Crush Culture

I heard Kevin knocking on the front door around nine in the morning. By then I'd already been awake for an hour and was sitting on the couch drinking coffee. I tiredly peeled myself from my seat and walked to the front door, unlocking it before throwing it open. Kevin stood on the other side of the frame, holding my car keys in one hand and a plastic coffee cup in the other. He swallowed hard and flashed me an awkward grin.

“Hey.” I motioned him to come inside.

“Hi.” He stepped in, kicking off his shoes. He handed me my keys and followed me towards the living room where we sat next to each other on the couch. “Your house is a lot nicer than I thought it was going to be.”

I scrunched up my face. “Why's that?”

“Well you're a mess, so I figured your house would reflect that.”

“Gee thanks.” I sipped my coffee.

“Listen, about last night. Are you okay? What happened?”

“During the speeches I kind of freaked out. I don't know what or why or how, but I started getting an anxiety attack so I went outside and it started getting worse and then Spencer found me drinking beer in my car and basically forced me to let him drive me home, which was nice, but also weird and I don't know man. He just really helped me last night and I don't know what to say t-”

“Slow down there.” Kevin put his cup on the coffee table and adjusted himself so he was facing me. “You were drinking in your car?”

I nodded. “I have extra beer from work.”

He gave me a disappointment sigh as he shook his head. “Lor. You need to stop with the drinking. Do you want to end up like Dad?”

“I basically already am Dad.”

“I mean, true, but not entirely.”

We both laughed, which probably would've made most people uncomfortable, but to us it was normal. Self deprecating, dark humor was what we Lynch children excelled at.

“You should really thank Spencer.” Kevin added.

I nodded. I knew he was right. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Or him for that matter. All night I kept dreaming about how instead of standing at the doorway last night, I would run over to him and hug him and thank him. It sounded lame, but I think it was my subconscious telling me to be less of an asshole to him.

“I will.”

“Good.”

“How'd the rest of the rehearsal go?” I felt bad for even asking.

He shrugged. “I mean, it was boring as hell, but we got through.”

“Nervous?”

“Not in the slightest. I'm ready to marry her.”

I smiled.

“What?”

“I'm really happy for you, Kev.” I took another sip of coffee.

“So am I.”

“Penelope's honestly the best girl you could've asked for.”

“I know.” He shook his head. “I mean, she's smart and funny and hot. Wow.”

I rolled my eyes. “You still continue to be the superior sibling.”

We chatted for about an hour about how the night went. Apparently after the speeches everyone enjoyed their food and then they played music and danced for a little bit. According to Kevin, Mom and Dad completely forgot about my absence, which made me both happy, because it meant everyone could actually enjoy themselves, and sad, because well, yeah.

A little after ten-thirty Kevin got a text from Dad telling him to come back to the house. After that we said our goodbyes and off he went, leaving me alone with a couple of hours to spare before I had to be at the wedding.

I very early on decided that going to the office was probably a bad idea, because I'd probably get sucked into work and never leave so I decided to go for food instead. I hopped in the shower and washed off the filth of last night. After that I did my hair and makeup before picking out an over sized Thrasher hoodie and a pair of black jeans. I slipped on a pair of socks and grabbed my phone from the bedside table.

I had three text messages, which honestly gave me a bit of a shock. Nobody ever texted me aside from my boss.

MESSAGES (3)
PENELOPE
JASON
703-784-3549

I didn't even bother looking at Penelope or Jason's messages. Instead, I clicked on the last one.

Hey, it's Spencer. You probably know that. You doing okay? Need anything?

I took a deep breath, debating whether or not to even respond. I really wanted to thank him. I knew over text wasn't necessarily the best way of doing it, but for me it was definitely a start. I ran over what to say in my head over and over again, but nothing seemed right. It all felt too rude. I wanted to show him I was actually grateful for what he did, because I was. If it wasn't for him saving my ass last night who knows where I would've ended up.

Hey, thanks a lot for last night. Really. I'm doing better. Could I treat you to lunch as a thank-you for last night?

I hit send and threw my phone across my bed. I felt my chest grow tight as I stared at the black screen, waiting for it to light up. I figured he'd say no, but at the same time if he said yes I could pay for lunch and then do this wedding and never have to think about him again. My emotional debt would be clear and I could go back to unapologetic life where no favors were owed.

A couple of minutes later my phone lit up. I stared at it until it went black again and then crawled towards it, grabbing it slowly.

Sure. I know a really good diner on the east side. You like waffles?

