Like You Did Before

“Iker?”

Iker, who’d been staring at Matilda’s phone, blinked a couple of times before he glanced towards the bed, finding Matilda staring up at him, a slightly bemused smile on her face. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he leant over and placed the crying baby into Matilda’s arms before he sunk down into his chair once more, his stare briefly drifting back towards her phone. He didn’t want to ask the question that was burning his throat. He knew that as soon as it was out of his mouth, the warm and comfortable atmosphere that had settled between him and Matilda would disappear, but it was getting harder and harder to bite his tongue.

He didn’t know why Arthur had been there, and whilst he knew that asking why would open a can of worms, he was starting to struggle to stop himself. Part of him was glad that he had been. Iker hadn’t been able to get back in time, and Matilda had needed someone to be with her during her labour, and he knew that there was no one she trusted more than Arthur, but the sight of them with their heads pressed together, or his name on the screen of Matilda’s phone had pushed Iker into memories of a few years previous, memories that he and Matilda had worked hard to replace.

“Are you OK?”

Iker’s eyes moved back towards Matilda before he let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head slightly. “I...I want to ask you something” he said “But I am worried that when I do, it’s going to get away from us, and I don’t want to spoil tonight” he added.

Matilda glanced down at the baby. “You want to ask about Arthur” she said.

Iker nodded his head reluctantly. “I know that he was here for you when you needed someone, and when I couldn’t be, but I just...What was he doing here, Mattie?” he asked tentatively.

“He showed up” Matilda answered “Out of the blue. He was in town visiting his family, and he stopped by to...I don’t know. He was there, and then I was having the baby, and I...I didn’t really have a chance to process it. I needed someone, and he was there” she added.

Iker stared at her, his eyes searching hers, before he nodded his head slowly.

“What are you thinking?” Matilda asked.

Iker shifted slightly in his seat, thinking the question over for a moment, before he shrugged his shoulders. “I am glad that you had someone with you when I couldn’t be here” he said “But I just...when I came in, you two were sat here, heads together and staring at the baby, and he’s texting you, something he hasn’t done since you both agreed that putting distance between the two of you was the best thing for both of you, and it just...” he trailed off, struggling to find the right words.

“It just what?” Matilda asked.

Iker pushed a slightly agitated hand back through his hair. “I don’t want us to go back to where we were before” he said.

For a second, Matilda just stared at him, his words ringing in her ears, before she shook her head. “It’s not like that” she murmured.

Iker squeezed his eyes closed, fighting the urge he had to scoff. He had heard her say that line so many times before. “I know that losing him has been hard for you” he said “And I never wanted to put that wedge between you. I know how important he’s been in your life, and for how long, and I hate that a consequence of us has been you losing someone important, but the situation hasn’t changed, Mattie. His feelings for you...”

“It was just a coincidence!” Matilda interrupted, the volume of her voice causing the baby to let out a soft cry.

Iker glanced down at the baby, waiting for him to settle, before he let out a heavy sigh. “I love this” he said gently “I love you, Mattie. I just...we both know that there isn’t room for three of us in this relationship” he added.

Matilda scoffed. “I didn’t realise that we had gone back in time” she muttered.

Iker’s lips quirked upwards into a bitter smile, but he was quick to stifle it as he pushed himself to his feet. He knew that nothing good could come from him saying anything in reply. Pulling his jumper off of the back of his chair, he pulled it over his head before he looked over at her and the baby again, his expression softening. “I’m going to head to the cafeteria” he said gently “And I was going to leave my parents a message. It will be too late for them to hear it tonight, but it’s just hit me that I haven’t called them yet. Did you want me to bring you anything back?” he asked.

Matilda shook her head wordlessly.

Iker blew out a soft sigh before he took a step towards the bed, dropping a kiss on the baby’s head before he turned to look at Matilda. Hesitating for a split second, he touched a gentle kiss to her forehead before he pulled away, shuffling out of the room.

Matilda watched him out of the door before she exhaled a shaky breath, her eyes stinging as she looked back down at the baby who had drifted back to sleep in her arms. Closing her eyes, she felt a few tears slip down her cheeks before she wiped them away. Her eyes only fluttered open again when the baby let out a soft noise. Lifting him up, she pressed her lips to his forehead before she gently brushed her fingers through his dark hair. “I don’t want Art” she murmured softly “I have never wanted him, and I know that your papa is right. There is no room for three of us, but how am I supposed to explain it to Art? How do I tell him that the moment I saw your papa, I wanted him? How do I explain that even though me and Art have all this history, when I close my eyes and think about the future, I see me and you, your sister and your papa, eh? How do I tell him that I can’t explain it, but I know that I am going to be happier with your papa than I could be with anyone else?” she added.

The baby cooed in reply, something which caused Matilda to sigh gently, leaning forehead against his lightly, knowing that she had to figure it out for herself.