Sound Effects and Overdramatics

I bounced Peyton on my lap, smiling at his infant giggle. Gently, I tossed him up and caught him, a look of surprise followed by laughter filled the room.

Christian and Ali came through the front door carrying bags of groceries. "Hey." I greeted, keeping my focus on the baby.

"How was he?" Ali asked as they made their way to the kitchen.

"He was great. He just finished a bottle so he should be ready to go down."

Christian held his arms out for his son. I passed him over and stood up, ready to disappear.

"What's wrong?" He asked, concern on his face.

"Just the usual. I can handle it."

"Brian or Jason?"

"Who else? Jason."

Ali came in then, reaching for her son. The happy couple beamed at each other, completely entranced with the life they had created. Christian handed the baby over and then turned his attention back to me.

"Jason's an adult. You can't always protect him."

"It's not like I've done a good job anyway." I muttered.

I sighed and combed my fingers through my hair. They were trying to be supportive. I was just burned out. Having it out with Monica was not how I wanted to spend my morning.

I still couldn't process what had happened between Matt and Ian. Brian hadn't called or texted. I just had to trust that he was dealing with it.

At this point, he knew Jason better than I did.

That was a battle for a different day.

Sad to say, what I really wanted, who I wanted, was Kai. Not because I wanted to sleep with him, but because he was my escape from everything. He was part of my other life, free of complications and secrets.

I couldn't have that here.

The temptation was too much to deal with. Maybe if Kai hadn't been Christian's friend and now the baby's Godfather, it would have been easier to let him go. As it was, he was bound to come around eventually and I knew Brian wouldn't be happy when he did.

My phone rang. It was Kai receiving my telepathic cry for help. I smiled to myself and turned away from Christian to go outside.

"Hey you." I sat down on the porch steps and lit a cigarette. "How's it going?"

"It's quiet. I keep expecting to see you when I get home. How are you?"

I inhaled, giving his question some thought. "Okay. I miss you."

"Don't let Brian hear you say that." He commented.

I sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"Trouble in paradise?"

Again, I had to think about his question. His cockney accent made it sound like he was making fun, but I knew he was asking because he genuinely cared.

"I don't know. Shit just keeps popping up. Every time I think we are in a good place, something happens."

"Maybe you two just need to get away for a weekend or something. Talk things over."

"Maybe." I mumbled to myself. "Where are you?"

He didn't answer. Or if he did, I wasn't paying attention, because as soon as I asked, a taxi was pulling up in front of the house and I watched as Kai stepped out, phone still to his ear.

I dropped my phone and ran over to him, happier than I should have been that he was here. He caught me in his arms and I threw my legs around him, burying my face in his neck.

I didn't really mean anything by it. I was just excited to see him, to have someone who didn't know much about my past or hold it over me, but when he put me down and I turned, the excitement fell away, replaced with guilt and embarrassment.

Brian's face was surprisingly blank, giving nothing away about how he felt about seeing me in the arms of someone I'd been recently sleeping with. From his perspective, it looked bad. I understood that. I stepped away from Kai to reach out to him, but he stepped back.

"Kai!" Christian called from the porch. "Did I know you were coming?"

Kai moved away from us, turning his attention to his best friend. "What kind of friend would I be if I called first? Where's my Godson?"

Christian waved him in. I stared at Brian, waiting for him to say something. Anything I could have said would sound like an excuse and a lie

"Kai's here." It wasn't a question. I pushed my hair back away from my face.

"Yeah, guess so."

"So you sharing a room or what?"

"There's like ten rooms in the house. He has his own set up already."

"You staying here, then? With him?"

"Don't say it like that, Brian."

"Like what?" He put a cigarette between his lips and spoke around the filter as he lit it. "Like I'm not surprised you wanna stay here with him instead of coming home with me?"

I couldn't muster up the energy to be angry with him. He had a valid point for being upset, even though he was wrong. I already knew that Kai was a button-pusher for him, but I couldn't control when he showed up or how long he stayed.

"Well you haven't exactly asked me to come home with you, have you? I stayed the night at your place and all of my stuff was cleaned out. I expected as much after two years, but Michelle's stuff was still there, wasn't it? It's been two months and she still has shit over there."

"That's not fair."

"Neither is thinking I'm staying here just so I can fuck Kai."

He clammed up, sucking down his cigarette in record time. As he finished his, I lit my own, staring him down over the burning end of it.

"Would you move in, if I asked?" He mumbled, a bit calmer.

"I don't know, Brian. Probably, eventually."

He nodded and turned away, heading back to his Jeep, which he had just parked on the street. It wasn't the answer he wanted and I could read the disappointment in the way his shoulders slumped while he walked away. I didn't stop him.

We both had things we still needed to work on, on our own and as a couple. If we could ever get through the shit that kept piling up, I had no doubt that moving in would be the next step for us, but that was still a long ways off.

Every time we tried to move forward, something else got in the way. Neither of us was the greatest of communicators, especially with each other. It wasn't just a timing issue, either. We just weren't willing to talk about what kept getting in the way.

I finished my cigarette and went back inside. Kai was throwing Peyton up in the air and catching him, causing the baby to erupt in giggles. When he noticed me come in, he handed him back to Ali and stood to greet me .

"Alright, love?" He put his hand on my cheek and I leaned into it, seeking comfort.

"How long are you staying this time?"

"Couple weeks. Got a job startin' up soon and won't leave me much time for visiting. Thought I could take my remaining freedom and spend it with my favorite people."

I sighed and tried to put on a smile. "Guess we'll find out in a couple weeks, then. Come on, let's go eat."

I took his hand in mine and we left. I just needed to be outside, in the open air. I needed to breathe and talk things over with him without Ali and Christian's input, and I knew he probably hadn't eaten since before he got got the airport in London.

We were both running on fumes and I had to wonder if any of us would find solid ground.