Sound Effects and Overdramatics

I woke up in Brian’s bed alone. Alone, but well-rested. The spot next to me was still warm. He hadn’t been up long. I leaned down to grab my phone, checking for any news from Ali.

Still waiting. Baby is taking its sweet time. Don’t worry. Everything is fine. No rush. It was from Christian. Ali had to have been asleep or preoccupied. Her labor had been going for fourteen hours now. I wondered how she was handling it.

I pulled the sheet with me as I stood and wrapped it around me, picking my way around mine and Brian’s clothes. When I reached the door, I could hear water running from the bathroom.

My stomach also churned, so instead of gracefully entering the room to surprise him, I rushed in and collapsed in front of the toilet, barely making it on time before I heaved up stomach bile.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” Brian asked before getting into the shower. He knelt down next to me and pushed my hair out of my face.

I wiped my mouth and flushed, staying down just in case it happened again. “It’s nothing. Probably just need to eat.” I didn’t look at him. I closed my eyes and took steadying breaths to stop the room from spinning.

“Do you want me to fix you something?”

I shook my head and grabbed his hand. “It can wait.” I told him before pecking his lips. I put my hand on top of his as he kissed me back and I snuggled into him.

I’d been clear-headed enough last night to make the decision to sleep with him. It wasn’t spur of the moment; I’d thought about it a lot over the last couple of weeks. I wanted to be with him. I just hadn’t expected it to be after having a horrific nightmare.

One that went way beyond what happened with Finn.

I didn’t consider it a mistake, and thought it admirable of him to make sure it was what I wanted to do.

He tugged at the sheet and brushed his thumbs over my nipples as he put his lips to my neck. He breathed deeply, hesitating. I grabbed his hands and kissed the tops of his fingers.

"I'm okay." I promised. I didn’t want him to ask anymore questions, so I kissed him again.

“Lor,” he breathed, but it wasn’t frustration this time. It was desire. I pulled on his bottom lip with my teeth and he growled, cupping the back of my neck.

We were still awkwardly sitting on the floor, with the shower running. He broke the kiss long enough to push himself to his feet and then offered me his hands so he could pull me up and under the spray, sliding the door shut behind him as he kissed me again.

I clung to him, pressing my forehead against his after I pulled away. He didn’t push me. He held me tight, massaging circles around my back. I closed my eyes and breathed him in.

"You can talk to me, you know." He mumbled. I smiled and looked at him.

"If there was anything to talk about, I would."

He sighed. He didn’t believe me. I didn’t blame him. I’d been distant and he knew it. I just didn’t know what to say to him. Talking to him was a lot easier when there was an entire ocean between us. Now, there was barely two inches of space, and he felt further away than ever, and I put it there.

“I love you.” He told me.

“I love you too.”

Again, skepticism showed on his face. He reached for his shampoo, but it wasn’t his hair he was worried about. He turned us so that he was under the steady stream of water and began lathering up my hair, starting at the ends and working up. I tilted my head back and closed my eyes.

“I like the red.” He complimented, pressing his lips to my shoulder. He massaged my scalp as he moved his lips up my neck. “It suits you.”

“Mmm. Thank you.”

“Laurel…” he started.

“Hm?”

He didn’t say anything. He sidestepped so I could rinse my hair. As I tilted my head back further, his mouth wrapped around my nipple. He sucked, cupping my neck with one hand and sliding his hand between my legs with the other. I moaned, putting my hands on his shoulders to keep my balance.

He moved his mouth across my chest and down my stomach, slowly getting on his knees, nipping and sucking the skin as he expertly worked his fingers in and out of me. I moaned louder and dug my nails bit into his skin. He hissed and, in retaliation, flicked his tongue over my clit.

He worked his tongue and fingers inside me together, working me into a puddle. I fell back against the wall, unable to resist, unable to do much else. I tasted blood on my tongue as I bit down on my lip, trying to keep quiet.

He pulled up and kissed me, licking the blood off my lip, making me taste myself on his. While I was still reeling, he shoved himself inside me.

“God, Laurel,” he moaned against my lips. He lifted me, cupping my thighs for support, and I locked my arms and legs around him, unable to do much but let it happen. I couldn’t keep quiet, my breath hitching in my throat as he moved inside me.

“Bri-Brian!” I panted. He moaned into my neck and bit down, breaking the skin as he moved faster and then slowed, my body contracting against him as we both came.

He set me down on shaky legs and kissed me before resting his forehead against mine. His body still shook as he held me against him.

The water was beginning to cool, but neither of us moved, locked in this bubble of perfect bliss, untouchable, immoveable. In this bubble, I could see everything clearly, our future, our happiness. Nothing could come between us unless we let it.

But bubbles were fragile, and it didn’t take much to topple the illusion.

“I should...I should go…” I panted.

“Don’t.”

“I’ll come back.”

“Will you?”

He pulled away from me, his eyes pleading and desperate. I slid the door open and stepped out, wrapping the sheet back around me.

“Of course I will.”

“Why should I believe you?”

His words stung, but they weren’t without reason. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, trying to work up the courage to answer him. Before I could, he slid the door shut, blocking me out like I’d done to him so many times.

“Just go, Beth.”

So I did. I returned to the bedroom and got dressed. On my way down the stairs, I lit a cigarette. The door opened as I reached the bottom step, and Zack walked in, stopping when he saw me.

“I didn’t know you were here.”

I shrugged. “Ali’s having her baby. I’m heading back to the hospital.”

“Do you need a ride?”

I hesitated, looking back up the stairs. Brian was mad at me and although he would have given me a ride, it would have been filled with silence and tension. I hadn’t spent a lot of time with Zack, but as far as I knew, he didn’t have anything against me, unlike Matt.

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the studio?”

It was his turn to shrug. “Not until later. I just came by to restring our guitars.”

“A ride would be good.”

I followed him out to his car. He held the door open for me and shut it gently after I got in. He lit a cigarette and made it around the block before speaking.

“I don’t claim to know anything about your relationship, and it’s not really my business, but...he loves you. Losing Jimmy, working on this album, it’s killing all of us, but the only reason we’re able to get through it is because we have other people who love us behind us. Matt has Val, Johnny has Lacey. I have Gena. They’ve all been supportive and understanding.”

“You don’t think Brian has me.”

“I think that you’re keeping your distance because you don’t want him to get hurt.”

I snorted. “You don’t think I’m protecting myself?”

“I’m sure you are, but you’re not one to put yourself first. You don’t care what happens to you as long as nothing happens to him.”

I stayed silent, smoking another cigarette.

“I’m sure you’re coming from a good place, and I’m sure it makes sense to you but Brian needs you here. He needs to know that you’re not going to leave him again. He won’t be able to handle it if he loses you a second time.”

“He’s not going to lose me.” I muttered. I didn’t look at him.

“You’re not very convincing, you know.”

I flicked my ashes out the window and looked down into my lap. “I just don’t want to get his hopes up.”

“Then quit telling him you love him. He needs to move on. He can’t do that if you’re popping in and out all the time.”

“I know.” I mumbled. I didn’t need the lecture. I’d gotten it from Jason enough times. I didn’t need it from Zack, too.

He pulled up in front of the hospital. “Brian’s a great guy. When you left...it nearly broke him. Losing Jimmy...I don’t think he can lose you again. Make a choice, and make it fast.”

I didn’t have anything to say to him, so I thanked him for the ride and got out of his car. Before I went up to Ali’s room, I smoked another cigarette, trying to work through what was actually stopping me from committing to him.