched her sit down, offering her another small, uncertain smile, before he turned back towards the cot, silently watching Lola sleep.

“I’m scared” Matilda admitted quietly.

Iker kept his eyes on Lola as he nodded. “Me too” he murmured “It’s not just you and me anymore, Mattie” he added, quirking a soft smile at the soft sigh Lola let out in her sleep.

Matilda couldn’t stop the soft smile from brightening her features. She adored just how smitten Iker looked whenever he was around Lola.

Iker caught her smile out of the corner of his eye, causing his cheeks to flush a gentle shade of pink. “You’re smiling at me” he murmured “Like a real, genuine Mattie smile. What’d I do to deserve that?” he prodded playfully.

Matilda lifted her shoulders, letting them fall in a small shrug. “I like how you are with her” she admitted “As…weird as things have been between us for the last year, I’ve adored seeing you and her since she got here. You’re so wonderful with her” she added.

Iker let out a slightly sheepish laugh. “I’m glad you think so” he replied “I’m still terrified” he added.

“You and me both” Matilda mused “Every time she makes a noise that I don’t recognise, I want to call my mother and make sure that there’s nothing to be worried about. I am pretty sure that she’s about to block my phone number” she added, a self-deprecating laugh falling out of her mouth.

Iker moved one of his hands towards hers, something which caused Matilda to reach out, tentatively twining her fingers through his. Feeling him squeeze gently, she smiled softly down at her lap before she shook her head gently, her smile slipping to be replaced by something unsure. “I want to try this” she said after a few long seconds of quiet “You and me, I want to try again, I just worry. We had our good moments, but there were a lot of bad moments too and I worry that if they happen again, then we’re going to end up worse off than we are now, and that’s going to affect her” she added, tipping her head towards Lola.

It was what she wanted. As complicated as things were between her and Iker, she knew that if she had another chance with him, she’d jump at it, but she also knew that she wanted to be careful. Before, it’d been just about the two of them. When they’d broken up, the only two people that it had affected had been the two of them, but if they tried and failed again, there was someone else who’d be caught up in it, and it was something Matilda didn’t want to see happen. She could handle things as they were then. She and Iker were awkward around each other, but they could be in the same room and could communicate if they needed to, and she worried that if they tried and it went wrong again, and it was worse than the first time, then things for Lola would change too.

Iker’s stare moved back towards the baby, his hand still gently squeezing Matilda’s. “What if they don’t?” he asked.

“Iker…”

“I worry too” Iker cut in, stopping Matilda’s protests “Of course I do, but what if the bad moments don’t happen this time?” he asked.

Matilda smiled before she could stop herself, causing Iker to gently squeeze her hand again. “We don’t have to jump back into a relationship” he said softly “Everything can be as gradual as we need it to be, as she needs it to be. There’s something unfinished here, Mattie, something I’d like to see grow again, but I get the reservations that you have. I have them to” he added.

Matilda nodded her head slowly.

Iker gently used his other hand to turn her face towards him. “I’m not quite ready to move on from you” he admitted.

Matilda’s eyes widened slightly, but they were bright and happy, a sight Iker had missed. “I’m nowhere near ready to move on from you, either” she mused.

Iker smiled, allowing the words to hang in the air between them, before he gently tilted Matilda’s head forwards, allowing him to place a faint kiss on her forehead. “I can’t promise there won’t be bad moments” he mumbled, leaning his head on hers “But if we talk, really talk, Mattie, then maybe…maybe things can be different this time. I know that that sounds so optimistic, but…”

“But being optimistic isn’t a bad thing” Matilda finished for him, a soft smile on her face.

Iker grinned at her, keeping their heads together for a moment, before they slowly moved back, turning their attention back to Lola who was still asleep in her cot, oblivious. Shuffling a fraction closer to Iker, Matilda paused for a moment before she tipped her head against his shoulder, encouraging him to wrap his arm around her. They didn’t say anything else. They just sat there, the closest they’d been together in almost a year, and stared at their daughter, marvelling at her together for the first time in a moment that didn’t feel overshadowed by their history.