Can’t Look Away

54: I Might Not Be Tomorrow


Sasha didn’t move at the sound of her name.

Lionel gently leant forwards, but before he could place a hand on Sasha’s, she jerked back in her seat, showing him, for the first time, the tears that had gathered in her eyes. He hadn’t wasted time. He knew that if he had waited to tell her, then he would have found a way to convince himself not to say anything, and he knew that if he hadn’t said anything, then Cassie, who was sat on the couch beside Sasha, would have done, making any chance of Sasha not hating him disappear. It had to come from him. It was always going to hurt, but he knew that if he left it to Cassie, it would hurt more, and he couldn’t let that happen. He knew it was going to hurt, but he wanted it to hurt as little as it possibly could.

Seeing the look on her face, he dropped his head, sighing sadly. “I am so sorry” he said quietly “I know it probably doesn’t mean anything to you now, but you have to know how sorry I am, Sasha” he added.

Sasha sniffled, causing Cassie to lean over, rubbing her back gently. “What do you want to do now?” she asked gently.

Sasha blinked, sending a few more tears sliding down her cheeks, before she turned to look at Cassie. “Is your couch still available?” she asked.

Lionel squeezed his eyes closed at the sound of her voice. It sounded so rough, so sad, and it pained him to hear it. He wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in a hug and insist that everything was going to be OK.

“You can’t be sleeping on a couch, Sasha” Cassie said gently “You’ve got to think about the baby” she added.

Sasha’s hand moved to her stomach instinctively, her fingers twisting in the fabric of the shirt she was wearing. “I...I can’t stay here with him” she whispered “Cassie, I need to...” she trailed off, letting out a gentle sob.

Cassie rubbed her back again, sending Lionel a sympathetic look as he picked his head up, his eyes watching Sasha tearfully. “Is there nowhere else you can go?” she asked softly.

“I can go” Lionel’s voice was quiet “Cassie, you can stay here. I’ll stay at your place” he offered.

Cassie offered him a slightly dubious look, but Lionel dismissed it with a small shrug and a sad smile. He couldn’t let Sasha end up sleeping on Cassie’s couch for an extended period of time. Cassie hesitated for a beat before she nodded her head. “I’ll go and pack some stuff” she said “I won’t be gone for long, OK?” she added.

Sasha nodded wordlessly.

Cassie sighed gently as she stood up. Offering Lionel another sympathetic look, she squeezed his shoulder lightly as she passed him before she left the room, leaving Lionel and Sasha alone. The two of them sat quietly for a few long moments, the only sounds disturbing the silence were Sasha’s gentle sniffles, before Lionel pushed himself out of his seat. Hesitantly, he crouched down next to her before he placed a hand on her knee, squeezing it gently.

Sasha didn’t move to look at him, but she didn’t pull away either, something he greeted with a muted sigh of relief. He didn’t know that he could stand watching her pull away from him again. “I...I know I can’t say anything to make this better right now” he said quietly “In fact, I am pretty sure that if I say too much, I am going to make this worse, I just...I need you to know how sorry I am, Sasha. I was just trying to comfort her. She’s your sister, and she was crying, and I thought I was doing the right thing because she’s family, but I know now that I should have kept my distance. I don’t know what she was thinking, but there shouldn’t have even been an opportunity, and I am sorry. I am so sorry, Sasha” he added.

Sasha slowly turned to look at him. “I...I don’t know what to say” she said “My sister, Leo. You, my boyfriend, and my sister. What am I supposed to say?” she added.

“I don’t know” Lionel replied sadly.

Sasha stared down at him, allowing a silence to hang heavily in the air, before she let out a quiet sigh. “I need time” she said gently “I need to get my head around this” she added.

Lionel nodded before he pushed himself back to his feet, creating a small distance between them.

Before he could get too far away, Sasha’s hand gently wrapped around his wrist, but she didn’t pull him back. She just kept him where he was. “You know why this hurts” she spoke quietly, trying, and failing, to keep the shake out of her voice.

Lionel’s eyes were fixed on her hand as he nodded his head.

“I don’t know what to make of it right now” Sasha continued “I can’t...I can’t get passed the idea of the two of you…doing that in our kitchen” she added.


“It was still a kiss” Sasha cut off Lionel’s protests.

Lionel deflated slightly.

“It might not have meant anything to you” Sasha said, the wobble in her voice increasing the more she spoke “But it is still a realization of all of those worries that I had when we first got together. I need time to process that. I need to cry, and get angry, and I don’t want to do that around you. I worry that I will say things I can’t take back, just because I am upset, and I...I don’t want to do that. I am upset now, devastated actually, but I might not be tomorrow. I know it seems like I am blowing this out of proportion. Heck, it’s me, I definitely am, but...” she trailed off, letting out a self-deprecating laugh that was much more of a sob.

Lionel tried to step closer. All he wanted to do was hug her and assure her that he was happy to do whatever she wanted him to do.

Sasha, however, stepped back, shaking her head.

Lionel’s face fell, causing Sasha to let out another soft sob. She hated the look on his face, but she couldn’t bring herself to hug him.

Swallowing, Lionel stuffed his hands into his pockets before he gently backed away to the doorway. “I...I should go and get some stuff” he said quietly.

Sasha just stared at him tearfully.

Lionel hesitated in the doorway, trying, and failing to come up with something else to say, before he slowly backed out of it.

Sasha waited until she heard his footsteps retreating up the stairs to fall back into the couch. Clapping one hand over her mouth, she tried to stifle her sniffles and sobs, whilst the other hand returned to her stomach, covering the small bump that resided there.
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Thanks to Jayme112234 and Twisted;;Symphony for the comments :)