Can’t Look Away

Letting out a soft sigh, Lionel ducked his head, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of Sasha’s shoulder before he slowly untangled himself from her, climbing out of their bed. He hadn’t been surprised by how easily she had fallen asleep. After Eddie had woken up, the anxiety and sadness that had been evident on her face from the moment that Lionel had stepped into her father’s hospital room had dissolved, allowing her to give into the fatigue the emotions had caused, but whilst it had taken her no time at all to fall asleep, Lionel had failed to get to sleep at all.

He was still reeling. Things had moved so quickly. He had gone from putting on his wedding suit in one moment to rushing to the hospital in the next, and whilst he was relieved that Eddie was fine, the shock was still resonating in him, as well as a small tinge of disappointment that the day hadn’t ended as he had expected it would. He had prepared for things to go wrong. He had anticipated Leila trying to make a scene, or something to go wrong with the wedding dress that Sasha hadn’t been able to stop gushing over, but he hadn’t ever thought that the day would end without the two of them being married, and the thought stung. He knew it didn’t matter. Their plans could be remade, and Sasha’s father’s health was more important, but still the disappointment gnawed at him. He had had his heart set on it for a while.

Pulling a t-shirt over his head, he spared a quick look into Arlo’s cot, making sure that the baby was still asleep, before he ducked around the partially closed bedroom door. Making sure that he was quiet, he made his way down the stairs and padded into the kitchen, collecting an empty glass before he made his way to the fridge, collecting the cool water jug from inside. Letting the fridge close with a soft thump, he set the glass down onto the counter and poured himself a drink before he sighed, allowing his head to fall forwards.

For a few moments, he stayed like that, resting his weight against the counter, until he felt something move against his chest, causing him to startle slightly before he looked down, sighing at the sight of Sasha’s hand against his t-shirt. “I woke you” he murmured.

Sasha rested her head against his back, her hand rubbing his chest comfortingly. “It’s not like you to get up in the middle of the night” she replied.

Lionel’s hand moved to cover hers, offering it a gentle squeeze. “I couldn’t sleep” he said “And I was tossing and turning. I got up to try and avoid waking you, but clearly that didn’t work” he added, a tired laugh falling out of his mouth.

Sasha smiled softly before she moved in front of him, her eyes searching his face.

Lionel ducked his head, feeling uncomfortable under her scrutiny. “I’m alright” he mused.

“No, you’re not” Sasha replied.

“Sasha, I’m fine” Lionel protested tiredly “I just couldn’t sleep” he added firmly.

Sasha shook her head. “I don’t believe you” she countered.

Lionel took in a deep breath, biting back the urge to snap, before he let it out slowly, his posture deflating slightly. He didn’t want to admit that he was disappointed. It felt selfish, and he didn’t want to upset her.

Sasha watched him deflate before she stepped a little closer to him, her hands guiding his around her waist before they moved to the back of his neck, keeping him close. “Talk to me” she coaxed softly.

Lionel’s eyes closed as he shook his head, something which caused Sasha to push herself up onto her toes, pressing a light kiss to the corner of his mouth. “You can tell me anything” she whispered.

“I feel selfish” Lionel murmured “I mean, your father is in hospital, and I feel selfish for thinking about anything other than that” he added.

“But?” Sasha prodded.

“It’s going to sound so trivial” Lionel replied.

“Lionel...”

“I planned for so many things to go wrong” Lionel interrupted “But in all of those scenarios, we always ended up actually married, and I am...I’m disappointed that we aren’t. Your father is the priority, of course he is, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but I just...I thought today was the day, and it wasn’t, and I am kind of upset about it” he added, offering her a slightly sheepish smile.

“I’m upset, too” Sasha whispered “I mean, you were right earlier. We can do it any time, any place, and honestly, it wouldn’t change things between us that much, but...but I was kind of looking forwards to hearing someone call you my husband, or call me your wife” she added, mirroring his bashful grin.

Lionel lifted a hand away from her waist, gently brushing a stray hair from her face. “There’ll be another day” he murmured “And, if there is one positive, it’s that we know what we’re doing when it comes to wedding planning. The second time around ought to be a lot smoother than the first” he added.

Sasha let out a soft laugh. “You never know, I might have changed my mind about a few things” she quipped, playing along with him.

“As long as you’ve not changed your mind about the groom, I think I can handle that” Lionel teased.

Sasha shook her head without missing a beat, her smile warm and tender. “I’m kind of stuck on you” she replied.

“I’m stuck on you, too” Lionel said.

Sasha bounced up onto her toes, kissing his lips briefly.

Lionel let out a soft laugh, something which made Sasha’s smile widen a little before she tugged out of their embrace, gently tugging on one of his hands. “Come to bed with me” she mused “You’re clearly exhausted, and I am, too. We need to at least try and get some sleep before our son wakes up” she added.

“I’ll get up with him when he does” Lionel said, following her towards the stairs.

Sasha stopped a couple of steps up before she turned around, leaning over to press a kiss against his lips. Lionel made a small noise of surprise, but reacted to it quickly, kissing her back until she drew away from him. “I don’t want to wait” she whispered “Not for too long anyway. I want to marry you as soon as possible” she insisted.

Lionel nodded. “The sooner, the better” he agreed “We’ll figure it out. We’ll talk to everyone, see what we can do” he added.

Sasha grinned at him again before she tugged him up the stairs with her.