Can’t Look Away

Dropping her bag, Sasha fell into the couch with a sigh, her eyes squeezing closed. It had been a long couple of days. Her disastrous visit to Lionel had been followed by an overnight shift which seemed to have dragged more than usual, and with it behind her, she was more than ready to fall into bed and forget about things for a while. She had spent too much time staring at her phone, hoping that Lionel had left a message, trying to find the courage to leave one herself, and she had been left disappointed. She hadn’t really expected that he’d reach out. She had been the one that had gone to his house and started their fight, and if anyone needed to make the first step towards making amends, then it was her, but she couldn’t find the words to say and had, therefore, opted against saying anything at all.

She knew that she handled it badly. She knew that she had taken the frustration that Leila had had with her and put it onto Lionel when all he had been trying to do was help her, but she couldn’t undo it, and she didn’t quite know how to repair the damage that she had done. She worried that, if she tried to, she’d only make things worse than they already were.

Sitting up slightly, she pushed her trainers off of her feet before she sunk back into the couch, draping an arm over her eyes.

“You can’t sleep there”

Sasha didn’t lift her arm away from her eyes. “It’s my couch too” she muttered.

“That might be true” Cassie replied as she padded into the room “But my brother is on his way over with my nephews, and I don’t think they’re coming to listen to you snore from the couch” she added, tidying the coffee table slightly.

Sasha let out a small huff, letting her arm fall away from her face. “I don’t snore” she said.

Cassie offered her a grin. “You do” she mused “But don’t worry, I am sure that Leo will find it cute” she added.

Sasha curled into herself a little, shaking her head. “I don’t think he’s going to get the chance to” she mumbled.

Cassie, who’d been tidying another part of the room, stopped before she lifted her head, a crease between her eyebrows. “What does that mean?” she asked.

Sasha let out a quiet sigh before she sat up, pushing her hair back off of her face. “It means that I screwed up” she admitted quietly “I got a voicemail from my sister yesterday morning. She told me that Leo had been to see her. She basically accused me of sending him there to tell her to back off instead of going and talking to her myself, and so I went to see him. It did not go well” she added, a sad smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. It was an understatement and she knew it.

“How bad are we talking?” Cassie asked.

“I...I basically told him that he didn’t know me” Sasha replied “Instead of telling him that I kind of love that he wanted to stick up for us, I went over there and blew it up. I told him he had no right to get involved in my relationship with Leila, and then I basically told him that the reason he shouldn’t have done it was because we’re not official” she added.

Cassie stared at her for a few seconds, something which caused Sasha to shift in her seat, her cheeks flushing pink embarrassedly. “As I said” she mumbled “It did not go well” she added.

Cassie shook her head. “What the fuck, Sasha?” she asked.

Sasha flinched a little. “I know” she mumbled “I know how stupid it was” she added.

“He had good intentions” Cassie pointed out “Maybe his actions were a little...misguided, and maybe he overstepped, but he didn’t do that to hurt you” she added.

“I know he didn’t” Sasha replied softly.

“Then what happened?” Cassie prodded, her voice softening a little.

Sasha fidgeted, re-tucking her hair behind her ear, before she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “Leila sounded so annoyed” she said softly “And I...I took her annoyance with me out on him. She’s been so weird about this whole thing. That’s why he went over there. I told him that she was being weird with me and he thought he could fix it. He was being sweet, Cass, really sweet, and I...I messed it up and now I don’t know what to do to fix it. I can’t take back what I said” she added.

Cassie sat down on the edge of the coffee table before she leant forwards, gently gathering Sasha’s hands in hers. “Leila’s problems are just that” she said gently “They’re her problems, not yours, and not Leo’s. You shouldn’t have to go out of your way to make sure that she’s comfortable. She didn’t bother to do that with you when she got with Olivier” she added.

“Cass...”

“She didn’t” Cassie interrupted, stopping Sasha’s inevitable protest. She had always been too forgiving when it came to Leila and Olivier.

Sasha closed her mouth and ducked her head.

“You two are wonderful together” Cassie continued.

“You think so?” Sasha asked.

“I really do” Cassie confirmed “You two as a couple are a good thing, Sasha, and you shouldn’t have to justify it. Whatever happened between Leo and your sister was years ago, and given that she’s married to an ex of yours, she’s hardly in a position to judge. They’re her problems, whatever they are, and if you keep letting her get into your head, you’re going to lose a good thing” she added.

Sasha stared at her feet. “How do I make it up to him?” she asked softly “It was bad, Cass” she added.

“Have you talked to him since?” Cassie asked.

Sasha shook her head, her expression almost guilty. “I...I don’t know what to say” she admitted.

“You have to say something” Cassie replied, rolling her eyes playfully.

Sasha smiled despite herself, causing Cassie to squeeze her hands before the doorbell rang. “That’s going to be my brother and the boys” she mused “Run whilst you can” she teased before she swanned out of the room.

Sasha stood up, pulling her bag over her shoulder, before she made her way to her bedroom. Dumping the bag beside the door, she closed it and clambered onto her bed, pulling her phone out of her jumper pocket. Holding it in her hand, she stared at the screen blankly for a few moments before she unlocked it, quickly finding Lionel’s name and pressing the call button.

Pressing it to her ear, she listened to it click over to his voicemail before she sighed. “I’m an idiot” she said “I mean, I am sure you knew that, but I needed you to know that I know it too. I should have told you that I liked that you were trying to defend us instead of all that...that other stuff I said. I’m sorry. I don’t know if you sent this deliberately to voicemail so that you don’t have to speak to me, I hope not, but if you do listen to this at some point, I’d really like to say sorry face to face. I hope I hear from you” she added softly before she hung the phone up and fell back against her pillow, hoping that his name lit up the screen again.