Can’t Look Away

Quietly closing the bedroom door, Sasha moved to sweep her earphones off of the dresser before she plopped down onto the floor at the foot of the bed, sighing quietly at the pile of unfolded clothes which sat ahead of her. The apartment was a mess. Between the stacks of Cassie’s unpacked boxes, and Sasha’s half packed ones, there wasn’t much space, and with her siblings milling about in the living room, trying to pack up as much of her stuff as they could, she had become slightly overwhelmed, leading her to sneak off to her bedroom. She was grateful for their help, and for their excitement at the prospect of her relationship with Lionel progressing, but still she needed some quiet, needing an opportunity to wrap her head around the notion that she was preparing to move in with a boyfriend for the first time.

She had agreed that it felt like the right time. Things between her and Lionel were at their most settled, and both of them knew that they were as serious about one another as the other was, but still the prospect of living together properly was slightly daunting to her. They’d spent a lot of nights together. Sasha was at ease in Lionel’s home, she knew where everything was, and she was comfortable being her usual self when she was there, but she didn’t quite know how things would change when it was her home too. She was used to being there when Lionel was there, but worried that when he wasn’t, she’d feel out of place.

Slipping the earphones in, she tapped the screen of her phone, starting a song, before she pulled some of the clothes into her lap. Folding them neatly, she placed them into a box which sat a little away from her before she felt someone sit down next to her. Grabbing another handful of clothes, she gently placed them into Cassie’s lap. “I’ve already gotten rid of the bad stuff” she mused “So, if you could refrain from insulting my clothes, I’d be grateful” she added, a teasing smile on her face.

Cassie laughed, pulling a top out of the pile on her lap with a grimace. “I’ll try” she replied.

Sasha rolled her eyes, playfully swatting the top out of Cassie’s hands. “You weren’t enjoying hanging out with my siblings and their partners?” she asked after a moment of quiet.

“They’re fine” Cassie replied “Even Leila, and you know how I feel about her. It was just...Ellie’s more pregnant that I thought she’d be, and James doesn’t stop fussing over her. Even Olivier and Leila are cute. I just needed to get out of there for a bit” she added, offering Sasha a sad shrug.

“Do you want me to do anything?” Sasha asked.

Cassie smiled thankfully, but shook her head, busying herself with folding more of Sasha’s clothes. “I’ll just hide in here with you” she quipped.

“I’m not hiding” Sasha argued with a scoff that wasn’t even close to convincing.

Cassie snorted. “Sure, you’re not” she quipped.

Sasha fiddled with the clothes in her lap, allowing a long silence to pass between them, before she sighed gently. “What if it is a mistake?” she asked quietly.

Cassie sighed gently. “Is this about me and Nolan?” she asked.

“A little” Sasha replied “But there are other things too. You know me, Cass. I am a planner, and I don’t like walking into things if I am not one hundred percent sure that it’s the right thing. Everything that happened with Alex taught me to be cautious, and I want to be cautious. I don’t want things with Leo to...”

“To end how things between me and Nolan ended” Cassie finished for her, seeing the embarrassed expression on Sasha’s face. She didn’t want Sasha to walk on eggshells around her. It wasn’t going to change the fact that things with Nolan were over.

Sasha glanced down at her lap, but did offer a tight nod in confirmation.

Cassie folded a few more items of clothes, thinking of something to say, before she gently took one of Sasha’s hands in hers, squeezing it softly. “You’re not us, Sasha” she said gently “You’ve talked to Leo about your future timetable thing, haven’t you?” she prodded.

Sasha’s cheeks flushed embarrassedly, but she nodded.

“Me and Nolan didn’t” Cassie continued “We were on two different wavelengths entirely, and that’s why it didn’t work, but that’s not the case for you and Leo, is it?” she asked.

Sasha shook her head. “I’m just scared” she admitted “I mean, I want it, Cass. When he asked, I didn’t really even hesitate to say yes, but now it’s had time to settle in, I’m scared. I know what spending a night with him looks like, but I am scared about what spending every night with him looks like. What if it’s too different?” she asked gently.

Cassie leant her head against Sasha’s, squeezing her hand softly. “Don’t go then” she whispered “If you’re so scared, don’t do it. We can just live here and try online dating again. It’s been so successful for us in the past” she added, a rueful smile on her lips.

“You think Leo would break up with me?” Sasha asked, glancing up at her friend fearfully.

“He loves you” Cassie replied “And he’ll do what he can to make it work, but if you’re not willing to face your fears from time to time, then yeah, I think he will. Come on, Sasha. Do really think that living with someone is perfect all of the time? We fought all of the time over stupid stuff. Do you think that James and Ellie don’t fight? Olivier and Leila? Your parents? Maybe he’ll hate being woken up when you get in from a night shift. Maybe you’ll hate how he leaves the towels hung up after he’s had a shower. But if he is the right guy, and I wholeheartedly believe that he is, then it won’t matter. You’ll learn to live with him, Sasha” she said, her voice warm and encouraging.

Sasha fiddled with something in her lap before she sighed softly, a faint smile quirking up the corner of her mouth. “Can I call permanent dibs on the couch?” she asked.

Cassie laughed, nodding. “Consider it yours” she mused “I mean, technically, it is. You bought it” she added.

Sasha laughed before she shook her head, turning her stare up towards Cassie. “You think he’s the right guy?” she asked.

Cassie’s expression softened a little before she nodded. “I do” she confirmed “Though, I don’t know how much faith you ought to put in that. Up until quite recently, I thought Nolan was the right guy for me” she added sadly.

Sasha squeezed her hand softly. “You know, the truck is not coming for a couple of days” she mused “You want me to scare my siblings away?” she asked.

Cassie smiled sadly. “Are we drinking?” she asked.

“Leo’s out of town” Sasha replied “And there’s a decent bottle of wine around here somewhere, maybe two. Just remind me to hide your phone. Drunk calling your ex would be the worst idea” she added.

Cassie grinned. “I’ll hide yours too” she mused “You drunk text, and it’s never as cute in the morning” she added.

Sasha, relieved that Cassie’s expression had brightened, smiled too. “Good idea” she mused “I’ve packed most of my stuff. I’d hate to change Leo’s mind about me” she added as she stood up, moving towards the door.

“Sasha?” Cassie called out.

“Yeah?” Sasha prodded, glancing back at her friend.

Cassie smiled at her gently. “Thank you” she said.

Sasha shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s nothing you’ve not done for me before” she quipped before she stepped out of the door.