You Had Me At Hello

“Hey.” I looked over and saw Frankie walking up the path to my house. I sat on the steps and waved halfheartedly. “Mind if I join you?” I shrugged. He pulled two cigarettes out of his pack and lit them before handing one to me. I took it as he sat next to me. “So, it’s been a while…”

“I know…”

“Everyone’s worried about you…”

“I know…”

“Donna told me to ask whether you’ve been eating or not.” I just shrugged. Truth be told, I hadn’t felt like doing much of anything. “Mikey’s concerned. You haven’t talked to him in days…”

“I know…” He sighed.

“Gerard is going crazy. He wants to give you space, but he also wants to be right by your side.”

“I know…”

“Can you please say something other than you know? You are scaring the shit out of all of us. We know you have been through a lot, and we are so worried about you… But, you don’t have to go through this alone…” I took a drag and blew it out. I knew that. I knew that they would all be right here if I let them, but I just kept pushing them away.

“I don’t know, Frankie… I just don’t want to be around anyone right now…”

“Taylor, it’s been over three weeks… I know that what happened isn’t fair, and I wish I could go back and change that night… But, I can’t and neither can you. I’m going to be very blunt right now, and know that I mean well. I’m not trying to hurt your feelings or bully you… He lost the baby too. He is hurting too. Yes, I know that it’s different when you are carrying it, but damn it, he wanted it just as much as you. So, maybe you need to get out of your head and talk things out. He isn’t the only one, either. Donna is distraught. Her and Don were looking forward to being promoted to grandparent status. Mikey was in love with the idea of being an uncle. We all lost something that day, but you can’t just shut yourself away forever.” I wasn’t mad. I understood what he was saying, and I knew he was right.

“I know-”

“Stop saying that you know! Stop saying it and show me that you know,” he pleaded. “We love you. Across the entire goddamn spectrum. You are my best friend. You’re a daughter to their parents. You’re like Mikey’s sister. You are Gerard’s entire goddamn world. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, and get back to life.” I looked over at him. He had tears in his eyes.

“You’re right,” I agreed. “It wasn’t just me… I’m just… I don’t know. I don’t know how this will affect my relationship with Gee. I don’t know if I can handle the empathy from him. I mean, I had this whole little life planned for us… We were gonna have the baby, and we were just going to have this perfect little life, but it didn’t work out that way. I don’t know how to face him, or any of them, for that fact. I feel like they will view me as this broken girl and treat me differently.”

“If you act this way, then probably so. If you tell them that you know what has happened and that you wish to move on, guess what? They will eventually go with it. But this self-pity bullshit? This is why they would treat you like that.”

“I’ve struggled with mental health for years, Frankie. This is nothing new to me.”

“Well, then man up and deal with it. Tell your depression to hit the fucking bricks. You’ve got a life to live, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to watch you wither away to nothing because life happened. It happens to the best of us, but we carry on. We live and we learn. If you want a baby, I guarantee you aren’t going to get one sitting here by yourself. It takes two, and your other half is sitting alone in his room, scared to death that you have just fucking offed yourself.” He finished his cigarette and tossed it towards the road. He held his hand out to me. “So, are you going to let life get you down, or are you going to make it your bitch?” I laughed to myself as I grabbed his hand.

“Well, with you in my life, do I even have a choice?” He smiled at me.

“Abso-fucking-lutely not.”