Corruption

I didn’t sleep much that night, tossing and turning in bed. Going down stairs at five in the morning, at the time, seemed like a good idea. What true human being was up at five in the morning? Apparently Julie was. She met me at the bottom of the stairs, a huge grin on her face. When I stopped in front of her, she spoke it a small voice as if we would wake everyone else in the house. “Could I speak with you?”

I had come to the conclusion the night before that Julie was just trying to do what she thought was right. After all, she was also doing this for her daughter. Weather it was the right decision for her make or not, I didn’t know. The way I had acted last night was also rude and uncalled for. She didn’t deserve that kind of treatment just because I was in a crappy mood.

I plastered a fake smile on my face. “Of course,”

She led me down a hallway and through a large door that had a movie strip etched into the wood. The first thing I thought was that it was dumb to have a theater this large in your home. Then it hit me. Candace had an actually movie theater in her home. There may not have been any concession stands in sight, but there sure as heck were tons of seats, and a large screen in front of them.

Julie left the door ajar, going down to the first row and lowering herself down onto one of the seats. “Come on in Mike.”

I cautiously went down at sat next to in one of the large seats, staring at the large white canvas in front of us. I felt an obligation to say something. “I’m sorry about last night. I didn’t mean it.”

“I know you didn’t. You were just upset.” It was quiet a moment as we both tried to think of a way to pass the awkward stage. “I care about you.” She whispered, his eyes locked on my face.

I mulled that over, trying to get a grip on myself. “I care about you too.”

She laughed at herself, covering her mouth with her hand. “I sometimes forget that you aren’t my child. It’s a weird feeling that I really don’t know how to describe to you.”

I smiled trying to reassure her. “I’m sure the feeling is mutial.”

Julie picked up her stubborn attitude just as quickly as it had fallen the night before. “Which is why I believe you should tell Candace the way you really feel about her.

“I don’t know if I can.”

“You need to. I know she feels the same way.” she urged.

“And what if she doesn’t? What I am going to do then?” I started to pace in front of the first row, trying to keep it all in, but letting a little a slip as our conversation continued.

“Candace is a nice girl.”

“I know that.” I said sarcastically. You didn’t need to tell me twice.

“So what are you scared of?” Someone cleared their throat in the room, the noise vibrating my ears in the large room. Julie stood from the chair, and shuffled her feet. She was caught red handed. “When did you wake up sweetie?” Julie asked. Her voice was an octave higher than normal, slightly ashamed. She smiled innocently at Candace, absently rubbing her stomach.

“A few minutes ago.” Candace answered from the doorway. She was still wearing her pajamas, her hair looked unbrushed, but her face was delighted. She hadn’t heard our whole conversation then, or she wouldn’t be looking at me like that. Her eyes were wide with wonder and elation, but yet reserved as if she was trying to hold it all in so no one would see it.

Her gaze feel on me now, making me edgy. I shoved my hands into my jeans pockets, shuffling from foot to foot.

“I should go help the cooks make your birthday food. Happy birthday!” Julie screamed louder than necessary. She scrambled to Candace and gave her a light hug. Candace hugged back eager to do so. Julie bustled out of the room with even a glance in my direction.

I started to follow Julie out of the room. I couldn’t talk to Candace just yet, I needed some time. And maybe I needed to talk to Julie. She may be able to help.

“Mike, can I…” Candace said, her voice trailing off.

“I gotta go Candace. We’ll talk later.” I mumbled, leaving the door open behind me as I left her standing frozen just inside the home theater. I suddenly felt guilty for being so rude, but didn’t turn around. I didn’t know what to say to her anyway, so standing there staring at each other wouldn’t do any one of us any good.

Candace didn’t follow, for which I was very grateful. I didn’t want to have to shake off Candace when I needed to talk to her mother alone. I was surprised when Julie was near the kitchen, waiting for me. She gruffly grabbed my arm and yanked me into the kitchen. The smells stung my nose at first, all of the foods mixed together into one big odor. Then I could distinguish all the smells from each other, the bacon the most pronounced.

Cooks were everywhere in the room, pushing past each to get to the opposite wall, yelling out different ingredients they needed but didn’t know where they were. It was so chaotic I wanted to turn around and leave, but Julie dragged me further through the room, pushing people out of the way as nicely as she could until she came to a large wooden door. She opened it and swung me through, closing it behind her.

There were no lights on so I couldn’t see anything. I couldn’t really hear anything either, only a faint hum of what sounded light a refrigerator. A flicked on over head, lighting up the room. It wasn’t really a room, it was more or a less a pantry filled with shelves of food. On the back wall, five refrigerators and freezers were lined up perfectly. That explained the humming.

“Candace won’t find us here.” Julie said, sitting down on a crate that was labeled salmon. “As I was saying…” Julie began then trailed off, waiting for me to respond.

