Sound Effects and Overdramatics

I danced around the kitchen, blasting Britney’s early hits, and licked batter off my finger as I opened the oven door with my foot. I slid the pan in, kicked the door shut, and bobbed my head to the beat.

“God, shut it off.” Kai cried, coming around the corner. He picked up my phone and closed out Pandora, stretching, showing off an exemplary hickey on his neck. I looked away and turned on the water to fill the sink.

"I didn't hear you come in last night." I muttered. He wrapped his arms around my stomach and kissed my neck.

"I slept in the other room. I didn't wanna wake you up."

I turned my head to give him a kiss. "Or you didn't wanna come to bed smelling like sex."

He poured himself coffee. I finished off mine and he poured me some more. He looked at me like he wanted to say something, but he knew better. He’d been tip-toeing around me for two weeks, waiting for me to talk about what happened.

We didn’t talk about it.

Brian didn’t call.

He told me to go, and he meant it, so I stayed with Ali and Christian and the new baby for a few more days before coming back to London because Kai had to get back to work.

I stayed home and moped. I didn’t look for work. If I knew for a fact I was going to be staying in London, I would have, but I wasn’t sure about anything, so I stayed home and filled my time with obsessing over being a coward and getting lost on the internet.

Brian had fought for me since day one, and I’d kept him at arm’s length. I didn’t fight for him, and I lost him, because I was scared.

"You asked for space. I'm giving it to you." He pointed out.

"I thought it was what I wanted." I mumbled. He leaned against the counter and pulled me to him, linking our fingers together and playing with them.

"You can't tell him you can't be with him and be pissed because you're not together."

“He’s the one that told me to go.”

“You’re the one that told him you couldn’t stay.”

I glared at him, hating that he was right. I hated feeling this way, and I could only imagine what Brian was going through. He’d taken so many hits, I should have been in his corner to help him stand. Instead, I gave him another one.

"I don't belong in California anymore."

"You don’t believe that.”

“It’s better if I stayed away.” I tried again. He gave me a pointed stare that said he didn’t believe me and I was out of excuses.

I pulled away from him and gulped down my coffee before pulling the muffins out of the oven. He was right and I hated him for it, but it didn't change anything.

I couldn’t stand by the side of anyone I loved.

It was genetic.

I went upstairs to take a shower, just to get away from him. Unfortunately, my plan didn't work very well and he followed me up.

Kai wrapped me in his arms and lifted me onto the counter, guiding my legs around his waist. He knotted his fingers into my hair at the base of my skull and brought my head back so he could glide his teeth over my neck, sinking them into the tender flesh where my shoulder started.

It was a gentle bite but still sent chills through me. He kissed his way up my neck and across my jaw before capturing my mouth. I kissed him back and pulled away before things got too heated.

He moved to turn on the water and I eased myself out of his t-shirt before taking a brush to the mass of tangles on top of my head. As I worked through knots, Kai rolled my panties down my legs, kneeling down to kiss the pale flesh that was my thighs.

I tensed as his mouth moved higher. My hand froze, brush caught halfway down my hair. Steam filled the bathroom and I held my breath.

I let him nudge my legs apart and he hooked his arms under my knees, pulling me closer. I shivered as his hot breath hit my skin before he flicked his tongue out over my clit.

Before he could continue, I pulled my legs from his grasp and slid off the counter. I folded my arms, huddling into myself, and turned to face him. His gaze was surprisingly neutral as he took off his own clothes and stepped into the shower.

I waited a minute before getting in after him.

"I'm sorry." I managed. He shook his head.

"Don't be."

"Are you mad?"

"Should I be?"

There was an interesting question. On one hand, I didn't owe Kai anything. We were roommates and we were friends and that was it. We shared a bed, now more for sleeping than anything else, but we hadn't done anything since Jimmy's funeral.

Neither one of us felt the need to bring it up. Sex was a bonus to our friendship, not a reason for it. Knowing how I felt about Brian made it easy for Kai to respect certain boundaries.

On the other hand, I let him kiss me and undress me. I wasn't sure how far I was going to let him go before I stopped him, if I stopped him. I needed him, but my brain and my body were at odds, not to mention what my heart had to say about the whole thing.

Kai was supposed to be safe. He was supposed to be my neutral ground, the one person it was supposed to be okay for me to be with.

Brian had Jason. Why couldn't I have Kai?

It wasn't fair.

"I don't know." I told him honestly. "Maybe?"

He smiled, not teasing or condescending, but understanding. "I'm here for whatever. I like you, I enjoy you, but I don't feel like I'm losing anything if I'm not with you. We're friends, no matter what. If and when you're ready, I'll be around."

I smiled back and kissed him, water spraying between us. "Who's this from, then?" I teased, poking the hickey on the front of his shoulder, above his pec.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" He teased back.

And just like that, the tension was gone. We washed and we splashed and we fooled around, once again perfectly at ease with each other. We didn't have sex, because I still couldn't bring myself to go that far, but we did make out, and then some.

Once out of the shower, I blow-dried my hair, raking my fingers through the curls not-so-gently. The care of my luscious locks was a long, arduous process, but one I got cathartic satisfaction from.

Kai even helped brush out my curls, keeping his body close to mine, fluttering my skin with kisses every chance he got, making it extremely difficult to ignore that there hadn't been anything between us ten minutes before and the only thing between us now were two thin sheets of terrycloth.

Once my hair was done, I pinned it into a knot with a set of Harley Quinn mallet hair sticks and walked into the bedroom to get dressed. Kai had beat me to it and decided to dress me, laying out a deep purple tube top with a glitter sunburst pattern on the chest and a pair of black flared jeans.

"It's freezing outside and you want me to wear a tube top?"

He smirked and sidled up to me, bending his head so he could whisper in my ear. "You could always wear nothing and we could stay in bed."

I shivered. He nibbled on my ear while he worked my towel off and pulled me backwards to the bed.

My resolve had broken, and not because he had forced me or goaded me into it. I knew that if I had told him no, or asked him to stop, he would, and he would leave it alone.

It was because at the end of the day, going to bed with him was better than the bed of a stranger or the bottom of a bottle. I needed to feel loved and wanted without expectations or strings.

I needed to feel safe and he gave that to me.

Besides that, it was miserable outside and there was absolutely no reason to go out, which meant all the more reason to stay in.