Can’t Look Away

“Sasha?”

Sasha, who’d been staring vaguely at the television, startled slightly at the sound of Lionel’s voice before she slowly lifted her head, peeking at him over the top of the cushion she had been resting on. She had told him that she would be right up. When he had headed up to bed, she had insisted that she wouldn’t be too far behind him, but she knew from the look on his face, and the fact that Arlo was grumbling in his arms, that she had let time get away from her. Slowly sitting up, she rubbed her eyes briefly before she glanced at the clock. “Is he hungry already?” she asked quietly.

“It’s been three hours” Lionel replied.

Sasha nodded her head slowly, trying, and failing, to hide the fact that she knew it’d been that long. She didn’t want to admit that the conversation that they had had with Olivier earlier in the night was still stuck on her mind. It wasn’t anything she hadn’t heard before. He’d said that Leila was sorry, that she missed her younger sister, and wanted them both to try and make amends, but still it stung her, even more so when Sasha knew that there was a wedding invitation that, had she been marrying anyone else, she wouldn’t have hesitated in sending.

Pushing the best smile she could onto her face, Sasha glanced up at Lionel. “I must have dozed off” she said.

Lionel didn’t say anything. Instead, he quietly padded into the room and placed Arlo carefully into her arms before he settled into the seat beside her. Picking up the television remote, he flicked through the channels before he settled on a film.

Sasha watched him as she started to feed Arlo, her forehead furrowed. “You don’t have to stay up” she noted.

“I know” Lionel replied, not looking away from the screen..

“So why aren’t you going back up?” Sasha asked.

Lionel glanced over at her. “I’ll go when you go” he said.

“Leo...”

“I’m not here to push you into a conversation, Sasha” Lionel interrupted “I know that that is never a good idea, but do you really think I have been upstairs, asleep, this whole time?” he prodded, offering her a slightly rueful smile.

Sasha mirrored his smile, but hers was softer, sadder. “I don’t know why I am so upset” she murmured “I mean, it’s not like it’s something new, but seeing Olivier...I don’t know. It’s stupid, I know, but...” she trailed off with a soft shake of her head, her fingers gently smoothing out Arlo’s fine hair.

Lionel watched her for a moment before he pushed himself up slightly, allowing him to leave a gentle kiss on her temple. “It’s not stupid” he murmured.

Sasha shifted in her seat, leaning into him as his arm settled around her shoulders, his hand brushing the top of her arm gently. “I’m sorry we keep going in this circle” she said quietly.

Lionel’s forehead rested against her temple. “I’m sorry I haven’t invented that time machine you asked me for” he quipped impishly.

Sasha’s lips quirked up into an amused smile, something which caused Lionel to lean down, kissing the corner of her smile gently. Sasha closed her eyes at the touch, her smile widening as it lingered briefly, before she felt Lionel place another light kiss against her cheekbone. “You’ve really not slept?” she asked.

“You were too quiet on the way home” Lionel retorted “And then you didn’t follow me upstairs. I waited, and kept waiting, until he started to fuss and I had an excuse to come back down here. I didn’t want you to think I was checking up on you” he added, tipping his head towards Arlo who had drifted off in Sasha’s arms.

Sasha offered him a soft smile, but it was quickly overtaken by a yawn, something which made Lionel sigh gently, his forehead bumping her temple again. “You need some sleep” he said.

Sasha let out a slightly rueful laugh as she nodded, another yawn falling out of her mouth.

“Come to bed, then” Lionel mused “We both know he’ll be up again in no time at all” he added as he moved to his feet, carefully extracting Arlo from Sasha’s arms. Once he had gotten the baby settled against him, he offered a hand back towards Sasha.

Sasha hesitated momentarily before she placed her hand in his, allowing him to tug her back to her feet. Twisting their fingers together, he guided her up the stairs and into their bedroom without another word, only dropping her hand when he needed to cross the room and settle Arlo down into his cot.

Sasha climbed into bed and watched him settle the baby down. “I wouldn’t change it” she said softly.

Lionel stiffened slightly as he stood back up. It was a question he had gotten close to asking a few times. Sasha was stuck in the middle of him and Leila. The nights that they had spent together, and the feelings that Leila had for him, were the reasons that things were so strained, and he knew how difficult a position that left Sasha in. She was caught between her sister and him with no way of keeping them both content, and it meant that, on more than one occasion, he had found himself wondering if she would have changed things. He wondered that if she had known what it would cost, she would have still asked him to dinner when they’d first met.

“What?” Lionel asked as he turned around, his eyes looking at anywhere but her.

“I know you think about asking sometimes” Sasha mused, fiddling with the duvet “I mean, you hear me say how much I miss having my sister around. How could the question not cross your mind? But I want you to know something. I love my sister. As hard as she has made things for us, she’s still my sister, and I am going to love her forever, but I wouldn’t give you...us up for anything. Yes, things between me and Leila are hard, but they were before you and me, and you...you make me really happy. I wish things were easier with her, of course I do, but not if it costs me you. I need to know that you know that” she added.

Lionel’s lips quirked upwards into a shy smile before his eyes finally landed on her. “I kind of needed to hear that” he admitted.

Sasha threw the duvet back and climbed back to her feet, closing the distance between them with a soft kiss that Lionel didn’t hesitate to melt into, a gentle smile still playing on his lips. “I love you” she whispered when she pulled back slightly.

Lionel gently tucked her hair off of her face before he closed the space again, muttering the same words to her between soft kisses.