More than any other food ever.

Cool. Want me to pick you up? We could head straight to the wedding after and I could drive you home again. You know. Just in case.

I dropped my phone on the bed again. I felt overwhelmed. Something about him made me feel uncomfortable. I pressed my fingertips against my temples and rubbed them in circular motions as I tried to steady my breathing. My heartbeat felt quick. I groaned in frustration and collapsed face first into my pillow. I just wanted today to be over.

I laid there for a couple of minutes before responding back. I said yes and that that was probably a good idea. After that I threw my phone into my back pocket and went back into the living room. I grabbed my coffee off the table and took a sip. I cringed at the the taste. It'd gone cold.

My phone started ringing. I grabbed it from my pocket and answered it without even looking at the caller ID. “Hello?”

“You're alive.” It was Jason.

“Barely.”

“So it went terrible I'm assuming?”

I rolled my eyes.

“That's a yes,” he responded, “anyway, uh, any chance you could make it to the office before the wedding? Rich is on a rampage and you're the only one who can talk him down, especially after yesterday.”

I thought about it for a split second, but soon after stuck with my gut. Going to work would only just make the temptation of not showing up worse. I couldn't do that to Kevin. Not after what happened last night. Plus, I made plans with Spencer already.

“Can't.” I grabbed my coffee cup and walked over to the microwave. I pressed a couple of buttons and leaned against the counter while it heated up.

“What do you mean?”

“I'm, uh, I'm busy.”

“Busy?” Jason sounded less than convinced, which was fair. I never did anything outside of work.

“Yeah. I'm helping out with the wedding.”

Jason laughed. “Yeah right.”

“What is that so hard to believe?”

“Uh, yes.”

I let out a long sigh. “Fine. I'm going out for lunch with someone.”

“What?”

“What?”

“Is Loretta Lynch going on a d-”

“No.” I cut him off.

“Then who is it?”

“His name is Spencer and he's my ride to the wedding. We're getting lunch.” I figured if I stated everything matter of factly he'd be more willing to believe me.

Jason was the kind of a guy who made something out of nothing, which definitely had it's pros and cons. He was always very dramatic, typically over the littlest of things. This made talking to him hard sometimes. Everything you said was dissected and regurgitated into something completely different. At times he seemed manipulative, as if he thrived on the paranoia of others. He was a weird guy.

“And how did you meet this Spencer?”

“He drove me home last night and then proceeded to leave to go to his own home.”

Jason scoffed.

“Listen, I got to go, he's going to be here soon.”

“Ugh, fine, I'll just deal with Rich myself, but you owe me. Have fun.”

“You too.”

I grabbed my coffee out of the microwave and took a sip. Jason always stressed me out. He was too much for me. Sure, he was probably the closest thing I had to a friend, but most of the time he felt more like a burden. He was constantly involved in whatever drama had happen to fall into his lap and he was always so loud. I couldn't handle it.

I sat and watched TV until I got a text from Spencer saying he was outside. I felt my stomach drop as I read the words. Half of me wanted to call the whole thing off and just hide in my bedroom until he left, but I knew that wasn't an option. I grabbed all my stuff and slipped on a pair of sneakers before stepping outside and locking the door behind me. In the driveway sat a large, black SUV with Spencer in the driver's seat. He was wearing dark sunglasses, a white button up, with a grey cardigan over top.

I took a deep breath and jumped in the passenger side, flashing him an awkward, tight lipped smile as I pulled on my seat belt.

“Hey.” He said, returning my weird smile.

“Hi.”

He pulled out of the driveway and we drove in silence for a couple of minutes before I finally felt guilty enough to say something. “So, uh, thank-you.”

He glanced over at me, but said nothing.

“For last night. I was a total bitch to you and I'm sorry and I-I just wanted to say thank-you, because what you did was really nice.” My heart was beating so fast I honestly thought I was going to die.

“No problem,” he spoke without looking me, “I get it. Family can be tough sometimes.”

“Yeah.”

“You're okay though?”

I nodded. “I think so.”

“Well, if you need anything...” He gave me a quick look before turning his attention back to the road.

We got to the diner in ten minutes, which surprised me, because I figured at this point I'd been to every food place within a half an hour drive from my house. We parked in one of the spots closest to the building itself and went inside. I followed Spencer, watching as he greeted the hostess who told him to take a seat wherever. He picked a small booth near the back and instantly scanned the menu.

