Like You Did Before

Pressing his forehead to the cool wood of the cafeteria table, Iker exhaled a heavy sigh, squeezing his eyes shut as he tried to will himself to head back to Matilda’s room. He knew that he couldn’t hide forever. As much as he wanted to avoid another awkward conversation with Matilda, he wanted to spend time with the baby more, and he knew that that meant heading back, even if he could already hear the awkward silence ringing in his ears. He would happily put up with the awkwardness if it meant being around their son again. Nothing was going to have changed. It had barely been ten minutes since Iker had left the room, determined to avoid the fight that had been hurtling towards them, and it was what had made him hesitant to head back. He worried that, once he went back, the fight he had been so determined to avoid would happen anyway.

Running a hand over his head, Iker let out another soft sigh before he reluctantly sat up.

“You look tired”

Iker’s lips quirked upwards slightly. “Aren’t you supposed to be resting?” he quipped “You had a baby a few hours ago” he added.

Matilda’s reply was a small, nonchalant shrug as she slipped into the seat opposite him.

Iker watched her, his stare drifting towards the baby who was snuggled happily in her arms, before it moved back up to her face, causing him to sigh gently. “You’ve been crying” he pointed out.

Matilda nodded, not looking over at him. “You said it yourself” she said gently “I had a baby a few hours ago, so even a half-fight is enough to make me cry” she added.

“Mattie...”

“I called him” Matilda cut in.

“What?” Iker spluttered.

“I called Art” Matilda clarified “After you walked out of the room, I called him. I didn’t think he would answer, but he did, and I told him that I couldn’t keep doing this thing with him. I told him how much I care about him, and how I do miss him sometimes, but I...I made it clear that things aren’t going to change. I told him that they can’t change. He needs to let me to go to try and find something or someone who could actually make him happy, and I need to let him go so that I don’t lose the best thing that ever happened to me. It was not a fun conversation” she added, her lips curving upwards into a half-hearted smile in an attempt to lighten the mood.

She knew that it wasn’t anything that they hadn’t done before. Arthur had moved to Lisbon in an attempt to put space between them, and it had only worked for a period of months, but something had changed when Matilda had watched Iker walk out of her hospital room. She had realised that she had made the same mistake before. Without meaning to, in the past, she had let Arthur get between her and Iker time and time again, and watching Iker walk out of the room had caused her to remember all the fights, fights that had felt all to similar to the one that they had been on the brink of having again.

She had let Arthur back in. It hadn’t been intentional, his appearance had come out of nowhere and at a time when she had needed someone, but after the baby had arrived, she had let him stick around, and she could see why it could have scared Iker. It was the same thing that had scared him all along, the idea that, if he wasn’t in the picture, then she and Arthur would have made a go of it, and she knew that she had to put the space back between them again and keep it there, no matter if it hurt. Keeping Iker around was worth the pain of losing someone who’d been a big part of her world for almost all of her life.

Iker’s response was a couple of dazed blinks, like he couldn’t quite understand what she had said, before he leant across the table, gently capturing her hand in his. “Are you OK?” he asked.

Matilda let out a soft laugh, her eyes shining with tears. “That’s the first question you want to ask?” she asked “You don’t want to know why?” she added.

Iker shook his head, squeezing her fingers gently. “I know it hurts” he replied.

Matilda returned his squeeze before she shook her head, glancing up at him through her eyelashes. “I have focussed too much on him being gone” she said gently “I have moped around, and focussed too much on his absence, and I think...no, I know I have taken you still being around for granted. I am sorry” she added.

Iker shook his head. “I never wanted you to pretend that you weren’t hurting” he said “I know that he is important to you, but you have to see that it can’t work any more. It barely worked to begin with, and that before we knew that he was in love with you, now we do know. I just...I don’t love feeling like an obstacle, and when I saw you two, heads together, looking down at our baby, I...I felt like I had done a load of times before. I felt like the one in the way” he explained.

“You’re not” Matilda insisted.

“I know I’m not” Iker replied, toying with her fingers to avoid looking up at her “But that’s how I feel when he’s around, Mattie. It is how I have always felt when he’s around, and I didn’t expect to feel like that today” he added, tipping his head towards the sleeping baby.

Matilda’s stare followed his gesture, glancing down at the baby, before she squeezed his hand again, pulling his stare back up to hers. “You are who I want” she said “Since I met you, it has only ever been you, and I am sorry if anything I have done has made you doubt it. I know I keep making a mess of this, and I know that we’ve been through this same fight so many times before, but when I saw you walk out of that little hospital room, I was genuinely terrified that you wouldn’t come back, and I...”

“I was always going to come back” Iker interrupted softly.

Matilda offered him a tearful smile. “I just want you” she insisted “You, me, Lola and Max” she added.

Iker’s lips quirked up despite himself. “Did you just name our baby?” he asked.

Matilda shook her head, her cheeks pink. “It’s just a name I had in my head” she answered “ We can talk about that later. The important part is that I would tell Arthur to leave a million times over if it meant that I still got to be with you. I love you, Iker” she added.

Iker stared at her for a moment before he dipped his head, kissing her fingertips softly. When he sat back up again, he wore a tender smile. “I love you, too” he replied.