Can’t Look Away

“You are still in there, aren’t you?”

Sasha’s lips kicked upwards slightly as she gently wiped at her eyes, pulling her stare away from the mirror ahead of her reluctantly. She wasn’t surprised that someone had come to look for her. She had been gone for longer than the few minutes she had promised when she had been escorted back to the changing room she stood in, but still she was reluctant to open the door, not quite ready for other people to see what she had spent a long time looking at. She loved it. She had known that she would, they’d spent a long time trying to piece together exactly what it was that she had envisaged, but now that she was stood in it, she hadn’t been able to stop the tears from springing into her eyes. It was everything she had imagined, and she worried that as soon as she opened the door, someone would say something that made her doubt it.

“Sasha, seriously” Cassie continued “Are you alright? You’ve been in here for a lot long time” she added.

Sasha wiped at her eyes again, making sure that all of the tears were off of her face, before she slowly undid the lock, opening the door wide enough for her to peek around it. “I’m fine” she mused.

Cassie stared at her for a moment before she tilted her head. “Have you been crying?” she asked.

Sasha spluttered out a soft laugh, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Is it that obvious?” she countered.

“I’m your best friend, Sasha” Cassie mused “You can’t get much past me. So, what’s going on? Do I need to find the design assistant or your mother?” she asked.

Sasha shook her head, smiling tearfully down at her feet for a moment before she pulled the door open.

Cassie frowned for a moment, still not entirely sure what to make of the tears, but when the door was fully open, her frown disappeared. Lifting a hand, she tried to stifle the soft gasp that fell out of her mouth before she gently shook her head, a wobbly smile overtaking her features. “OK, I get it now” she mused.

Sasha let out another soft laugh, her fingers fiddling nervously with the material of her skirt. “It took me less than a minute to get it on” she mused “I...uh...I kind of spent the rest of the time just staring at myself in the mirror. I know that that sounds silly, but...” she trailed off as Cassie shook her head.

“It’s not silly at all” Cassie said “You look sensational, Sasha” she added.

Sasha’s cheeks grew pink. “I know” she breathed “Cass, I am wearing my wedding dress” she added.

“How do you feel about that?” Cassie prodded. She knew that it was more than just a statement of fact, that Sasha was pointing out more than the fact that she was stood in front of her, in a wedding dress, and Cassie wanted to make sure that she was handling it alright. She wanted to make sure that her friend, who had a habit of trying to pull away when things got overwhelming, wasn’t overawed by how quickly her wedding day was approaching.

Sasha's lips quirked upwards. “You really do know me better than anyone, don’t you?” she asked.

Cassie offered her a nonchalant shrug, causing Sasha to laugh before she shook her head, smoothing out her dress again. “I’m nervous” she admitted “I mean, I know that, fundamentally, it doesn’t change much. Things between us changed much more after Arlo was born than they will after we’re married, but it’s still a pretty big deal, and it does make me nervous” she explained.

“But?” Cassie prodded knowingly.

Sasha rolled her eyes. “But” she mused “I don’t feel as overwhelmed as I thought I would. I mean, you know me. Since everything that happened with Alex, and with Olivier too, I’ve been so tentative. Too tentative probably, and I thought that the more of this wedding we planned, the more anxious I would get. I’ve worried about every other thing that’s happened between me and Leo, but I...I am surprisingly calm about this. Is that weird?” she asked.

Cassie’s teasing smile softened a little as she shook her head, her fingers gently brushing Sasha’s hair away from her face. “Does he make you happy?” she asked.

Sasha didn’t hesitate to nod her head. “You know he does” she mused.

Cassie nodded. “I just wanted to make sure you knew it, too” she replied “You’ve got a pretty long history of talking yourself out of your own happiness, and I wanted to check that you weren’t about to start trying to do it again. He makes you happy, and I am glad that you’ve finally gotten out of your own way for long enough to see it. You deserve this happiness, Sasha” she insisted.

Sasha quirked another bashful smile, but whatever she was going to say was cut off by another soft gasp that caused the two of them to turn around, looking at Carina who’d padded around the corner. Sharing a soft smile with Cassie, Sasha moved slightly further out of the changing room before she stopped in front of her mother, shrugging her shoulders slightly. “Well?” she asked.

Carina just stared at her for a moment before she shook her head, a snuffly laugh falling out of her mouth. “My baby” she whispered “Look at you” she added.

Sasha rolled her eyes, but couldn’t hide the tears which had started to gather in her eyes again, causing her mother to moved towards her, gently brushing them away with the pad of her thumb.

Cassie smiled at the two of them, her own eyes a little misty, before she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Pulling it out, she scanned the screen before she shook her head amusedly, typing a quick reply to Lionel’s text, asking about how the appointment had gone. She couldn’t predict that there wouldn’t be any more bumps in the road for the two of them, but she was hopeful. Their relationship was the best it’d been, both Sasha and Lionel seemed happy together, and Cassie hoped that it stayed that way. Sasha deserved the happiness that Lionel had bought into her life and she hoped he continued to bring it for a long time to come, and that Sasha continued to let herself be happy with the way things had worked out for her.