I too scanned the menu. Everything sounded pretty good, but I eventually settled on cinnamon bun waffles, which sounded way too good to pass up. Moments later a waitress came up, giving Spencer a friendly hello before taking out orders and disappearing.

“You come here a lot?” I asked.

He shrugged. “I mean, I think once a week. Maybe two?”

I nodded.

“I'm usually here at night though.” He grabbed a sugar packet and started playing with it. “After long cases I usually come here and have some coffee.”

“By yourself?”

“With a book usually.” He chuckled.

The waitress came back and dropped off some coffee and water. I took sip of coffee and instantly felt better. Something about it just made me calm. Spencer did the same, letting out a happy sigh as he placed his cup back on the table quietly.

“So, tell me a bit about yourself.”

I raised my brow. “Seriously?”

“Yes. Seriously. We're going to have to hang out all day at the wedding. We might as well get to know each other now so we can enjoy ourselves.”

“Fair enough.” I racked through my brain trying to think of interesting things to say. Other than work I had no life.

He waited patiently, sipping his coffee.

“I co-manage a brewery.” I stated.

“Beer?”

I nodded.

“Interesting.”

“I guess.” I shrugged. “I mean, I'm the only female there, which is kind of interesting. I don't know.”

“Did you know in ancient Mesopotamia women were heavily involved in the making and trading of beer?”

“Hm?” I raised my brow.

Spencer nodded, leaning in excitedly. “At the time the majority of deities were depicted as male, however, there was this one named Ninsaki who was said to be the creator sikaru, or Sumerian beer. Hence why women were in charge of brewing.”

His unexpected fact made me smile slightly. “You'd make a good trivia partner.”

He laughed. “So I've been told.”

“I should tell my coworkers that story. They'd be so mad.”

“Why?”

“Honestly, they're all pretty sexist.” I responded. “When I first started they absolutely hated me. They thought I was going to ruin the beer or something.” I rolled my eyes. “I remember my first day they wouldn't let me touch anything.”

Spencer frowned. “Really?”

“Yeah, I mean, I get when someone new comes along it's kind of hard to just hand someone the torch without feeling a bit uncomfortable, but you could tell right away they weren't giving me a chance strictly because I was woman.”

“That's terrible.”

“Eh, it's fine now. Sometimes they do things to make me mad, but now that I'm in charge they tread a lot lighter than they used to.” Aside from Jason. He was still a pain in my ass.

“I mean, that's good.”

“Yeah.”

“What else do you do?”

“Honestly a whole lot of nothing. Work is... uh, kind of all I do. Other than eating and sleeping. What about you?”

He stared at his coffee cup for a couple of moments before taking a sip and sighing. “I'm about the same actually. If I'm not working I'm at home reading or prepping for another case.”

“We're just a couple of workaholics, I guess.”

He smiled. “I don't think it's a bad thing. I like my job.”

At that moment I realized how bad I felt. All these years I had put all my time and effort into my career that I lost track of everything else. It was sad really, especially given the fact that I no longer had a desire to be at work most of the time. Now that I was in charge I felt like I'd lost a sense of my dream. All I wanted to do was make beer, which sounded weird to most of the people I knew personally, but I didn't care. After I accepted the promotion to co-manage I realized I'd made a mistake. I didn't ask to run a business. I didn't ask to do a ton of paperwork. I didn't ask to have to have to deal with all the problems all by myself. I just wanted to go in, make some shit, and have fun while doing it. I missed that.

The waitress arrived with our food and we began eating. Spencer ordered a whole plethora of food; bacon, eggs, toast, hash browns -the whole nine yards. He shoveled the food down so quickly and intensively we didn't even speak until he was finished.

He sat back in his seat and took a long, much needed sip of water.

“So, uh, what's it like being an agent or whatever anyways? I mean, of course if you're allowed to talk about that kind of stuff.” I shoveled another bite of waffle into my mouth.

“It's a lot, which is to be expected,” he took a long pause, zoning out for a bit before saying anything else, “but it's probably the most rewarding thing I've ever done.”

I smiled. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to do so, but I felt like I had to. I always envied people who found themselves and what they wanted earlier on in life. For some reason though, it made me happy knowing Spencer was happy. He seemed like such a selfless person.

“That's awesome.”

“Thanks. I really love it. Everyone on the team is supportive too.”

“Are you friends with Derek?”

He laughed. “Yeah, he's like my annoying older brother. He's constantly looking after me even when I really don't want it.”

“He's really nice. We talked for a split second last night.”