I tried to think back to her latest question, but came up blank. “Uh…”

She sighed. “What are you so scared of?”

I considered the question. I wasn’t too sure if I was really scared of anything. But then again, if I wasn’t scared of anything about telling Candace how I felt about her, I wouldn’t be sitting in a pantry with her mother and talking about her behind her back. Now that I actually admitted to myself that I was scared, I had to try and figure out why. Maybe it was because I thought I would get rejected, no0 matter how funny that sounded. No, that wasn’t it. I have gotten rejected from her before when I had asked her out numerous times in junior high.

So what was it? What could possibly be in my way to get to her? The word popped into my head like a light bulb turning on. I gritted my teeth as I said his name out loud. “Aiden.”

“You’re scared of Aiden?” Julie asked, confused.

I shook my head. “No. I’m scared of him. He’s just in the way.” Aiden was Candace’s first true love. Sure she had dated before, but not as extensively as she had with Aiden. I didn’t even know their story, but I knew how Candace felt about Aiden. Every time they looked at each other’s eyes, every time they touched one another, it was like a wave of love that crashed down on everyone around them. No one could be oblivious to that.

Telling Candace how I felt would cause inner turmoil for her. She wouldn’t know what to do, and may lose what she ha with Aiden. I would never do that to her. I swore to myself that I wouldn’t, I couldn’t.

But I could. I would. Didn’t I have to though? I needed to tell her how I felt, to let her know that it was okay for her to love him as I sat in the corner and watched. Just as long as she was happy with her life and she was. It would be okay with me.

Julie interrupted the pan forming inside my head with a laugh. “That’s just some crush. He doesn’t really matter.”

Maybe I had been wrong before. You really could ignore the kind of love Candace and Aiden shared if you really wanted to. “I’m sure it is more than just a crush Julie. They love each other…”

“Nonsense!” she protested, standing from the crate. “She doesn’t love that boy. If she does in the slightest, it’s because of his looks. She hardly ever talks about him like other girls do with their first love. And beside that, she rarely leaves the house.”

I had to laugh. “Seriously?” She was so bland about everything around her; Candace had been right about that.

She placed her hands on her hips. “Seriously.”

I walked out then, not able to take it. If Julie was so heedless about life, I couldn’t take advice from her. Not now in this moment of my life.

I went straight to the dining room and sat down even though I was the only one there at the moment. Now that Candace was up, breakfast must be soon. Waiters came in to set up the silverware and plates, but I didn’t notice. I was focusing on my plan that I was going to do. I had known I was leaving tomorrow, but hadn’t know what I was going to say.

I could tell her everything before I left, and see how she reacted. If she reacted badly, I could leave right then, catch my flight and head home. If it turned out better than I had ever hoped, I would stay with her. I could do this, I could tell her what I wanted her to know. I could tell her today even, when I gave her my present to her.

She’d be happy then, excited, elated even. It would be a perfect time. No, it wouldn’t. It wasn’t close enough to my flight time. I made a mental note to call the air line service and find all of the flight times for Atlanta Georgia.

Candace, Nathan, and Julie walked in the dining room then, sitting in all of their usual places. I glanced at Candace, smiled, then looked away quickly to see some waiters come into the room with food filled plates. The waiters sang to us even though they had done this only a few days ago during supper.

I was no where near hungry so when the waiters stopped and everyone began to dig unto their food, I stood up and excused myself. Julie gave a small wink before I left, but it wasn’t comforting like she had meant it to be. She made it worse. Julie was counting on my words as much as I was. No pressure or anything, I thought sarcastically.

I went upstairs and climbed into the shower, letting the hot water burn my skin. My hands and feet turned bright red, but I didn’t dare turn the water any colder. I wanted it hot, I wanted it to burn me and keep me awake. Maybe I was just being stupid. I couldn’t possibly tell Candace today. It was her birthday, and I couldn’t just ruin it like that before her party even started. There was no way I would do that to her.

But I had to at some point. I couldn’t live without telling her how I felt face to face. Of course she must have had the thought run through her mind that I really did love her, but she neglected to ever follow through with that thought. She may be in denial now, too into Aiden to even think of me.

The hot water started to dwindle, turning into luke-warm quicker than I could comprehend. I turned off the water and stepped out of the enclosed shower into the rest of the misty bathroom. The steam was covering the mirror so I whipped my hand across it a few times to see myself. I looked away quickly, seeing myself for the first time in a few days. I had large bags under my eyes from not sleeping, my hair stuck to my face but my eyes were still visible. Their light blue color didn’t make up the dark and sinister shadow of them, making me look older than I really was, but also making me look possessed.

Hey, maybe I really was possessed. It would explain so much…

With just a towel on, I went into my room and put on some other clothes, even though I had only worn the ones I had had on for about two hours. The fresh clothes seemed nicer, more welcoming if clothes could even be welcoming. Without even realizing I had, my guitar was in my hands and I was standing on the balcony. Maybe this was what my body knew I needed.

