Like You Did Before

Chewing on her lip, Matilda held her phone against her ear, hoping that the dial tone she could hear would eventually give way to Iker’s voice. She hadn’t called him right away. With memories of their previous fights working their way to the forefront of her mind, she had been quick to remind herself that if she pushed too hard, too soon then she would only make things worse, but after a couple of hours, she hadn’t been able to wait any more. She hated how easily she had managed to ruin something which, since she had cut ties with Arthur, had been going along so well.

Matilda knew what Iker thought she meant. When she had said that sometimes she felt as though she had done something wrong in relation to what had happened between her and Arthur, she knew that Iker had assumed that she had regrets about having chosen to stay with him rather than try to make things work with Arthur, and Matilda hated that that was where his mind had gone. They were settled. Things between them felt the best they had in a very long time, and whilst it had meant that Matilda had lost someone important from her life, she didn’t regret it and she didn’t want to let Iker think that she did.

Closing her eyes, she listened to the dial tone for a few more moments before it clicked over to Iker’s voicemail, causing Matilda to huff out a quiet sigh. Pulling the phone away from her ear, she ended the call before she turned around, placing the phone down onto the coffee table.

“Still nothing?”

Matilda, who’d been staring at the phone, shook her head before she lifted it, glancing at Naomi who stood in the doorway, Lola balanced on her hip. “Voicemail” she replied quietly.

Naomi nodded her head slowly, allowing a beat of silence to pass between them, before she gently settled Lola down, allowing the little girl to crawl towards her toys before she stepped towards Matilda, gently wrapping her in a soft hug.

As soon as Naomi’s arms closed around her, Matilda sniffed, trying, and failing, to keep the tears from blurring her vision. “I am so stupid sometimes” she whimpered “If I just thought before I opened my mouth...” she trailed off with a rueful shake of her head.

Naomi rubbed her back reassuringly. “What did you say?” she asked softly.

“It was stupid” Matilda muttered as she pulled out of the hug, wiping at her eyes “I got your text about Micah’s party, and how Art’s going to be there and I told Iker that I probably wasn’t going to go. He was only trying to help. He said that I couldn’t avoid Art forever, and he said that I didn’t do anything wrong, but then I cut him off, and said that sometimes it feels like I did and...”

“And he thought that you meant him” Naomi finished for her.

Matilda blinked a couple of times, dislodging a few tears, before she shook her head. “It’s not what I meant” she said “I just...I meant that sometimes I feel bad because, without knowing it, I think I led Art on for a long time, and then I had to break his heart because I didn’t feel the way the same. I feel awful for hurting him, Mimi, and I can keep reminding myself that it was necessary, and that it was probably best that I finally confronted something I had been oblivious to for far too long, but it doesn’t always get rid of the feeling. It’s why I was going to tell you that I couldn’t make the party. I feel like I messed up, and that if one of us has to duck out to avoid making things weird, then it ought to be me” she explained.

Naomi was quiet for a moment, taking in what Matilda had said to her before she took a step backwards, sitting down on the arm of the sofa. “Someone was always going to get hurt” she said softly “Either, you were going to feel the same way about Art, and Iker would get his heart broken, or you’d decide to be with Iker, and Art would be hurt. There’s no way around it” she added.

Matilda wiped at her eyes. “I know” she said “I just...”

“You can’t blame yourself for not having those feelings, Mattie” Naomi interrupted “You didn’t do something wrong by not loving Art. I know you care about him, and that you don’t want to hurt him more, but it is just how it had to be. He loved you, you didn’t love him and you had to tell him. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it was the right thing to do” she insisted.

She knew why it didn’t sit well with Matilda. She and Arthur had been friends since they were children, and the idea that something she had done had hurt him was bound to play on her mind, but Naomi wanted to make it clear that it was the right thing to have done, even if, at times, it didn’t feel like it. The feelings weren’t there. If Matilda had felt the way Arthur did, it would have shown a long time ago, and it would have been crueller to let things go unsaid. He needed to know that she didn’t feel the same way if he had any hope of being able to move forwards.

Matilda pushed a hand back through her hair, something which caused Naomi to reach for it, gently squeezing it in hers. “Does Iker make you happy?” she asked.

Matilda’s nod was instant.

Naomi squeezed her hand again. “Then it was the right decision” she insisted “Art will move on, Mattie. And Iker is right, you can’t avoid him forever. You share too many people in common, and as one of those people, I want you both to be there, whatever the occasion” she added, offering her a small grin.

“Even if it is weird?” Matilda asked.

“Things are always a little weird when we’re all together” Naomi replied with a shrug.

“Mimi...”

“We’ll deal with it, Mattie” Naomi cut in, stopping Matilda’s inevitable protest.

Matilda flashed her a slightly shaky smile which fell when the sound of the front door opening and closing reached her ears. Offering Naomi a slightly panicked look, she listened as footsteps drew closer to the room they were before they faltered, stopping for a moment before they began again, slower and more hesitant. Biting down on her lip, she let her stare drift towards the doorway, watching as Iker stepped into it, his expression difficult to read.

Naomi looked between the two of them for a moment before she stood up, collecting Lola from where she sat, playing. “Her bag?” she asked.

“Packed and by the door in her room” Iker answered “Thanks, Mimi” he added, flashing her a tight smile.

Naomi acknowledged his smile with a slight duck of her head before she skittered out of the room, leaving a tense silence in her wake that was only broken when Iker dipped his head, letting out a quiet sigh. “I think we need to talk” he murmured.

Matilda nodded tightly. “I think so, too” she agreed.