“Yeah,” Spencer pulled out his phone from his pocket, “hold on, I gotta' take this.” He slid out from the booth and walked out into the parking lot. I watched him as he paced back and forth outside for a couple of moments. His long legs moved gracefully across the pavement. He ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times too.

I felt weird about staring at him for too long so I turned my attention to my own phone and scrolled through Instagram for something to do. Most of the people I followed were in the brewing industry so the majority of pictures were just glasses of beer. A couple of people I knew in real life posted selfies. Other than that though, not a lot was going on.

“Hey sorry,” Spencer slid back into his seat, “Penelope was wondering if I could help set up some stuff. I can drop you off and pick you up later if you want?”

“Uh, I can help.”

I instantly regretting my decision. There wasn't a single cell in my body that wanted to be at this wedding longer than I was required to. All I wanted to do was show up, have a couple of drinks, eat a decent meal, and then leave to go back into hiding for another six months. It was what I was good at. However, I felt bad for making Spencer drive me everywhere. Sure, I could go home and drive myself, but what if another repeat of last night happened? That would make me feel even worse.

“You sure?” He gave me an unimpressed look.

I nodded.

“You know your paren-”

“I can do it.” I swallowed hard. “I think.”

He looked at me. His eyes narrowing. Everything I was saying made him look cautious. It was like he knew something bad was going to happen before it happened. It made me feel weird, because here was this man I'd known for less than 24 hours and he'd already surpassed Jason on what you might consider a friend. He cared about me. At least I thought he did. It really seemed like that.

“If you think you can do it.”

I paid for our bills on the way out. Spencer insisted he pay for his own meal, but I wouldn't let him. Not after everything. We thanked our waitress and headed out to the SUV where we sat in our respective seats and threw on our seat belts. Spencer turned on the radio quietly in the background as we drove to the wedding venue, which was at my parents place.

My parents were definitely loaded. Even as a child I remember all the things Kevin and I got over the years. We were spoiled to say the least. Up until graduation they paid for everything. Once I told them about how I wasn't going to university though, the deal was done. I was on my own. At first I was a little worried, but after a while I grew used to being on my own and looking after myself. Kevin still got the perks of the family money. Even to this day. However, he wasn't the kind of guy to flaunt it. Up until meeting our parents, Penelope had no idea what kind of money Kevin came from. Because of this, they offered to pay for the entire wedding. No questions asked. Neither of us were surprised when they told him. That's just the way they were. Anything for their little Kevin.

We arrived around noon. Spencer and I parked near the front of the house. He stared at the building in front of us in amazement. To say it was huge was an understatement.

“Welcome to the Lynch house.” I walked to the front door and opened it without knocking. Spencer followed closely behind as we walked through the main corridor and into what my parents called “the party room”. Dozens of people were running around like mad. They were all decorating, placing flowers and table settings everywhere.

“Hello!” Penelope ran across the room at full speed, her heels clicking against the floor as she eventually met me with a tight, pain inducing hug. I hugged her back lightly, feeling my ability to breath slowly deplete the longer she held onto me. When she let me go she flashed me a wide smile, rubbing my shoulder. “I had no idea you were coming.”

I nodded awkwardly.

“Hey Penelope.” Spencer smiled.

“Spence!” She hugged him too, tightly and for a long time.

He glanced over at me wide eyed and mouthed the word help.

I snorted.

“So, did Kevin ask you to come help too?” Penelope finally released Spencer from her grasp.

“Uh...” I wasn't sure what to say. I looked over at Spencer.

“Oh, uh, no,” his eyes darted between Penelope and I, “we were just having lunch and you called and Lor offered to come help out.”

Penelope shot me a smirk, followed by an eyebrow raise. I could tell her brain was up to something and I knew I wasn't going to like it. I looked down at the floor, avoiding eye contact. “Well, that's awesome.”

We both nodded.

“Spencer I think Kev could use some help out back. I don't know what he's doing, but maybe a strapping young man such as yourself can give him a hand.” She gave his arm a quick squeeze.

He gave her an eye roll and peeled his arm from her grasp before shaking his head and leaving without another word.

“Lunch huh?” She turned to face me, her smirk widened.

“More like breakfast actually.”

She opened her mouth to say something.

“No, no, no,” I help my finger up, “we are not talking about this right now. We're doing wedding stuff.”

She rolled my eyes. “Fine, but we will be having a conversation about this later when you're drunk and more willing to talk to me.” She grabbed my hand and led me towards one of the bedrooms upstairs. There sat a couple of people I recognized from the table last night. “Hey, we got another one to help celebrate.”