For the first hour or so I was out there, I played very song I knew how to play, half expecting Aiden to show up. He never showed up, making my spirits lift slightly. My attention to the garden then, my fingers running along the strings of the guitar aimlessly, not really making any sort of tune.

The garden below was some place I actually liked. I usually didn’t like places such as a garden or a forest, but it definitely grew on you as you lived in such a place. I remembered the last time I had been Candace’s garden, and I had been sitting on the bench next to Candace. We were holding hands, my large ones covering her tiny ones. I had leaned into her, and she hadn’t pulled back.

If I had just went for it then, kissed her no matter what, maybe I wouldn’t be trying to decided how to tell Candace. Kissing Candace, something I have dreamed about ever since sixth grade.

I heard someone behind me, watching me. “Mike?” Candace asked. I whirled to look at her, wondering how long she had been standing there. In her arms was a large parcel, a case of something that seemed heavy. I jumped down from the railing to help her with it, but she had already set it on the bed. A small tag on it said my name in a small swirly script.

Candace nodded when I glanced at her. I ripped off the cover, throwing some of the tissue paper on the floor.

An ice blue guitar was sitting in a puff of blue tissue paper. “I think the man told me it was an Ibanez or something like that.” Candace said shrugging.

My eyes bugged, looking at the guitar. I picked up the guitar and held it in my hands, making sure to let my fingers put fingerprints anywhere. “Really?”

“Yeah.” She sat down on the bed, bouncing a little. “Do you like it?”

“Do I?” I grabbed her in a tight one armed hug. She hugged me tightly back, almost averse about letting me go. Maybe it was because I had ignored her all day long, but it didn’t matter. “Can I try it out?” I asked, knowing the answer before it came.

“It’s yours.” she said, a huge grin covering half of her face. "And the man said he would deliver the custom case tonight. The amps and speakers I got came with it for free, but I sent those to your house."

I couldn’t control myself when I heard the first hum of the strings. They sounded weak because they were connected to an amp, but they sure did sound better than my old guitar. I stood on the bed, and then ran over to the couch, almost tipping it over. I wasn’t even embarrassed about it. It was amazing how one little instrument could do a 360 on my emotions. When I finished my own little jam session, I sat down next to Candace, almost out of breath.

“So how much did this thing cost?” Mike asked. Money was something my family ha always been cautious about. I didn’t want someone spending more money on me than I could for them. After all, Candace’s present was free.

She crossed her arms over her chest, looking at me square in the eye. “I have no idea.”

“No, seriously; how much did it cost?” I asked.

She tried to mimic me without much success. “No seriously; I don’t know.”

“Candace.” I wined, but smiling as I began to see she really didn’t know.

“I don’t.”

“Did you buy it?”

“Yes.”

“And you don’t know how much it costs?”

“No.”

I turned my head away from her, trying a new tactic. “Sure.” Acting had never been my strong suit, but anger was something I was beginning to understand more clearly, making it easy to pretend the emotion was there.

“I don’t.” Candace argued. “I told the clerk not to tell me. I knew you were going to ask, so I decided not to have an answer.”

I turned back to her. “Really?”

“Really.”

I glanced at the guitar still in my hands, wondering if I should accept it. I had always wanted and Ibanez, but they were always so expensive. Was it gree if I took it from her now? “Wow.”

“Happy birthday, Mike.”

I smiled at her. “Thanks.” She smiled back, satisfied with myself. I strummed the strings once more, a soft hum reaching every corner of the room.

“Mike?” Candace asked suddenly, “Can I tell you something important? I need to talk to you.”

“Okay…” she began, breathing in and out slowly as if to calm herself down. Her cheery mood was gone now, replaced by concentration and worry. “So…about that night. I just wanted to tell you…”

I shook my head. I had no intention of going back to that topic now. That would ruin the good mood I was in. “Nope.”

“What?” Candace asked, trying to figure out what I meant by it.

“I don’t want to talk about it. Every time we get to talking, we always fight. I don’t want to fight anymore.” I explained.

“But Mike this isn’t…”

“Candace.” I made my voice soft but firm this time, trying to make her see that I was serious about what I had said. I didn’t want to upset her more than was necessary. “I’m serious. No more ‘vampire’ talk.” Candace’s posture shrunk a little. “Besides,” I added, “it’s your birthday.”

She stood from the couch. “Okay. We’ll I’ll see you later then.” She left before I could answer, stunning me to the spot. Had that really just upset her? I put the guitar nicely on the couch, then ran out of the room and down the hall. As I rounded the corner and passed her bedroom door, Candace walked out of the house, slamming the large door behind her.

I sighed. I wouldn’t go after her, not now. No, I would just be waiting for her to get back with her present.