Waiting

You mock me. Oh yes, you mock me. Sitting there, showing me the time. How you mock me. If you weren't on silent you would be laughing at me, perhaps telling me how pathetic I am. But I'm already aware of this fact. So, stop staring at me.

Okay, I've had enough, I'm putting you in my pocket. What, you think I'm lying? Watch me.

Yeah, I put you in my pocket, what then? Yes, I realize I have an urge to look at you, but I won't. I won't open my sent box to see if he read my text. That would be obsessive, and everyone knows I am not obsessive.

So I looked in my sent box, do you have something to say to me? Hm? Didn't think so. It said he read it, so he must just be doing something. Like working, he could be working. Or he could just not care.

No, nonsense, stop putting these ideas in my head. He definitely cares, he may not be your boyfriend, but the kind of texts he sends you...?

Or even worse. What if he's texting your friend instead? She's definitely more normal than you. Prettier, too.

Damn you, phone. You make me doubt myself again. But starting now I will not look at you. No, I won't. You may think that you're my best friend, oh, but you're so far from it, it isn't even funny. Now, stop staring at me.

No good is going to come from this. You think that you will win this little war, but alas, you won't. I am Swit-zeh-land!... or something to that effect.

So what if I just looked at the sent time and noticed he hasn't texted back in eleven minutes? That means nothing. It's not like I care. No, of course I don't care, you stupid piece of plastic and metal. You have no control over me, I am a human being. I am superior to you, MY RACE MADE YOU.

Um, you've resorted me to begging. Stop staring at me, mocking me. Unless you have a text from him, stop it. Okay, now you're gonna make me cry. Please go away. You. Are. Not. My. Friend.

Fine. Sit there, stare at me. Be jealous that I have opposable thumbs. Be jealous that I will live longer than you. Be jealous that I can enjoy cupcakes.

I should throw you across the room. Just take you and throw you against the wall. But I go to pick you up and i realize... if I do, I'll never get the text. Well, and my mother will kill me. I'll just sit you here.

You, just sitting there, you. All you're loved for is bringing messages from loved ones. No, not loved ones, liked ones. Oh good God, I used the word "love" didn't I? See what you made me do, you little piece of sh... oh my gosh he texted back! Oh, he's at his friend's house. They must be playing video games. He doesn't hate me.

Dear cell phone, how I like thee? Let me count the ways... wait, now I'm supposed to reply with something witty, sexy, silly, and wonderful at the same time. I hate you, look at what trouble you've caused me. Gosh....