We sat down and instantly one of the women handed me a glass of champagne. I smiled at Penelope. “Do you not need help at all?”

Penelope shook her head. “Nah, the guys are out back doing all the work. Kevin insisted I just relax, so lucky for you the same applies.” She took a sip of her own drink and leaned back, letting out a happy sigh. “I love getting married.”

The four of us sat and talked about a bunch of things. Slowly I remembered who the other women were. J.J. and Emily. After a bit of getting to know them I realized how nice they were. We talked about food and movies and other mundane things, but it was nice, especially after yesterday. I felt weirdly okay.

In the middle of one of Penelope's work stories I felt my phone vibrate. I pulled out my phone. It was a message from Spencer.

Where did you guys go?

We're upstairs drinking champagne.

Well that seems highly unfair.

How so?

We're doing all the hard labor, while you're sitting and enjoying yourselves.

Such is life, I suppose.

We're all done now. Kevin wants to say hi to you.

I looked up from my phone to see the three of them smiling at me. I swallowed hard and drank the rest of whatever remained in my glass before standing up. “I, uh, Kev wants me.”

“Yeah?” Penelope raised her brows and glanced at the two others who looked slightly confused.

“Yup, so, uh, thanks for the drinks and the company, but I should go see what he wants.” I awkward walked towards the door, pausing quickly to wave.

“Alright. See you soon.” Penelope chuckled.

I bolted down the stairs to meet Kevin and Spencer who both had their hands shoved in their pockets. Kevin pulled me in for a small hug and smiled. “Wow, I can't believe you're here socializing life a real adult.”

I pushed him away, rolling my eyes.

“I came for Penelope. Not for you.”

“Oh obviously.” He shared a look with Spencer. “So, uh, I see you two have met. Spencer was telling me you guys went for lunch. How was it?”

I scrunched up my face, while Spencer cleared his throat. “I should, uh, go see Penelope for a sec.” He went up the stairs, pulling out his phone as he made his way.

Everyone was acting so weird and I was starting to hate it. Mostly because I knew why. Every time I talked to a boy Kevin and Penelope jumped at the chance to hook me up with him. At first it was endearing, but after a while it grew old. The idea of meeting someone and settling down was never on my mind. Not even at the back of it.

“You know Spencer's a pretty cool guy.”

I gave him a dead stare.

“I'm just saying. I see a lot of you guys in each other. I think you two would hit it off.”

“That's nice of you to say, but I barely know the guy.”

“He told me you asked him to lunch, Lor, what's up with that?”

“I don't know! I felt bad. For last night or whatever. I wanted to make it up to him.”

“Yeah, that's the weird part.” He shook his head. “You don't care about most people.”

He was right. I never gave anyone the time of day. I was a lone wolf and despite it being more of a hindrance than anything that was just the kind of person I was. It was all I ever knew. Something about Spencer was different though. It felt right. Like suddenly he was meant to be around. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I liked it. I liked him. Up until now I hadn't realized how easy it was to talk to him. To sit in silence with him. Normally, just being around people made me want to crawl out of my own skin and run away, but not with him. He made me feel normal.

“I, uh, I don't know.” I shook my head and stared at the floor. “He's just...”

“It's okay to like people, Lor. In fact, it's very normal. Even for you.”

“I know that. I just,” I tried to collect my thoughts, “I just hate when people make a big deal about it. You know?”

He shook his head.

“We literally showed up here together and both you and Penelope are already making assumptions. Why can't I just hang out with someone without being questioned?” I ran my fingers through my hair. I was frustrated. “I just like him. He's a good person.”

“Okay, I get it.” He pulled me in for another hug. I didn't protest, but I also didn't return it. “I'll tell Penelope to lay off on the jokes. I'm sorry.”

“It's fine.” I pulled away. “I just don't like when you guys pry. It's annoying and frankly a little high school, even for you guys.” I flashed him a smirk.

He rolled his eyes.

“Do you need anymore help or no?”

“I could use some of your sick DJ skills to make a playlist for tonight?”

I smiled. “I can definitely help with that.”

He motioned me to follow. We wandered into the kitchen where he grabbed us each a beer. “You only get one until the reception.”

I nodded and took a sip, pulling out my phone. I opened Spotify and started searching. Kevin searched too and for a while we sat and listened to songs, deciding whether or not to add them to the list. This lasted for probably about an hour before we realized we probably had enough. After that we sat at the table and talked about more mundane things like I had with the girls upstairs before.