Sound Effects and Overdramatics

I scooped cookie dough out of the bowl, placing the symmetrical balls on the greased cookie sheets. Christian was dancing with Peyton in his arms around the kitchen. Ali was upstairs taking a much deserved nap. As Peyton cooed and smiled up at his daddy, I couldn’t help but feel a pang of jealousy.

I’d never have that, with anybody. Adoption and fostering wait lists and approval standards were too long and in vitro and surrogacy too expensive. I’d looked into all my options, repeatedly, after finding out my diagnosis.

I’d always meant to tell Brian but it never seemed like the right time.

The fact that I hadn’t heard from him in a week spoke volumes.

Even if he didn’t hate me, he’d made his choice loud and clear.

I sighed and stuck the cookies in the oven, leaning on the counter with my forearms, hands locked around my elbows. Christian turned with a smile that melted Ali every time he flashed it and set the baby in the cradle, pushing his sleeves above his elbows.

“He’ll come around.” He assured me.

“I’m sure if he’s made some profound decision, he or Jason would let me know.”

“You can’t blame him for needing time to think.”

“No.” I sighed. “I can’t. I just don’t see the odds going in my favor, is all.”

“Is Jason doing okay?” He asked. He didn’t know my brother very well, but he did genuinely care.

I shrugged and poured myself coffee. “I have to believe he is.”

“Why don’t you go over there?”

I shook my head. “I have a feeling I won’t be welcome. I just gotta wait it out.”

Someone rang the doorbell. Incessantly. Peyton stirred in the cradle and Christian reached for him, urging me to answer the door before the screaming started. I hurried to open it and wasn’t nearly as surprised as I should have been to see who was on the other side.

“I can’t fucking believe you!” Matt spat at me, pushing his way into the house.

“What’d I do this time, Matt?” I asked calmly. He wanted a war, I wasn’t going to give him one. Call me paranoid, but I didn’t trust him not to swing at me.

“You wormed your way into his brain and his heart. You used him. You lied to him. You left him. He dumped his whole life down the drain to be with you and you couldn’t be bothered to tell him you can’t have kids? How selfish can you be?”

I shrugged. “Pretty damn selfish. Trust me, I know what the fuck I did. I broke his fucking heart. Multiple times. You hate me, you hate Jason, and you’re in love with Brian. So fucking tell him. Tell your wife. Tell her sister. Get it out of the way, because even with all the shit I’ve done, you’re doing more damage by constantly showing just how jealous you are that he doesn’t want you.”

I wasn’t angry. I was pretty resigned to the whole thing. I’d had enough of his bullshit and I knew that the fight between him and Brian was just going to be the beginning. He wasn’t down here to defend his best friend. He was here because he was just as selfish as I was.

His face turned red, with anger or embarrassment, it didn’t really matter. “You watch your fucking mouth.”

“Or what, Matt? You’ll call my husband...oh wait. I don’t have one anymore, and you already did that.”

I wasn’t watching his face, but his hands. They curled into fists. He wanted to hit me and wasn’t bothering with trying to hide it. I knew how easy it was to get under his skin; I wished he would just get it over with.

A hit I could take. Hell, I’d taken a bullet because of him. A hit was nothing.

“Everything okay?” Christian came out of the kitchen, having easily soothed Peyton back to sleep.
“Matt!” I heard someone scream from outside. Neither of us had bothered to close the door and I could see Brian traipsing through the yard to fetch his best friend. His jeep was idling in the roundabout driveway, just behind Matt’s Escalade.

“Brian, what are you doing here?” I asked, a bit annoyed. If anything else, he knew I could fight my own battles.

“Are you okay?” He immediately asked, stepping between Matt and I.

“I’m fine.”

His eyes said he didn’t believe me. He turned on Matt, keeping me shielded behind him.

“Stay away from her, Matt.”

“Or what?”

“Let me ask you something,” I piped up, moving to stand next to Brian, instead of behind him. Matt glared at me, but kept his mouth shut. “Why are you really here? It’s not because Brian is hurting. He’s had plenty of chances to walk away. Nothing I’ve done has seriously distracted him from working, right? I know you’re still recording. That hasn’t changed. So what is it?”

“Why the fuck do you care? You’re just gonna leave again anyway.”

“Humor me.”

He looked at Brian. Brian gave a small nod of his head, urging Matt to answer, while keeping his hand locked around mine. Matt huffed. He wasn’t acting out of actual feelings-jealousy and obsession-he was acting in the moment. Forcing him to stop and think about it would hopefully force him to realize how much of an ass he was making of himself.

“Because you don’t deserve him.”

“You’re right, I don’t. Neither do you.”

“More than you.”

“Maybe so.”

I let him think about it. I let them both think about it. They were both surprised I had agreed with him, but how could I not? No one should have to go through what I put Brian through, what I was still putting him through. He wasn’t walking away though, if showing up to defend me was any indication, and Matt needed to understand that.

“Matt, if you love Brian, if you really want him happy, you can’t be selfish. It doesn’t do anything but hurt him. All this jealousy and rage...put it away. You have a beautiful wife who loves you endlessly. You have a gorgeous house and a great career, with an amazing group of friends. Not many people get that lucky.”

“I’m not the only selfish one.” He growled, still trying to have a leg to stand on. I looked over at Brian and gave half a smile.

“You’re right. I’m pretty fucking selfish. I’m scared and I’m dramatic and I’m in love with him. We’re trying to make it work. You need to let us.”

He didn’t say anything. His glare softened, but he still wasn’t happy. I didn’t think I’d actually gotten through to him, but it was a start. Hopefully, he’d at least attempt to keep the peace.

And I was pretty sure the only reason he calmed down and saw my attempt at reason was because Brian had shown up. If he hadn’t, I would have been sporting a busted jaw. I was sure of it.

Matt walked away without saying anything else. He got in his car and drove off. Christian went back into the kitchen to pull my cookies out and check on the baby. It was just me and Brian. Again.

I hated how we always wound up here.