Sound Effects and Overdramatics

We need to talk. the message read. I didn't reply. I sighed and set my phone back onto the end table. I sat up and planted my feet on the hardwood floor. Caden came out of the bathroom, towel around his waist.

"I gotta go." I grumbled.

"You always do."

"Like it bothers you."

Caden smirked. He was one of my regular customers. We had a standing appointment, but he'd called me shortly after my sister had left me alone with our mother.

Again.

I was eager to oblige.

I put on my pants and before I had them buttoned, he was holding out two crisp hundred dollar bills and a gram of coke.

It wasn't our usual agreement. I raised an eyebrow, refusing to accept.

"Since when are you suspicious? Extra day, extra pay."

"You want me to go away."

"Just for a couple weeks. I'm having company soon. I need to appear...presentable."

"Whatever, man." I snatched up the offer and finished getting dressed. I didn't care what his reasons were. Male, female, business, pleasure.

It was all the same to me. As long as I had my drugs and my money, the rest didn't matter.

My mother had her driver take me to the house, giving me a knowing look. Stepping outside, I realized I was on my own, so, after doing a bump, I began the long walk back to Brian's, having plenty of time to think about the conversation I had with her.

"I'm glad you reached out, Jason. I've missed you."

"Then where the hell have you been? You left me on my own and I got put in the foster system. You didn't even show up in court that day."

She set her cup down gracefully and dabbed at her mouth with a cloth napkin. The sun beat down on us and I was drumming my fingers against my leg. I was hot and uncomfortable. I wanted answers. I wanted her in my life, but maybe Beth had been right.

"I'm sorry. I wish I had some grand explanation for what I did, but I don't. I was selfish and I didn't love your father. I thought I did but he couldn't provide for me, not the way I needed to be. He wanted you and your sister. I tried to love him, to love you and your sister, but I couldn't. I stayed as long as I could." She explained it like it made up for everything she'd done. Her voice was cold and unfeeling.

"Why'd you keep me then?"

"I wasn't going to force you to go. I thought I could make it better for the both of us. I was wrong."

"You were selfish."

"Yes. I didn't want you and I didn't handle it the way I should have. Happy?"

"Why bother then?" I snapped. I dug my nails into my palm, trying to use the pain to keep me focused and calm.

I could see her patience running out. I had thought that this was going to go better, and maybe if Beth had stayed and not picked a fight, it would have, but I couldn't do anything about it now.

I was more hurt than angry. I just wanted to understand why she left me. Hearing her say she didn't want me in the first place completely crushed me.

"When I found out your dad died, I wanted to see you and your sister, but I didn't think you wanted to see me, so I kept my distance. I hired someone to keep an eye on you two. I wanted to know how you were doing. When you found me, I wasn't sure how I felt. I want a relationship with my children. I made mistakes. I want to make up for them."

I couldn't be sure if she was lying. I hadn't seen her in fifteen years. I'd done a lot of drugs and drank more than my fair share. Part of the reason was sitting across from me. I didn't know what to say to her.

"I should go." I mumbled. My phone had gone off. I sighed after checking the called ID.

I had work to do.

"Jason," she started when I stood up. I forced myself to look at her. "Take the car." She stood and leaned on through the open sliding door of her house, pressing an intercom and summoning her driver.

I came into the house through the back door. Brian was sitting at the counter, cigarette smoke trailing from his fingertips. He glanced at me, took a long inhale off his Marlboro, and gestured for me to take the stool next to him.

His posture told me everything. Tense, hunched over, serious. He'd probably just got done talking to Matt. With a sigh, I sat next to him, waiting for him to say something.

I doubted he'd say anything to my sister. He loved her too much and if she found out I was fucking not just her boyfriend, but his married best friend, she'd have an aneurism.

It was bad enough that she found out I was back on drugs…

"What the hell, man? What's going on with you?"

"Believe it or not, Gates, it was easier to get Matt to bed than you."

"Why?"

"Why was it easier or why did I do it?"

"Both, I guess." He huffed.

"It's what I do. I can't be saved, despite what Laurel thinks. I'm an addict and a whore. Ian knew it and so did Matt and, whether you want to admit or not, so do you. He needed a distraction. I got him off your case."

"He's married."

"That's his problem. He didn't need much persuading to get him to fuck me. It gave him some clarity."

"And how did you know in the first place?"

I shrugged. "Same way I knew with you. It's just a matter of pushing the right buttons. Everyone has the ability to say no."

"Except you."

I shrugged again. "Why would I want to? I love Ian, and I hate that he cheated on me, but I would be a hypocrite if I actually condemned him for it. I think Matt thought he was doing me a favor by picking a fight with him."

It was what he wanted to hear. Not completely a lie, but what made the most sense for him to accept.

Matt wasn't inherently attracted to males. He was too in love with his wife and the idea of being in love with Brian. After we were done, he realized a lot of things, which was the point.

The more time I spent with the guy, the more I realized that all the animosity he held towards me and my sister was because he was scared of losing another friend. He thought that Brian would ditch his responsibilities to pull me and Laurel out of the holes we had dug ourselves.

He loved Brian, just not in the way he'd tried to convince himself of all these years. When he jumped on Ian this morning, it was because Ian had thrown out some accusatory remarks. He thought it would give him some brownie points to try and defend me.

Mine and Brian's relationship was different altogether. It was a mutual attraction and a need for self-destruction on both sides. He asked me to do things he could never ask Laurel to do because the emotional repercussions would be irreparable. There were no emotions between us, which made it okay.

I didn't feel any kind of guilt about sleeping with my sister's boyfriend. Maybe I should have, but it wasn't there. Either I'd convinced myself hard enough that it was typical behavior and just business or it was just inevitable that we shared the same guy.

He never paid me. I never asked.

Matt, on the other hand, often took me to my dealer or waited around while I managed my customers.

My life was such a fucking soap opera.

"There's no talking you out of it, is there?" He asked, already defeated. He'd set his cigarette in the ashtray still smoking, looking me in the eye.

I shrugged. "I don't have a good reason to stay sober. If my sister wants to waste her energy trying to protect me, that's her problem. Maybe you can talk some sense into her."

He set his mouth in a grim line. Laurel was too stubborn and full of residual guilt. She refused to believe I was a lost cause and unjustly blamed Brian. I knew sleeping with him made things worse, but I couldn't rightly make it my problem. It was always Brian's choice. If he didn't ask, it didn't happen.

I was a giver that way.

"I'm gonna take a shower and go to sleep. If you see Laurel, tell her that she doesn't have to worry about Monica."

He nodded and lit another cigarette. I wasn't sure where his head was at or if I even wanted to know. I left him with his thoughts and went about my business.