Sound Effects and Overdramatics

Beth led me outside. She lit two cigarettes and handed me one as we walked down the driveway. I shut my Jeep off and put the keys in my pocket so we could keep walking. The air tasted like it was going to rain later.

“You didn’t have to come, you know.”

“What would you have done if I hadn’t? You and Matt have always had issues.”

“Matt’s the one with the issue. I’m good.”

“You’re wrong, you know.” I told her instead. I looked sideways at her. She put the cigarette to her lips and sighed.

“You do deserve me.”

She laughed and jumped onto the curb of the sidewalk, holding her arms out for balance. The wind blew her hair around her face. “I’m as dysfunctional as they come, Brian. I think the only one I actually deserved was Finn.”

“You were too good for him.”

She shrugged and took a couple more puffs from her cigarette. “Have you talked to Michelle?” She asked.

I shrugged, kicked a pebble, and took a drag of my own before answering. “On the phone, yeah. She’s not really happy with me right now.”

“Can you blame her?”

I shook my head. Of course I couldn’t blame Michelle for being upset. I lied to her, I cheated on her, I used her. By all rights, she should hate me and not want anything to do with me at all. I knew that was part of the reason why Matt was so pissed. Michelle went to Val for everything, and by extension, him. Honestly, he needed to just tell Val to lay off because he couldn’t make me do anything, but he wouldn’t. He loved her too much.

“I can’t say I don’t love her, but I can say that it isn’t the same as loving you.”

She smiled and reached for my hand. I laced my fingers with her and pulled her off the curb. “We’ll figure it out. Together.”

“I don’t want you to settle.”

I kissed her. “I’m not. I want you, all of you, the ups, the downs, everything. I just want you to stay.”

“I told you, I’m not going anywhere anymore.”

I wanted to believe her. Part of me did. We’d been through too much for me not to have some faith in her. If I pushed, if I let out even a hint that I was thinking she was going to leave again, she would. She needed me to believe in her, too. If I kept waiting for her to leave, she would.

I kissed her again, pushing her mouth open with my own. When she slipped her tongue past my teeth, I dropped my cigarette and pulled her closer, pressing my body against hers. My heart pounded in time with hers, nervous and excited. We’d never been on the same page before. Maybe now we would be.

We walked back to Ali’s hand in hand, once again stopping at my Jeep.

“You have to go?” She asked me, leaning against the door. I let her play with my fingers and leaned in to peck her lips.

“I gotta work. You can come if you want.”

“And face the Wrath of Matt? I’m okay.”

“We’ll be in the studio. He won’t have time to pick fights with you.”

She shook her head and kissed me again, pecking my lips three times in a row before I wrapped my arms around her to keep her in place while I took a longer kiss from her.

“Dinner, then. Eight o’clock?” I suggested when I finally managed to pull away.

“It’s a date.” She agreed, finally stepping away from the door so I could get in.

“I love you.”

She leaned in through the window to give me one more kiss. “I love you too.”

She didn’t go back into the house until I was halfway down the street. I couldn’t help but smile to myself the whole way to the studio.

“Someone got laid.” Johnny commented when I walked in.

“How long she in town for this time?” Zack asked, turning a key on his guitar.

“She’s staying.”

The answer didn’t come from me, but Matt. We all turned to look at him. No one had expected him to be excited about the news, and he wasn’t, exactly, but he wasn’t angry, either.

“Maybe now we can get some fucking work done. Gates, you’re up.” He ordered, shrugging off our reactions. I stepped behind the glass and picked up my Schecter, ready to get the show on the road.

For once, since we’d started recording, I played seamlessly. Nothing was distracting me anymore. I had my girl, I had my friends’ support. I felt good. By noon, I was done, after working through our song “Fiction”, one that Jimmy had written and done vocals for, twice without any problems, it was a wrap for me. Zack and Johnny would go in and lay down the rest of the track after our break.

Matt caught me outside before I could call Beth. It’d only been a few hours, and I’m sure she was busy with the baby, but I still wanted to call and check in.

“She was right.” he admitted.

“Matt-”

“No, let me finish, man. I’ve been jealous and crazy and obsessive, and I still can’t figure out why it bugs me so much. I know she makes you happy, but she makes you miserable, too, and having to take care of Jason, on top of it...I don’t know. I just didn’t think it was really like that...for you.”

I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I slipped my phone back into my pocket and smoked my cigarette, waiting for him to keep going.

“I love my wife. I love my band. I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone else. I don’t know...I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I appreciate it, man. I do. I haven’t done the best at handling things, either.”

He nodded. “We’re good, then?”

“Yeah, man. We’re good.”

It was as much of an apology as I was going to get from him. I wasn’t going to be an asshole and not take it. He lit his own cigarette and scrolled on his phone for a couple minutes.

“How about we double?” He brought up.

“A double date? You’re kidding, right?”

“As a show of good faith. You and Laurel, me and Val. It’ll be good.” He seemed to be saying it more to convince himself than me.

“Uh...let me see what she thinks.”

“Cool.”

With that, he walked away, leaving me alone so I could make probably one of the most awkward phone calls of my life, at least in recent memory.

As the phone rang, I wondered if she would answer, and half-hoped that she wouldn’t. My luck wasn’t that great and she picked up right as I was about to give up and try again later.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” She asked, sounding out of breath. I could hear the baby in the background.

“Just remember that you love me.”

“Why am I remembering?”

“Matt wants to double date.”

Her laugh filled my ears, even though it sounded far away. I heard some shuffling and then she was back on the line. “You’re not kidding?”

“Unfortunately not. He wants to mark it as a sign of the truce or something.”

Her sigh was loud and heavy. “I guess. Tonight?”

“Yeah.”

“Let’s just get it over with, then. Now, get back to work.”

I chuckled. “Love you.”

“You too.”

I finished my cigarette after hanging up and went back inside. Zack and Johnny were just setting up behind the glass. Matt and our producer had taken up their places at the switchboard. All in all, the album was coming together pretty well. Mike Portnoy was an excellent choice to ask to take over the drums.

It wasn’t the same, and it never would be, no matter who sat behind that kit, but we had to move on. We weren’t forgetting Jimmy, but if we never played again, it would have been an insult to his memory. We were still mourning, but finishing the album was a way for us to accept his loss and keep going.

And that’s what we were doing. Moving forward, finding happiness where we could.

Although, after dinner was over, I wasn’t sure how much happiness there would be to find.