Can’t Look Away

“How exactly did you convince Cassie to babysit for us?”

Sasha, who was slipping her engagement ring back onto her finger, shook her head, glancing back at Lionel via the mirror that stood ahead of her. “I didn’t convince her” she replied “She was here the other night and she was talking about the dates that she and Aiden were going on, and I casually mentioned that it’d been a while since we’d been out, just the two of us. She offered to take Arlo for a couple of hours. How could I say no to that?” she added.

Lionel let out a small chuckle as he stepped closer to her, his hands gently settling on her waist. “Does she know what she’s let herself in for?” he asked, placing a soft kiss on her shoulder. He had been surprised. When he had arrived home, he’d almost knocked over Aiden who’d been on the way out to the car with Arlo’s nappy bag over his shoulder, but as surprised as he had been to find out that Cassie and Aiden had offered to watch Arlo for a while, he was also looking forwards to the opportunity to spend some time alone with Sasha, something they hadn’t had the chance to do for a while.

Sasha’s face brightened with a soft smile as she shook her head. “He’s a good baby” she replied.

“He is” Lionel confirmed with a small nod “But he’s hard to settle when it’s me and you putting him down. I don’t imagine he’s going to make it easy on Cassie, even if she is his favourite aunt” he added, moving to press a soft kiss against the underside of her jaw.

Sasha closed her eyes at the touch, something which caused Lionel to smile gently against her skin. “I told her we’d only be gone for a couple of hours” she murmured “And she’s got both of our numbers if she needs to reach us. I’m sure she will be fine. Besides, it’s good practice for her and Aiden” she added.

Lionel, who’d moved to place a kiss just below her ear, stilled slightly before he pulled away, a small furrow growing between his eyebrows as he met her eyes in the mirror. “Practice?” he asked.

Sasha’s eyes widened a fraction before she could stop them, something which caused Lionel’s expression to soften, a warm smile blossoming across his features. “Cassie’s pregnant” he stated rather than asked.

Sasha opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, wanting to try and deny it, but the look on Lionel’s face stopped her. Even if she tried to lie, she knew he’d see right through it. He knew her too well. “I don’t know if I was supposed to tell you that” she mused “I mean, she told me a couple of weeks ago, the night before...before everything was supposed to happen, but I don’t know how many other people know” she explained, trying, and failing, to hide the grimace that passed over her features.

Lionel, who’d been watching her expression in the mirror, sighed gently. “Sasha” he murmured.

Sasha smiled ruefully. “I know” she mused “I know we’ll get around to it. I just...I guess it still stings. I thought we’d done the waiting” she added, gently tugging out of his embrace.

Lionel stood and watched her as she walked away, slipping her feet into a pair of shoes, before he followed, his hand gently capturing hers when she tried to turn and walk towards the door. “Sasha” he murmured.

At the sound of her name, Sasha deflated slightly, but she didn’t turn to look at him, keeping her stare fixed on the door. “I know we’re trying” she said gently “We’ve talked about it, I’ve talked about it with Cassie, and I know that we’re trying to figure it out, but I just...” she trailed off, frustratedly shaking her head.

“You just wish it’d been different” Lionel finished for her.

“That makes me sound so selfish, doesn’t it?” Sasha asked, turning to look at him with wide eyes.

Lionel didn’t hesitate to shake his head. “You’re not selfish. You never have been” he replied “And being frustrated isn’t selfish. I know I am, but we had plans. We still have plans” he added.

Sasha’s eyes searched his face for a moment, allowing a few beats of quiet to pass between them, before she ducked her head, tucking her hair off of her face. “What if I wanted to rip those plans up?” she asked quietly.

Lionel’s forehead creased. “What?” he asked.

“Maybe we could do something smaller” Sasha said “Something with just the most important people around us. I know that we had plans, and that we loved what we’d come up with, but what if we changed our minds?” she asked, her voice quiet and cautious.

Lionel blinked a couple of times, surprised by the question, before he lowered his stare towards the hand of Sasha’s that he held, their fingers twisted together. Quirking a faint smile, he toyed with her fingers for a moment before he gently tugged on her hand, drawing her slightly closer to him. “I want to marry you” he murmured “I have done for a while now. I don’t care how it happens, but I thought you did. We spent months planning, picking out things that we both liked to try and make this day as wonderful as it could be, and then it didn’t happen, and now, I just...I don’t want you to compromise on what would make you happy to just get it done, Sasha. We’ll get there, I promise you” he insisted softly, lifting her hand to place a gentle kiss on the back of it.

Sasha was quiet for a moment, watching as Lionel gently traced a finger along the line of her engagement ring, before she shook her head. “Marrying you would make me happy” she said “The rest of it doesn’t matter. That’s all I want” she insisted.

“Sasha...”

“It’s what I want” Sasha insisted “I know it’s hard to believe that I reached this decision without overthinking it for weeks, or worrying about it unnecessarily, but I have. It’s what I want, Leo” she added, her voice firm and confident.

She knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to point out that there was no harm in waiting if it meant that they could have the day they’d dreamed of, but she wanted him to know that she had thought about it, that she knew what she was asking. She wanted him to know that it was a considered move, not just one born out of disappointment or frustration.

Lionel stared at her for a moment, studying her features, before he lifted his hand, scratching at his jaw nervously. “Can I think about it?” he asked.

Sasha’s eyes widened.

“It’s a big decision, Sasha” Lionel spoke quickly, already seeing the disappointment appearing on her features “I just...I need some time to get my head around it. Can you give me that?” he asked.

Sasha blinked before she nodded her head. “O...OK” she spluttered.

Lionel offered her a small smile, hoping that it’d reassure her slightly, before he moved to collect his jacket. Wrapping it around his shoulders, he turned to offer his hand out to Sasha who hesitated for a beat before she took it and followed him from the room, still reeling from the fact that he needed time to think. It wasn’t something that had crossed her mind. She had thought that he’d jump at the suggestion, and the notion that he hadn’t unsettled her. He’d never been the one to hesitate before.