Corruption

I heard her calling my name as I sat on her bed, but did not answer. I wasn’t sure I could control what I said quite yet, but I would talk to her when I could. I needed to talk to her. The way she looked at Aiden as she left with him…his family talking about them being together; it was all too much for me. I couldn’t handle it anymore; I had to get out of there. And then I started to pack my things. I’m not sure why I needed to leave this place so bad. Maybe it was because it hurt to be here with Candace and that thing she hangs out with.

The birthday card from Julie was in my hands. I had read so many times I had actually memorized the whole thing.

“Mike?” Candace called from the hallway. A blur of yellow rushed by the door, footsteps pounding on the hallway floor as she flew past to go to my room. There was no need to yell for her to stop. She figured it out for herself just outside the door, and flung both doors open, her chest heaving as she stumbled over to the bed.

“I thought you left.” She gasped, wrapping her arms around me.

The smell of her hair was so sweet, like vanilla, or cookies. Her bare arms wee like fire against mine, and I had to close my eyes to keep my tears inside. I was not the crying type, only sappy girly guys cried. But now, thinking about the things I was going to tell her, and the reaction I may get was crushing me. But not telling her was crushing me even more still. “Not yet.” I mumbled into her hair.

Her eyes looked up at mine, studied them for a second. Her brows furrowed in confusion and hurt, obviously seeing that I was upset. She must have thought I was upset with her. But this wasn’t the case.

“You’re leaving?” she asked. “Tonight?”

I shrugged. “Depends,” It was hard to form the words I wanted to say.

“Depends on what?”

I shrugged again. “What you have to say.”

I saw her throat work as she swallowed. It was weird watching her stand there looking at me, trying to figure out what I meant by that. Her face began to get covered with sweat as she got nervous in a matter of seconds. I had the urge to run for the door, but I stayed put, shifting from foot to foot.

Just realizing I was holding my coat, I shifted it to my left arm, wanting to be doing something. “I have something I need to say to you Candace and I need you to really listen.”

Candace pleaded, “Please don’t go Mike.”

My throat tightened, making it hard to speak. Not answering her plea, I looked at the ground and watched my feet as I shuffled uneasily on the spot.

“I have something to say.” I said again, not sure what else to say.

Candace surprised me by sitting down on the bed and looking up at me, her eyes still pleading. “Do you mind if I go first? I have something to tell you too.”

I just wanted to get this over with, but I also wanted to hear what she had to say. Running my fingers threw my hair, I said, “Sure.”

“Well…” her face flushed as she looked into my eyes. “…the day of the funeral…Aiden and I talked…” her voice trailed off, looking for reassurance from me.

I nodded to show I was with her so far. Of course I already knew that they had talked at the funeral, and I was pretty sure I knew what it was about. Candace sometimes thought I was oblivious to the world. I knew more than most people should about their friend, so I knew that she wanted to be with Aiden. But…I also knew that there was this smallest part of her—how small I did not know—that wanted to be with me.

“We talked for a long time.” She admitted, stalling the conversation.

After a few seconds of silence, I coaxed her by asking, “What about?”

“Well, a little about Maryana and Tatyana.” She swallowed hard again, then started to fidget with her hair. “And a little about…changing.”

I wanted to sit down somewhere, but the closest spot was next to Candace on the bed, and I didn’t trust myself there. I had known Candace thought about it, but I didn’t know she was actually thinking about doing so. I didn’t need her next words to clarify what I had feared most.

“About…changing into a vampire.”

I did not answer, not capable of finding my voice to tell her what I really thought about it. How could she even be thinking of doing such a thing to herself.

“I…” Candace stumbled over her words, “I…”

She seemed scared now, and I sat down on the bed next to her, taking her hand. It seemed to give her encouragement for what she wanted to say. All it did for me was torture me. Her smell, her dress, her body heat close to mine; all I wanted to do right now was—

She interrupted my thoughts as she continued with a shaky voice. “I have been discussing with him about…maybe…being…turned.” She exhaled as if she had been holding her breath for minutes.

My grip on her hand tightened, and as hard as I tried to loosen it, my hand would not obey. Her saying it out loud seemed to make more unbearable to think about than it was five minutes ago. Boy did I want to leave right now; and boy did I never want to let go of her hand again.

“You want that?” I asked finally, breaking the silence.

She shrugged her eyes on the floor. “I think I do.”

“Alright.” Standing up, I turned away from her. I had to make a distance from us before I strangled her. How could someone want to be something like those things next door? Those blood sucking killers that I had been hanging with the past week. What a week it had been! Trying to be nice all the time, acting like I actually like that dude.

But it made her happy…and Aiden didn’t seem to mind me. That was what I told myself all the time: it made her happy. That was the reason I was here with her, to make her happy. Aiden and I had agreed that it was the right thing for her right now. She hadn’t really been herself after Marissa came after her and Aiden…and me. I was her comforter, nothing more.

“But…” I said, thinking out loud. I started to pace in front of her now, grabbing the card I had placed in my jacket pocket and reading it. “I know you…” I said letting my voice trail off. I could say this. I could say this. “…love Aiden.”

I closed the birthday card after I looked over even though there was no need. “I don’t agree. How could you do that to yourself?” I almost took back the hostile words I had said. The anger that had come with them was not me, but it was how I felt. I needed her to understand that I couldn’t stay here with her if she was going to become some demon thing.

Candace was too surprised to put a sentence together. “I—I”

A moment of silence, and a quick thought made me say, “I love you Candace.”

Candace’s mouth opened in shock. She didn’t answer for awhile, and her eyes told me she definitely wasn’t going to say it back. I wanted to cry then and there, but again I held back. God love sucks.

Candace tried to speak, but all that came out was, “I—I—I”

“I can’t be with you if you are going to turn yourself into one of those things. It wouldn’t work…even as friends.” I added the last part for her. She had never seen us as ever being able to be a couple, but I sure had.

Candace’s eyes filled with tears. She was going to cry. Please don’t cry, I pleaded silently. I can’t handle it when you cry. “Mike I can’t choose between you both.” She said, her hands starting to shake.

“I’m not asking you to.” I said truthfully. “I’m asking you to choose between me and becoming a vampire.” I was going to stop there, but I added in the heat of the moment, “I can’t stand those vile creatures!”

Candace stood up, rage substituting for he sadness that was now gone. “Vile creatures?” she asked, screaming at me. “I thought you like them! You have spent this whole time with Aiden and his family, sometimes spending more time with them, than you do with me!” Candace’s eyes were so filled with tears I was surprised she could still see.

“I didn’t like them, I liked you. That is where you always are, over there." I gestured toward the open window and to Aiden's house. "I was there with you, not with them. I was being nice because that is what you want. You want everyone to be one big happy family, so I gave that to you.” Stepping closer to her, I continued. “Do you think Aiden likes me? Do you think he was just soo thrilled to have me around this past week? He hates my guts Candace and you shouldn't think that there is even a little bit of kindness between us, no matter what your eyes see.”

I threw the birthday card on the bed, tired of holding it. “I love you Candace and I don’t want you to live your life like they do! It isn’t right!” I was yelling now too.

She yelled back, “It’s not your choice and I never asked you to like Aiden, nor did I ask him to like you! You didn't need to put on a show!"

I was right of front of the window, so when someone walked out of Aiden’s house, I saw. Breaking away from Candace’s gaze, I looked to see who it was. Reflexively I gritted my teeth together, staring at Aiden. He put his hands in his pockets, leaned up against the side of the house, and glared back.

Candace noticed me staring, then looked for herself. She gazed back at me, and I continued, lowering my voice now. "If we would have acted like we hated each other, you would have blamed yourself. You would have asked me to pretend for you, to do whatever I needed to do for all of us to be friends so you could have both of us. Well you can't have both Candace, not anymore. And you definitely shouldn't be one of them."

“It isn’t your choice!” she screamed.

“I never said it was my choice. I just need you to choose.”

Candace looked away from me, sobs now started to erupt from her mouth. “I can’t.”

I gently took the sides of her face in my palms, brought her face to look at me, and said in a whisper, “And that is why I am going to make it easy for you. Once I'm gone, you won't have a choice but to choose him. I know he makes you happy."

My hands on her face felt like fire as were connected in those exact spots. That was how it had always felt for me to touch her, fire. A burning ache all the time.

Candace whispered back, “You make me happy too.”

Of course I made her happy, I knew that. But I didn’t make her as happy as she needed to be. “More than Aiden does?” I asked.

“I don’t know.” She seemed sincere about it.

Tears started to fall down her face so I wiped them away with my thumbs. "And that is why I am making it easier for you.”

“You can’t go.” She sobbed.

I used her tactic that she had been using on me. “You don’t get to choose that.”

“Yes I do!” she yelled in my face.

I was starting to calm down, knowing that this conversation was coming to a close. Candace on the other hand was just getting started. Her hands gripped tightly on my wrists, but it wasn’t as constricting as she had wanted it to be.

Candace…” I sighed. Her crying like his, begging me to stay was killing me inside. How could I leave her like this? How could I be so mean? But I wasn’t being mean, I was protecting myself from more hurt.”

“I can’t be here with you if you are going to—“

“And I can’t choose so don’t make me!” he screams were deafening this close to her mouth, but I did not back up.

“You have to.”

“I can’t leave Aiden!” she shouted, her eyes closing with the anger and hurt I had caused her.

I had to smile for myself. If I didn’t take this lightly, I would break down here and now. She had said she couldn’t leave Aiden, not that she couldn’t leave me. She had made up her mind no matter how loud she yelled about me not leaving. She just couldn’t leave Aiden. I understood this. Aiden—with his good looks and white smile—had charmed her into loving him. I didn’t blame her for it.

“I love you, you know that.” I said quietly. Closing my eyes, I leaned into Candace and pressed my lips against hers. It was something I had wanted to do for five years, but never had the guts to do so. Candace’s arms wrapped around my neck, and she pulled me closer to her, our bodies touching at every possible place.

It felt so nice to be here with her, but it had to end. Trapping her bottom lip in between both of mine, I pulled away from her. I kept my lips an inch away from hers, my eyes closed. Her breath was just as ragged as mine was and her heart was pounding against my chest.

Leaning closer to her ear I said, “Have a nice life Candace.”

I grabbed my coat from the ground I had just dropped, left the birthday card on the bed, and hurried out of the room, just as the tears started to fall from my eyes.

She called my name over and over again, but I didn’t turn around or slow my pace. If I even looked at her now I would surely turn around and never leave her side. I placed my fingers to my lips, still feeling the fire there as I ran out of the house and to Charles who was putting the luggage in the car. For something to do, I grabbed the last bag and threw it into the trunk.

Charles opened the car door, but I told him to hurry up so he rushed to the drivers side of the limo and started the car.

Candace was on the front steps, yelling dawn at me. “Mike please, stay! I love you too!”

Looking over the car door, I stared at her one last time. She was beautiful just standing there, crying. She started to run towards me and down the stairs, but I got into the car and yelled to Charles to go.

I watched Candace as we drove away from the house, off the driveway and onto the road. She collapsed onto the ground as we sped away. Finally, I let myself go, but silently. Tears were all over my face and on my shirt. I couldn’t stop them from coming, and I didn’t want to. This was me grieving for my lost friend.